A/N: I just got really bored, so I got wondering: What's going on in the heads of the guards on the walls of Crossroad Keep during the initial part of the PC's romance? Well, here is what I believe the answer is.
Pelin yawned and adjusted his chain mail, "Hey John, is it me or are things a bit slow around here?"
The half-elf turned to look at his fellow guard when he didn't answer. He found the human standing up, helmeted head dipped onto his chest. The occasional rattling snore echoed off of the metal of the headgear. Pelin groaned and shook his head. The only thing keeping the soldier standing was the spear gripped in his left hand.
A quick step took Pelin within arm's reach of John. An instant later, a loud clang rang out as the half-elf's fist slammed down on top of the sleeper's head. John nearly jumped out of his boots, spear hastily gripped in his hands.
His head darted from left to right, "What's going on? Shadow Reavers? Vampires? Skeletons? Zombies?" He paused and glared at Pelin, "Hells take you, Pelin. I was in the middle of a very grand dream!"
Pelin raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Do go on."
John's face went bright red and he stuttered slightly, "I-I'd rather not. It had something to do with..."
"With what?" Pelin pushed.
"Uh...Hey, it's the Knight Captain!" John suddenly pointed.
Pelin immediately whipped around and saluted, only to find that he was standing at attention to empty air. A growl escaped his lips as John busted out laughing, "Alright, I deserved that."
"Okay, now what did you want?" the other soldier asked.
"It's a bit quiet, don't you think? I mean, there's supposed to be an army of this King of Shadows invading isn't there?" Pelin asked, staring out into the distance beyond the wall.
"I get what you mean, Pelin. The calm before the storm, I think it's called. No use getting worked up about it. You'll only get tired," John replied, already starting to drift off again. A quick slap to the back of the head jolted him awake again.
"Makes you wish you had yourself a woman on this kind of night, eh?" Pelin inquired.
John sighed, "Aye. Riches and fame, too. If I had either of those, I wouldn't be up on this godsdamned wall," the soldier shook his head, "Joining the Greycloaks, it's not for the glory seekers or treasure hunters."
"I'm not so sure, John. Remember the dragon hoard we had to help carry back?"
"The Captain found that, not us," John reminded the half-elf sourly, "We were just the pack mules."
"I guess so," Pelin muttered, gripping the hilt of his longsword as he looked towards the keep.
John noticed and gave a big grin, "Nervous? Not to worry, me and Shieldpiercer here will keep you safe."
Pelin gave the weapon a wary glance. It was an ugly thing, with horrifically detailed images of monsters burned into the wood of the shaft and runes covering the metal spearhead. The story went that John's great grandfather was a wizard of some power with a boner against shielded warriors. No one asked for details after hearing that part. Especially in it's original wording, provided by John himself.
Ugly, but effective, Pelin reminded himself mentally, much like its wielder.
John suddenly sneezed, then glared at Pelin, "For some reason, I feel like I should be pissed off at you right now."
Pelin shrugged unconvincingly, "Passing urge?"
"So what did you want me up here for?"
Both guards froze and scrambled to look over the edge of the crenellations to the outer wall. John squinted, "Is that the Knight Captain?"
Pelin, being able to see better in the night, noticed the dark-clothed shape next to their commanding officer, "Isn't that the druidess with him?"
"What, the tree-hugger? Where?" He searched fervently but to no avail, "Ah hells, I can't see a thing. What's going on?"
Pelin frowned, "I think I'm about to lose five gold to Greg."
"Five gold...Wait, that bet you have running with the other shift?" John thought for a minute, "Who'd you bet on?"
"The tiefling," he replied.
John nodded, "Thought he'd stick with his own kind, did you? Eh, I can see why, but the fiendling's got eyes for the second lieutenant alone."
"You're telling me," Pelin grumbled, "I just lost a week's wages."
John's eyes widened in shock, "You mean their actually doing it? On the wall?" He redoubled his efforts to see what was going on at the other wall.
"No no!" Pelin assured his companion, though he kept his eyes locked on the scene playing before them, "They're just talking right now."
"What I wouldn't give for some night-vision like you do," John muttered under his breath as he hung his head.
In the distance, Elanee wrapped her arms around the Captain's neck and pulled the tiefling down into a passionate kiss. The Captain lifted the elf off of the ground completely and retreated to the stairs. Pelin vaguely heard a few words between the two before they were out of earshot.
Pelin whistled, "This is gonna get good."
The other soldier's head snapped back up hard enough to give him whiplash, "What's happening?"
"They're heading back to the captain's quarters," the half-elf stated, wiggling his eyebrows and giving a toothy grin.
John's jaw dropped, "On the night before the battle?" Pelin nodded. The soldier regained control of his mouth, "I suddenly have much more respect for the man. And envy."
Knight Captain Jeren Farlong was suddenly awakened by a soldier telling him that the King of Shadows' forces were nigh. As he left the room, he was confronted by a pair of Greycloaks. The first one, a human holding a very ugly spear, congratulated him. The other one, a half-elf, shook his hand and repeated the comment before walking off. The Knight was about to put it off to some strange pre-battle tradition among the Greycloaks, but then he heard them speak as they moved away.
"See John, I told you they did it. Did you see his hair?" the half-elf grinned.
"I know! I also heard that he wasn't the only one getting some action last night. The Lieutenant and the Sergeant too!" the human shot back.
"Really?" the other asked in disbelief.
"Yeah Pelin, rumor is the Sergeant's girl is a shape-shifted dragon, if you'll believe it!"
Pelin snorted, "I actually wouldn't be surprised at all, all things considered."
The two Greycloaks rounded the corner soon after, their conversation fading away with them. Jeren's face had flushed deeper than his natural brownish color, and even the base of his horns were bright red. A quick spin on his heel sent his knight's cloak fluttering through the air as he hurried to the war room, trying as hard as he could to suppress his embarrassment.
A/N: Well, that was amusing. I was just sitting here one time playing through NWN2 and I got to the romance scene and started wondering. I actually started acting out a fake conversation from the point of view of the guards, with my roommate joining in and actually inspiring this one-shot. Well, review if you want to.