A/N: Inspired by the song 'Too Late To Be Drinking' by Jill Johnson. So... Ezzery and me have been playing with the idea of a oneshot we could write together, and got inspired by the song. The story kinda took on a life of its own after that, and here is the result. Hope you like!
Disclaimer: SMeyer is the owner of these characters.
It's too late to be drinkin'
It's too dark to be sad
It's too dangerous to be thinking of us
And the love we can never get back
Sometimes when I'm lonely I get carried away
So I'm drinking, I'm thinkin'
I'm gonna be sad anyway
The walls are closing in
Breathe in and count to ten
I did all I could
But it did no good
Lights went out and he got in
It's too late to be drinkin'
It's too dark to be sad
It's too dangerous to be thinking of us
And the love we can never get back
Sometimes when I'm lonely I get carried away
So I'm drinking, I'm thinkin'
I'm gonna be sad anyway…
BPOV
It was late, but I needed a drink desperately. I went to my liquor cabinet and looked for the scotch. Here you are, my friend. It's sad when your best friend is a bottle of alcohol, but I was depressed, so I didn't care. Edward had left me, and I knew what we'd had we could never have again. And it was killing me. I wasn't used to be lonely, we'd been together for so long. So what if I got a bit carried away with the scotch? I was going to mope around and be sad anyway, I might as well drown myself in the alcohol.
I sat down with a big thud and proceeded to replay every single good memory I could muster in my head, bringing back all the pain in waves.
I looked at the bottle of scotch for a second before lifting it up and saluting no one in particular, "Cheers, Edward. May you rot in hell wherever you are!" Yeah, he was currently not high on my list of my favorite people. I wanted to hate him, I really did. But mostly I just felt sad.
I have no idea how many more sips I took, always making a ridiculous toast to Edward, Shmedward, as I drank. I was getting all light headed and shit, but suddenly I wanted to do something different. I wanted to make him feel the pain and the misery he had so seamlessly delivered to me. I was going to get drunk and dial, and no one was here to stop me. I took a look around the room just to be sure Alice wouldn't pop out of nowhere and picked up the phone.
I dialed and waited, it rang four times before it went to his answering machine. Even better, "Edward, honey," I slurred, "guess who. Thank you for fucking up my life. Thank you for making me drink. Thank you for making me think about what we had. And thank you for making me fucking sad." I hung up and let the phone drop to the floor, then I fell asleep on the sofa, dreaming of nothing.
Suddenly I felt as if someone was lifting me and moving me somewhere. A sob escaped me as I thought about the fact that Edward would never carry me like that again, that I would never feel his strong arms wrapped around me.
"Shhh, Bella," I heard.
Fuck! I was so fucking depressed and drunk that I was now imagining Edward. The thought not only made me even sadder than before, but it also made me cry harder. I wanted to open my eyes to see if he was truly there, but I knew better. A clean cut he had said.
It was as if I was floating before I felt the soft comfort of my bed. Still refusing to open up my eyes, I snuggled into my pillow. It had to be a dream, no one but Alice lived here, and she wasn't strong enough to carry me anywhere. But fuck, what a dream. I felt my tears run freely, every thought I had was on Edward. "Edward," I whispered. I felt the mattress give, as if someone was climbing into bed with me. I took a deep breath as I felt something around me, and it smelled like him.
"It wasn't supposed to be this way, you weren't supposed to be suffering this much. God, what have I done?" I heard someone whisper close to me and I close my eyes even tighter not wanting this cruel fantasy to end by accidentally opening them.
"Bella, love, I know you can hear me," he said against my ear and that bolted me upright.
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes slowly as I tried to adjust to the bright bedroom light. Edward gasped as he took in my appearance; no doubt realizing that my eyes were red and that I looked like a mess.
"Don't you fucking dare call me love," I yelled before slapping him in the face.
I regretted slapping him the second my hand made contact with is face. "I'm sorry," I sobbed before pulling my knees up and resting my head on them as I wept. My life was fucked up, I was a mess, and my emotions were all over the place.
