The whole fault
Chapter 1: Humanity's most bored bastard
The man sat at an empty table, with an empty cup of tea in front. A half consumed candle was the only thing preventing the shadows to completely engulf his view. It was enough though, for the shadows hid the extent of a dining room that was too fancy to be sitting comfortably. It was the first moment of quiet and solitude he could get since the whole Stohess District mess. Surely Erwin was still busy defending his neck from the Military Police, Hanji was doing who knew what with that forsaken, crystallized girl and he didn't have a squad to bother anymore. The perfect time to enjoy a bitter cup of black tea. But the warm liquid had ran out too fast for his liking. And so the effects of the painkillers he was given for his leg. Slowly but surely, it was starting to throb again, as if to remind him that what was supposed to kill pain, could only calm his suffering at a tolerable level and during limited time. At least, it was enough so he could get up and hobble to the kitchen to get the pot with the rest of the infusion.
Crap. Everything was impossibly fucked up, but he wouldn't ask himself how it came to be. He wouldn't be the one to bother. Things were already like that, and with all certainty, they would still be for a long time to come. It wasn't as if he had the time or energy to look for reasons anyway. It was simply how existing in the world worked. People died, it was the only given in life. When he got to the kitchen, he soon found out the pot was already cold. The man cursed.
No, he didn't have the energy to ask stupid questions. His were already answered. For instance, he knew exactly which was his reason to get up every morning. Fight and kill living things, titans of preference. That was the only thing he was truly good at, the only thing left for him to do. He would put his ability and hatred at good use, which was to slaughter the only creatures that were even more disgusting than humans. And that was it.
He remembered, in a distant past, that he did have a dream. In his youth, what he wanted was a little portion of freedom to decide how his existence would be like. If it would have been up to him, he would have chosen a quiet life, with plenty tea to drink, a couple of books, and more hours of sleep. What wouldn't he give to be able to sleep at night, to close his eyes and fall into blissful oblivion, with no nightmares, no bitter memories and no cold. But all that bright future wasn't more than the idealistic fantasy of an imbecile with too much time in his hands. He had left those days behind. For good. Now he was Captain Levi from the Scouting Legion, also known as Humanity's Strongest Soldier. Bullshit. He was humanity's most bored bastard, and he didn't have any ambition of being anything more. The man tasted the remaining tea. Indeed, it was cold and dull and beyond all possibility of being saved. Clicking his tongue in disgust, he threw the content in the closest sink. After his fruitless journey to the kitchen, he hobbled back to the overly decorated room.
His arse wasn't yet touching the chair when the door on his left opened quite brusquely. A soldier, whose name Levi didn't care to remember, stood there with a lamp, his face contorted by worry.
–Captain Levi, sorry for the interruption, but we have a situation with cadet Jaeger –said the soldier, clearly out of breath. From the moment the man heard the word "Jaeger", he was already on his way, ignoring the protest of his leg and following the soldier down the corridor. The Captain was quickly guided to the room in which the boy was left. More soldiers were gathered outside Jaeger's door, all armed and on edge. Levi soon understood why. Even through the walls, he could hear the screams ripping the boy's throat.
–Will someone explain what happens? –he asked with severe tone.
–Eren Jaeger seems to have awoken and is out of control now –said one of the soldiers. His comment wasn't exactly useful.
–I see –said the man. Something had to be done quickly, before Jaeger had the chance to transform and before this soldiers would piss out of fear.
–Sir, do we have to call Squad Leader Hanji?
–No, we don't need more troublemakers –said the Captain, taking a lamp from a soldier–. I'm going in, you stay alert.
–Yes, sir –they responded.
Just like that, the man entered the room and shut the door behind him. Indeed, the boy was contorting uncontrollably on his bed and shouting his lungs out, as if being consumed in grate pain. With careful steps, the man approached. Hovering the lamp over the bed, Levi saw that the boy had his eyes wide open, but didn't seem to notice his presence. He wasn't seeing at all. His mind was stuck in some sort of vision, some nightmare he wasn't capable of waking just yet.
