Hello people! I'm writing the story Alluring Secret based off a vocaloid song called Alluring Secret (hence the title) and this is my first story so please tell me what I did wrong so I can become better! I had this idea for a long time before I had a fan fiction account and I couldn't wait to upload it. Oh, and the story takes place around medieval times, not modern. Okay, now on with the story!
Two newborn children were born to the sound of the church bell chime in the fertile season of spring. The children were both male and were named Feliciano and Lovino. Feliciano had beautiful brown eyes and auburn hair. Lovino was a handsome child, with dark brown hair and amber eyes.
The children's parents were overjoyed at the thought of raising twins, along with their elder son, a seven year old boy with blonde hair and sky blue eyes. But their happiness didn't last very long. God visited the family one night and informed the Father of the offspring had to be punished, for it was forbidden to have intercourse and have children with a mortal woman.
God decided that the Father's punishment should be that he and his children should be condemned to burn in hell for all of eternity. But despite the horrors of this punishment, the wife intervened.
Desperate to save her children, the Mother made a pact that if she and her husband were to face eternal punishment, her children would be able to live.
God agreed to these terms, but added the condition of one of their children having to be his servant forever, never being able to be reborn, or to have any feeling of love for mortals. In other words, what his father was. An angel.
The parents accepted and an angel by the name of Liesbeth soon arrived and led them to Hell.
The child forced to make due with this affliction, was Lovino. When she returned from the eternal flames, Liesbeth was ordered to take responsibility of Lovino. Liesbeth bowed her head respectfully to God and carried the child to the golden gates of heaven.
God called upon two more angels, their names Elizabeta and Roderich and they were ordered to pose as humans and as Feliciano's parental figures. God gave them a house to live in and they raised Feliciano.
God saw no harm in letting the two siblings see each other every once in a while, but He refused to let Lovino and Feliciano know the reason why their parents were condemned to hell, for he did not want another angel to be free from his grasp.
But then during one of his visits, Lovino met a certain charming Spanish man…
Crappy prologue, I know. But it gets the general idea of what the story is built upon across. Well see you all later!