Dark room, money on the metal table, drunken laughter, evil smiles.
Rich businessmen's cold hands on her body – stealing her innocence and spilling her blood.
The quiet but brave blonde who defied the odds. Reduced. To a whimpered child in the corner forced to sell herself to save those whom she loves.
Not even the Victors get to win.
Madge Undersee. The betters had given her about 5 minutes in the arena at first. She was the weak little mayor's daughter. The innocent blonde whose delicate hands had so obviously never worked a day in her life – compared to their rough calloused ones. Everyone underestimated her. No one realised her strength and will to live. She was devoted to keeping her mother alive –that's what her world had been for as long as she could remember and she wasn't about to give up now. She might think that she's the sister that the Hunger Games claimed but that woman is still Madge's mother and she will protect her. Even if it should be the opposite way round.
Turns out all her efforts were futile. He'd shown grief. He'd accidently yelled out her name when his only daughter was picked to die on national TV in probably some inhumane way. They killed him for it. A bullet in the head is the reward for a few minutes of despair. Mrs Undersee didn't last long afterwards. The officials say that she committed suicide by overdosing on morphling but everyone else knew better – the capitol just didn't want to put up with her anymore.
When Madge Undersee arrived home she barely saw the crowds, the faces of the people who wished it wasn't her – no one missed the spoilt little mayors daughter they wanted Aaron the popular kid from the seam. Shaking the new Mayor's hand is how she found out he parents had died.
Thank god for Haymitch. Don't think that has ever been said before. He guided her away from the press and to the house that wasn't home. I curl up on the unfamiliar sofa and nothing.
Madge doesn't feel anymore, robotic. Going through the motions. In unbearable pain and at the same time numb.
All she could feel is the blood on he hands and cold sweaty hands exploring her skin. Touching her in places no one else has seen.
She is nothing. She died when she made her first kill. Fifteen years old, male, District 5, don't even know the name. Just the feeling of her knife scraping his bones. Plunging into his skin. Running as life ebbed out of him and he faded into darkness.
She's an empty shell. A floating body. A monster. Wishing she could be eternally sleeping with her family and the other tributes. She doesn't deserve to live.
Unwelcoming kitchen draw open. A sharp knife that she knows too well how to use. She deserves pain.
Quick as a flash, glint of cold metal in the air, slicing through skin like butter. Relief. Relief that she can feel sets in and she repeats the motion. Three more cuts appear on her arm. Scarlet blood dripping on the floor.
Out of the corner of her eye she sees something. A piano. Arm still flowing freely she sits and her fingers move into autopilot. The song fills the air. He arm leaving a trail of red as it moves along the keys. For once it's like she can feel herself again. For a short while she is still Madge Undersee. The innocent Mayor's daughter who loved strawberries. She can forget.
Until she remembers. She's not Madge Undersee anymore. She's the Capitol's puppet. The beautiful tribute from district 12. The one who surprised them all. The door swings open and a familiar voice calls "Undersee" – Haymitch and another familiar voice "Madge" – Katniss.
Haymitch finds me first. I see the conflicting emotions of shock, anger and pity swirl on his face before resting on concerned. He's like a long lost uncle to me. He absorbs the bloody knife, the piano with trails of red tarnishing the ivory, my arm with fresh blood on it. "Everdeen don't come in yet"
How does he know Katniss? It's not until I see the tears fall on my clothes that I realise I'm crying. Katniss comes in anyway and gasps – shocked. I'm surprised she's here after all I've done. Who wants to know a monster?
Haymitch gathers me in his arms and puts in in my bathroom whilst Katniss (I let out a laugh here as she cringes) strips me naked and pushes me into the shower. It takes five minutes for her to work out how to turn the damn thing on. Then she leaves
The water smells like strawberries. I stay in for what seems like hours. Scrubbing and scrubbing – I still feel dirty. I still feel the clammy hands, the sense of intrusion and the pain as someone forces themselves on me. The first one didn't give a shit I was a virgin. Just kept going. The blood on my hands may not be visible to the naked eye but I feel it. I feel Aaron's blood on my body as he bleeds out in my arms, I feel his lips on my forehead when he thought I was asleep. His hand in mine as we hunted together. How I didn't love him like he loved me.
