Written for caitastrophe8499, who is "a sucker for hurt/comfort/angst, so long as there's a happy ending. :)" Hope this fits the bill!
This story gave me a chance to write a conversation between Sara and Kendra that we really should have gotten in canon after their many heart-to-hearts over Kendra's love life.
Thanks to Jael for the beta and for encouraging me when I was up against a severe writer's block!
"Started to wonder what the future might hold for me... and you… and me and you…"
Kendra froze at the sound of a dead man's voice coming from Sara's room. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's being on this ship, traveling through time." Then her shoulders drooped a little as she realized Sara was playing a recording over and over again. "Started to wonder what the future might hold for me… and you… and me and you…"
The recording started again. "Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's being on this ship…"
Sara's door was ajar, just another of the many things needing to be fixed after Rip's mad flight toward the sun. Kendra started to walk away, intending to give Sara some privacy. But she stopped again when she heard the other woman let out a shuddering breath that was somewhere between a sigh and a sob.
Kendra just couldn't leave her alone like that.
"Sara?" The door wouldn't slide easily, so Kendra gave it a little push, just enough to let her peek inside.
The tough-as-nails assassin was sitting on her bed, hunched over with her head resting in her hands as Leonard Snart's voice repeated the same words in a cycle. "Sara, are you okay?"
"Hey, Kendra. Yeah, I'm fine," Sara replied, straightening up and touching the screen behind her bed. The audio loop stopped. "Was just… checking Gideon's files to see if they were damaged."
The tear tracks on Sara's face told Kendra her friend was anything but fine. She pushed the door open a little more and stepped into the room. "You know, I lost Carter more than 200 times. But the hardest deaths actually weren't when we were married, or together in any way."
She crossed the room to stand in front of Sara. "Whenever Savage left me a widow, I at least had the memories, just like any other widow."
Kendra paused. Then in a soft voice she said, "The hardest times were when Savage killed Carter before I had a chance to figure out how I really felt about him. Losing the possibility of some happiness together… that hurt more than anything."
Sara nodded, closing her eyes as if holding back tears. Kendra sighed in sympathy and sat down on the bed, draping an arm around the blonde's shoulders.
They sat together in silence for a while. Then Kendra said, "Even if you hadn't figured out how you felt about Leonard before the Oculus, it sounds like he'd figured out his feelings for you."
Sara laughed bitterly. "You didn't hear how I answered him."
Kendra didn't ask, but just regarded her with no judgment in her eyes. Finally, in a thick voice, Sara said, "I told him he had to be one hell of a thief if he wanted to steal a kiss from me."
She cleared her throat, and in a steadier tone said, "I'd been so… pissed at him. He'd wanted to leave the team behind at the Vanishing Point. Even pulled his gun on me to try to get me to do it."
Kendra gasped slightly, and Sara shook her head. "I knew he'd never hurt me. That's not what pissed me off. I got angry because he offered me this half-assed apology for what he'd done, blaming the Time Masters and their script."
"From what Rip's told me, that sounds reasonable."
Sara snorted. "Rip had already told us the Time Masters couldn't control us in the Vanishing Point. What Leonard did there… that was all on him, and he knew it. But he just stood there making excuses with that stupid pack of cards in his hands…"
Sara shook her head again. "In the end, I forgave him. And he didn't have to steal anything. I kissed him before…"
She couldn't finish the sentence. Kendra shifted and wrapped both arms around her now-shaking friend, drawing her close and offering the same comfort Sara had given to her so many times before. She stroked Sara's hair and rocked her soothingly while the tough-as-nails assassin gave way to the tenderhearted woman who, in just a few days, had lost so much. Too much.
Finally, the storm of tears passed. Sara hiccupped a few times, her head still resting against Kendra's shoulder. "I know it's silly, playing that recording, but I don't want to forget his voice."
"It's not silly," Kendra reassured her, dropping a kiss onto the top of her head. "I'm glad you have Gideon's files. There were a lot of times I didn't have anything to help me remember Carter."
"Guess I should be glad Gideon has no sense of privacy," Sara said with a sniffle.
Kendra chuckled softly. Then Sara asked, "How did you get through those hardest times?"
I didn't always would have been a truthful answer, but it wasn't what Sara needed to hear right now. Kendra would not tell Sara about the times when Carter's death had driven her to an always-suicidal hunt for Savage and for revenge.
Instead, she rested her cheek against Sara's hair and gave her another answer that was equally truthful, even though it had been a rarer occurrence. "I leaned on my friends."
It took three more frozen iPods before Cisco came up with a playlist that didn't make Leonard's blood boil.
Or make his heart sink.
He knew the kid meant well, but really, he didn't need to go to so much trouble. Quentin Lance had already given Leonard his favorite soundtrack.
Quentin was apparently something of an audio pack rat. The voice messages went back years, and they were giving Leonard insight to the girl Sara had once been, before she'd gone aboard the Queen's Gambit. Before the League of Assassins. Before all the insanity that had become her new normal, bringing her onto the Waverider and into his life.
Sara's old normal had been, well, normal; the sort of life he wished Lisa could have had. The earliest of the messages seemed to be from Sara's high school days. He smiled at the wheedling tone, betting that it usually worked to get her what she wanted.
"Daddy, I passed! Got my learner's permit! Can we please go driving tomorrow? Please please please?"
"Hi, Daddy, can I go with Laurel and Ollie and Tommy to the midnight showing of Harry Potter? I know it's a school night but my homework's all done. Pleeease?"
As she grew older, Sara's messages became less cajoling, but often no less amusing.
