The Phantom Menace, The Rewrite Edition

Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my take on rewriting the film "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace". If you'd like to listen or watch, instead of read then at the bottom of the story is a link to my YouTube video on it.

In the YouTube video, I discuss the changes.

I also don't own the fictional universe of Star Wars, and that includes characters, settings etc. I'm just a writer.

I hope you enjoy.

The Story

The rewrite starts out very similar to the original. Two Jedi Knights are heading to the planet of Alderaan, to oversee an exchange between two different parties: The Alderaan Officials and the Mandalorians, or Death Watch as they are known in the underworld.

The cruiser that holds the Jedi Knights arrive within the Flagship and the two knights are taken to the conference room, where it's revealed that the Knights are infact nineteen year old "Obi-Wan Kenobi" and fifty-seven year old "Qui-Gon Jinn", two great and old friends. Who start to discuss the deal between Death Watch and the Alderaan Officials, and how they're in need of a security force.

Meanwhile on the bridge, the Mandalorian General "Pre-Vizsla" is talking with a hooded figure, during which, his right hand operative "Bo-Katan" approaches him and tells the two about the Jedi's boarding, which makes the figure very curious.

The figure tells Vizsla "Proceed with the plan and eliminate the Jedi."

But Vizsla refuses to kill the Jedi, as he isn't getting paid to kill Jedi.

So the figure simply says "An extra ten million credits have been wired to the off-planet account."

Back in the conference room, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are still discussing the deal between the two parties but Qui-Gon senses, through the force, that there is something wrong. And he was right, all of a sudden, the doors burst open and Death Watch Operatives burst into the room and try to kill the two Jedi but they survive and the invasion of Alderaan begins.

The film then plays out as originally scripted: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan stow away on a transport ship, they arrive on Alderaan in the wrong place and meet a gungan named "Jar Jar Binks". (This is basically another character but I'm using his name.)

Qui-Gon asks Jar Jar "How far away is Theed Palace?"

Jar Jar answers with "Yousa long, long way away."

Qui-Gon starts to ask more questions, "How long would it take for us to get there?"

Jar Jar: "Without transport? Day or two."

Qui-Gon: "Where can we get transport?"

Jar Jar: "Yousa need to go to the city of 'Otah Gunga', there you can get transport."

Obi-Wan: "Otah Gunga?"

Qui-Gon: "We've never heard of a city called Otah Gunga."

Jar Jar: "Of course you haven't, its a secret city."

Qui-Gon: "Can you take us there?"

And then Jar Jar explains that he can't because he was banished for flooding Boss Nass' chambers so Qui-Gon pulls off a mind trick on Jar Jar and he takes them to Otoh Gunga, but they are informed by the leader of the city: Boss Nass, that they had been lied to by Jar Jar and he had actually attempted to kill Boss Nass himself. Qui-Gon's impressed by how Jar Jar hid his lie well enough, that Qui-Gon couldn't sense it and after convincing Nass to lend them a water speeder, they go with Jar Jar to Theed Palace and help rescue the Prime Minister and her handmaidens. During the battle of saving the Prime Minister, Obi-Wan's shot in the arm by one of the Mandalorians, but they are eventually taken care of.

So they escape Alderaan but the flagship hit the ship and the ship is damaged so astro-mechs are released to repair the damage and the only astro-mech to survive the repairs is "R4-P17".

Meanwhile back on the Flagship, the hooded figure tells Vizsla that he's sending his Apprentice "Darth Maul" after the Jedi but Vizsla refuses and tries to persuade the hooded figure that he can handle the Jedi but the hooded figure says: "You couldn't even keep the Prime Minister in check, how could you handle two Jedi Knights?" And with that beng said, the transmission ends, and Vizsla turns to Bo-Katan and tells her how much he despises being bossed around, especially by a Sith Lord.

So the crew reaches the dessert planet, Tatooine, and they need repairs, and a new hyperdrive, so Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, Padme and R4 head out to find a new hyperdrive. And after searching multiple shops, they discover "Watto's Place" and they find out he's the only one in the city who has a fully working hyperdrive but he's not going to sell it cheap.