I felt Edward's hands on my shoulders, "Bella," he whispered before he pulled me into his arms. Feeling him around me and knowing this was not a dream, made me cry even harder. I wanted him so badly. I was willing to take him back, no questions asked, but he did not want me. Edward had left me, what was he doing back? I forced the crying back and swallowed a sob, making it come out as a hiccup instead, and looked at him.
"What the hell are you doing here, Edward? Did you come to gloat at your handy work?" I asked with much more venom that I had intended.
"Bella, no, of course not. I listened to your message, and well, I realized something…" he started.
"What did you realize, huh? That I'm pathetic? That I was never worth it? That I was not good enough to move with you to Chicago, to your new career? I guess I'm not Stafford wife material," I sighed as tears were dropping out of my eyes furiously.
"Don't you dare say those things about yourself, Bella. That's not why I left. You don't understand my reasons. I… I just wanted to…" he was saying before I grabbed him by his soft bronze hair and brought his lips to mine, kissing him roughly with all I had.
I might have lost the man, but I needed this one last time, even if it killed me afterwards.
Edward grabbed me by my arms and broke the kiss, "Bella, you need to listen to me..."
"Why? Why do I need to listen to you? What kind of lame excuse are you going to give me?" I put the back of my hand to my lips, trying desperately to stop the sob that was trying to force its way through.
Edward sighed and put on hand on my cheek, just looking at me with sad eyes. For the longest time none of us spoke a word. We just stared at each other. In the end I broke my gaze away from his, and closed my eyes. Looking at him was killing me.
I felt Edward wrap his arms around me, "Oh, Bella, what did I do to you?" Still not letting me go, he leaned a little back, still looking at me, before pulling me back in. I rested my head on his chest, too tired to protest. I inhaled his scent deeply, feeling every cell in my body crying out for him. He had broken me, but I still needed him.
"What can I do to fix this, my Bella?" he asked against my hair.
"Make love to me Edward. Love me like this never happened," I whispered as I swallowed another sob. There was nothing he could do to fix this, but I wanted him, needed him to love me once more.
"Bella, before we do anything, I need you to know that I lo…" he began to say but I quickly cut him off with a searing kiss.
He grunted as my tongue darted out of my mouth and invaded his in a swift movement. Edward promptly moved his hands tightly around my waist and moved me so that I was now straddling him.
I let go of his lips and started to kiss all over the length of his neck as he moved his arms furiously against me, lifting my shirt in the process and caressing the skin of my back.
I wanted Edward desperately, and ripped off his shirt, buttons flying all over the place. But I didn't care. I needed him, and I needed him now. I let my nails claw his pecks and got a groan out of him. Good. He wasn't immune to me.
I tore the shirt off his shoulders and tossed it on the floor. Edward pulled my shirt off before he attacked my lips again, making me moan loudly. My bra was next item to hit the floor. I grabbed onto Edward, desperately needing to feel his skin against mine.
The sensation of our skin meeting was electrifying, sending sparks to every limb on my body. God how I had missed him.
Desperate for more, I pushed Edward down onto the mattress, and started wrestling with his pants, never letting go of his lips.
I felt Edward's arm go around my back until he landed them on my hips, trying to get a hold of me, but I had other plans for us, so I roughly slapped them away. The look of shock in Edward's face was priceless.
"Lay still," I commanded making him groan.
Edward gave me an skeptical look before I winked and him and moved my head so that I could lick his chest. He moaned my name over and over as I traced invisible patterns with the tip of my tongue all over his chest, and then his nicely shaped abs.
I smiled as I felt Edward's large erection nudge on my stomach and I moved to lick the length of his deep 'V', making him buckle his hips in pleasure and need.
"Bella! What are you doing? Edward?" I heard Alice shocked voice from the door to my bedroom.
I sat up quickly, suddenly feeling very sober. I tried to hide my breasts with my arms, and turned around to look at Alice, "What does it look like I'm doing?" I couldn't help the snippy, Alice had very bad timing. Then I turned around and looked at Edward, who was trying to get up off the bed, "And you, you didn't even close the door!"
Alice looked at us, arms crossed across her chest. The pixie was clearly pissed off, "Both of you. Living room. Now." Her voice left no room for arguments.