–Oi, Eren. Eren –the man called. The boy directed his eyes at him, but no quite returning his gaze–. I'm in no mood to deal with your stupidity now, wake up –he ordered in a commanding tone, but it had no effect in the boy–. I said, wake up –he grunted and prepared his hand to release a slap aimed to the other's face.
His hand was stopped in mid air. Before Levi could fully register what was happening, he was violently pulled forwards. In other circumstances, he could have held his ground with no effort. But at that right moment, his left leg hurt terribly and his knees bent with no warning. He landed roughly over Eren's chest. The next second, the boy was exchanging their positions. Levi was suddenly trapped between the mattress and the heavy body of the young one.
–Get off me! –he commanded, but that seemed to have the opposite effect on the boy.
Eren was prone to do stupid things, it was extensively known. But Levi never thought he would be capable of worse. Pinning him in place with predatory eyes, the youngster closed the remaining distance, and put his open mouth over the man's lips. For some inexplicable reason, Levi didn't reacted, not immediately, and that gave Eren the chance he needed to keep going. Not letting go of his mouth, the boy brusquely invaded the space between his legs, separating his thighs with the strong grip of hands turned claws. The pain that shot through Levi's left leg was enough to paralyze him momentarily. Then, his eyes shut tightly when he felt the swelling of the boy's lower body being pressed against him, waist firmly pressed against waist. Not losing any time, Eren let go of his mouth, only to assault his next target. He took the fabric of his cravat with his teeth and started to struggle with the cloth until it was completely off. His exposed neck was soon ravished. He pressed, he sucked, he even dared to lick. Not content with that, he started to bite, over and over again on every piece of skin that happened to be near. Then, Levi's lips received the attack anew. With no warning, Eren roughly pushed his tongue past Levi's lips and into his mouth. That hot tongue forced his way through all corners of his insides, fiercely tasting and demanding control. A control Levi wasn't willing to give.
Sensing that was his opportunity, the man bit Eren's tongue as hard as he could. The kiss was filled with a coppery taste and the boy grunted in pain. Eren let go the grip of his wounded leg in order to grab his chin. That was his mistake. Released from the pain, Levi had enough clarity of mind to send a powerful blow to Eren's face. The boy's head flew to the side with the impact.
Slowly, it returned to its place. This time, the green orbs were actually returning his gaze. Green orbs that, for a pair of seconds, didn't seem to understand the situation at all.
–Capt'n? –the brat slurred between panting. Just to be sure, the man gave him another slap on the opposite cheek. Eren cringed. The brat was back on his senses. His eyes widened with terror. They looked for his, asking an explanation. For eternal moments, Levi just returned the boy's stare with a scowl of his own. A serie of multiple emotions rushed over rich, green eyes: surprise, guilt, fear.
–Captain? Is everything alright? –asked a soldier from outside.
Quickly, Eren got off of him as if burned, dragging himself as far in the bed as he could. Not looking at him, Levi extracted himself from the bed, wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and hobbled to the door. When he opened it, the soldiers outside nearly jumped.
–The situation is under control. Dismissed –he said with a harsh tone, and threw the door closed. All the presents seemed to relax visibly. After making the official salute, they quickly departed.
So did Levi. Like an automaton, he made his way through the corridor, back to the fancy dining room. His legs trembled. His hobbling worsen. He was about to reach his forgotten chair when he tripped. He fell gracelessly over his knees, letting out a gasp he couldn't quite contain. With erratic fingers, he reached for his own neck, deprived from its usual cravat and certainly full of bite marks. Some places were still wet from the assault, some others even hurt. Levi let out a quivering breath, still tasting the blood in his mouth. Then, his gaze fell downward.
