Warning: If you are a huge fan of the Psy race do not read my fanfiction. I don't like the Psy (particularly Sienna) so if you are a fan of either don't waste your time here. )
Also bear with me, the first part of my story is the introduction of my original character, Adelaide. SnowDancer pack members will come in to play in due time. (Just a hint, so will DarkRiver pack)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Psy-Changeling characters (Although Adelaide is my creation and is MINE) AND THIS STORY 'Embraced by Isolation' IS also MINE!
Journal of Adelaide D. Gonzalez
of DesertSun Pack - ARIZONA.
June 23, 2073
Age: 17
10:16 a.m.
Everyone's gone – my granpapa, my grangran, my momma, my daddy, little sister, little brothers, both my aunties with their husbands, my uncles, and all my cousins—EVERYONE—along with my heart, GONE. Just like that, DEAD – DEAD – DEAD.
Why didn't death want me?
11:14 a.m.
How can life go on without my family? Who will I become without them?
Oh dear Journal, you've been my companion for years, but today you are useless-you bring no comfort. I've cried myself into a stupor, but you can't hold or soothe me. What good are you then?
I know crying won't bring any of them back, but crying seems to lessen the weight of my dying heart. My pack has lost many, but I'm the youngest that lost an entire family bloodline-leaving only one.
One by one, the maternals have attempted to visit me and I've refused to let any of them in. I don't need their condolences. I don't need their pity, their mourning. I don't want it.
Is it my dominance or pride that has had me growling at my burrow's entrance welcoming no one in? I DON'T NEED THEM – I need MY FAMILY!
What if I hadn't been on patrol? What if I was here sleeping like the rest of my family? Would I've been killed too or would I've been their saving grace?
12:13 p.m.
Nonstop visitors – visitors, more and more visitors – Growl, growl, GROWL – GO AWAY!
2:35 p.m.
Why am I still crying? My mama would proudly say I stopped crying the moment I was able to speak. CRYING IS FOREIGN TO ME – I didn't cry when my arm was broken at age 3, not when my shoulder was dislocated at 4, not when I accidentally burned myself at age 5, not when I broke both my ankles at age 7, not when a chunk of my forearm was bitten off at age 11, and not when I was 14 and two of my ribs were broken when I was sucker punched after my opponent lost his challenge. SO WHY CANT I STOP CRYING NOW?
Crying and Growling.
Growling away my packmates, even the new Alpha, has been relatively easy. How long will this last?
The attack this morning from DarkNight Rogue Pack hit us hard and fast.
It was 3 a.m. and the majority of my pack were sleeping – ALL EXCEPT those of us on patrol. DarkNight pack consisted of 29 wolves with no children and only 1 female. They wanted our land and also intended to keep our small pups and fertile females. The rogues that weren't fighting us on patrol were sneaking into our burrows attempting to detain them. I guess DarkNight didn't expect a fight. Our pups and females fought, FOUGHT HARD.
And where was I you ask dear Journal? Where was the only dominant wolf in the Gonzalez Clan who could've protected my family? Well, I was doing my duty of course…I was protecting the border/protecting other families near my patrol. Damn Me! My coyote was furious – my "coyote ticks" were blasting off the charts – it was the ticking alarm sound of 'family in danger', and yet I did nothing for them – NOTHING. My wolf's duty was to protect everyone on my way home, the ticking meant nothing to her, but my coyote wanted to head straight home to protect the clan. The ticking was deafening, but my wolf was too strong – my pack needed me, needed my help protecting the border.
Did my family call out for help? Didn't anyone hear them? Did they call out for me – did my little sister, did my little brothers? WHERE WAS I DAMN IT?
Is this the price a proud wolf soldier has to pay?
In my adolescent ignorance, having the label of soldier seemed like the most important identity to have. Soldier – Youngest Soldier. Now such a selfish self-serving title only fuels my anger and self hatred of accepting. I was 12 when Hank, our then Alpha, approached my parents on the proper rearing of my dominance. My first challenge was at age 3 and the other wolf was 10 – it took me 2 seconds to pin her, unfortunately as I was an inexperienced toddler I broke my arm in the process. I was a fearless pup (a wild thing) and the entire pack knew it. Even with Hank, I'd show some form of dominance, nipping and biting any exposed skin - he never took it as a challenge but he worried I would some day nip the wrong wolf. Gosh, I'll miss him—I will miss the way his eyes twinkled when he smiled, the way his laugh echoed in my ears filling me with warmth, the way his white beard and short white hair almost looked transparent, I loved everything about him. I will miss him greatly – he died protecting the pack today – he died fighting, he died defending - he died and left me alone.
My life will never be the same.
3:20 p.m.
My chest hurts—is it because my heart is dying- is it shriveling up inside me?
I miss them sooooooo much it hurts.