I found my shirt but didn't bother with the bra, and put it on quickly, while Edward zipped up his pants and put on what was left of his shirt. Both of us walked slowly out into the living room, waiting for hurricane Pixie to attack us. It didn't take long for her to swoop down on us.
"What are you doing back in town, Edward? And what the hell were you thinking taking him back, Bella, after what he did to you?" Alice looked furious. She had been the one to put me back together after Edward left, she knew it would kill me when he left me this time.
"Alice, listen..." Edward started.
"No, you listen Edward. Who the fuck do you think you are getting Bella all drunk and then taking advantage of her like that?" Alice asked in disgust.
"Damn it Alice, I am a freaking grownup, stay the hell out of my business," I spat making Alice stand back in shock, her eyes wide. I had never spoken to her in such a way.
"And for your information, I was already drunk before he came, and shit, I can do whatever the hell I want," I continued.
"I was already in town, Alice. I was planning on dropping by to speak with Bella. I made a mistake."
"What?" Alice and I asked in unison
"I said that I made a mistake, that I'm a fucking idiot. I should never have left you like that Bella. I'm so very sorry for being such a jerk."
"Well aren't you a little late?" Alice asked in anger. I may have screamed at her, but she was still sticking out for me.
"You are such an asshole, Edward" I yelled before pounding my fists against his chest.
"Why did you put me through hell for so long?" He was too stunned to stop me. Every emotion I'd had since Edward had left me, boiled over. I continued to hit him wherever I could reach, screaming and yelling incoherent words that no one understood, and Edward took it all.
When I was exhausted from all the screaming and pounding and crying, and couldn't move anymore, Edward put his arms around me and held me tight, whispering 'sorry' over and over again into my hair.
He lifted me up and carried me over to the sofa, sitting down with me on his lap, never letting go of me. He buried his nose in my hair and didn't say anything for a while. Alice sat down on the love seat and waited for someone to say something.
Edward took a deep breath before he spoke, "I never wanted to leave you, but I felt I had no choice. Your life is here, your friends are here, your family is here – I just couldn't uproot you and drag you halfway across the country. It wasn't fair to you." He looked so sad as he looked down at me. I hated it when Edward looked sad.
"Edward, what was unfair to me, was being left behind like I didn't matter. You told me you didn't want me, you told me you needed a clean break. You left me here like a cast off and moved on with your life. How was that fair to me?" He looked positively heartbroken at my words.
"You didn't stop for a second and asked my opinion. You are so high and mighty, thinking that you know what's best for me, and look, look at the mess you have created. I fucking hate you," I yelled as I began to sob once more.
"You better fix this, Cullen" Alice warned before leaving the apartment, giving us time to sort things out.
"Bella, do you really hate me?" he asked in a small, scared voice.
I sighed before looking at him, my heart breaking all over again at his sad expression.
"No, Edward. I could never hate you," I said softly.
"So what now?" I asked in the same small, scared voice.
"I left everything behind, Bella. The new job, the new city, my new apartment, everything. Nothing made sense to me without you there. I don't think I can spend another minute of my life without you at my side. Can you forgive me?" he asked before I crushed my lips against his once more.
We made love that night, like never before. It was almost as if we were scared of waking up the next morning and not being with one another, as if it was all some cruel fantasy.
We kissed, we talked, we made love, and we continued on that pattern for a while, the only witness to all our promises to each other, to all of our renewed love, was an empty Scotch bottle, the one that made me brave.
Tomorrow I'll regret
But there's no daylight yet
So I'll hold on time
To this hopeless nights
And pray that I'll forget
It's too late to be drinkin'
It's too dark to be sad
It's too dangerous to be thinking of us
And the love we can never get back
Sometimes when I'm lonely I get carried away
So I'm drinking, I'm thinkin'
I'm gonna be sad anyway
It's too late to be drinkin'
It's too dark to be sad
It's too dangerous to be thinking of us
And the love we can never get back
Sometimes when I'm lonely I get carried away
So I'm drinking, I'm thinkin'
I'm gonna be sad anyway
I'm drinking, I'm thinkin'
I'm gonna be sad anyway
It's too late to be drinkin'
song by Jill Johnson