"Butterfly"
-Vx Tao Ren xV
Disclaimer: Shaman King does not belong to me (obviously…), that honor has been given to Takei Hiroyuki-Sama…; "Butterfly" is sung by Smile.DK and is from DDR (Dance Dance Revolution)…; The Shaman King music video, "Butterfly", belongs to Ren-Tao.. is that all of them,.. I sure hope so…
Author's Notes: This is pretty much my special 'thank you' dedication fic to Ren-Tao, being probably my favorite author and writing wonderful Shaman King fanfics. Anyways, this is entirely based on Ren-Tao's music video, "Butterfly".. It's mainly a songfic, but some of it was inspired by scenes in the music video. One tiny spoiler about Anna's past.. but that's about it… I think… Okay, maybe there's more than one… but you get the idea. If you've read "Unsolvable Puzzle" and "Over Soul" (If you haven't, please read it, I'd greatly appreciate it.. or I'll take it as a birthday gift.. being that my birthday was last Saturday ^_^..), it's kind of like a combination of the two. This is also Anna's P.O.V. and I'm trying to keep her in-character as much as I can, since I've never really attempted to write anything really uhm.. Anna-ish… (for lack of a better word).. Although, I suppose it'd be easier than if I attempted to write it in Yoh's P.O.V.. that would have been a total nightmare for me… considering my personality and thinking is a cross between Tao Ren and Kyohyama Anna (but more like Ren-Bocchama ^_^).. Okay, I hope that you all enjoy reading this, and reviews would be greatly appreciated.. ^_^
Special Thanks: To Ren-Tao.. I enjoy your Mankin stories (and music videos) to no end.. and I really have no idea where you get the inspiration for some of the things you write, but I'll I have to say is "Ganbatte na!" ^_^..
Oh yeah.. And this fic is pretty much based on the anime time line.. and pre-Hao. Meaning, no one knows who Hao is yet… uhm.. yeah. The first scene is the same as the music video and is in episode 4 (ending)/episode 5 (beginning).. It's also kind of time line-ish.. meaning that it kind of takes place at various points in the anime (mostly the beginning episodes) at various times in the fic.. it's not a big deal.. but hopefully you all can catch it.. Sa!
***
"Butterfly"
I come through the fog, looking for answers. I'm still unsure, unsure of everything in my life… but there has always been one thing that kept me going. One dream, one goal, one determination… the determination for everything. In my mind, the fog hasn't cleared, I'm not quite sure that it ever will… but I can keep on going through it, just how I am walking now, as my sandals touch the pavement, I may know technically where I am going.. where I am walking… but honestly…
//Ay, iyaiyai… Ay, iyayai… Ay, iyaiyai…//
…I have no idea. No idea where I'm going.. where I'm headed… where I'll end up… I have no idea… I really wish that I did though…
//…Where's my samurai?//
My destination I'm unsure of. I may even be stupid to rely on it.. but it's something that I have to do. Since if I don't go for my dream, my destination.. I'll never have the courage or strength to go anywhere or do anything…
Some may call it dependency… I call it need. I've never really had anything to rely on my entire life. I mean, my parents, one of the most relied on things in life, abandoned me.. I can't even remember them. Now I'm off searching again, for that one constant thing, that one constant person to rely on… to need.
//I've been searching for a man, all across Japan…//
I felt like I was saved the day that Kino-Sama had told me.. told me that I would be the fiancée of her grandson, which I had previously met, unbeknownst to who he was. I was finally given someone who couldn't leave me behind, like my own parents had, and had no choice but to be with me, watching me and caring for me for the rest of my life… and if he didn't, would have to suffer the wrath of his near-blind yet somewhat violent grandmother.. it's funny how ironic life can be… but I don't care.. I just hope nothing goes wrong... I'm one step closer to my freedom.. freedom from the darkness in my heart… although I'm not quite there yet, I'll have to pursue the rest myself… I can't give up now…
//Just to find, to find my samurai…//
It was a little later when I had decided, decided that I couldn't give myself a better life all on my own. I needed help, I needed to rely on someone… but this time, I had someone… I had Asakura Yoh.
