River opened her eyes and then quickly shut them when the bright lights and colors of the room made her already pounding head feel like it would split apart. Taking a deep breath she squinted her eyes open more slowly this time and looked around her.
Her mind was confused and fuzzy and she couldn't seem to remember why she was in the cargo bay or why she would be lying on the floor. Then she saw the blood and the bodies and everything came rushing back to her at once.
She'd been arguing with Simon, angry because he was treating her like a child again. She remembered screaming at him and threatening to runaway the next time they were planet side. He'd run after her as she stomped towards her room and they'd both been thrown into the wall when a bone jarring jolt ran through the ship. She'd been so angry at Simon that she hadn't felt them until it was too late.
Jayne ran by her room then, Vera clutched tightly in his hand.
"Reavers… on board." He'd yelled before turning and running towards the cargo bay.
There had been so many of them, more than she had fought in Mr. Universe's complex, so many more. She'd done her best to protect the crew, her family, the only people she had in the entire Verse. After all this was what she was made for, but there were just so many of them. They were like a storm, a whirling tornado of claws and teeth, rage and weapons.
River vaguely remembered the sharpened metal rod being driven into her stomach and the blur of motion as something swung towards her head, everything after that was a blank.
Forcing her battered body into a sitting position she winced as the hole in her stomach was pulled and she felt fresh blood run down her leg as the wound reopened. Standing on shaky legs she took in the sight around her with growing horror. Dead Reavers lay sprawled all around her, their blood mixing with her own as it dripped through the grating of the floor.
She found Jayne first. There was only a hand and part of an arm left, but she knew it was Jayne. No one else on board had fingers that long or arms that hairy. Just one arm lying near his weight bench, Vera still clutched tightly in the dead fingers, the rest was just gore, bits of flesh and bone and blood, so much blood. River had the irrational thought suddenly that Jayne couldn't have been more decimated if a boulder or a house were dropped on top of him and then removed to show the tragic results.
For some reason, she wasn't sure why, River squatted down despite the pain it caused in her stomach and pried Vera from the stiff and cool hand which was all that remained of Jayne Cobb. She didn't know why but something told her that she would need Vera.
She found Inara just after she found Jayne. She lay bent and broken underneath the catwalk near her shuttle. River could tell what had happened to the lovely companion just by looking at her. The long claw marks on her back suggested that a Reaver had come up behind her and attacked. After that she'd either fallen, been pushed, or jumped from the railing of the catwalk. Even with her fear and grief River was thankful that the companion had died quickly, without the pain the Reavers would have inflicted upon her.
River stood over Inara's body, her head tilted to the side as she studied the dead companion. Despite the fall Inara was still beautiful, her lovely pink dress only slightly covered in blood. River's attention was drawn suddenly to Inara's right hand which was stretched out in front of her. It looked as if Inara was pointing straight to the infirmary like she was urging River to go into the medical room she hated so much.
From Inara's pinkie finger River took a simple gold ring. The ring was small and plain and didn't fit with the other expensive jewelry Inara usually wore. But River knew that Mal had given her the ring six months ago. It wasn't an engagement ring, but to Inara it had meant everything in the world. River slipped the ring onto her finger and then picked up Vera once again.
She didn't stay in the cargo bay to grieve for Jayne and Inara, not because she didn't care that they were dead, but because she had to know what had happened to the rest of her family.
She hurried into the infirmary, hoping and praying that she would find Simon. She felt her heart break a little when she saw that the infirmary was empty, dark, and silent. The only thing out of the ordinary was the trail of blood that started in the exam chair and trailed across the floor and out the door in the direction of the bridge.
Stepping carefully to avoid treading in the blood she followed the red smear down the hall past the crew quarters and up the stairs to the bridge. It was Mal she found on the bridge, when she saw him, she stumbled backwards and fell down the stairs, crying out loudly as the impact sent waves of fire through her stomach and back. She lay on the ground below the bridge sobbing loudly as she desperately tried to stop looking at Mal, but no matter what she did she couldn't tear her eyes away from him.
