I've been contemplating suicide,
But it really doesn't suit my style,
So I think I'll just act bored instead
Who can take the blood I would've shed?
Seth casually twirled the long blade in his hand as jazz music played around the Cullen mansion. He stared down his reflection in the foggy mirror hoping that the smells of the many Axe shampoos would drown out the smell of his blood. The jazz music began to play slower and slower and Seth began to hum along softly as he let the blade gently run up and down his arm as hard as he could without breaking skin.
The young wolf stared at himself in the mirror taking in his black eyes and his light brown skin. He frowned before pressing the blade harder onto his arm. For a moment, pain washed over him, and he pulled the blade down his arm watching as more of his skin tore open. As soon as the feeling of pain washed over him, it was gone. It left only a dull ache and a small faded scar that would soon vanish as well.
The music stopped.
"Seth, are you done?" Jacob's voice came from the other side of the door obviously irritated, and Seth couldn't help but roll his eyes.
"Just a minute."
The next song on the jazz CD began and Seth cut himself once again this time going deeper. If possible, his arm healed faster.
The disappointing thing about being a werewolf was that the pain he craved only lasted for a few seconds, but it was those seconds that he lived for.
Seth opened the door slowly somehow managing to hide the switchblade from his Alpha as he exited the bathroom. Jake wasted no time in diving into the bathroom and slamming the door shut behind him leaving a younger wolf to casually twirl his switchblade in his hand. Seth gave the now clean blade an unreadable look before he closed it and stuffed in his back pocket. It wouldn't do him any good to have one of the veggie vamps discover his blade.
Somewhere down on the bottom floor Seth could hear Edward cooing at Renesmee while Rosalie fed the half-vampire whatever gourmet food they had prepared. Seth shook his head before sauntering down the steps and plastering a fake smile on his face.
"Hello, Nessie," Seth called as the young wolf sat down at the table next to the young girl. "How old are you today?"
Renesmee grinned at Seth trying her hardest not to check him out while her father was there. The last time she had accidently done it she had been chastised by not only her parents but also by Jake. It's bad when you receive the talk from your older brother and best friend.
"I'm officially sixteen." Renesmee smirked taking in Seth's shocked expression. "According to Nahuel, I'm done growing." Seth nodded his head as the girl flipped her long brown hair over her shoulder sending a flowery scent over to him. "I'm now the same age as you."
"Well, you've only been alive for about seven years," Seth muttered clearly displeased that he was once again the youngest person in the house. "Technically I'm still older."
"Yes, but I'm smarter than you."
Seth placed his head in his hands as Renesmee slid off the barstool. He needed another cut.
"Everyone is smarter than Seth," Rosalie mentioned watching Renesmee shamelessly flirt. "I think all the girls should go shopping today."
Renesmee immediately groaned at the mention of shopping. "Auntie, you said that we already did back-to-school shopping. Why are we going again?"
Rosalie refrained from mentioning the only reason they took so many impromptu shopping trips was because the young half-vampire flirted too much with the wrong wolf. If the young (but at the same time not so young) girl could understand that she was supposed to flirt with the wolf that was her imprint, maybe they wouldn't have to try their hardest to make excuses to drag the two teenagers away from each other.
"This is going to be your first time at real high school," Seth noted. "You might as well take it in." Seth inhaled deeply before winking at the half-vampire. "Sounds like Jake's out the shower; I'm gonna go look for Leah."
It took Seth a record of two minutes and thirty-six seconds to locate his older sister. It was no surprise that she was sitting in the garage helping Emmett install a new radio into the small Lexus that Carlisle and Esme bought for Renesmee. Seth stared at the two working together for a moment before he cleared his throat.
"What do you want, pup?" Emmett asked as he coached Leah into how to remove the current radio without damaging the car. "We're kind of busy and I don't want Leah getting distracted."
"Nothing too important," Seth muttered. These damned vampires were getting in the way of everything he used to do with his pack. Normally, he could sit and have a full conversation with his sister or his pack brother, but now the veggie vamps wanted to have the wolves become fully immersed in "vampire activities."
Seth hid his snort behind a series of fake coughs before he excused himself. The wolf was quickly becoming angry and as soon as his body began to shake a calming sensation washed over him forcing his shoulders to slump and his eyes to droop. When Jasper used his power to calm Seth down, the effects made him feel as if he was high. Who needed alcohol when they had a vampire to make them get drunk?
Somewhere ahead of him the cowboy was standing awkwardly still while watching Seth shuffle towards the white sofa. There was a long moment of silence that neither of the boys wanted to break.
"Seth, are you OK?" Jasper asked allowing his southern twang to come out a bit. "You were feeling a little angry back there."
