Beca walked hesitantly towards Jesse's door, preparing herself with the speech she had previously rehearsed numerous times in her head. As she stared at the closed door, she contemplated running back to her dorm, like the coward she is. Do it, she urged herself as her hand involuntarily reached toward the door and gave a sudden, sharp knock.
"Jesse?" she called. "Jesse, I know you're in there. I can smell popcorn." There was still no answer. "C'mon Jesse, open up." Taking a small step back, Beca sighed, urging her feet to take her away where she can drown out her thoughts with music.
She heard a small click of the door opening, instantly making her head whip around where her eyes met Jesse's. Her heart rate picked up as she stared into his deep, brown eyes. All petty speeches she had memorized vanished from her mind.
Idiot, she thought. What the hell are you doing? Say something. "Hey, I tried to call you. I left a bunch of messages." She looked at him, mentally begging him to say something. "Yeah. I got them." He stiffly replied. Her stomach dropped a little as he shifted his position in a way that she knew was unwelcome.
"I'm sorry that we fought. I was mad and I overreacted and I- I just- Aubrey makes me crazy.." Her sentence drifted off as he raised his eyebrows. She knew this wasn't what he wanted to hear; yet it was the only thing she could say. She looked down, knowing she has only made things worse. "Seriously?" His voice rose slightly, making Beca wince. "You think I'm mad because you yelled at me?" He continued. The way he looked at her made her want to run and hide, hopefully falling over and knocking herself out, making her lose all memories of this conversation. Beca felt the heat rise to her cheeks as she desperately tried to think of what to say next. "No, I know.." she tried but he immediately cut her off. "No. You don't know. You think you know but you don't." He said, his voice slightly rising. "You push away anyone who could possibly care about you. Why is that?" Jesse searched her eyes, hoping to break through the wall that she has made. He knew he had cracked something inside of her, he could see in her eyes that she was desperately trying to compose herself, trying so hard not to give anything away.
"I don't know." She barely whispered, her voice breaking as she averted her eyes.
"Well you better figure it out, because I'm done with whatever this is." He went to close the door, but Beca quickly blocked the door her hand to stop him. "Please." She croaked, as she lifted her chin to look at him again. Jesse could see the pain she was in, as he hesitantly took a step back to let her in. Beca moved slowly as she tried to compose herself. She took a seat at the edge of his bed, carefully watching him as he sighed and sat next to her. Jesse could see the walls slowly crumbling down. He wanted to say something, but he knew that she had to trust him in her own time. He couldn't push her.
Beca clasped her hands tightly between her knees, fidgeting with the rings on her fingers, struggling to say something. "Why won't you let me in?" Jesse said, breaking the silence. He knew he shouldn't have pushed her, but he couldn't help it. "I'm trying! Can't you see that I'm trying? You scare me, Jesse! And I don't know what else to do! When I finally feel as if I have a hold of myself, you appear and I lose everything! It's like you keep pushing, and I just keep falling." As Beca glanced at Jesse, he saw how much it hurt her to open up. He caught hold of her stare for a split second as she turned her head to look outside, but not before he saw the tear making its way down her cheek. Beca stared outside the window; desperately hoping the world could open up and swallow her whole. She gingerly wiped away the tears that just kept coming.
"Beca.." Jesse contemplated touching her as his hand reached toward hers, hovering above it. He let his hand fall on top of hers slowly, preparing himself for her to pull away. When she didn't move, he tried again. "Beca, come here. It's okay. I'm here." Beca let him guide her towards him, still not knowing if she should recoil away from the touch of his skin. While the tears silently streamed down her face, she looked at him. Jesse let out a heavy sigh as he looked at her face. She leaned into him just as his arms wrapped her up, holding her together. She rested her head against his chest, listening to the sound of the constant beat of his heart. Jesse gently stroked her hair, murmuring to calm her down.
After a while, the tears stopped, and Beca unwrapped herself from his arms, wiping away the last of the tears. "I want to let you in," she said, looking at him. "but you have to be patient." Jesse understood, giving her a small nod. "I want to know you, Beca. And I will wait however long it takes for you to let me. I will be here." He squeezed her hand, in which she returned. "I want to take you on a date." Jesse suddenly said. Beca froze. Say yes, she mentally argued with herself. Open up; let him care. She relaxed her shoulders and smiled at him. "I'd like that. I'd like that very much." Jesse shifted. "Good, because you didn't have much choice. It was either that or Rocky. And we all know how much you love movies." He chuckled, obviously proud of himself. Beca laughed, as he winked at her. "You're such a nerd, you know that?" she replied, to which he acted shocked. The both laughed.
Beca didn't know if Jesse realized that their hands were still entwined together, but she sure did. She liked the feeling of his soft, long fingers laced together with hers. It made her feel whole. It made her feel safe.