The Choice Isn't Always Clear
The moment had befallen me once again and I was not sure that my heart would handle such defiance. Within my soul I knew the choice that I was going to make, but my mind still held me to ill-behaved thoughts. I wanted so badly for the moment to come and to endure what my heart had already known, but that was not to be.
"You have to decide Bella…It's me or him; life or death."
His words cut deeply at the wounds that still had not healed, but I was resigned to never let that pain show yet again. The past was in the past and the knowledge of things that had already occurred were ever present in my memories.
Both of them stood before me; two beautiful men that carried more love for me than I thought possible. How could it have come to this end; to have to choose between two people I felt I desperately needed in my life? Why was the world, in its infinite wisdom, against me?
As my eyes gazed back and forth between these two, I could only think of small glimpses of moments. Moments that led me through forlorn mazes of scrapped metal, swimming through crisp waters in a weightless effort, and sitting amazed at a man who knew how to fix every conceivable creation. These were also moments that flowed with the intensity of just one gaze, a dance named only for us, and a weighted promise.
"I can give you an eternity of unconditional love."
His words were true to some aspect of nature, but was this current love only present because of the warm liquid that ran through my veins? Here this man spoke of a love so perfect, so complete, that I would never want for anything. The thought of a love so radiant was a warming answer to my decision.
"I can't give you eternity Bella, but I can promise to love you for the rest of our lives."
Words that held so much emotion, it nearly broke my heart in two at the passion that lay behind them. His warmth was so strong around me and I could feel that my decision was only moments away. As his lips pressed gently against my forehead, my heart picked up a pace that could match the wolves entirely.
"Choose me Bella…choose life."
His eyes begged just as much as his words and the resolve I had tried so hard to hold together, was beginning to free itself. My vision was so clear and so perfect now; I had no idea of the insurmountable feelings that were sparked the moment my heart had so clearly made a final decision.
His lips pressed further; my nose, my chin, my cheek…my lips. He poured every fiber of his being into this one amazing kiss and I could not hold back the simple tears that now flowed freely.
"I knew you would do this for me…I knew in my heart that it was always you Bells."
The spark of life in his eyes only told me more of what I needed to know; of what my decision had brought forth. My hand rested against his beautiful russet face as his own tears fell; gliding gently through every curve of my fingers. I turned away from his hold; my hand falling effortlessly to my side as my feet gave a steady pace to my destination.
His chilled golden eyes only showed pain as I grew closer to him. He met me halfway and wrapped his frozen arms around me.
"I will always love you Bella, but it is clear that you have made your choice."
His words were factual and as he let go of me, my mind was resolved to something so vague and yet so familiar. Our eyes connected for only a moment before his pain turned to that of an elation he was not expecting.
"Or have you?..."
The words slashed deep to another that was so sure of what I had promised. I took his hand as I turned to where my beautiful Jacob stood; a look so puzzling crossing his features.
"Bells?"
This would only hurt more if I hovered for too long. A mere look of shame was placed on me and I led Edward away and through the forest. I didn't want to turn around; to see the sadness that would surely be present. Moments after walking further, a tortured howl could be heard flowing through the trees. I came to a halt softly and turned to Edward; the beautiful frozen creature so enigmatic in his ways.
"I knew that you and I were meant to be Bella. I love you."
His words were so sweet and gentle along the plains of the winds and my mind felt lightheaded at the sensation of them. He took both my hands in his and the immediate chill nearly barreled me over. He wore a simple smile that hid the true radiance he wanted to place there. I smiled back at him with ease.
"Do you know where we are Edward?"
A question that he surely knew the answer to and I was hoping so desperately for that. He looked around and smiled at me once again.
"We are in the forest Bella. Not too far away from the La Push border I suspect."
An answer that actually had me smiling even more. I must even admit that a small laugh did escape me. He let go of my hands as I walked around him in circles, smiling the whole way. My playfulness was something he always found appealing. It was a human characteristic that I'm sure he missed dearly.
"Yes we are, but really look around."
He did as much but was still left with a small chuckle of his own. I stopped circling as I stood before him once more; the smile still etched clearly into my features.
"Don't you remember?"
I thought for sure his memory of this place would be magical and filled with so many comforting thoughts as well. I looked around slowly, taking in the feeling of being back here again; the sights and the sounds bringing back so many familiar images of my life at the time. He shook his head at my little game and only smiled more.