"Hi, Daddy. I need some help with school. But before you get worried, it's not money again. I'm doing a paper on the criminal justice system. I want to see what it looks like on the inside. Can I come with you to the precinct to do some research?"
He stretched out on his bed in his now not-so-temporary quarters in STAR Labs, listening to the messages and flipping through the photo album Quentin had given him, soaking in the details of every image:
The little girl in pigtails and a pink sweater smiling at a black canary in a cage, her father smiling over her shoulder.
A Harry Potter Halloween, with an adolescent Sara in a black robe, wearing a gold and maroon striped scarf around her neck. (A Gryffindor, of course.)
A slightly older Sara in a Starling City Rockets baseball cap, sitting in the stands, a hot dog in one hand and one of those ridiculous foam fingers covering the other.
Sara kneeling in front of a brightly lit Christmas tree, holding a huge package that was wrapped half in Christmas paper and half in birthday paper.
Sara the high school graduate, smiling in her cap and gown, showing off her diploma.
There were several shots of Sara and her sister together. In one, they mugged for the camera with their tongues stuck out. In another, they stood smiling on either side of a woman who had to be their mother. In a third, the two girls had their arms wrapped around each other, their cheeks pressed together.
Images of a happy life. Every photo seemed to glow with the same love that Leonard could hear in Sara's voice mails.
"Thanks for helping me move into the dorms. I miss you and Mom already. I'm gonna make you both proud of me."
"I'm just calling to let you know I'm doing fine. Give Laurel my love and a big hug."
"Hi, it's me, Sara. Just calling to say I love you and I miss you. I'll see you soon."
Leonard closed the album and laid his head back against the wall, staring up at the industrial ceiling but seeing Sara the way he had in those last moments at the Oculus. "I hope so, Sara."
"The new suit looks good on you."
Leonard paused in packing the few possessions he'd collected since being blasted into STAR Labs. He looked up to see Sara leaning in the doorway. His lips twitched into a smirk. "Being Captain looks good on you," he replied.
She shrugged a little. "Well, co-Captain, since we got Rip back from being time-scattered."
"I can always arrange for a mutiny, you know," Leonard offered.
She laughed, a silvery sound of true mirth that reminded him a little of the younger Sara in those voice mails. His smirk turned into a genuine smile, and he said, "It's good to hear you laugh."
Sara edged farther into his soon-to-be-former quarters. "It's good to hear you being your snarky self. I missed that." She paused and then said, "I missed you."
"Guessed that from the way you kissed me after we took out the giant robot back at the hangar," he said with a chuckle, putting some clothes into the duffel bag on his bed.
Then his brain caught up with his mouth, and he stilled for a moment. "Sorry," he said, staring down into the bag and wishing he could go back just one minute to take back that flippant response. "I shouldn't joke about that. I… I missed you too."
He looked up, fully expecting Sara to be looking at him with the same hurt expression she'd worn when he pulled the cold gun on her. Instead, she was smiling softly.
"I know, Leonard," she said quietly, putting a hand over his. "It's okay. I figured something out about you a long time ago. The more intensely you feel something, the more likely you are to try to hide it with an insult or a joke."
He turned his hand to lace his fingers with hers. "Still, I'm sorry. And… not just for that. I'm sorry for pulling the gun on you back at the Vanishing Point."
"I forgave you for that a long time ago," she said, squeezing his hand. "I always knew you'd never hurt me. But… Leonard, I'm curious. If Gideon hadn't called right then, what would you have done?"
He smiled again and pulled her close, winding his free arm around her waist. "This."
He dipped his head and kissed her slowly, softly at first but then with more passion, relishing the chance to really feel her and taste her without having to worry about Time Bastards or giant robots—
"Boss! Sara! Rip says we've got another aberration! Wheels up in ten!"
No, they just had to worry about their teammates, he thought, pulling away with a resigned sigh. At least Mick had shouted down the hallway at them instead of barging in. Sara giggled a little as she laid her forehead against Leonard's chest.
"You sure you don't want me to arrange a mutiny, Sara?" he asked, pressing a kiss on top of her head. "Mick would be in, and I think we could recruit Jax."
She looked up at him with a bright smile and shook her head before raising up on her toes to give him another quick kiss. "Keeping Rip as co-Captain means more free time for me… for us," she told him.
He considered that and nodded. "You make a compelling argument. Guess Rip has his uses."
"Yes, he does." Another quick kiss, then she stepped away. "Come on, Leonard. I'll help you finish packing."
She moved to the tiered table that had served as his nightstand and picked up the photo album that lay on top. He eyes widened when she flipped it open and saw that old picture of herself with her pet canary. She leafed through the pages, then looked up at him in surprise.
"Your dad gave that to me, along with a flash drive full of your old voice mails," he said. "I think I now have the Quentin Lance Seal of Approval."
She chuckled. "Really? I don't think he's ever given that before. What did you do?"
"I just told him the truth. That I love you."
She stilled, staring at him with wide eyes. Then she dropped the album into the duffel bag and strode to the doorway, poking her head out into the hallway. "Mick?" she shouted toward the Cortex, where a victory party was still going on.
It took Mick a moment to respond. "Yeah?"
"Tell Rip I said wheels up in an hour!"
"You got it, Sara!" There was a knowing tone in Mick's response, and Leonard knew he'd be taking some shit from Mick later.
He didn't care.
Sara closed the door and locked it, turning to Leonard with a smile.
"So… what about that aberration, Captain Lance?"
Her smile became devilish as she crossed the room to him. "It'll wait."
He considered that as she put her arms around his neck. "We do have a time ship," he conceded, wrapping his own arms around her.
"A Time Master is never late," she whispered just before he kissed her again.