Posted this on tumblr some time ago and my darling friend (go lookie at her tumblr: ) beta'ed it, so why not post here. All remaining mistakes are my own of course.

Howard is not an ass here, because he was cool in cap movie.

I have absolutely no idea what to call this one, so the title may change one day.

What If

"You asshole."

"Tony please, you have to-"

"No, you don't get to talk. How could you? I- I told you about this in confidence. I wasn't allowed to talk about it, not even know about it and what do you do? Walk straight up to my Dad!"

"Tony, I-" They both knew this wasn't about Steve breaking his confidence, but more so, about the super soldier serum - Project Rebirth – and how Steve had volunteered as a candidate. "You don't understand. This-"

"Oh, I don't understand? I have the feeling you don't understand."

"Tony, this is the only chance I've got!" Steve patience finally broke and he yelled back, rendering his friend silent for a moment. Steve had let the dark haired man vent, knowing he deserved every word. That he betrayed Tony when he went to Mr Stark, and begged him to consider Steve for this project, even if he wasn't supposed to know about it at all.

"This is all I have. Bucky is already out there fighting. You start in three months. Tony, you know I've tried, and failed. This is.. the only chance I have left."

"Steve this is human experimenting.. you can't seriously.. you know how dangerous this is. It's not worth it." Tony had stopped his shouting, and stood in front of Steve; shaking with emotion, tears brimming in his eyes. "This could kill you. Please, Steve. Don't."

Steve closed the distance between them and took Tony's face in his hands, tilting the younger man's head down to press their foreheads together.

He knew the next two words he would mutter might destroy their friendship, and it would hurt, but he would not stay behind while his two closest friends fought for their lives.

"I'm sorry," was all he could force through his closed throat, and it was all that was needed. Tony pushed Steve away from him, making him stumble from the force.

All traces of Tony's pleading, vulnerable side were gone and he looked at Steve with fury in his eyes. The brunette lifted his finger to point at Steve, mouth open to continue the shouting match, but then his face closed off in a way Bucky and Steve always hated. Mouth closed, the raised hand fell down again, and his face devoid of emotion.

"Have fun then, Rogers." Tony said tonelessly, as he turned on his heel and walked out of the alley behind the theatre. The same theatre where they had met all those years ago when Bucky and him had stopped two thugs from kidnapping the, then, nine year old Stark heir.

Tony was two years younger than Steve and Bucky, but he had fit right in with them from the beginning. So maybe he was from another class of living, but he was anything but a snobby little rich kid.

It hurt to see him walk away coldly, when the kid had been following the older boys every step for what seemed like a lifetime.

"I'm sorry," Steve said to himself and slid down the wall, letting his head fall into his hands.

—-

"I want in."

Howard startled violently at his desk. He had been so deeply involved in his work that he hadn't even noticed his son's entrance.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but no." Hoping against hope that the discussion was over, but knowing his son, he knew it would not be that easy.

"Project Rebirth, I want to help you, and the Doc," Tony stated, his posture displaying his determination.

"Tony," Howard rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, this was getting exasperating. "I already told Steve, who shouldn't have known anything about this either, this is a top secret military project, and not a game of 'who raises his hands first gets the job'."

"And yet, you allowed Steve to participate."

"I merely introduced him to Doctor Erskine. The rest is out of my hands. There are many men at choice, the chances that they will choose him are slim."

Tony shook his head and plopped down on the couch that sometimes served as his father's sleeping place.

"Dad, you know Steve. They will choose him. They won't find anyone better suited." The younger Stark leaned back, to stare at the ceiling. "And I have to make sure that stupid, stubborn ass doesn't die on the way."

"I know you have been friends for a long time, and I like him, I really do, but this is his decision. And he is not your responsibility, Tony." Howard left his desk to join his son on the couch.

Tony's head rolled to the side so he could see his father, "I can help, and you know I can. I don't need to go to boot camp for another three months, might as well make myself useful until then."

Of course Howard knew the boy would be useful, Tony was the smartest boy he knew. Smarter than Howard himself, not that he would tell Tony that. Maybe someday.

"Please, Dad."

Howard sighed, he wasn't sure it was a good idea. "I'll talk to Erskine," he finally allowed. And extra hand wouldn't be too bad. "And who knows," he put his arm around his son's shoulders, "If you like the work, maybe you could forget about, you know, going to war and all."

"Dad we talked about this, I won't let you buy me out of doing my duty." Tony rolled his eyes, but leaned on his father's arm. They had this conversation a thousand times already.

"Duty," Howard huffed, "those two friends of yours were a bad influence."

"Or maybe a good one," Tony smiled wistfully.

"Maybe." Howard ruffled Tony's hair a bit.

