"To hope is to risk pain." Short and angst-y. I don't own NCIS.
-Changed-
She had reappeared in his life, suddenly and without warning. With her reappearance, she brought back the flood of memories; the happiness she evoked, and soon after, the pain and the grief she left in the tumultuous wake of her leaving.
When he first saw her, six years since they last saw each other on that final, fateful day in Paris, the wave of emotion that hit him made him stagger. The absolute pain, indescribable, then the irrational, rash hope that they could be what they used to be. Then the intense anger, still burning red hot even after all these years, at her betrayal. The gentle love that he always felt, soothing and quenching the fire that the anger and bitterness spurned. The acceptance that the things that had happened happened and that they weren't going to change, because the past couldn't be changed no matter how many wishes were made. But now that he has seen her, he has realized she has changed. And he wasn't sure if it was for the better or for the worse. He wanted to take her by the shoulders, shake some sense into her, and desperately tell her that that is not who she is, who she was. He felt shattered, like a piece of glass trodden over by the uncaring world. No one he trusted to turn to, no one to help him; just him, the almost empty bottle of bourbon, and the comforting yet haunting ghosts of Shannon and Kelly. He had gone through a thousand more trials than the average man; that's what made him into the man he is today. But right now, all he wanted to do was be back in the life of the woman he loved but couldn't have. But she had changed. And all he could do was hope, hope for the best. But hope was an unstable thing for Leroy Jethro Gibbs; it was there when he wanted it but it disappeared when he needed it.
Now all that was left was a hollow ache, a sore spot that was easily bruised. It dully thudded like a second heartbeat, too familiar to hurt as much as it did at first. He tried not to feel. Because if he did, he didn't know what he would do, what he would say, what he would feel. They were both changed, in so many ways, but somehow, they would make it through. Like they did in Paris, when they had other problems. But that was another time, another place, with two very different people. But they were strong, together and apart, and Jethro knew that they would make it through. He believed it, because it was the only hope that, if extinguished, would destroy him. Hope, the one thing that could tip the fragile balance, if lost.