They had crucified Mal between the two consoles. They'd driven large blunt bolts through his wrists and feet and then chained him to the ceiling and floor. His head hung down so that she could only see the top of his head, but she could see that blood had dripped from the back of his head and onto the floor in front of him.
Forcing down the bile that had risen in her throat, River climbed wearily to her feet and picked up Vera, having dropped her when she fell down the stairs. She dreaded the thought of climbing the stairs and having to witness first hand what her captain had suffered, but she knew she couldn't leave him hanging up there.
They had strung him up on thick pieces of wire and after some exploring River was able to find the bolt which was holding him up. By climbing onto the co-pilot's console she was able to twist the bolt down enough so that the wire slipped off and Mal's body crashed to the floor.
River climbed down from the console and leaned over her captain's body. His face was mercifully blank, but even in his dead eyes she could see the despair that had filled them when he'd died. She had to take a deep breath and steady her trembling hand before she was able to reach out and close his eyes.
Something seemed wrong with Mal's head although she couldn't immediately see what it was. She gently lifted Mal's head and cried out in horror when she saw what had killed her captain. The back of his head had a large jagged hole in it and River saw that inside his skull was empty. For reasons beyond what she could ever begin to understand the Reavers had cut out Mal's brain after they had crucified him.
Turning away from Mal's body River crawled a few feet away and vomited until her stomach was empty. After she was finished being sick, she pulled her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, rocking back and forth to comfort herself.
She was able to stand again after a few minutes and she did her best to arrange Mal's body into a position that seemed respectful to the most noble man she'd ever known.
It occurred to her then that the blood trail she had followed here couldn't belong to Mal. He hadn't bled enough to leave that much blood behind. She examined the blood smears once more and noticed that they seemed to turn around and overlap themselves, as if whoever had left them had entered the bridge, seen Mal, then turned around and headed back the way they had come.
Before leaving the bridge River reached into Mal's pocket and removed the silver chain with the cross on it that she'd always known he kept in there. She had never told him she knew he still carried his cross, but it had always comforted her that he did. She slipped the chain around her neck and kissed the cross softly before once again following the red trail, Vera still cradled lovingly in her arms, though she was empty of any ammo that would make her useful as a weapon.
She found Zoe in the galley where the blood trail led her next. She lay on her back with her legs under a chair that had been knocked over. Her body had been ravaged brutally, there were cuts over nearly every inch of her and in some places gaping holes where the flesh had been cut and bitten away. The worst of her wounds was in her chest, whatever had cut into her had cut deep enough to nearly cut out the first mate's heart. On top of her broken body lay a dead Reaver, his body between Zoe's legs.
River let out a strangled sob when she realized what must have happened to Zoe and angrily pulled the Reaver off of her. To River's relief she saw that though Zoe's clothes were slashed and cut, they were still on and the Reaver had not been able to rape her. Clutched tightly in Zoe's right hand was her mare's leg and the dead Reaver's face was a mess of gore from the point blank shot Zoe had fired before she'd died.
River tried to move Zoe as she had Mal, but Zoe had obviously died before Mal because her body was already stiff with rigor mortis and impossible to manipulate. River hated leaving her as she was but saw no other choice.
She noticed that the blood trail continued up the stairs and towards the passenger rooms. Before leaving River untied the leather cord from around Zoe's neck and wrapped it around her wrist feeling as comforted by it as she had by the cross, the ring, and the gun.
Shaking now with grief and blood loss River leaned against the wall as she walked, using the strong unceasing strength of Serenity to comfort her. Following the unbroken trail of blood led River to the engine room and even without her skills as a reader River knew she would find Kaylee inside.
Her body wasn't ravaged the way Zoe, Jayne, and the captain's bodies had been. She was laying hidden back behind the engine, tucked away where it was nearly impossible to find her. River knew her friend well enough to know exactly where to find her hidden.