To be completely sure he's got it, and it's not a trick, Qui-Gon and R4 go with Watto to see the hyperdrive but to keep guard of the shop Watoo calls upon his slave and assistant: seventeen year old "Anakin Skywalker".

Once R4 confirms that Watto's got the hyperdrive they need, they head back to the ship but a sandstorm's coming toward them so they've got to stay but Anakin's got heart and offers the four of them to stay at his house for the night and we meet his mother "Shmi Skywalker".

During tea, Anakin's telling Obi-Wan and Padme how amazing podracing is and how he's always wanted to partake in one, meanwhile in the kitchen Shmi and Qui-Gon discuss who Anakin's father is but she says he hasn't got one.

The very next morning, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are talking about Anakin and Qui-Gon insisting that Anakin's strong with the force, he could possibly be more powerful than Master Windu, maybe even more powerful than Master Yoda but Obi-Wan's annoyed about this so he leaves for a bar but Padme overhears everything and heads out to find him.

So Watto's other slave is injured after a crash in a small friendly race and he's got no pilot for the "Big Race", which is in two days, but Qui-Gon's got a hunch about Anakin so the bet is made as Qui-Gon knows the force will guide him.

On the other side of Mos Eisley, in a cantina, Obi-Wan's having a drink with another podracer named "Sebulba" but a fight between the two occurs but instead of Obi-Wan cutting off an arm, Padme gets involved and handles the situation. They then head back to Qui-Gon and R4, and a bit of flirting happens.

Once the two are back, Qui-Gon tells them about the arrangements that have been made and Anakin drops Sebubla's name, he also mentions how he's one of the greatest Podracers to live and Obi-Wan really wants to see Sebulba lose to a kid, so he's going to put his faith in Anakin. The whole podrace plays out and Obi-Wan's happy that Sebulba didn't even finish the race and now Anakin's a free man but he needs to leave his mother.

So they head back to the ship but they're attacked by Darth Maul, and the two Jedi are out-of-sync due to Obi-Wan's injury, but they barely escape and Obi-Wan's horrified but Qui-Gon's more concerned about the identity of there attack, could he possibly be a Sith Lord?

So they arrive back at Coruscant and they're greeted by Supreme Chancellor Valorum and the Representative of the Jedi Council, "Sheev Palpatine", who accompanies Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon and Anakin to the Jedi Council but Jar Jar's, immediately, arrested on their landing which he allows, without resisting.

Once they reach the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan, Anakin and Palpatine are waiting outside the council chambers and the jealously coming from Obi-Wan is clearly showing and so Palpatine and Obi-Wan talk about Anakin but Obi-Wan mentions to Palpatine about the attack and how Qui-Gon believes it to be a Sith Lord, but Palpatine says to him: "The Sith went extinct a long time ago, my friend. If anyone can confirm the extinction of the Sith, it's Master Yoda. He'd agree that it's very unlikely that they've returned."

Meanwhile in the council chambers, Qui-Gon is talking about the supposed Sith but Windu's tells him: "The Sith went extinct nearly a thousand years ago. It would be impossible for them to return, even there legacy died out. The last known user of their ways was Darth Bane, his legacy didn't even survive one hundred years, let alone the Sith Empire's. Master Yoda was there, he's the only member of the order who can confirm it."

So the senator stuff takes place and the manipulation of the Prime Minister but instead of Valorum losing his place as Supreme Chancellor, he keeps it thanks to the argument coming from a Senator named "Count Dooku" and Obi-Wan's watching this argument and is unsure who to support. His father's best-friend or the girl he absolutely loves spending time with.

Once the meeting ends, Padme's pretty ticked off but is met up by Obi-Wan and they talk about why Valorum's unfit but Obi-Wan doesn't give his opinion about the situation and Obi-Wan's trying to comfort Padme that they will get there planet back and that's when Palpatine enters and suggests the help of the "Jar Jar Binks. He'd have knowledge of the Gungan forces. We could use them to solve our problem."