I will miss my submissive father who was always proud of me. He spoiled me rotten and even though he was submissive he taught me about dominance. I will miss my coyote- changeling mother who taught me to never back down, never panic even when faced with death itself, to always listen to my coyote ticks, and to always be proud of my coyote changeling side. I will miss my brothers who loved me so much and followed me around everywhere. I will miss my loveable and adorable little sister who was my complete opposite-she was quiet, tranquil, affectionate, submissive, and the most beautiful little creature you ever saw. I will miss my grandparents. I will miss my uncles and aunts. I will miss my 9 cousins who were all my best friends.
Damn me!
My mother never wanted a soldier life for me – she felt it was too great a responsibility for a pup. She felt that the burden of protecting an entire pack was not what was meant for me, for my coyote. (Coyotes live near solitary-nomadic lives.) Hank, not wanting to disagree with my mother, had left it up to me, and of course I wanted in. I wanted to be a part of the elite soldiers I admired.
It only took 3 days for my trainers to notice I wasn't just a 12 year old novice. I surprised them all, I was a fighting prodigy – Hank said I would make Lieutenant by age 18, which isn't heard of anywhere. Looking back now, it shames me – I chose self-righteous endeavors rather than stay put with my family.
I BLAME MYSELF - IT'S ALL MY FAULT…I DID THIS… I am to blame for what happened to all of them – I failed THEM– I'M A FAILURE! I left my family defenseless – DEFENSELESS!
4:45 p.m.
EMPTY BURROW – EMPTY BURROW – EMPTY CURSED BURROW.
6:55 p.m.
When will this day end?
7:48 p.m.
Journal, it seems I've become that crying kid from those disaster relief commercials; you know, that kid that's so grief-stricken and lost, looking woeful with a pained tear-stained face ripping your soul in two, which loosens your pocketbooks, forcing you to jump off your couch, grab the phonComm and donate money – and of course the destroyed village in the background is but icing on the cake. Yup, that's me.
CRYING ORPHAN – CRYING DAUGHTER OF NO ONE.
9:43 p.m.
My packs given up and gone home. There's not a single scent near my burrow.
I'm alone…
If I'm lucky, I will fall asleep and not wake up.
June 25, 2073
9:17 a.m.
Yesterday, maternals finally entered my burrow without warning, early in the morning, while I was still in bed behind my closed door. The Gonzalez burrow only has one door – my room door. When I became an official soldier, my father fashioned a door for my room. Our entire den has no doors just entry ways—doors are nonexistent here – all but my room. My father said a young lady such as myself needed privacy – away from little brothers and sister, but I knew why he really did it - he didn't want me to move into the soldier quarters (which was about 100 yards away in one of the larger rock formations) and by giving me my own private area I would stay longer. He was right. I never would have left. My family was everything to me. Now, the door signifies a barrier from the emptiness on the other side - although currently I do have intruders: some pack members with their offerings of food, comfort, and a den-family to live with. I know pack will always offer a denfamily to an orphan like me, but how could they, how could they want to replace everything I've lost. I DON'T NEED A FUCKEN DENFAMILY – I WANT MY REAL FAMILY.
Who would want a 17 year old unruly half-breed creature like me anyway? How could anyone love me like only family does? I will officially be an adult in 3 months—who would want an 18 year old adult?
Nothing will remove me from my room. A ROOM, I WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE to enter. Deep down, I know they just feel sorry for me and I don't need their pity. While my family was alive I was the outcast of the pack - Too dominant to make friends outside my family - too dominant to get a boyfriend (every male dom around my age or close to it has challenged me and lost, making me the most unpopular girl in pack).
My current visitors are the persistent maternals- threatening to breakdown my door and teen-nap me to their own burrows whether I like it or not.
BUT I AM NOT MOVING DAMNIT.
I warned them that if anyone entered my room I would rip their throats out. Although, writing it down sounds more menacing than what it actually sounded like. I said my warning while crying my throat hoarse, chocking on dried groans. I think the maternals felt sorry for me rather than threatened or scared-but they left anyway.
So much for finding a denfamily to take me in.
June 26, 2073
7:35 a.m.
What have I done? What is wrong with me?
I woke up (20 minutes ago to be exact) with anger so fierce I was in WOLF FORM. This has never happened NEVER EVER NEVER-not even when I was a pup. My dominant wolf/coyote and human form have always been in equal control and were perfectly synchronized – we are like a hand in glove, like air to lungs.
My wolf awoke with a rage so violent it destroyed everything big in my room. My wolf WANTED BLOOD – my wolf wanted to sink its teeth in something and squeeze the life out.
The memory of Darknight packs annihilation was the sole reason I was able to change back to human – my wolf had to settle for that.
What is wrong with me? What is happening to me?
Why am I growling?