Story : Leader
Chapter : Boy's Don't Cry
Character(s) Robin centric , with the TT making a few lines.
Rating: T, for the fic as a whole and K, for this one in particular
Summary : More Robin Centric-ness , brooding , happy , silent, loud - its all about the Robin. This oneshot in particular I wrote when I was contemplating what severe perfectionism does to one - Robin is a perfectionest with a hero's complex and a negative obsessive dispostion at times, so I went from there.
AN: See my comments at the bottom .
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Boys Don't Cry
The blackness of the night sky,
reflects its self in the midnight waters.
The tide creeping in slowly ,
waves washing in,out, in out.
An influx of cold water
seeping its way onto the shore.
The air is damp, and a small breeze swirls by .
Cold,
Icy .
A symbol of alone-ness-
as the world slumbers on .
City lights,
The ones that are ever, burning
Glowing.
Artificial, warmth and comfort
Fabricated-
like everything else.
To keep out the cold
To drive away the fears
But Tonight,
the lights are dimmed
and the stars
shine bright overhead .
Pure,
Resilient,
and so far away.
And the moon, the moon hides its silvery face behind a cloud .
The unreachable…
The unattainable…
A young boy sits on the sand,
one hand supporting his weight
as he leans back .
The other hand carelessly tossing,
grains of sand into the air.
He sighs.
His thoughts are twisted,
Warped.
Filled with a self doubt
And self-loathing
so deep
That all his reality has become
dark ,
an endless abyss .
So twisted
Broken
Un-loved.
His bruised mind
secreting omens,
flowing like the rivulets of blood
congealed on his shivering skin.
Omens of sadness
Obsession
And miss-use .
The wind picks up its speed
and the cold air sent shivers
coursing through his body
He sighs
and brings his yellow cape around his shoulders.
He wonders for a moment
why his cape is yellow.
Yellow is a colour used to brighten,
To spread copulas amounts joy
Yellow is sunshine,
Yellow is light
He is anything but light,
a blacked charred figure .
He's burnt out
Stretched to far
Past the limits of reality
and the confinements of sanity.
The tide creeps up higher,
the tips of his shoes begin to dampen
with the oncoming flow.
But he takes no notice,
instead in sinks deeper
into himself.
No one can save him now,
Not even Starfire.
Not the one beacon of light-
The epitome of joy
The shining sparkling
Pure
Everlasting
Star
She can't save him now,
He's stuck
in his own world,
Black and gloomy,
Devoid of happiness
Empty of emotion
Empty of life.
Even she cannot lift him up.
Out of the bottomless
pit
He has dug his own grave.
…And he has only himself to blame…
The back of his throat clogs up and His eyes
- burn,-
Red,
Raw,
The salty liquid itching
to come tumbling out, and cascade
in a blanket of sadness.
He does not cry though...
Boys don't cry
Sidekicks don't cry
Leaders don't cry
…Let downs don't cry…
The burning stops,
but the pain in his heart remains….
A dull blackened ache.
A smile crosses his face,
a smile dripping with sarcasm.
A sneer,
for he cannot truly smile.
Because that is all he is….
Or so he thinks….
…A let down…
To Bruce…
His Team…
Starfire…
But mostly to himself,
and he cannot escape that.
The tides continues to rise
, the midnight water now drenching his boots
and tickling the tops of his knees
… he fails to notice…
Too inebriated
with his self-depreciation ,
Too caught up
in his self-created tail spin .
He fails to notice
his accomplishments
because he gets too caught up
in his failures.
He cannot see his victorious
moments of happiness
His obsession for perfection
stands in the way,
It fogs his view,
Clouds his mind
Darkens his thoughts
his spirit
…his soul
Continuing on his blackened path
of destruction.
Until everything he touches becomes stale
and tainted.
Is this all I truly am ?
A let down ,… a misused mistake ?
A vortex of failure to mankind ?
How can I , save others
When I can't even save myself…
………………………………………………………………………………………
Somewhere in a cold T shaped tower,
a Green elf sits.
Along side him his half-metal companion .