For once the younger man ignored the irritating gesture and leaned further onto his father's shoulder.

"Thanks, Dad."

—-

"Hello Jarvis, is Tony here? I would like to say goodbye before I leave for basic training," Steve asked hopefully, his hands clasped behind his back. Tony and he hadn't talked since that day in their alley and Steve really wanted to see him again before he left.

It could be the last time after all.

The butler made an apologetic face and there Steve already knew Tony either wasn't there or refused to see him. Both hurt.

"I am sorry Master Rogers, I'm afraid the young sir is out with his father."

Ouch, ok. So it was the latter. Tony was never out with his father.

"Right, um, that's fine. Goodbye Jarvis." He managed a smile. The butler had always been kind to him.

"Goodbye, Steven."

It was the first time Jarvis had called him anything but Master Rogers, and it was almost enough to bring the young man to tears. He gave another smile instead and left.

—-

The first day had been nothing but hell. He couldn't feel most of his body and had barely been able to drag himself to bed.

His last thought before he fell asleep were of Bucky and Tony. Maybe Tony had been right, it didn't look like he had a chance against the other fit, healthy and muscular people. Maybe he should have stayed home. He wished Bucky was here to talk to him.

—-

Even after weeks he barely managed to shower in the evenings and roll into bed. But he was still here, and that alone, counted as a win.

—-

They wanted him. They chose him of all people. Varying emotions rolled through Steve, he felt happy, yet terrified, as well as, excited and sad.

Conflicted was a good description.

He just wished at least one of his best friends would be here to support him. But one of them had turned his back on him, and the other didn't even know what was going on.

He looked down at the worn out photo he had of the three of them. Bucky had Tony in a headlock and Steve was watching them bemusedly. He only had two pictures. This one and an old one of his parents.

Taking a deep breath he willed his eyes to dry, and finally just wiped away the tears.

"Now, I thought this was a joyous occasion, and not a reason for tears."

Steve jerked up from his hunched sitting position on his bunk. "Oh, Doctor Erskine. It is. I mean, I am happy," Steve assured hastily, "but also scared." He finished almost against his will.

"That is just natural, my boy." The doctor sat down on the bed beside Steve's and put a bottle and two glasses on the small bedside table between them. "I am nervous as well."

"That.. really doesn't help, sir," Steve gave a small smile, his finger going over the edges of the photo.

"I suppose not. But for that I brought something to drink." Erskine smiled, then frowned, "Well, except you can't drink tonight.."

Erskine took care of the drinking part himself and Steve was amazed he could still walk out the door when he left about an hour later. Maybe he should worry even more about tomorrow. But, the Doctor was convinced that Steve was the right choice and who was Steve to argue?

—-

"Nervous?" Peggy asked as they walked through the antique shop to the back door.

"A bit," Steve nodded, taking in his surroundings. A lot.

She patted his shoulder in support. He appreciated her presence, through the duration of his whole training too. He gave her a weak smile.

"Ah, Steve, there you are." Howard greeted Steve. The blond managed the first relieved smile today; a familiar face.

"Mr Stark, it's good to see you."

"Likewise, I'm glad to see you managed to make it to this point. Tony's too, even though he won't admit it. Now, my boy, you have to take of your shirt and hat. We have to get started," Stark said, writing something down on a chart and walking over to some kind of console.

The mention of his friend managed to successfully distract him from the happenings around him. He shuffled a little closer to Howard while taking off his hat.

"Mr Stark, could you tell Tony I-"

"Tony," Howard yelled suddenly, making Steve flinch backwards as he started opening his shirt. "Didn't I tell you to change the setting like we calculated?"

"And I told you it is right this way. You even agreed. This is a really bad time to get forgetful, Dad."

"Oh," Howard scratched his head with his pen, "right. Sorry, sorry." He wrote something down again, and went to another gadget, but Steve had lost complete interest in the older Stark.

"Tony." Steve whispered, giving up on his buttons completely. "Tony," despite their audience and the fact that they were all here to see a carefully worked out project and not the reunion of two friends, Steve couldn't help but throw his arms around Tony, hugging him tightly.

"Tony, please don't be mad anymore." What he had wanted before his fate was decided was reconciling with Tony and seeing Bucky again. And when Tony's arms came around his back he knew at least one thing was possible.

"Steve," Tony sighed and rested his chin on Steve's shoulder, "you're such a dork." He huffed and Steve couldn't help but laugh. They would be alright.

"Have you gotten taller?" the smaller man frowned as he pushed back from their embrace.

"I don't know. I'm a growing boy, I guess. Whatever."

"Tony, Bucky and I are sure you stopped growing when you hit seventeen."

Tony's eyes narrowed to slits and he glare at his friend, "Rude! Say's the shortest of our trio."