River felt a dangerous surge of hope boil up inside her chest as she ran to her best friend and gently turned her over, praying that Kaylee was merely unconscious as she had been. Her hope was dashed when she saw her friend's face. Kaylee's eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling behind River and there was no question that she was dead although there were still no marks or wounds to show the cause of death. River fell on top of Kaylee gathering her friend's already cooled body into her arms. She still didn't allow herself to cry despite the hard knot of pain that she figured would never leave her heart.
Finding no comfort in holding onto her dead friend, River lowered Kaylee's body gently to the floor and began searching for how the sweet mechanic had died. It took a few minutes but River finally noticed a needle mark on Kaylee's inner arm and when she looked under the engine she found the empty syringe where it had rolled after Kaylee dropped it.
River knelt down slowly to try and protect her injured stomach and carefully pulled the syringe out from under the engine. She couldn't be sure because it was just an empty syringe, but River knew it contained an overdose of Morphine, given to her by the man she loved.
She knew it must have been Simon's last act as a protective lover to give Kaylee the overdose and save her from the brutal ravages of the Reavers.
It occurred to her that ever since she'd woken up in the cargo bay she'd been running the same thought over and over through her mind without even realizing it.
Find Simon and everything will be alright, Find Simon and everything will be alright.
It had become almost a chant in her mind, the one hope that was keeping her already fractured mind from breaking completely with the horrors she was facing.
A part of her knew that Simon would have never given Kaylee the means to kill herself unless he knew he wasn't going to survive to protect her. Rationally River realized that in all likelihood her brother was as dead as the rest of her family, but until she saw him she wouldn't allow herself to believe that he was really gone.
Just as it had in the bridge the trail of blood circled back on itself and seemed to head out of the room just as it had headed into it. She kissed Kaylee's forehead softly and then took a moment to rip the small teddy bear patch off of Kaylee's coveralls. She slipped the teddy bear into her pocket and rubbed her fingers once over the soft fuzzy fabric.
A cold hard knot of grief felt like it was surrounding and squeezing her heart as she followed the red blood trail to Simon, where she knew it would lead. As she searched for her brother that knot of grief seemed to grow colder and squeeze her heart harder with every step.
The blood trail finally led her to her very own bedroom where it abruptly stopped at the doorway. The lights were on inside of her room, but dark in the hallway. Because of this River was able to make out the silhouettes of the things in her room through the thin screen of her door. One of those silhouettes looked suspiciously like a body crumpled in a heap on the floor.
River took a deep breath and wiped the tear stains off of her cheeks before reaching out one shaking hand and sliding the screen open. She squeezed her eyes shut and prayed that when she opened them she wouldn't see Simon. She prayed that the shadow was just a pile of clothes or a blanket from the bed and not her precious brother.
Taking another deep breath River opened her eyes and let out a harsh sob when she saw that it was her brother behind the screen. His body was crumpled in a heap next to the bed and covered in so much blood that his usually pristine white shirt was almost entirely red. The few places on the shirt that were still white stood out so brightly they almost seemed worse than all the red.
After seeing the rest of her family dead River thought seeing Simon should have been easier, but it wasn't. A part of her didn't even want to touch him, like not touching him would somehow keep him from really being dead. Knowing that drawing it out would only make things worse River walked to her brother and carefully turned him over.
She made a silent prayer of thanks that his eyes were closed, she couldn't imagine looking into her brother's eyes and seeing them dead and blank. His face was unmarked and could almost be peaceful, but for the gaping slash that was running across his throat from one ear to the other, like an evil mocking grin.
River fell into a heap next to Simon and pulled him so that his head rested in her lap. A strange sense of numb calm took her over as she sat there. She began running her fingers through his soft black hair as she quietly hummed the lullaby he'd sung to her whenever she had a bad episode.
A million memories of her brother ran through her head as she sat there with him. She began to think of all the words she could use to describe her Simon.
