Thoughts of You
DI Samantha Nixon sat at her desk, thinking. Out of the corner of her eye she could see DS Phil Hunter and DS Stuart Turner, two of her most recent ex – boyfriends. A thought then entered her mind, it came from a conversation that she had had a few years ago "I tell you something I am never going out with another police officer again, no never ever" she had said these words to her good friend Gina Gold who was the Inspector of Sun Hill station. Now how Sam wished she had listened to herself. Or maybe that she had never come to this place to start with, she should have perhaps stayed at Priory Road.
This place had changed her, when she arrived she was ruthless, cold and manipulative. Not afraid to use people to get what she wanted. She arrived and the next minute she had been promoted and people had to listen to her. Admittedly she found one of the most ruthless serial killers in Sun Hill, but that had been at the expense of others in particular Duncan Lennox. Then all of a sudden the job was pulled out from under her and the smarmy charming Neil Manson had entered the picture, she then had to work alongside that bozo Phil and try to keep him under control, that was a full time job in itself. How she hated him, she couldn't stand being around him. But then something happened and the barriers that she had long ago created began to tumble down. Maybe this was the beginning of the end. Phil had slept with a dangerous criminal Dennis Weaver's wife and produced a daughter Madison. Phil had made his bed, so to speak and had to face the consequences however somehow she had become involved too. They had gone to meet an informant wanting to dig up information about a local cocaine dealer and had inadvertently been set up. Phil had been shot and Weaver was after them. The only place to hide was in some abandoned tunnels and it was there that perhaps the first seeds of friendship began to be sewn. Phil told her things that he had never told anyone, he had opened up to her, wanted to kiss her. She had however turned him down, saving his life instead and later on saving his career. Sam sighed to herself heavily, that wasn't something that she had done often in that situation. She was usually about herself.
Then things changed again, Abi her daughter was kidnapped and was missing for months. For once in her life she needed someone to lean on, she wasn't enough and surprisingly it was Phil who came to her rescue. When it was eventually discovered that Hugh was behind her daughters disappearance and that Abi not only wanted to live with him, but as a further blow wanted to have his baby, it was Phil who helped her to reconnect with her daughter. Phil had become her friend, her confidant someone who at last she could trust.
Sam glanced up, she could feel someone's eyes peering at her, and what did she know Phil was looking at her. He quickly looked down, probably pretending to do some work. But unfortunately that trust didn't last long, Phil yet again got the wrong woman pregnant, a sex addict whom he had met at a meeting to help. Fat lot of good the meeting had been. Alfie was however an adorable baby and had his father's beautiful eyes and smile. Just when she may have let herself completely surrender to Phil he had disappointed her. The feelings that she had felt when she was told about the baby still hurt her today, a sharp pang in the heart wondering what might have been.
Then when Stuart arrived, and was charming and seemed to be every bit of the man that Phil wasn't she threw herself heart first into a relationship and for awhile it seemed to work. Until she realised that Stuart was not in for a commitment particularly in the form of an unexpected child. She looked up at him through the blinds, the old Sam would have never been so stupid. She had even let him move in with her, to her house. She couldn't even tell him that she was pregnant first, she had told Phil. Somehow after everything she still wanted to be able to trust him. Then she had lost her baby, and it had yet again been Phil that she had turned too. He had even done the right thing and sent Stuart to see her, and then maybe for once she had done what the old Sam would have done, and broken up with him.
"Knock, knock" came a voice from outside the door, snapping Sam out of her thoughts. It was Mickey, coming to tell her that they had arrested a cocaine dealer who had been selling to local school girls and that she was needed for the interview. She agreed and grabbed her jacket, telling herself that she was at work, the one thing that she knew that she could do and do well.
The interview had been a complete waste of time, the standard "no comment". How she hated these, never being able to get an answer was one thing that she couldn't stand. She returned to her office, surprised to see that Neil still wasn't in, but at the same time happy, that she didn't have to talk to anyone and could return to her thoughts from this morning. She flicked on her computer and began to search for information about this dealer, she was determined to crack him and see where he led, and for awhile she was able to concentrate. Until there was another knock at the door, and this time it wasn't Mickey, but Phil. There he was the man who had consumed her thoughts today. Framed in the doorway, he was every bit as handsome as he had been months ago, back in Romania when a simple misper case became a race for their lives. It was there that their friendship had turned into something else, she was not even sure of what it had been. They had nearly been killed and she had wanted to tell him something, something which weeks later he had told her and it had freaked her out. Shaking her head, she looked at him wondering what he wanted.
A signature on a crime report, that was all, just some meaningless piece of MET papers, one signature and he was gone again. She scolded herself, thinking what else could he have wanted, she was the one who had shut the door on their relationship. Running when she might have actually felt something for another person, trying to maybe create a bit of the old Sam again, replacing the barriers once more. Who was she kidding, that Sam was gone and gone forever, and perhaps she was glad, the promise that she had made was broken and it wasn't the only thing that was broken. She had ruined a friendship and she wanted it back. The only question now was how?
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