A curse escaped from his lips as terror overflowed. His hand covered forcefully the bulge that sat uncomfortably between his legs. In response, the swelling throbbed against his palm. Levi cursed once more, while a single question occupied his mind.
Why? Why him?
Levi sat at his desk, a document filled with his own handwriting laying on top. Leaving the quill aside, he regarded the ink staining his fingers with a frown. Fucking dirty. But there was no point in going to wash it out, for a tower of paperwork still awaited to be done. With a sight, he reclined against his armchair.
In was good to be back at the Head Quarters. Even the cold walls of stone felt far more welcoming and safe than the hideous buildings at Stohess District. And his leg was healing properly, the pain subsiding more and more with each passing day.
Still, he had been incapable of finding any peace of mind since they had returned. Unwanted thoughts invaded his mind at inopportune moments. Unwanted feelings wandered his guts when he had to focus on more important matters. Those clouded eyes, those hot hands and that hungry mouth were too fresh in his memory. And some of the marks left in his neck still had a long time to fade. To forget it all, he had immersed himself in tons and tons of work, but when he wasn't filling worthless reports, he was thinking and overthinking about his own circumstances.
All his reasoning led to the same conclusion. Eren was dangerous. Something in him was changing. Something had gotten loose. The same boy who barely had any courage to address him before, suddenly seemed to be lusting for him. Where did that came from? Has it been always there? How was that he got caught with a low guard? How was that he, of all people, came to underestimate the boy? But the worst part wasn't the attack itself, nor the scars that lingered on his neck, nor even the fact that he hadn't stop it. The worst had been his own reaction afterwards. He was aroused. And he still couldn't fit it in his head.
That was enough to torment him, but it was late at night when the ghosts hunted him more easily; uninvited pictures of a childhood he wanted to forget. His mother, his lovely mother, resigning to her own body so he could have food in his stomach. How her eyes shone less and her smile seemed weaker. How her strength was slowly consumed while other took carnal pleasure from her. How sex finally ended her life.
Levi would close his eyes and push aside those memories. Since he was old enough to understand things, he had been making himself an only promise. That the same wouldn't happen to him. That he would never be touched in a lascivious way. He would never be the object of anyone's desire.
What a massive hypocrite he was. He had vowed no to be anyone's whore, yet he was incapable of fighting a teenager brat getting in between his legs. Eren was at that time of youth when the lower half of the body claimed for attention, but as a grown man, he was too old to give too much attention to–
There was a knock on his door. Levi noticed it was already past midnight. A night patrol soldier? He wouldn't be bothered unless there was a situation. What other option there was?
–I brought you tea, sir –said the boy from the other side. Shit.
–Get lost –was his immediate answer. There was silence. For a second the man thought Eren knew better than disobey orders. But then, the door opened and the brat entered–. I said get lost –growled the Captain, sending a furious glare from his desk.
–I heard, sir –he answered, not even flinching.
–Then why don't you follow my orders for once?
–Please, hear me out first.
–I don't have time to waste it on you. Go.
–I'm sorry for what I did. Please accept this as an apology –he said, leaving the cup of tea onto his desk. Beside the cup, Eren left a perfectly folded cloth. His cravat, the one he had left behind that night.
–If that's all you had to say, get back to the basement –the man said with a calm, cold voice, directing his eyes back to the paperwork. He heard steps, the door open, but before hearing it being closed, Eren spoke again.
–I just want to leave clear, that I didn't mean to harm you –he said, honesty expelling from his firm, tenor voice. Then the door shut.
Levi disarmed on his chair, releasing a tension he hadn't been quite aware of. Who the fuck did he think he was? Invading his office against his orders, ensuring no harm when he was the military superior, the adult? Indeed, something within Eren wasn't the same. Damn him.
