Author: Gitania
Email: Please please please review! I love to read them, and try to obey popular demand.
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the character Hope, and the actions surrounding her. The show "Lost" belongs to some lucky buggers in TV Land!
Author's Note: I loved writing my story "Memories of Hope" (and "Hope's First") so much, and had so much fun with the character of Hope, that I thought I would carry on. You don't need to read those stories first, but I do recommend it for details (plus, I think they're good).
I will use a couple of real "Lost" plot points in this one – please forgive me if they are out of conventional order, or skewed in any way. Poetic licence!
Enjoy! –Gitania
Summary: Sequel to "Memories of Hope". After Boone's death, Hope must go on with her life. There is a new baby, a new memory and a new love! (Hurray!)
Hope Anew
Chapter 1: Acceptance
"I thought you'd be pleased." Jack's eyes were soft as he delivered the news. "Now a piece of him can live on forever – he'll have a real legacy."
"And I'll never be able to forget." Hope focussed on the floor as her eyes filled with tears.
It had been almost four weeks since Boone's death, and Hope was still reeling. Hearing that she was pregnant with his child was more than she was capable of handling in her current state.
Jack spoke as gently as he could, "Haven't you forgotten enough…?"
Jack's words chased her as she turned away from the caves. She had woken on the beach with the other castaways' months before, with no memory of her life before the plane crashed. For a while she had searched the darkest corners of her mind for any scraps of her old life, finding only a few little facts that she had slowly pieced together.
After remembering the details of her mother's murder and finding that some peace and regular sleep were returning, Hope had turned her attention to living in the moment – focussing mainly on her writing, the group's survival, and Boone. Their relationship had progressed quickly, and they were the most agreeable pair on the island – progressing without the arguments that followed Shannon and Sayid, or the will-they-won't-they angst that still lingered around Kate and Jack.
Boone's death had affected them all, but none more so than Hope and Shannon. Against all odds they became fast friends – easing each other through their pain. But while Shannon was steadily recovering, with a lot of crying and Sayid's loving support; Hope was stuck in her cycle of sadness, never shedding a tear or talking to anyone about her lost love.
"Hey, Peaches!" Hours later Sawyer's voice rang through the trees, calling her by her own special nickname.
Hope pulled her legs to her chest and willed him to leave. She had been hiding just inside the line of trees since her talk with Jack, thinking her own private thoughts about Boone and her impending motherhood. There was a time that she would have gone straight to Sun's garden to tell her troubles, or taken a walk with Kate; but Hope's loss was pulling her away from the group, and they were starting to worry about her.
"Peaches!" The calling grew louder, and Hope knew that she would be seen if she didn't move. She was just rising from the log she had settled on when he burst through the undergrowth.
"There you are! Girl, I've been looking everywhere for you." Sawyer was brash as always, sitting directly beside her despite her obviously closed body language. "So, what's up?"
"You came to see me," Hope said with a touch of annoyance. "Why don't you tell me what's up?"
"Nothin' much," Sawyer got comfortable in his seat and Hope knew this wasn't an impromptu friendly visit. She decided to get the conversation over with as quickly as possible, so that she could return to her solitude.
"Then what do you want?"
Sawyer shrugged briefly, "Just thought you might want some company. I'm tired of pestering Freckles, and the kid's finally asleep after me reading to him for the past nine hours!"
The slightest mention of Aaron put Hope on the defensive. She couldn't have a baby – not out here. Not without Boone.
"Well, I don't want you around here pestering me. Go find someone else to mess with!"
Sawyer sighed softly, "Truth be told, Peaches, I'm not just here for the friendly conversation. Doctor Jack asked me to look for you – he's worrying again."
"Well tell him to find someone else to worry about." Hope was getting tired of being tiptoed around since Boone's death – she just wanted some time and space to feel wretched. "I'm fine, Sawyer. Just leave me alone."
Sawyer turned his body away and they sat beside one another like strangers waiting for a bus. He cleared his throat abruptly – he was getting serious; not his usual public self.
"Look Peaches, Jack didn't ask me to find you. I heard him talking to Aladdin, saying you were having a tough day, and I thought I'd look in on you."
Hope was livid. She stood and looked down at Sawyer, "So now everybody knows my business! What's the big deal if I have a bad day? What's the matter with you people? Is nothing sacred anymore!"
"Whoa, slow down, girl." Sawyer stood and looked at Hope. Her eyes were tired – as though she hadn't slept properly in weeks, plagued by too much on her mind. He didn't like what he saw, but he was no less unimpressed with her attitude.
