Love your hate, your faith lost
You are now one of us
Love your hate, your faith lost
You are now one of us
I looked around the darkened room slowly. I had no idea what I was doing here. All I knew was that I needed a fix. And I needed a fix bad. I needed the fix that Teddy couldn't give me. I looked at the grimy man in front of me. I knew that he'd get me what I needed. He handed me the package, I handed him the money, and I walked out. I got in the car and found what I needed in the glove box. Two failed rehab stints, and Teddy's constant smothering and this is where I'm at. I shook my head and lit up, knowing that he'd be feeling the bed where I was supposed to be laying next to him.
"I'm sorry Teddy…"
I said, trying to attain that high. And when I did, I drove home. I stumbled inside to find Ted standing just inside the door. He looked at me, then he looked angry. I could tell that he was pissed. He was looking at the car. Then he looked at me.
"You….are high."
I nodded. He had this uncanny way of telling when I was, and wasn't. He claimed that it was because he could smell it. I smelled differently when I was high. He shook his head and led me to the couch. He wrapped a blanket around me and shoved me to the couch.
"I'm sorry Teddy."
"No. Shut up, John. We'll talk about it when you come down."
He said, letting me sleep it off. He walked back upstairs as the effects of the heroin wore off. I knew it was a bad thing for me to do this. I didn't know what he was doing up there, and I didn't think I wanted to. I heard him come back downstairs, then he went back up again. The effects of the drug still wearing off, I sat up from the sofa and watched him. He was lugging suitcases down the stairs. He sat them all by the door. We had two weeks off. There was no way he was going back on the road.
"Teddy? Where are you going?"
"John, we need to talk…"
He said, coming to sit down on the sofa next to me. I knew that this wasn't good.
Nothing from nowhere, I'm no one at all
Radiate, recognize one silent call
As we all form one dark flame….Incinerate
"You left to get high."
"I know Teddy, and I'm sorry."
And then he unloaded on me. I deserved everything that I got from him. I did. I searched his face for some kind of emotion, but got none. It was a stone cold mask. It was over. I'd screwed up this time, and it was permanent.
"Johnny, you've had two failed rehab stints. I've stuck by you through this whole thing, but I can't do it anymore. I love you. I love you so much, it hurts. But this separation will be good for us. You've decided that the drug is your life, and not me. How much longer can we keep going through this? Rehab, drug, support. I can't do it anymore. And I'm hoping that you'll see how bad this is. And when you clean up, and stay clean for more than six months…I'll come back to you."
And he kissed my forehead. And that's when I lost it. I started to cry and I shook my head. I couldn't deal with him being gone. I couldn't. Something inside of me snapped.
"Teddy, god, Teddy please don't leave me. Teddy, please. I'll go straight. I can do this. I will do this…please. Just don't leave me."
He shook his head. Whispered 'I love you, Johnny'…and walked out. And I knew at that point, I had to either put up, or shut up. I was going to prove to Ted, and to myself, that going straight was something I could do. But I needed one last hit first. And I got it, spent two days in a stupor and then made my way to the first rehab center I could find.
Nothing from nowhere, I'm no one at all
Radiate, recognize one silent call
As we all form one dark flame
As we all form one dark flame
As we all…
I sat in a circle of people. I watched them all tell their stories. I listened to them talk about their shitty lives. Then I realized just how good I had it. I'd called Teddy and left a message on his cell telling him I'd gone to a meeting. Finally it was my turn to talk. I stood up, and looked around at everyone, and then sighed.
"I'm John Hennigan. Some of you know me as John Morrison, WWE Superstar. And yes, I am. But I'm also a heroin addict. And a homosexual male. It took a lot for me to come to terms with that. I was in a committed relationship with a man. We've been together for a year and four months. Teddy was-is everything to me. He's the reason I'm here. I had this seemingly perfect life for so long. Working almost 300 days a year, and doing what I love. I ran into a fan once, and she had this little white powder. She offered to me, and I tried it…and it was the most amazing thing. Then I got addicted. Teddy, my boyfriend, he tried getting me into rehab, but I wouldn't stay. I'd get stubborn, check myself out, think I could do it alone. I fell apart this last time, and then Teddy left. I'm doing this because I love Ted. And I can't picture my life without him. And if staying clean is what I have to do to keep him, then I'll do it. I've got a life to live, and it's going to include Ted, and his god awful ugly dog."
And then I sat down. I'd seen a shadow enter the room, but I didn't see who it was. I looked up and my eyes locked on Ted's. He smiled at me and I lost it. When the coordinator dismissed the meeting, I watched as he made his way towards me. I'd promised to come back for the next meeting, and I would. Ted smiled at me, and pulled me into a tight hug.
"You look good, Johnny."
"Thanks Ted. What are you doing here?"
"I got your message. I wanted to see what this was about. This is the right step, Johnny. AA first. Are you coming back?"
"Yes. I promised myself I'd prove to you that I could stay clean…and I'm going to. This is me keeping that promise."
And with that, he smiled at me. It was the first genuine smile that I'd seen from him in a couple of months….but fate had a way of dealing a funny hand.
Love your hate, your faith lost
You are now one of us
Love your hate, your faith lost
You are now one of us, one of us
Stephanie McMahon had called this meeting after she'd received a phone call. Ted didn't know. He was engrossed deeply in a conversation with Mark Callaway about shoes. She watched as the superstars gathered in, and when they all finally did, she raised her hand to speak. She'd been crying, and the superstars could see that.
"Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention?"
She waited as the gathered crowd quieted and then she started sobbing again. Her husband, Paul Levesque, known to fans as Triple H, held her. She pulled herself together and looked at them.
"We got a phone call a few minutes ago from Audrey Hennigan. She found John at home in Los Angeles at his beach house there, with two bullet holes in him. One in his chest, and one in the side of his head. Neither were self-inflicted."
And Teddy's world came crashing down. They were on the fast track to getting back together. Johnny had stayed clean for eight months, and they were getting back together. Stephanie watched as it clicked with Teddy, and she went to him and pulled him in a hug. She whispered into his ear.
"He loved you, Teddy. Audrey said that he'd been packing to come and see you. Carry that love with you. He'd been doing great. He was sober, Audrey said. The autopsy found no drugs in his system…go home."
She said, motioning for Mark to take him back to the hotel. Teddy knew that he needed to deal with this. He cried all the way back.
"He's gone…"
"Teddy, I'm sorry man. I know how much you two loved each other."
"I know. It's just hard….I knew something was wrong when he didn't answer. I'd asked Audrey to check on him…."
And Teddy had to celebrate him. He had to keep Johnny in the back of his mind, forever…