//Someone who is strong…//
Although I had only encountered him once, he was already my savior. He defeated that Oni that was terrorizing me for the longest, sure he had guidance from Matamune, but he defeated it none the less… No doubt about it.. he was strong… at least… that's what I thought. That's what I believed in.
Roughly 3 years later I start searching again… for my savior, who can lead me out of the deep fog that I have grown accustomed to living in, but yearns to escape from. I need to get to my destination, my dream, my goal… I need to get to him. When I arrive in Tokyo, or more specifically, Funbari, of all places he could be, he's in a hospital. A hospital?! I thought he was stronger than that. It seems that I need to start taking things into my own hands again. I have decided it. And I have announced it. "Yoh, you will become Shaman King.. and give me an easy life."
//But still a little shy…//
Upon arriving, and upon living with him, I saw a side of Asakura Yoh that I never knew, that I had never seriously thought of. My savior is… a lazy bum. He had never done anything resembling training for the Shaman Fight since he got to Funbari. Then he goes and gets beaten in his first encounter with another Shaman. Sure, the next time he came back, but there shouldn't have been a next time. Yoh's intentions on becoming Shaman King are to live a lazy life, listen to music all day, and not have to worry about anything at all. He does that even now! I have also noticed that he's extremely kind and lenient towards other people, no matter what they have done. If I'm like that, I don't think that I could survive. My will needs to be solid, being on the brink of having my soul splitting in half, I need to be sure that this works out. I need to be hard on him, no matter how much he suffers. I need to break his smile, whenever necessary. That'll take a lot… considering… he smiles pretty much 24 hours a day.
//Yes I need, I need my samurai…//
It'll be worth it. I'm convinced of that. Yoh will become Shaman King. Then we'll both be happy. Then the fog will clear. Then I will be able to see my path clearly. But what is better than the same circumstances before, is that he will also be on my path, and he will travel it with me. Unconditionally.
//Ay, Ay, Ay, I'm your little butterfly…//
It is my only choice. I have to be hard, I have to be emotionless, and I have to be the most uncaring person you've ever met. That is the only way you can survive nowadays. Not just in Japan, but everywhere. There are Shamans all over the world who have been training. That's why I'm here. To train you, to make you stronger.. to prepare you… to keep you alive.
But that doesn't mean that I don't care. If I didn't care, then I wouldn't be here, would I? I've been broken once, and I won't let it happen again. And I won't let it happen to you either.
//Green, black, and blue, make the colors in the sky…//
The darkness is coming.. coming to consume me. I don't want it to… not again. I know what it's like already, there was a time before I met Yoh, when I hated everything.. absolutely everyone and everything… But there was a consequence to it. I became an empath due to it. Something that can tear your mind apart if you can't control it… and excessive anger doesn't exactly help. Having to deal with your own depressing and angry thoughts is enough to drive someone insane, but having to listen to the degrading thoughts of every other person around you… it's unbearable. I'm just glad that it's over. I still have the power of empathy, I won't lie, but it's not very active… it doesn't hurt to live anymore… To live in the darkness of my heart… and the hearts of everyone else on earth.
//Ay, Ay, Ay, I'm your little butterfly…//
Now everything is different. Everything will be okay… that's what Yoh would say, isn't it? I don't have to fend for myself anymore, without caring about how it would affect others, or even myself. I've been training in Osorezan for a while, and I've been completely devoted to become the best itako, Itako No Anna. I've been completely absorbed in it.. most likely because I can't bear to do anything else. I can't face the real world as I'm supposed to, like everyone else. Yeah.. that's the reason. Life sucks, so why is it worth it.. yeah… why is it worth it?..
Yoh. That's why it's worth it. At least, that's why it's worth it now. The fact that I'm his.. that he has at least some kind of responsibility over me.. like when he fought against that repulsive Oni.. it lifts some kind of weight off of my shoulders. It may be dead weight.. I don't know... but it feels better, it makes me feel better.. like.. things will work out somehow.. I laugh.. that's also what Yoh would say.. isn't it?..