Brother, Father, Savior, Best friend, Hero, Healer… the list went on and on running like a mantra in her mind.
The grief she felt was made even worse when she remembered how she had yelled at him that morning. She'd told him that he wasn't her father, he didn't have the right to control her. She realized now that Simon was more of a father to her than her own had ever been and she had never gotten to tell him how much that meant to her, how much she loved him.
She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she finally stood up and left the room. She had tried to get Simon onto the bed, but she was so weak from blood loss that it turned out to be impossible. So instead she had placed her pillow under his head and covered him with her blanket. She knew that it was customary to cover the face of a deceased person, but she couldn't do that to Simon. She'd pulled the blanket up and tucked it under his chin where it covered the horrible slash in his neck and made it seem like he was simply sleeping.
She had taken a token from every other member of the crew, but she took nothing from Simon. She didn't need a memento of Simon's to carry with her to feel close to him. She carried him in her blood, in her memories, and in her heart.
After leaving her bedroom River walked to the common room near the galley and sank down onto a couch. She sat staring at the wall, unsure of what to do with herself. She'd only been there for a few seconds when a loud screech broke the silence and one of the seemingly dead Reavers on the floor suddenly jumped up and launched itself at River.
As River hit the ground with the screaming Reaver on top of her she vaguely realized that this Reaver was female. The Reaver had no weapons, but she lunged at River over and over again biting and clawing at River as she screamed.
River was able to bring a knee up into the chest of the girl Reaver and pushed her off. She jumped up and ran to the pantry with the Reaver close behind her. River reached onto the shelf next to her searching for anything that she could use as a weapon and closed her fist over a glass bottle. Swinging quickly before the Reaver could attack again River broke the bottle over the Reaver's head and suddenly the small space was filled with the sharp smell of Kaylee's engine wine.
The Reaver shrieked as the strong alcohol ran into her eyes. She began to swing blindly at River, her rage even greater than before. Moving quickly River stepped around the Reaver and dashed out the door. They always kept matches near the stove to relight it when the pilot light blew. River quickly grabbed the matches and lit one. She threw the match onto the still thrashing Reaver and then slammed the door of the pantry.
The Reaver's screams grew in volume, but remained screams of rage. River had expected cries of pain from the woman Reaver, but being lit on fire seemed to only make her angrier. River watched through the small window as the Reaver burned, hoping that by watching the monster perish she would somehow feel better about her family's murders. The flesh seemed to melt off of the Reaver's face as she burned and after only a few seconds River turned away, realizing that nothing, not even revenge, would make the pain in her heart diminish.
After the Reaver was dead River stumbled out to the catwalk that overlooked the cargo bay and sat down with her legs hanging over the edge, like she had done so many times before. She tried to avoid looking down at the red smears marking where Jayne had met his gruesome end, but found that it was nearly impossible not to look.
She leaned her forehead against the railing and listened to her pulse beating in her ears, wishing that it was loud enough to block out the overwhelming silence that had descended on the ship.
It had been so long since River had experienced any type of quiet. She'd always had a constant bedlam of thoughts and emotions from every person on the ship running through her head. She had prayed so many times that those voices would go away, that for just a few hours she could have the quiet of her own mind. Now that she had it she knew she would give anything in the world to have the others in her head once more. She had never known how empty and alone her mind would feel if it was suddenly silent.
Looking up River glanced around Serenity and realized that the ship wasn't home anymore, without her family she was just a shell. River just wanted to be home again, she wanted her family back, but she knew that they were never ever coming back.
A sob suddenly escaped from her throat, it wasn't loud, but it echoed across the cargo bay like a gun shot. The sob caused the wound in her stomach to pull and reminded River once again of the injury. She looked down bitterly at the blood staining her dress and wished that the wound had killed her.