His eyes went to the folded cravat. He reached for it to inspect it closely. Having a suspicion, he brought it to his nose. It was recently washed. The cup of tea sat near. Soon he found there were a couple of biscuits in the plate he didn't noticed before. He took the cup to taste the content. Ah, yes. There was genuine effort in the tea, but no expertise. Clearly, Eren had good intentions, but had no idea how to make a proper cup of tea.
Levi sighted. He couldn't simply stay actionless, dwelling like a fucking damsel in distress. He was a grown man, damnit. Maybe his body could have those reactions, but he wouldn't lose his head because of that. Before impulsively kicking the shit out of Eren, he would prove to himself and to the boy he was in charge of the situation.
He stood and exited his office. Following the hallway, it didn't take him much to reach Eren.
–If you're going to apologise, at least do it with a well brewed tea –he claimed, gaining the attention of the boy. He stopped in mid-track.
–Captain?
–Follow me –the man simply said, and walked past him with quick pace. He led the way to the kitchen, where he immediately got his hands at work, Eren watching closely–. To make decent tea is harder than it looks. If the water is too cold you won't get flavor from the leafs, if you leave the leafs too much time you will spoil the infusion.
–How do I do it then? –asked the boy.
–Do as I say –the man replied. Then he proceeded with instructions. As the boy followed them thoroughly, Levi took some distance to appreciate him from afar. Eren's hands were steady over the pot, his eyes were fixed in the fire. He was absolutely concentrated in his task, not seeming too nervous by his presence.
His suspicions could only be confirmed by what he had in front. What happened with the pathetic brat that not so long ago whimpered over each hazard? Well, the boy was whimpering no longer. The hardships were leaving permanent stains in him, finally. Watching death in the face and fighting it back did that to anyone. Apparently the last mission had done that to Eren. In his eyes there was a predatory shadow, in his attitude there was a stronger determination. The naivety left in him had been replaced with disillusion and more rage. Newfound courage or mere boldness, Eren was not the same.
–Sir, is ready –said the boy, taking him out of his absorption.
–Let me taste it –commanded the Captain, and the boy moved to the side. He verted the new made infusion in a clean cup, and brought it to his mouth. It wasn't perfect, but better. He verted the content in another cup and handed it to Eren–. Sit –he ordered, placing himself in a table nearby. The boy sat with him.
Silence followed. Levi concentrated in drinking his tea, enjoying silently the warm steam that heated his face. But he couldn't do it quite peacefully, for he felt Eren's eyes staring at him.
–What are you looking at? –he asked brusquely.
–Sir, are you awake because of me? –the boy asked. Levi could have murdered him on sight for considering something that ridiculous.
–You're not that important.
–Then this is how you always spend your nights? –Eren asked. Levi didn't take his eyes away from his cup.
–That's none of your business –he responded, harshly.
–So you don't sleep at all –said the boy. It wasn't a question, but a statement. This brat could get on his nerves.
–When your body is used to it, you only need little rest to feel recovered –Levi asserted with an exasperate voice. And then, the man asked himself why he was going on with the conversation.
–Is that you can't sleep, sir? –asked Eren.
–You wouldn't understand, you're just a brat.
–I know what is to be afraid of going to bed –Eren stated. Levi raised his eyes from the cup to stare at the boy.
–Is that so? Dreaming about your mommy perhaps? –he asked, in a challenging way.
–Yes –said the youngster, plainly, almost mockingly with his sincerity–. How did
you know?
–Sometimes I have those too –he answered. The next instant, the man bit his tongue, not knowing what possessed him to reveal such an intimate fact. He brushed it aside to think about more important matters. Eren was running away from sleep too. Levi took the opportunity to look at him more carefully, and he could clearly see the red stains the boy had in his eyes and the dark marks beneath them–. How long has it been that you can't sleep? –he asked.
–Awhile –the boy said.
–This can affect your training, have you thinked about that?
–Yes. I can't help it though –Eren responded. Of course, Levi knew that too well. When sleep didn't come, there was simply no way to keep the eyes shut. Specially when feeling the crushing weight of all the things that couldn't be changed.