So Padme, accompained by Obi-Wan, goes to the high secure prison where Jar Jar is and they ask for help of Jar Jar and he agrees as Padme's offering his freedom in return.

So Padme, Jar Jar, Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, the Alderaan refugees, the security team of the Prime Minister and R4 head to Alderaan and speak with the gungans but Padme reveals herself to be the actual Prime Minister which suprising Obi-Wan the most so Padme asks for their helps by saying:

"One of your own, Jar Jar Binks, did partake in the rescue of myself and my handmaidens. He was a valuable asset for my rescue and he helped greatly. Without him, many of my own would have died. If your army is far greater than Jar Jar Binks, as you claim them to be, then we have a high possibility of getting back "our" planet."

And with that being said Boss Nass agrees and as one super force, they storm the palace but they're greeted by Darth Maul and Death Watch and immediately both sides start shooting but three seperate forces all head to one place. Padme and Captain Panaka are leading team 1, meanwhile Jar Jar is leading team 2 while Obi-Wan, Gui-Gon and Darth Maul duel through the empty sections of the palace.

There is cuts between each battle.

Team 2 is making there way through the palace but are met with a batch of Mandalorians and Team 1 engages.

Team 1 is in the middle of a battle with the Mandalorians but they are taken care of and they push towards the command centre, with half of there team killed.

The dueling is happening but neither side seems to be winning. There fighting is like the perfect dance without breaking consistence. They are moving through the empty sections of the palace but seem to be taking it slowly.

Team 1 has made it to the command centre but once there, they encounter another team of Mandalorians along with Vizsla and Katan who are both excellent soldiers.

Team 2 are running through the hallways, heading to the command centre but they are locked out.

Back to the duel, it still seems to be perfect but this time Maul is using the force to throw objects at them but Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are slicing them in half.

Team 1 is beginning to lose the battle and Panaka notices this and he suggests a retreat which Padme agrees to and calls for a retreat but that's when the door behind the Mandalorians is blown open and the first assault team runs in and handles the resisting Mandalorians.

The assault team surrounds Vizsla and the remaining group of Mandalorians have their blasters up but they start to lower them except for Vizsla who is aiming at Padme but Padme's demanding him to surrender.

That's when Maul and Qui-Gon burst into the room, followed by Obi-Wan and Vizsla takes this opportunity to shoot Padme in the arm and Vizsla is shot in the leg by Panaka and immediately cuffed up.

Obi-Wan sees Padme's been shot and runs over to her, being concerned but that's when he turns back to Maul and Qui-Gon and sees Maul kill Qui-Gon and snatch his lightsaber out of Qui-Gon's hand and runs off and Obi-Wan is filled with rage and runs after him.

As Obi-Wan is running, Maul kicks him through a window and both of them land outside. The battle is intense and Obi-Wan destroys Maul's double bladed lightsaber but Maul uses Qui-Gon's and force pushes Obi-Wan and makes his escape with Qui-Gon's saber. Obi-Wan force jumps back into the palace and has he finally goodbye with Qui-Gon, who dies in his arms.

Back at the Jedi Temple, Obi-Wan is met up by Dooku and they talk about Qui-Gon and how Dooku would do anything to get revenge on the man who killed him. He also mentions how he believes the Republic is going to fall but Obi-Wan asks why did he support Valorum and Dooku responds with "Valorum is a trusted leader. A good man. I trust his decision but once he's gone, that's when the downfall will begin."

The following evening, inside the Jedi Council Chambers, Obi-Wan is discussing Anakin's training but the Council keep denying it, saying he the boy can't be trained. Master Yoda has not allowed it and Obi-Wan doesn't care, he promised Qui-Gon the boy would be trained and he will be so he asks if he could train the boy and they are unsure.

The finale scene is the celebrations and the ceremony between the humans and the gungans and we hear Qui-Gon's voice "The boy will be trained."

And that's the end of my take on "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace" or as I'd call it "The Phantom Menace, The Rewrite Edition".

Link to video: watch?v=2U7hBNwGTFo