"Just slow down a minute… What's goin' on with you? You're kinda crazy lately, you know that?"
"Well maybe you shouldn't waste your precious time on me then!" Hope retorted. She knew that she was being childish and he was really only trying to help, but her pride wouldn't let her give in and accept it.
"Listen Peaches," he began softly but firmly, "all I got in this goddamn place is time. I can spend it on you or on anyone else, but you're the one who seems to need a hand right about now. But forget it – it's not in my nature to keep coming back after I've been kicked. Once bitten, twice shy, you know."
He turned calmly and walked away through the trees. Hope stood rooted to the spot, knowing deep down that she was being foolish. In his own strange way Sawyer had been a good friend to her – before and since Boone's death. She sighed deeply and followed after him towards the beach.
She moved at a slow jog, her feet sinking deep into the sand by the time she reached his shelter.
"Sawyer?" she stuck her head around the tarpaulin flap that was his door to find him sitting in the sand with a book open in his lap.
His eyes were glued to the page and his tone betrayed his annoyance.
"What do you want, Peaches?"
She looked down at him and knew she had been unreasonable. He was angry now, and she would have to reach out first. Once bitten, twice shy, after all.
"I'm sorry, Sawyer. I've just been kind of stressed since…" she trailed off before saying Boone's name, but her intention was clear.
"No problem," Sawyer shrugged; his anger dissipating as he saw her discomfort. He was surprised to find that she didn't provoke his smart-ass attitude like most of the others. He laid the book on the sand and invited her to sit, using his makeshift glasses to mark his page. "So, what's going on, kid?"
Hope's eyes filled with tears as she realised that soon everyone would know her secret anyway. Jack would innocently let it slip to someone, and soon the whole island would be buzzing with the news. Secrets didn't keep for long in such a small society, with or without Doctor/Patient Confidentiality.
"Jack thinks I'm going to have a baby," Hope whispered as she wiped the first tear from her cheek.
Sawyer reeled for a moment, making an effort to pull himself together when he saw her distress. He laughed softly, "So, what's wrong with that?"
Hope looked up at him in disbelief. "Well…" she trailed off and looked down at the sand. What was wrong with that?
Sawyer laughed again, this time with real amusement. "You got no idea, do you Peaches?"
Hope felt the tears rushing down her face, "I just…"
"You just what?" Sawyer pressed her, waiting a moment for her to voice her fears.
"I just… I just miss him so much." she felt Sawyer's comforting hand on her back as she cried, letting the pain fall out of her as she wept.
Sawyer let her cry, knowing that she had been avoiding this moment since Boone's death – the thought of a having a baby out here had pushed her over the line. Sawyer knew all too well that the moment of acceptance was the worst – there was no pain that could match the loss of a loved one. Later she would have to face the moment of verification, when she would know for absolute certain that she would never see Boone again. Until that time, she would keep a small, insane hope that he would return somehow. Sawyer hoped that she would be strong enough to survive the confirmation of the terrible truth.
Hope gave a sniff as the flow of tears stopped. "Sorry," she said softly, blushing a little at her emotional display.
"No problem, kid," Sawyer said with a dismissing expression. "I'm used to the damn baby crying all over me, why not you too?"
Hope gave a small smile and noticed how strange it felt to smile after such a long spell of sadness. It had been a month since her last smile, and she was relieved to discover that it was still an available function.
She looked at Sawyer hopefully, "Do you think my baby can cry all over you, too?"
He laughed, "I'm hoping your kid will take a liking to some other accent! Middle Eastern, maybe, or even that weird Australian sound. Speaking of which, you should talk to the island mommy, Claire. I bet she could give you some tips."
"Like what," Hope joked, "'Try to throw up in an uninhabited area?'"
Sawyer laughed, "Not a bad start."
Hope wiped her eyes on her sleeve and looked hard at Sawyer. She made a snap decision and leaned across to hug him tightly.
"Thanks, Sawyer," she whispered into his shoulder.
Sawyer put his arms loosely around her and tried to keep his cool image in the face of her emotion. "Forget it, Peaches."
She nodded her thanks and stood to leave. She turned as she reached the exit, and found him with his glasses on and eyes back on his book.
"I really appreciate it."
He gave her a distracted look and smirked a little to show his sense of humour, "Yeah, whatever Peaches, I'm reading here."
Hope smiled as she left Sawyer's shelter, and went to find Doctor Jack.