This little plunny hit me out of the blue one night when I was sitting on my couch watching HGTV, as you can probably tell. It wouldn't leave me alone. I actually only had one of the parts written for the longest time before I decided to expand it into a longer one shot. And this is my first foray into the Oliver/Hermione field so hopefully it's not horrid. :) Plus, a *HUGE* shoutout to my new beta, Anywho, I make no money from this, it's just fun yada yada yada. That was my disclaimer, in case you couldn't tell. So don't sue. And now, onto the story. :)
x . x . x . x . x
House #1
"This is too big."
Theo Nott, a well seasoned realtor and solicitor, nodded sagely. Oliver however let out a huff of indignation.
"Love, it's not like it's going to be just the two of use forever. We'll need space to fit a family eventually and a tiny place like our flat won't do for long."
Hermione slowly spun on her heel, her diminutive five foot three frame somehow dwarfing her over six foot husband. Her hands settled on her hips and a scowl marred her beautiful features.
"I don't want a house the size of our flat. That would be absurd! But I also don't want a house the size of...of...the bloody Taj Mahal! How big of a family do you expect us to have, Oliver Wood? Do you expect me to pop out a Quidditch team, plus reserves?" She dropped her hands and stalked forward, her finger wagging in his face threateningly. "I can tell you right now that is not happening and we do not need a house with twelve bloody bedrooms!"
"Of course I don't want you poppin' out a bloody Quidditch team! But we agreed on more than one child and each child will need their own room!" Oliver glanced toward Theo for some support and rolled his eyes when he found the man in question had obviously fled. He turned his attention back to his wife as she glared up at him with her stormy cinnamon eyes. "Plus, it would be nice for my parents and your parents to have their own rooms when they come to visit. That way they can spend the night and stay as long as they like."
Silence reigned for a moment before Hermione scoffed lowly in the back of her throat. "Stay as long as they like? Stay as long as they like?"
Theo's head dropped into his hands from around the corner of the sitting room. This endeavor may be harder than he had anticipated...
House #7
"Now, I need you to keep an open mind. This one will obviously need some work, but if you can see the potential…" Theo trailed off and swung the front door open with a slight flourish. He really thought this was the one for Hermione. With some work, all very easily done with magic, this could be the perfect place.
"Oh, Theo! This is...magnificent!"
Oliver's eyebrows nearly met his hairline as he stared in astonishment at his wife. She twirled around the wide open space of the bottom floor, flitting from the wide, arching staircase to the open arched door of the library and back to the glassed in room at the back of the house.
"Uh, I hate to be the barer of bad news, love. But there's the small matter of the roof collapsing. And the walls are beginning to crumble in."
Hermione waved her hand haphazardly as she approached the stairs, lovingly caressing the banister. "Details, details. How many bedrooms, Theo?"
"Seven bedrooms. Eight bathrooms. Solarium at the back, chef's kitchen, and the library, as you can see."
Hermione turned her dark eyes toward her husband, pleading for understanding and agreement.
Oliver, however, stood firm. "Absolutely not."
House #16
"Why do we have to be so far...south?" Oliver tugged at the collar of his Puddlemere T-Shirt as a bead of sweat rolled down his back. "It's so...warm."
Hermione giggled as they followed Theo up the winding path to the cottage nestled in the shade of the trees, admiring the babbling brook spilling over into a charming waterfall.
"Believe it or not, this house is not that far away from Hermione's parents. They're only about a fifteen minute walk away." Theo nodded in a vague westerly direction as he shifted uncomfortably in his pristine suit and cast yet another cooling charm.
"Besides, you big baby, your parents have easy access to the Floo or they can apparate in. It would take significantly longer for my parents to get anywhere further away."
Oliver nodded in reluctant agreement as they waited in the shade of the encroaching forest as Theo waved his wand in a complicated movement.
"Ah, here we are."
The trio rushed into the darkened entry, grateful to be relatively sheltered from the elements, though now they had to contend with the stale, dusty interior.