"Well, I'll see if I can help you."
I walked over to a nearby bush trimmed in beautiful yellow flowers with moss that was the loveliest shade of green I had ever seen before. I pointed to the area.
"This wasn't exactly here at the time, but I'm more than sure you should remember that spot."
He was still amused and I had to admit that even I was as well. With more smiles from him I proceeded to another area of the forest with tall, bulky trees weaved and winding their way through each other. I pointed once again and was left with a clueless look. I shook my head at him laughing as I continued on my path. I stopped and pointed to the ground with small white flowers covering every inch. Pointing once again; I felt that a vampire should have a better memory than the one before me. I was amused to say the least and I continued until I stood right in front of him again.
"I can explain it all. I know you may not remember, but there…" I pointed to the first bushes with yellow flowers. "…is where I walked with you, confessing my love to you every step of the way."
He was pleased to say the least and I knew his memory was slowly coming back.
"There..." I pointed to the twisting trees. "…is the spot that you looked right at me and spoke some of the most amazing words to me."
His smile grew even more at the thought of such beauty.
"And that…" I pointed to the place on the ground with the small white flowers. "…that is where you left my heart, broken into a million pieces."
The smile was gone as the confusion grew more intense.
"Every spot I've shown has a significance Edward. The bushes had no flowers to bloom at the time you claimed to not love me. The trees were winding, but scary as you spoke of how you didn't want me. The ground…" A laugh escaped my being. "…the ground was cold, dark, and covered in the most despicable evil after you left me completely shattered."
I motioned for him to follow me once again; knowing the whole while his guilt would force him into it. The walk was short and steady and I never wavered as I came upon a place he knew all too well.
"And this…" I walked ahead of him; my heart knowing it was a place he could not follow. His eyes narrowed as I made my way to this place. "…this is the person that took every wrong dealt by you, every conceivable pain caused by you, every single torturous thought of you and gave me something so much more than you ever could."
I wrapped my arms around Jake's warmth as he held onto me tightly; his eyes never leaving the spot where Edward still stood, frozen in the moment that I had created for him.
"I should, by all rights, thank you Edward." More confusion grew upon him. "I should thank you for breaking my spirit so badly and leaving me an empty shell." Another cut to the wound that had already been created. "You gave my heart a reason to find love again; to see that what you and I had was nothing more than an idea that could never be."
I turned to look at Jake in his stunning eyes. "I should thank you for bringing the world of the wolves to me; for giving me a connection that can never be broken…for giving me a true love that would never leave me." Jake placed one soft kiss to my lips as he smiled at me.
I didn't want to tear my eyes away from him, but I knew that I had to finish this.
"So I guess this really is a thank you…thank you for finally showing me that wishing for death was not the path I was meant to choose. Even though the choice wasn't always clear to me, it was to another. Jake knew that I was meant to live and have a life full of an endless love."
"But there will be an end to it Bella. He cannot give you the chance to live forever and that love will die along with you."
Words that once would have swayed my emotions, but no longer held their strength. I was not the pawn to be played in this game; my choices were my own I would not fear or back down from those final decisions.
"That's where you're wrong Edward. The problem is that you always think you know what's best for me…but you don't. I don't need to live forever to enjoy love; I can have every ounce of happiness I want and when Jake and I die, that love will live on. It'll live on through all the friends we make, the places we visit, and the children that we have."
A chord I knew would strike him deeply, but it was a truth he needed to realize. I turned from him to face the path I had chosen. Everything in the world that I could ever want was always right in front of me. I wished so badly that I could have seen it sooner, but I knew that the trails we led were meant to be. I needed to be brought to my knees in a pain you could only dream of, just to be given the answer to my heartache.
Jake lifted me from my bottomless pit and gave me a reason to live again. As I have said before…The choice isn't always clear…
… but a love so true can allow things to come full circle…
A/N: I just want to give a special thank you to all my fans for supporting me as I get back into writing. This little story randomly came to me today and I really hope you all enjoyed it. Whether you love it or hate it...review it.
Also, for those that are wondering about the sequel to "My Path to Follow", it is in the works, I'm just finding it hard to get in the right frame of mind to finish it. I can tell you that it will be Jake's perspective on some of the things from the first story, but with a surprise inside as well. (Thank you to Zapphe for the help with some ideas for it) Okay, I'm going to stop talking now before I give too much away. hehe...