Tony was very conscious about his height, and he hated it when Bucky teased him about it. So he wasn't the tallest, whatever.

Steve just grinned up at him, glad that they could bicker again. He'd missed it. He missed Tony.

"Excuse me boys," Peggy cut in with a business like voice but her lips were pitched upwards, "I think it's time."

"Right." Tony straightened down his lab coat and clearing his throat. "No time like the present. Ready Steve? We'll get this over with and have burgers afterwards, yeah?"

"Yeah, ready," Steve gave a determined nod and a small smile at the invitation. It was kind of their thing, eating burgers when something big happened. They had forced Bucky to promise that he'd better come back for burgers.

He really felt more confident than before. He hadn't expected to see Tony here but it soothed him more than he could say. With slightly less shaking fingers the blond attacked his shirt again, hurrying to get it off when he saw the impatient look from some people around him.

He gave Tony his things and was immediately led to a machinery that looked like a steel coffin or a one-man submarine.

"Please lay down, Steve, and try to relax. We will begin in a moment," Erskine said before moving away again.

With his heart beating a mile a minute, Steve started to lay down on the metal slab he was pointed at. His movements unsure and jerky.

"Your shoes, idiot." Tony came up beside him, rolling his eyes.

"Oh," Steve quickly bend down to slide his shoes, and socks for good measure, off.

"Tony, stop insulting Steve." Howard mumbled while typing away on his console.

Tony rolled his eyes again, "Yes, Dad." But Howard has already moved on.

"He always takes your side," Tony mumbled, prodding Steve until he lay down on the cold slab. The blond had to smile despite the situation. Before he didn't have the chance anymore, Steve reached out and took Tony's hand, hoping no one would bother them and everyone would just listen to the speech Erskine was giving.

"Tony, I- I know you are not happy with this, so it means everything to me that you are here." He squeezed the younger man's fingers, noticing for the first time that they were quivering as well.

"Well, that's what friends are for, right?" Tony tried to shrug it off, but his lip twitched up a bit.

Seeing that everyone was still busy, Steve continued while Tony adjusted some kind of metal plates over his arms and chest. All with one hand, he didn't pull out of Steve's grasp. "When you didn't answer my letters, I thought for sure that you didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore."

"Oh, no. I was just…busy."

Steve noticed, as he saw the dark smudges under Tony's eyes. He was always prone to pulling all-nighters, working on one project or another, but Steve had never seen him like this.

"What's wrong?" Steve asked concerned, then hissed when Tony pushed the cold metal down on his bare chest.

"You are the one about to make a major step here," Tony dismissed the question, but at the blondes insistent look, he once again rolled his eyes. "Nothing, mother hen, I'm fine. And the sooner we get this show on the road, the sooner I can catch a nap."

"Are you ready?" Doctor Erskine appeared at Steve's other side, looking at both of them. The two friends looked at each other and then nodded. They were as ready as they were ever going to get.

Tony gave Steve's hand one last squeeze and then pulled away. Before he turned away he looked his friend in the eyes imploringly, "I have checked and re-checked everything," he nodded. "Trust me."

And surprisingly, that set him more at ease than the reassurance from any other scientist in the room. Steve trusted Tony. When he said he checked everything Steve believed him, because Tony was a perfectionist, when it came to his work.

"You know I do."

—-

Steve felt hot and cold, exhausted but healthier than he ever did in his life. Also, weak, yet stronger than ever.

He opened his eyes and looked into worried and curious faces. Doctor Erskine in front of him and Peggy and Tony on either side of the doc.

He took a breath and made to step out of the capsule, but he would have fallen to the floor if it had not been for Tony and Peggy catching him as he stumbled. They both supported him, bringing his arms over their shoulders. The Doctor took a step back to make room for him and he dimly heard Peggy asking him if he was alright, but his focus was on Tony hand splayed on his chest, steadying Steve. It looked so.. small.

His eyes followed the arm up and came to rest on Tony's anxious looking face. He was just staring at Steve, mouth open to form a tiny 'O'. However, the younger man wasn't looking at him in wonder and awe like the others in the room, but with worry and fear that warmed Steve to the core. He smiled at his long-time friend and after a moment, got a bright grin in return.

"How do you feel?" Tony asked, almost a whisper.

Steve thought about the question for a moment, then looked around the room, and back at Tony. Down at Tony. He smiled.

"Taller."

The tension in the room seemed to break with Steve's answer and people clapped and talked animatedly, but Steve could only laugh at Tony's pouting face.

"Great, now I'm the short one."

AN: I've thought about a sequel, even tried to start on it, but I'm not sure there will ever be a complete one. If it continues, it'll definitely go further into slash zone

Thanks Faiza