Clicking his tongue, the man emptied his cup with a final sip. He stood and took the crockery to the sink. He was about to start washing it when Eren spoke.
–I wasn't in control of myself, but that's no excuse –said the youngster, the man stopped all action–. I didn't mean to do that to you. I'm really sorry –he finished, his voice firm. Levi left the cups back in place, but refused to turn around to face the boy.
–Bullshit –spit the man–. You can't expect me to believe you –his tone calm and cold.
–I'm not lying, I didn't have the intention...
–You had every fucking intention! I saw it in your eyes! –accused Levi.
–It shouldn't have happened that way! –Eren yelled. Levi froze. He turned to shoot daggers at the boy with a menacing stare.
–But it should have happened. How then? Do you have the balls to show me? –he whispered dangerously.
For a couple of seconds, Eren just returned his gaze, his eyes emotionless. Slowly, the boy stood, he got closer and closer. He didn't stop when there were only two steps from distance. He didn't stop when there was just one. Levi stood right where he was. He wouldn't push him away, he wouldn't run. The next moment, he was caught between the sink and the boy's chest. He remained still when Eren cradled his face in his hand. He even remained still when the boy leaned. Their eyes met again. The green orbs he saw with no emotion two seconds ago were now darkened with a storm of them. The next second, Eren's lips were engulfing him.
There it was again, the unexperienced mouth that caressed his with contained passion. It was the same mouth, the same boy, but it felt different somehow. This time, he didn't feel the urge to push him away just yet. New sensations he knew nothing about took possession of him. A certain tickling in the guts, a sudden heat in the cheeks. Levi couldn't understand why was so exciting that two appendages of flesh would exchange saliva. With his eyes still open, then man could see Eren's face; his brows contorted in a frown, his lids tightly shut. It was scary how immersed he was in the kiss. After deciding there was no point in having the eyes open, his eyelids fell by their own weight.
The boy's clumsy lips were insistent. The man felt something wet asking for entrance. Eren was putting himself in a vulnerable position. When the boy slid his tongue between his teeth, it was like offering himself to be bitten once again. And Levi could have. But he didn't. He gave it a teasing squeeze instead. With satisfacción he felt the boy flinch. Eren responded with a move of his own; boldly, he charged at Levi's mouth with a lunge of his tongue.
Levi felt the boy's wetness intertwine with his own. That tongue danced against his with eagerness, as if Eren had been savouring him instead of kissing him. The man couldn't help it. A gasp escaped his throat without his consent. The tickle in his gut turned into pricking, the heat in his cheeks was going down to his neck, his breath quickened, and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Eren leaned further, pressing their hips together. Levi let out another silent gasp at the intimate contact. Something at the corner of his mind told him things were going too far. But he couldn't find in himself the will to stop the boy. Eren went on and on and on.
Their mouths separated only when air was absolutely needed. Both of them were panting. While trying to regain his breath, Levi's mind cleared partially. Crap. The instant after, Eren was bowing once again in pursuit of his mouth. The man interposed an arm between them. He averted his face when the boy tried to insist. After a couple of seconds, Eren seemed to understand. He let go of his face, of his hips, then took an acceptable distance.
–Go to your room, now –Levi ordered, still out of breath. Eren took a moment to react.
–Yes, sir –he said, his voice grim, disappointed even. With no other words, he abandoned the room. Levi watched his back disappear behind the kitchen's door.
Levi let out a trembling breath. He let himself fall in the nearest chair, trying to understand what just happened.
He had chosen not to push him away when he could have, easily. He had allowed that kiss willingly instead. He had went through all that because only moments ago he had assured himself he was capable of handling the situation. Because he was the adult, and even though his body betrayed him, his mind was set. But it seemed that his body was too volatile, or his mind too weak, because the quick heartbeat and the heat on his cheeks had to mean something.
That maybe something was wrong with him.