"Oh Madge" Katniss comes in again, eyes glistening with tears and pity.
Whispering. "Please don't pity me, I don't deserve it, I deserve these" waving my arm in the air. I do I need all the pain in the world. That's why I cannot kill myself. It's the cowards way out. The ones who died whilst I still survive deserve guilt. They deserve the reason for their shortened lives – first and second hand to be in turmoil.
She wraps me in a dressing gown and the next morning I find myself in bed.
Shower. Scrub, scrub, scrub away the blood and the pain and the unwanted attention. My hair wet streaming down my back. They said I was stunning. That with my blonde hair and blue eyes I still managed to look pretty during the games. Now I wish I resembled the trolls in fairy tales. When you're a Victor beauty is not a gift but a curse.
When I get out some strange Capitol machine dries my hair so it's soft and falls in glossy glowing waves to my waist. In the Capitol's eyes it doesn't matter if your abused, broken or have lost everything you care about as long as you still look camera ready. Ignorant assholes.
Pulling on the first thing I see – a pale blue dress apparently. I run away from the Capitol's prying eyes. Waiting for me to do the wrong thing. Hating me because I like my father showed grief. Every night when the death toll was shown I would stand. Head held high, three fingers first touching my lips then held proudly in the air. Honouring the ones for whom the odds were not in their favour. Running to the one place they can't find me.
Katniss POV
Load, aim, pull, release, dinner. The rabbit moves no more. Unblinking eyes portraying shock, its quick death left no time for fear. In her mind's eye she saw a girl – blonde and beautiful – hysterical. Covered in the blood of another. Knife clattering at her feet. Screaming useless apologies' to a deaf ear. As she's crowned the unwilling winner. Then the same girl defiant and determined saluting the dead. Her blonde hair glowing in the moonlight. Then the broken girl she saw yesterday, blood dripping from fresh cuts on her arm. Silent tears streaming down her face, skin rubbed raw. Pleading with me not to pity he as she doesn't deserve it. She think she's a monster.
Gale flashes me a grin. "Nice one Catnip – what's wrong?"
"I'm worried about Madge" Gales carefree smile falters. I think he respects Madge more now from her ability to survive, her attempt to save Aaron and her downright refusal to play the game by anything other than her own rules.
"She seemed alright when she came home and at the interviews"
"She's a politician's daughter Gale, she has been putting on a mask her entire life – it's practically in her blood. She's broken Gale, yesterday when me and Haymitch found her she'd cut herself, was playing the most depressing song on her piano and when in the shower rubbed her skin raw"
"Oh - shit"
"Shit exactly, she said to me and I quote Please don't pity me, I don't deserve it, I deserve these – she thinks that she's a monster Gale"
When we reach a clearing we see a blonde figure sitting on a fallen log. Shaking. Her blonde hair long and shiny but dishevelled. Her dangerously thin figure hunched over, perfect features twisted in a kind of pain regular painkillers can't fix, those starling, immediately recognisable blue eyes wet. The most infamous blue eyes in Panem (currently) glazed over and filled with grief. Her skin in once again rubbed red and raw. The wounds on her arms have reopened. She looks so innocent and pure. The fact that the Capitol has made her think she's a monster is unbelievable.
I run over and try to hug her but she freezes and starts whimpering. I hear a shaky voice whisper "Please, please don't touch me"
Mildly offended – until I remember what Haymitch told me about what they did to her. "Shit, Madge I'm so sorry I forgot about what Haymitch told me…"
"About what?" Her head pops up looking genuinely interested.
"Madge, you know about what – I'm so sorry that they are doing that to you"
"Sorry but I still have no idea what Haymitch told you" As Gale speaks I look at him. He looks concerned. He has approached Madge carefully and looks like he desperately wants to take her in his arms – huh?
I swear the whole forest has stilled. No loose leaf, whisper of a wind or confused animal dares to break the silence. Madge does.