"I'm fine," Seth closed his eyes allowing the calmness to completely wash over him. "Just a little worked up is all."
Leah stood on the front steps while the Cullen family along with Jacob stared down an angry Renesmee. There was trouble in paradise that had once again formed because Renesmee had taken her flirting with Seth a little too far. Seth had immediately seen the problems he was causing and had silently disappeared into the house to take another "shower" where he would open too many bottles of Axe shampoo before playing with his knife.
Seth had given up on the jazz music for this morning deciding that the family's yelling was enough to drown out the noise of a knife cutting through skin. Once again he was right. Nobody would notice.
"Nobody notices anything anymore." He whispered to his reflection as the knife danced along his arm. "Nobody would notice anything." Without warning Seth cut through his skin as deep as he could go without hitting the bone and he angrily dragged the knife down not once looking away from his reflection. He wouldn't even allow a small whimper to escape his lips.
By the time he was done, the knife was clean, the scar was gone, and there was no trace of the cold empty Seth that had been locked away in the bathroom. This Seth was happy and never depressed. This Seth was easily overlooked.
Seth walked out the front door and smiled warmly at the cold faces that greeted him. "So who am I riding with today?" Seth asked allowing his overly excited eyes to sweep over the cold and rainy atmosphere.
After a long pause, Renesmee spoke up. "You're riding with me." Seth smiled when Renesmee linked her arm through his and he struggled desperately to keep the smile on his face when he saw Jacob's hard gaze fix itself on the two of them.
This was going to be a long day.
Did you see the new kids?
Did you see that girl?
Ohmigosh! Do you mean the one who was hanging around the muscular kid? Of course, I did!
My mom works with their adoptive father at the hospital says that all the kids are like dating since they aren't really related.
Oh I heard that too! The muscular guy that's tan has a brother and sister that were also adopted. Apparently, they're too old for school.
Oh yeah! They came from an Indian Reservation, right?
Seth ignored the loud whispers that followed him around for the whole day. He was used to gossip being passed around about him, but this was the first time any whispers were linked to the Cullens. In fact, Seth couldn't help but send a brilliant smile to the group of girls that started the rumors. It was nice to know that even when he was around imperfect beings, such as vampires, people could still think of him as attractive.
When he got home, he was glad that Carlisle was working late at the hospital, and that the rest of the Cullens were either hunting with Renesmee or racing Leah and Jacob around the woods. It gave him a time to have a good proper cut without having to worry about using way too much shampoo to drown out the smell or having to blast jazz music so no one could hear the sounds.
Seth immediately pulled his switchblade out of his back pocket feeling tremendously proud that he hadn't lost the item. It would've been a shame if he lost his beloved blade. He would have to go through the trouble of trying to find another pawn shop where they sold blades as long as this one.
"Free at last," Seth mumbled staring at his black eyes. He squinted at his reflection in the mirror thinking that for a moment he saw a hint of brown in them.
Shrugging, he dug the blade into his skin multiple times enjoying the pain that it brought. He was so focused on carving an intricate design into his skin that he didn't hear the sound of light footsteps that rushed up the stairs. Not once did he notice that he wasn't alone in the house until the bathroom door burst open revealing Renesmee and Bella staring at him with wide eyes.
Seth immediately threw his arm under the sink along with the knife to wash off the blood that was already beginning to dry. His hands shook so much that the blade slipped out of his grasp and skidded over to the feet of the two women.
"Seth," Bella whispered as Renesmee bent down to pick up the switchblade. "What are you doing?"
"I'm not doing anything." Seth cried watching his skin close up leaving only pink scar in the shape of the design he had been drawing. "Just forget you ever saw this, OK?"
"Seth, we can't forget we ever saw this!" Renesmee yelled waving the knife around.
"How long have you been doing this?" Bella asked quietly ignoring her daughter's yell.
"Doing what," Seth hissed.
"What's going on up here?" Carlisle's voice cut through the discussion and Seth swore loudly ignoring the look he got from his new fatherly figure. It was just his luck to have the doctor come home early. "Renesmee where did you get that knife?"
"It's Seth's," Bella responded for her daughter as her golden eyes stayed fixed on the panicking teen in front of her. "We walked in on him cutting himself."
"Liar!" Seth cried angrily. His eyes were blazing with fury, fear, and other emotions that no one could decipher. "She didn't see anything!"
"Then where did that scar come from?" Renesmee spoke up causing Seth to press his lips into a firm line.
"Seth, I think we need to talk." Carlisle muttered keeping his eyes on the blade in Renesmee's hand.
"We don't have anything to talk about." Seth shot back. Carlisle glanced warily at Seth before it returned to the knife that Renesmee had swiftly tucked into his lab coat. "Please, Carlisle, just give me back the knife." Seth began to plead. "I-I promise I'll th-throw it away. Just give it back."