She didn't understand why the Reavers hadn't killed her too, why they hadn't waited for her to wake up and then forced her to watch as they killed her family. It wasn't like them to leave a survivor untouched like that. But maybe they knew waking up to find your family butchered was worse than any physical pain they could inflict.
River's eyes drifted down to Vera at her side and suddenly she noticed the bullet lying a few feet from her hand. Incredibly it was one of Vera's bullets, one that Jayne must have dropped as he'd run from the armory to the cargo bay.
She picked up the large bullet and rolled it around in her hand. Before she'd even begun to think about what she was doing she'd picked up Vera.
Click, she opened Vera. Click, the bullet slid inside. Click, the safety turned off.
Just three little clicks and River saw her way home. Her family couldn't come back to her, but she could go to them. She could make the ceaseless silence go away forever. River pressed Vera to her chest and stretched out her arm to wrap her finger around Vera's trigger. She closed her eyes and pictured the faces of everyone she loved, not as they'd looked when she'd found them, but as they'd been in life. It was Simon's smiling face that she clung to as she pulled the trigger.
"River? Mei-mei? Can you hear me? Open your eyes."
River groaned and opened her eyes, but was unable to make anything out except for a blinding light and vague outlines of people standing over her.
"Simon?" She asked, her voice weak and hoarse.
"It's alright mei-mei, you're alright now." Simon whispered and leaned over to kiss her forehead.
"Am I home?" She asked.
"Yes of course you are." Simon assured her.
The blinding light above her went off suddenly and she was able to make out Simon's face as well as Kaylee and Mal's. All three of them were smiling down at her and Kaylee looked like she had been crying. Glancing behind them it suddenly dawned on River that she was in the infirmary on board Serenity.
"What happened?" She asked.
"Reavers, they boarded the ship." Simon explained.
"I'm sorry Simon. I didn't stop them, they hurt you, all of you." River cried.
"Mei-mei they didn't hurt any of us except for you. They gave you a nasty concussion and one of them managed to stab you in the stomach. But you killed them, you killed all of them before they even made it out of the cargo bay. You saved all of us." Simon assured her proudly.
"It was a dream?" River asked more to herself than to anyone in the room.
"Dream?" Mal asked.
"I had a dream and you were there. You were there too Simon, and you were there Kaylee. They killed all of you and I was alone." She whimpered.
"Hey now Albatross don't cry. Ain't none of us even got a scratch cause of you. You're a big damn hero, little girl. We ain't never gonna leave ya alone alright?" Mal said sternly, but warmly.
River smiled through her tears and nodded. "Yes Captain."
"You should get some rest River, we'll all be here when ya wake up." Kaylee urged kindly.
River squeezed her best friend's hand and smiled up at her.
"I'm so proud of you mei-mei." Simon whispered as Mal and Kaylee left the room.
"It's what I'm made for." River replied trying to sound nonchalant, but her voice was still trembling from her injuries and from the vivid dream that she was afraid would haunt her for a long time to come.
"Hey fighting Reavers isn't what you're made for River Tam." Simon replied sternly. "It's just another one of the amazing things my beautiful brilliant little sister is able to do."
"I'm sorry Simon." River whimpered.
"Sorry? For what?" Simon asked sounding confused.
"Yelled at you, told you I didn't need you. Said I was going to runaway from home. I didn't mean it." River cried.
"Oh mei-mei don't worry about it. I'd totally forgotten about the fight, I'm just glad you're alright, I was afraid I was going to lose you." Simon answered his voice nearly as thick with emotion as River's was.
"Don't want to runaway Simon. Serenity is home, because of everyone here. You're my home Simon. Don't want to be anywhere else."
Simon pulled his chair over so that he could sit next to his sister and grasped her hand tightly in his.
"I guess it's like that old saying from Earth-that-was huh? There's no place like home." Simon answered and gave River a smile.
River's eyes began to grow heavy as the pain medicine Simon had given her put her to sleep.
"No place like home." She mumbled as she fell into a deep dreamless sleep.