"It's a bit...small. Isn't it?"
Theo nodded, as he consulted the small notebook he'd taken to carrying over the past few weeks. He'd massively regretted not having it during that first day. "This house has four bedrooms and three bathrooms. There's no library-" Hermione's sharp squeak of disapproval drew Theo's attention, though he soldiered on valiantly. "But the land outside and the location is the draw here. The forest out back is all yours. And about a kilometer in there is a clearing big enough to have a half standard Quidditch pitch."
Oliver's eye lit up, though Hermione's elbow in his ribs dulled the excitement quickly enough.
"Unless you'd like the children you plan on having to share rooms and the Grandparents you plan on having stay over all the time sleep on the sofas, this house is much too small. Next on the list then?"
"But the Quidditch pit-"
"Oliver! Are you seriously telling me that you are going to put your ridiculous need for a place to play with your balls-" Both men snorted and Hermione sighed in exasperation. "-before the welfare of your family?!"
"You're right, love. Next on the list then?"
House #22
"We do NOT need a bloody Quidditch pitch!"
Theo flinched as Hermione's voice took on a rather shrill frequency and Oliver crossed his arms over his chest. He was really rather regretting taking these two on as clients.
"Well, then I personally feel as if we don't need a library!"
She gasped in outrage. "Why would we NOT need a library?! I'm an author!"
"And I'm a bloody Quidditch player!"
"But you go to the stadium to practice! Every single day! And we are over at our friends' regularly enough during the off season that you'd have regular access to theirs!"
"But it's not the same!" The stubborn Scotsman stamped his foot in frustration. "That's it! If I can't have my Quidditch pitch, then the library is off the table!"
"You can't take the library off the table!"
'Guys, maybe I shouldn't-"
Hermione and Oliver ignored their stuttering friend as Theo turned progressively redder. They were standing between him and the door to the study of the truly impressive manor home he'd been showing them, and he hadn't yet found a way to manage to sink into the magnificently adorned walls.
"If you take the library off the table, then I'M off the table! In the extremely literal sense, SIR!"
"Oh, bloody Merlin."
Oliver paled as Theo surpassed the red spectrum and hit the purples in his embarrassment.
A moment of silence ensued as the Keeper eyed his wife, trying to judge how serious she was. Judging from her stance, the hands on her hips, and the way her magic crackled through her much more frizzy than usual hair, she was extremely serious.
"So, did you want this library to be one story or two, darling?"
House #31
"Are you happy?"
Hermione glanced around the sitting room as strong arms wrapped themselves around her waist.
"I am. We really should send Theo a Thank You note. And possibly a very expensive bottle of Firewhisky. I feel like we may have sent him round the bend a bit."
Oliver laughed as he steered his wife toward the stairs, unwinding his arms and holding her hand lightly as they climbed slowly, taking in the view from the open railing. The couple continued appraising their new home as they passed the first set of bedrooms and climbed the second staircase to get to their suite.
"I feel like we compromised well in the end." Oliver noted as they finally made it to their rooms where Hermione sat contentedly on their plush bed, her brown eyes downcast and refusing to meet his gaze.
Hermione nodded silently, her fingers toying lightly with the bedspread.
Raising an eyebrow and lowering himself to kneel before her, he let his lips pull up into a grin. "That should be cause for a celebration, love. I bought an extra bottle of Firewhisky. I'll go get it, yeah?"
He rose quickly and turned, only to be stopped by her hand in his. He spun back, a puzzled expression on his face at the small smile highlighting her features.
"We may have to save our celebrations for a little while. At least the ones involving Firewhisky."
A beat of silence followed her declaration before understanding dawned on his face.
Then there was no holding back the whoop of joy as he tugged her off the bed and spun her around, pulling her tight to him as he laughed and she giggled.
"It's a good bloody thing we settled on a house then! Can you imagine the arguments we would've had if we'd tried to do this after you'd gotten pregnant?!"