//Green, black, and blue, make the colors in the sky…//
The darkness is still coming.. coming to consume me. But now.. I don't fear it as much as I used to.. at least, now I have some kind of hope. It looks as if the sky is clearing. Some kind of bright light is shining through the dusty gray clouds that forever have been hanging over my head. The clouds that have been following me and my dreams.. like some barrier that has no limit.. no end.. Now I can hope that Yoh will be there for me. I can only hope for the best, hope that he's strong enough to defend me from my fears… but what if he's not? I need to test him.. I need something.. to make sure that the darkness can't swallow me up.. like it's slowly been doing these past 13 years..
//I've been searching through the woods, and high upon the hills…//
Lago. The appearance of the shooting star that only appears every 500 years.. or whenever the Shaman Fight has begun, that only those with the sixth sense can see. This is the test. The ultimate test for all shamans. The Shaman Fight in Tokyo means the gathering of the strongest shamans on earth, and countless Shaman Fights to decide who is the best and strongest shaman on earth… decide who will become the Savior.. the Shaman King. This will be the test. This will help me prepare Yoh.. so he can become the Shaman King.. no—so that he will become the Shaman King.. so that he can give me an easy life.
The Shaman Fight is undoubtedly the most important even to all shamans who happen to be alive whenever it comes around. Simply because, if you loose once.. your next chance is in 500 years.. and it's pretty hard to compete in the next one. This is where my search becomes critical. Everything will matter, every action and every decision. This is why I must take charge now.. be strong now.. and make sure Yoh is strong enough.. strong enough to become Shaman King.. strong enough to save me from the darkness.. the darkness that consumes my heart.
//Just to find, to find my samurai…//
I have to get serious.. I need to be fearless and cold. That's the only way for him to realize this isn't a joke. He needs to train, and he needs to train hard. Everything is too costly, and if he goes down, I got down with him. I won't have that happen to me again.. and now I can't let it happen to him. Training builds up potential, and I can see that his attitude towards that Shaman Fight is changing. I can see it slowly.. which is good. I just hope he doesn't get absorbed in it like I did.. and loose his identity.. loose his sheepish smile. I don't think I need to worry. That short friend of his.. 'Mizu Manjuu'.. what was his name again? Manta? I think he'll help Yoh survive.. he's someone Yoh can talk to.. and never loose his personality because of it.. I wish I had that. Maybe things would have turned out differently.. But it's too late now.
//Someone who won't regret…//
Yoh seems to be afraid of me. I hope he isn't. But I think it's just the training. The tough training schedules is probably getting him worn out.. so he regrets it. That's it. But at this point, I can't do anything about it. We both have our goals. I just happen to be relying on his.. that's all. I need to see him get stronger.. it's the best for both of us.. right? There have been more challenges coming to Yoh also, in addition to the upcoming Shaman Fight. A group of shamans from China.. the Tao's.. have been continually been challenging Yoh to fights...Now they're sending kyonshi after him. I see each fight he's in, versus shaman or kyonshi, and I can see his strength progressing. He isn't ready though... Ready to defend me. He's strong, but not strong enough... but he will be. As long as he isn't afraid to get stronger, he will be.. in time. I just need to be patient.
//To keep me in his net…//
I still fear. I fear that Yoh won't help me. I fear that he won't understand me and my dream to escape. No one ever has. But Yoh is different than anyone else. The only other person who listened to me was Tamao at Izumo. But even so, she's too gentle and kind, she couldn't help.. No one ever could. No one was able to help me with my empathy, because no one understood my pain. No one understands my pain. Sometimes, even I don't. People come to fear things that they can't understand. Maybe that's why my parents were driven away from me... because they were afraid of me. I don't know. It hurts to even think about it. I fear that Yoh doesn't understand me. Hell, I know he doesn't understand me.. but my fear is that he'll be afraid of me because of it. He already looks it from all the harsh training I give him. But I really don't want it to be that way. I don't want him to run away. I don't want him to hate being engaged to me. I don't want him to hate.. me.
