Genre: Aaaaangst
Rating: U Suitable for all.
Pairing: Haji and Saya, but not particularly romancy
Warnings: Um, aaaaaangst, un-beta'd, vague spoilers for all over the place, contains a brief moment of fanon history.
Disclaimer: I do not own Blood+, Haji or Saya. I make no profit on this.
He never looks at his hand, not really. He thinks about it too much to want to examine that reminder of the difference between the man that he was and the thing that he has become. Her smiles had disappeared after that day; he wants to attribute it to her pain, to the horrible finality of her decisions but part of him thinks back to her look of horror the first and only time he revealed his change, her horror at what he had become, at him.
A time of separation had come, the work of a vile, resentful man. He tries not to believe what they told him over that time, the lies to shake his faith while they tried to eliminate him from her life. But, when at last they were reunited, she had punished him for the chance he had taken to see her again, ripped away a corner of his false humanity and revealed forever the truth she found so horrible.
He had fled that time. Filled with the need to bury away his shame and crippled by his guilt. But at last the time had come again and he had gone to seek her out, as he had always done, as he always would.
When he found her she was a different person; she smiled, real honest smiles, but not at him, never at him. All he could do was be the herald of forgotten pain and the bearer of unwanted duty. She never smiles at him, not like she had before.
She never looks at his hand, not really. She thinks about it too much to want to examine that reminder of what she has done to him.
He had smiled once, she remembers, but the closer the memory the less he smiled and now he never smiled at all. She had not understood it before, not until she remembered: her horror at what she was, a monster, an abomination, the evidence impossible to ignore: Diva, her sister; and then what she had done to him, the change revealed, the monstrosity that was hidden in her, she had made plain in him, that strange flesh was the truth of her nature; and then came the horror at what she had done to him, he was not born monstrous as she was, she had infected him with her blood, with her inhuman self.
So many years, he had to live in a body that nature had never intended for him. He had kept it hidden since then, even when revealing it would have helped him. But in spite of what she had done to him he stayed with her always.
And then her own vileness had risen up inside her and she had killed so many innocents. And, when he tried to bring her back to herself, had tried to stop her, she had afflicted him, rubbed his face in what she had made him and struck him down.
It was no wonder he never smiled anymore, had never smiled as he had before she had tainted his life.