They sit in silence ,
staring unseeingly
.out the darkened window
…a dark haired boy clear, in both of their mind…
They are silent …
..Brows furrowed …
...Pizza, cold,
and untouched …
…Game controllers tossed
carelessly
onto the floor,
forgotten.
The Silence remains , …
Daunting , thoughtful,
for once careworn…
…They are worried…..
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Across the Room
a cloaked figure slouches on a chair ,
her closed mouth upholding the silence.
…meditating…
struggling to keep her mind focused…
…her concentration breaks …
and her eyes open …
Her meditating hands droop ,
as do the corners of her mouth .
Displaying the slightest bit of emotion
…concern ,
anguish …. and
…doubt…
….And alone on the roof sits the one who sheds tears.
Her tall willowy frame drapes over the cold concrete,
Sprawled on her back …
Searching the skies ….
Searching her heart …
Hands lying limply at her sides ,
Hair cascading over her shoulder
in a sheet of fiery follicles
Her is face tilted toward the heavens ,
while streams of tears run down her face.
The crystal liquid
pooling in salty patches
on the cold pavement.
She cries for him ,
For his sake
His sanity
His well-being,
She sheds pure, untainted tears.
For his soul …
And for his love ….
…He needs love…
She gets up ,
her patience gone
...she needs to help…
…She loves…
……………………………………………………………………………
He looks up at the sky ,
drawn into its star sprinkled indigo depths.
But he does not find an a answer
…or he doesn't find one to his liking.
He is still, …
a let down ,
a pitiful mistake
pathetic ,
old
and used.
-his self created downward spiral .
-his self inflicted depression
he is, but a let down .
Deep inside he knows
that there is more than one side to his internal battle ,
Deep down under his wounds
he realizes that he is more
That people care …
That Starfire cares…
…That he cares …
But the comforting thought is buried
too deep ,
and it pains him to know
that even if help is around the corner ….
…he can't take another step…
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
Suddenly,
a warm hand takes hold of his shoulder …
he turns his head.
…hope…
Starfire is kneeling beside him,
a soft,
caring smile on her face ,
Light,
Beauty,
Radiance,
Life.
Her emerald eyes
hopefully imploring ,
searching through the depths of his broken soul,
For a spark
A signal
A sign.
The burning in his eyes returns ,
he opens his mouth
yet he finds himself unable to speak….
She continues to smile encouragingly.
And he realizes ,
with a sudden dawning comprehension .
She is still his beacon of light ,
She is….life…in its purest most joyful form
She is still…. his hope.
A single salty jewel
escapes the confinements of his lashes ,
Trailing a wet path down his face...
He wipes it away ,
quickly
with the back of his hand.
He cannot cry
...boys don't cry ...
Still Starfire stays ,
now resting her head on his shoulder .
One arm encircling his neck ,
while her spare hand caresses his cheek .
She is silent ,
She lets the quiet sooth him ….
Release him.
And more tears fall,
The clean, clear liquid sorrow
could no longer be held in...
… With each falling, tear drop …
...the fog in his brain
begins to clear...
With each wet droplet,…
his world looks a little less dark and desperate…
Not yet, perfect,
Not yet, light…
.thought it begins to shine on his horizon.
Not close to well,
Still…
on the edge of chaos.
But shades of grey appear …
The shadow in his mind,
not so forbearing
…and his heart ….
less icy…
He knows now….
Boys can cry
Winners can lose …
and still smile
..and those lost in the depths of their minds
will slowly find an exit to freedom…
….and all the while ,
he knows that she will be there ,
she always was.
…he wraps his arms around her waist …relief flowing through him….
Content…
….they watch together
as the moon moves out from its cloud cover .
Its silvery-white light casting a pale
glow
over the water ...
not so dark…
…Finally, he cries...
………………………………………………………………………………..
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII
My gosh is this ever melodramatic. Its always strange looking back on what you've written - I belive it is almost exactly a year since I wrote this , back then I hadn't realised the whole less is more thing. Ah well it serves it's purpose as a single one shot and now it will be added to my "Leader" collection, not much editing on my part here because I would do this fic a whole lot different now and if I started making changes it would destroy what I had been trying to create when I wrote it origionally.
Merci,
Review kindly
-Ani