"Well… um…apparently during the games some of Snows inner circle and rich businessmen took a shine to me so Snow forces me to… He… fuck it he collects money from people so that they can fuck me" With that Gale looks like he could rip the tree's from the ground he's so angry. I'm actually terrified he's going to do something stupid. It's not fun for me watching her like this. So broken. Hearing her say those words is a thousand times worse than when Haymitch says them. When he does it is all more like a dream – a false reality. My mind doesn't seem to fully accept it. With her saying the words laced with so much hurt and so many excruciating memories it hits like a ten ton truck. Madge is still speaking.
"He said that if I don't do it he'll bomb the seam. If I don't look like I enjoy it he'll do it anyway, same for if I refuse to do exactly what the client wants, it's times like this I'm glad the others died, they won't be the new Whore of Panem and they will never see that room, that table, their eyes… it's so cold. Sometimes it feels like I want to die but death won't do anything, it won't help others it's just disrespectful. Actually what the fuck am I doing? I can't let them break me, it's basically spitting on the memory of those who died – especially Aaron he died saving my life so why on Earth am I wasting it? No point. (She stands up talking louder, her eyes crackling with fire. She no longer looks weak but strong – a fighter – the victor who refused to play by the Capitols rule) They hate me because during the games I didn't let them break me, so why play directly into their hands now. My parents would be ashamed – they can touch me and hurt me and dress me up like a doll to suit their needs but they will never break me"
The last five words are said with so much conviction. You can bloody tell she's a Mayor's daughter and a Victor. She is alive, glowing, fire-y. I don't think she's ever looked more stunning. Glancing to my right I see with a smirk that Gale agrees. His mouth open. Like when we first saw her in the chariot set on fire, casting a spell on us all during the interviews. I think Hazelle was tempted to send Gale out for water with Rory and Vick when she bathed in the games pretty girl in wet underwear and boy hormones mixed is not a good thing. It was pretty funny though watching him unconsciously fall for the girl he hated the most.
She mentions Aaron. I remember them together. The star-crossed lovers they called them. I don't think Madge even realised until he kissed her when he thought she was sleeping. I would have been so pissed. I would have never gone through with it. It was quite amusing in a sad way watching Madge have no idea that Aaron was in love with her and that the commentators were calling them the star-crossed lovers. I don't think she realised the extent of how much he loved her until he dived in front of that knife meant for her. I don't think I'll ever forget her face, how she screamed his name, how she killed his attacker without hesitation. How she held him as he died and gave him one last kiss. I can still see the blood on her lips. The question needs to be asked.
"Did you love Aaron?"
Madge looks like she's about to burst into tears, Gale looks fit to kill something again. I realise why I don't talk much.
"Not like he loved me, to me he was like my brother, was it really obvious?"
After almost laughing I hear Gale say "You have no idea what effect you have on people".
Then it gets kind of weird and awkward. Very awkward.
Next month I walk into the clearing where we now meet after doing some rounds that I do without Gale and I see a not entirely unexpected sight but one that makes my heart bleed. Gale has Madge on his lap, his hand up her skirt and their tongues down each overs throat. It hurts because in a few hours Madge will be on a train to the Capitol in the same position with another man but under entirely different context. I think she actually loves Gale and I bloody know gale actually loves her.
They suddenly realise I've made an appearance and jump apart. I feel my face heating up and see Gale turn a deep crimson when a suspicious bulge in Gale's pants comes clear or in other less pretentious words he's hard. "I'll leave you to it" They don't argue as I leave.
I'm so happy for them but I think that their little tryst is pointless. They will both just end up getting hurt when Madge gets carted off to the Capitol and Gale gets angry. Romance is pointless. Survival is the highest priority so why bother getting involved in pointless activity? I am never having kids. Madge and me are just walking examples of what kind of world we live in. It's selfish to willingly force the innocent to witness human cruelty. We may scream when we see a spider but we are the real monsters.
Gale once told me that the fact we live in a hard world makes relationships' essential. He says that the world is tough and it's not fair so we have to get happiness from whatever we can. I say then why forge romances. Everyone leaves eventually and we just have to pick up the pieces their deaths leave to us. He says aren't the memories worth it? No not at all.
Then Madge takes that fateful train.