Yuki/Shuuichi version: The Price I Pay

Yuki sat motionless at his desk his laptop open in front of him but not on—he'd turned it off just moments before after he looked up what he could about the virus. He still hadn't told Shuuichi yet and it was three days later—he knew he must, but…how could you say that to a lover?

He couldn't believe it himself—it'd been years since he been with anyone other than Shuuichi, years since the idea of using any protection passed through his thoughts. He'd been with only Shuuichi for the past several years—why should he have thought about STDs?

He hadn't been able to think at all after getting his test results—hell, he'd almost got close to accusing Shuuichi of cheating before he decided to look up the virus online. The first thing he learned was that it could take years for the virus to cause any symptoms, that many people with the virus didn't know they had it, passing it on unawares to their partners.

Yuki felt his throat catch when he read that, knowing that it was most likely his fault he had the virus—he didn't always use protection with the lovers he had before Shuuichi. What's worse, he never used protection with Shuuichi, even when he considered it a temporary fling. God, the chance that he infected the brat was so high, he couldn't stay calm thinking about it. If he really did have HIV, if the test wasn't a false positive, he most likely had already infected Shuuichi.

And he would never forgive himself if he had.

'I have to tell him, I have to make him get tested—I need to know if he has it too.' He sighed, staring into the blank screen of the laptop, his thoughts struggling to not become as dark as the screen. Having HIV didn't mean it was the end of the world, it didn't guarantee he'd get full-blown AIDS, and he never really wanted to live until old age. I'm fine with what 'I've done with my life, this virus shouldn't matter.'

But it did, and the reason was in the living-room watching TV, waiting patiently for Yuki to be done in his office. The pink-haired brat was the reason for the pang of guilt in his gut, guilt that came from not only his fear that Shuuichi had the virus too, but also from the writer's fear that he didn't.

If it turned out that the pink-haired brat wasn't infected, Yuki would break up with him for good—he couldn't take the risk of infecting the brat by forgetting to use a condom. God, the pink-haired singer wouldn't understand why though, even if he knew about the HIV—the brat had never let him break off their relationship for good regardless of how many times the writer tried before. Yuki knew this time would be harder than the others—he didn't want to give up on his relationship with Shuuichi, he didn't want to live the rest of his life alone because of a stupid virus, because of his stupid mistakes.

But he would if Shuuichi hadn't been infected by him already.

'God, I don't know what I want more—if he isn't infected, I can't be with him anymore, and if he is—I'll feel guilty for not just infecting him, but for hoping he's infected just to continue our relationship.' Yuki closed his eyes at the thought, he didn't want Shuuichi to suffer through the illness, but he also didn't want to be alone again—he also didn't want to hurt the brat by breaking up with him, not for such an undeniably good reason.

Suddenly there was a knock on his office door, and Shuuichi's voice.

"Yuki? Are you done yet? How much longer are you gonna be? Yuki?" Shuuichi's voice got whinier with each question, more annoying each syllable, but Yuki held back on snapping at him. "Yuki, please talk to me—you've been avoiding me for the past three days. C'mon answer me, Yuki. Yukiiii."

The brat's whines grew more insistent each second Yuki stood silent, contemplating when and how to tell Shuuichi.

'Might as well get it over with.' Yuki thought, now standing at his desk, laptop closed. He ran his fingers through his hair and took a deep breath, eyes closed for a few seconds, and then he turned toward the door.

A/N: End of chapter, how should Shuuichi react to the news? Should Yuki tell him so soon or should he back down for some reason? I want your opinions, plus any ideas for other couples that should get this scare. Or any ideas for other fics in general, I've been debating the idea of whether to do a crossover fic where Yuki and Shuuichi go on the Dr. Phil show seeking advice.