Carlisle moved to walk away and Seth lunged at the doctor allowing a vicous snarl to rip out of his throat. Immediately, Bella's arms wrapped around Seth and she tugged him to the ground trying to pin him down. Seth struggled flailing his arms as he cried out for his knife.
"Renesmee, help me hold him down – don't look at me like that, do it! Carlisle, get us something to knock him. We need a large amount."
Before Seth could register what had happened, he felt something prick his skin multiple times. Then it all went black.
There was arguing going on. A lot of it. Seth didn't have to be conscious to understand they were fighting about him. He just wished they weren't fighting about him. He wished they would leave him alone or just shut the hell up. He wanted them to go away.
When Seth woke up, he was sitting at the dining room table with the whole family seated around the table as well. Leah was on his right side while Jacob was on his left. He knew they were the only two people who were probably on his side right now.
Seth's eyes found a glass of water conveniently sitting in front of him and without thinking twice about it he drained the glass. After his third or fourth glass, Carlisle cleared his throat.
"Seth," Carlisle's voice was calm compared to how tense the atmosphere was. It only made Seth feel nervous. It was funny how the first feeling he truly felt besides anger was caused by the one person who probably had the purest intentions. "We want to know what you were doing with that knife."
Seth's hand moved to his back pocket, and he frowned when he realized the doctor was currently in possession of his knife. Damn it all…
"I wasn't doing anything." Seth's voice came out calm and collected and he knew only Edward and Jasper would see through his façade.
"He's lying," Edward whispered.
"Seth, were you cutting yourself?" It was Carlisle who spoke.
"Hell no!" Seth wasted no time in replying.
"He was." Edward murmured.
"Seth, how long have you been doing this?" Carlisle again.
"Doing what?" Seth again.
"For a while." Edward once again interjects.
"Dammit Edward!" Seth slammed his fist on the granite table causing everyone to flinch. "Would you stop acting as if I can't answer for myself?"
"Maybe if you told the truth, we wouldn't need Edward to answer for you." Esme scolded in that soft motherly tone. "Seth, we only want to help you."
"Give me the knife back." Seth made a move to lunge across the table, but was stopped by his sister's hand on his shoulder. He silently sat back down. "I only want the knife back. I'll promise to stop cutting myself if you just–"
"If we just give you back your knife," Jasper finished Seth's sentence for him.
"Seth, listen," Leah whispered quietly. So much for his pack mates siding with him. Couldn't they see that he was perfectly fine?
"You're not fine, Seth," Edward yelled. "You're cutting yourself and you're trying to lie about it. Can't you see that you're not fine?"
The next few weeks were hell. Seth wouldn't leave his room, wouldn't eat, and he wouldn't talk to anyone. People moved in and out of his room trying to talk to him; trying to get him to listen. He wouldn't budge. It wasn't until they were a month into school that Seth returned to the world. He went to school, did his homework, ate dinner, and went to sleep.
"Seth," Carlisle sighed at his adoptive son. "You're going to counseling." Seth glared at the older man with enough force to make Renesmee glance away from her friend. "There's a group session at the hospital for teens… like you…"
"I don't want help." Seth muttered pushing his plate away. "I don't need help; I need my knife." Why couldn't they understand that the knife was the one thing in his life that didn't change? It was the one thing that he could control. He needed it to survive.
"You don't need your knife." Carlisle replied. "You need help."
Seth glared at the small frail woman by the name of Dr. Burke. Seth glared at the small group of boys and girls that sat in a circle in an empty hall of the hospital. Seth glared at anyone who looked at him. Seth didn't want or need to be here.
"Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Burke, maybe we should go around in a circle and introduce who we are and why we need to be here." The woman clapped her hands anxiously, and the girl sitting to the right of the doctor nervously looked at the ground.
"I'm Myra," the girl swallowed at the glare Seth sent her. "I have anger management."
"I'm John, and I have an unhealthy obsession with blood."
"I'm Katie and I'm a drug addict."
"I'm Leonardo and I'm a drug addict too."
Finally they got to Seth, and he refused to look up from the ground. There was a moment of silence before Seth looked at each and every one of the faces that were staring at him. He was disgusted by these people.
"I'm Seth."
The girl next to him raised an eyebrow at his lack of introduction, but she went next anyways. "I'm Pyromaniac, and all my friends call me Pyro."
Seth looked over at the girl who was apparently going by the name Pyro, and he was shocked when his eyes met with hers. The whole world shook and spun before suddenly focusing on her. Everything suddenly made sense, and for the first time all day he felt glad that he came here.