//Yes I need, I need my samurai…//
I don't know why I can't be just a little bit nice to him. To show him that he doesn't need to fear me.. To show him that he can trust me.. But I can't. I don't understand it… but I feel that if I show just a bit of kindness, that it'll be a target as weakness. I'm afraid that I'll let my guard down and won't be ready for any upcoming battles… physical or mental. I don't know why I feel this way. Maybe because of that time in Osorezan with the Oni.. I was completely defenseless.. and I felt it. Even with Yoh there, I felt it. Well Yoh is here now, and I feel the same.. but now there's something a little different. I'm not quite sure what it is though. Maybe it's his obligation to be with me, to take care of me. He's there for me now.. and now he always will. Maybe it's the reassurance that's different. Something that I never had before.
//Ay, Ay, Ay, I'm your little butterfly…//
He doesn't really look as afraid of me as he used to. He seems to just take the training, even though he slacks off a lot… which earns him even more training. Oh well, at least he's getting stronger. He doesn't seem to really fear anything now. I'm sure he does, but it's not obvious… especially when he was facing Bokutou no Ryu when he was possessed. He even put his life on the line for his friends and sacrificed Harusame. And of course, everything worked out okay. Nanto ka naru sa… of course. And he does it all with a smile on his face. It's amazing. I don't understand how he can live his life so happily. What's there to be happy about?! I should no first-hand about the cruelties. But—maybe Yoh can teach me how to get past it all. Maybe… if I let him.
//Green, black, and blue, make the colors in the sky…//
The darkness is still coming, but I'm not as afraid as I used to be. I'm still afraid. But I can feel a warmth inside my heart, and it's slowly eliminating the darkness. But.. can it eliminate it before I'm eaten up by it?.. All I can do is hope. Hope that Yoh can come and save me. Just hope.
//Ay, Ay, Ay, I'm your little butterfly…//
The Shaman Fight has begun. Yoh has just received his Oracle Bell, along with learning the Over Soul technique. He's getting stronger. And now he has his chance to become the Shaman King. To give me an easy life. To save me from the darkness that's been plaguing my heart and my mind. To help me understand the world and why it's so cruel. To help find my way out of the fog. But first.. he needs to survive through the oncoming Shaman Fights.. which can come at any given moment with any given shaman.. Strong or weak, Yoh has to win. Yoh has to go forward, because if he doesn't.. then who will?
//Green, black, and blue, make the colors in the sky…//
The darkness is coming, faster then ever. But now.. something is different. I am not afraid. Not afraid at all. I can see it coming.. approaching.. ready to eat me whole.. but I am not afraid. I just glare at it long and hard, then something approaches me from behind.. I can feel a warm shoulder on my hand, in my mind.. in my dreams as well, then I hear it. "Nanto ka naru sa.". Everything will work out somehow. That must be why. Why I'm not afraid. Because even if he doesn't.. even if Yoh doesn't become Shaman King, as much as I want him to, I can still be saved, and can be helped, because everything will work out somehow. And now.. I believe it. I truly believe it.
No doubt I will still train Yoh to become Shaman King, I will train him harder than ever. But now.. I can do it with pure determination, with no fears or regrets, just like how he does things. Nanto ka naru...
//Ay, iyaiyai… Ay, iyayai… Ay, iyaiyai…//
The fog is starting to clear. I can start to see the other end of the street… I can see my one goal, my dream, my determination. It isn't completely visible, but now Yoh can guide me through the fog. And I love that he has the ability to. I love that he wants to. I love that he isn't afraid to. And I love him for it. There's still a road ahead of me.. ahead of us. But now I can journey through it with him.. together…
//…Where's my samurai?//
***
Owari…
Wow that was long.. And my first Anna fic! Wai! ^_^. This was originally a one-shot that popped into my mind (that I had started in July x.x..) when I was watching the MV over and over again for probably an hour… but I got really into writing it. Sorry if it was repetitive.. it's hard for me to think of really insightful and angsty stuff.. and a lot of it at that (Although all but one of my fics are like that x.x..).. it was a little weird since this fic is a bit depressing and the song is really upbeat x.X.. I hope you all enjoyed it.. and I hope you all liked it! Reviews will be greatly appreciated! (Wait—didn't I say that already?.. Oh well) …^_^ Ja na!
Arigatou gozaimasu yo!