I cannot begin to describe the mistakes I have made tonight. It amazes me to this very second how I could have let this happen, so I've decided analysis is the best way to find out.

I guess it first went wrong the moment I decided to take Bella to the prom... or perhaps, when I first saw her in that breath-taking dress. Yes, maybe it started there...

I couldn't stop looking at her. She was amazing. I've never been so dazzled, or in love, for all of my existence - even in what I remember from my human years. The moment I'd turned around to see her all dolled up, I stopped breathing. Not like that's a bad thing for me luckily. Otherwise, I surely would've sustained some sort of brain damage in the time it took me to take another breath. From her perfect curls right down to her stiletto shoe that matched her dress she was an awe-inspiring sight.

'You look so good in blue.'

The lyrics popped instantly into my head. And she did. Look good in blue I mean. So good, I remember thinking how it was almost dangerous. That thought turned out to be true. "Alice, Rosalie...thank you," I breathed, never looking away from my angel, my Bella.

Everything I did, everything that happened after seeing Bella all sort of blurs together. I remember placing my lips on her throat and feeling her pulse race. I remember pinning freesia in her silky hair. I remember pulling her into my arms. Also, I remember her innocent naivety. That was a hard thing to forget. An even harder thing to forget was how she discovered the truth... and her reaction. But the details of that time up until we arrived at the prom itself are all too vague.

Maybe it I hadn't given myself up to her beauty so much I would've had more control. Maybe if I wasn't so in love I wouldn't have given in.

'I'll be your best kept secret

And your biggest mistake.'

She never should have gotten involved with me. It's not fair that she has to suffer because I love her.

'Your biggest mistake.'

The words echo in my head. I was her biggest mistake, but what was mine?

Prom was perfect, even that insufferable Jacob Black couldn't ruin it. Even Bella, my Bella, who was so opposed in the beginning, was having a good time.

Then I started making mistakes. I can't yet pinpoint the worst of them, but I can pinpoint where the majority of them started. Maybe writing it all down really will help.

'This hand behind the pen relives a failure every day.'

I will relive this failure every day. Not until I die, as some humans say, for death may never come to relieve me. Every day for eternity I will have to remember what happened in vivid detail. I can only vaguely recall that first sight, that happy moment, perhaps my last one I will enjoy, but the most painful is crystal clear. I recall someone telling me life isn't fair...

The next mistake I made was asking that silly question. "What did you think I was dressing you up for?" Her response was not one I'd expected, although, knowing her as I do, I should have. I've come to believe that the reason I can't hear her thoughts is because I'm not meant to know them. So I shouldn't have asked, and this is the punishment I get for wanting knowledge I don't have the right to. My next mistake was asking if she was ready. Or it quite possibly could have been believing her when she said that one simple word. Yes.

'And if you say this makes you happy,

Then I'm not the only one lying'

I was lying when I said I'd never give in.

I sighed putting down my pen and looking at the pages I'd just filled. While I thought it'd help to let this all out onto paper, it hurt as well. It hurt to know what I've done, and not know why I'd thought I should.

I sprung up from my chair with such a force that it clattered to the ground. I pounded on the walls in furstration, making them shake. I knew my family was worried about me, and quite frankly, I was too. Still, I couldn't stop wondering why… Why did have to be so stupid! It's not fair! I'm supposed to have control!!! What happened? I sank to the ground in shame. I needed to get out of here. I needed to leave and never look back.

But then, right as I was storming out of my room, a whimper of pain stopped me in my tracks and I remembered Bella. I couldn't leave her like this. Or could I? She would forget her human years eventually… NO! I told myself. It wasn't that simple. I couldn't do this to her and then disappear. It's not the right thing to do, even worse then a hit and run. She'd need me… and I needed her, as much as seeing her like this hurt me.

She cried out in her sleep again, as if she too was protesting my thoughts. Carlisle had given her pain medication, but it didn't seem to be helping much. I snuck quietly into Alice's room and kneeled next to the bed where Bella lay in a drug-induced slumber. Watching her artificially sleep was no different then my normal nighttime routine, Except for the lack of sleep talking. I wound my fingers through her sweat drenched hair, realizing that this would be her last sleep.

Suddenly a bible verse jumped into my head. Although I'm not one for religion, Genesis 2:17 states:

But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil

thou shalt not eat of it:

for in the day that thou eatest thereof

thou shalt surely die.

And yet it was not me who died on account of wanting knowledge I had no right to. No. My punishment for biting the forbidden apple - was biting my forbidden apple. That sounds so unpoetic coming from me. Normally words flow easily for me. Instead, I'm letting my bitterness and guilt get the better of me.

'Nothing comes as easy as you.'

It was so easy to give into the dream of being together forever. Too easy. Too easy to press my cold lips to her warm throat, and too easy to do more than simply kiss. Too easy. I let it be too easy, and that was my biggest mistake.

If only she hadn't looked so good in blue…

'So wear me like a locket around your throat.

I'll weight you down,

I'll watch you choke.

You look so good in blue.

You look so good in blue.'