Please note: I do not own most of the characters within this story. They belong to the Handmaid's Tale. Brooklyn and Jasper are mine though.

Pretty When You Cry

Chapter 1: Soldier On

Soldier by Fleurie

"Solider keep on marching on
Head down till the work is done
Waiting on the morning sun
Solider keep on marching on

Head in the dust, feet in the fire
Labour on that midnight wire
Listening for that angel choir
You got nowhere to run"

God. Running. Home. These were the constant three things always running through her mind. Brooklyn Blake had been running for more than two years. Escaping her fate to glorify God. Brooklyn put God before man as the Bible had commanded. So when a lustful Commander told her she was to be a handmaid when she was a virgin simply because he was married and could not marry her, she ran from home.

She was now twenty three. Older than most wives, but she still somewhat felt entitled to be one due to her virginity. At this point, she considered it to be a dream. Unattainable, but she understood fully she rather be persecuted by man than God. One other thing against Brooklyn is that she was a doctor. A fertility specialist at that. She was the youngest female doctor the world had ever produced and even though she had the option to be a world renown surgeon she had focused her mind on neonatal and fertility medicine.

Home was one thing she missed more than anything. She missed the warmth of South Carolina, the beach, and most of all her garden. There was always something so powerful about being able to nourish and sustain herself without the help of others. More than that, it was how her clinic was so successful. Before Gilead, Brooklyn was the most sought after fertility specialist in the country. She had a 90% success rate, failing only to what the body could not repair. What the environment destroyed. What humankind allowed to what could have been, even still could be extinction.

None of this mattered though, she was in Maryland now. Hiding from all that was Gilead. It was colder than what she was used to and she groaned as her green eyes looked to the morning sky. Silently contemplating how much longer she could keep this up. It was the middle of winter, plants were not growing as a result and she was losing weight. She couldn't decide which was worse being hungry or being cold.

And then she heard it, the rumbling of a vehicle. Her body instantly reacted, springing her from her makeshift bed to her feet. Brooklyn barely had time to grab her thick black coat and backpack. It didn't matter and Brooklyn somehow knew that. She had been praying most of the night before. She had been desperately praying to be saved. It had been so long and she knew her body physically couldn't continue on.

She watched from the second story window of the abandoned school. A few men, Angels she had guessed had exited the black SUV. Possibly even a Commander. Though not Commander Barnes and for that alone she was grateful. A feeling deep in her stomach told her to go to them and she did. They were shocked to say the least. The tall one with harsh light blue eyes surprised her.

Instead of the usual rough treatment he had ordered the men to be gentle. Her hands were handcuffed in front of her body and no leather gag had been ordered. She sat in the middle seat of the SUV in the back, her eyes glued to the windows as she took in the warmth. One last look at the world, she mused to herself. Her hands reached up weakly for the gold cross that hung her from her neck.

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, yes, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." she whispered to comfort herself.

The man with the harsh eyes turned from his seat in the front to look at her. Brooklyn was not aware as her eyes still were glued to the window. He studied her intently, he had known how long she had been running and even he had been curious as to why she had kept going more north into Gilead rather than to Canada. Much about this case seemed off, on all accounts. The initial Commander who reported her was currently in custody as of two weeks ago. This woman was needed for further testimony. Her answers determined her fate, if her whispers were anything of who she truly was she had nothing to fear.

The SUV stopped finally after 20 minutes, Brooklyn instantly missed the heat the moment she stepped out. The building was fairly modern and looked new. Which was surprising, even with the war still going Gilead was strong enough to build infrastructure. Brooklyn was placed in a room with two chairs and a table, an interrogation room she knew. Thankfully, she did not have to wait long and the room was warm. The man entered again, with a glass of water and some bread. He sat it in front of her before taking his seat.

"I'm Commander Jasper Walker. You must be Dr. Brooklyn Blake? Is that correct?" His voice was deep and stern, as piercing as his eyes were. He then motioned to the food before her. "You should eat."

Brooklyn finally remembered to breathe and then nodded. "I was Dr. Brooklyn Blake. Not a doctor anymore. Thank you for the food." She replied, slight bitterness to her soft voice. Slowly she picked apart the bread and ate very slowly.

"We've been looking for you for a long time, but you knew that. Can you tell us why you ran from the Red Center in Charleston?"

Brooklyn swallowed and smiled. "It's not going to matter, you'll end up like Thompson and his men. Honestly it might be in your best interest to let me go."

"Commander Barnes is in custody awaiting trial for treason and lustful sin." He took in her face and honestly the small woman looked relieved.

"Barnes knew I was a virgin because of the testing, and as we both know they are married off. He...wanted me and we both know he is married. He had the doctors forge the paperwork and I was sent to be a handmaid. His handmaid she told me all about him, his demands..." She paused to take a drink and looked up to the Commander. "I rather be persecuted by man than by God. I am to only give myself to my husband, he was not my husband. So... I did what I felt was right. To live by God."

"The reports seemed to be correct about your whereabouts in the beginning, but then became sporadic about the time Commander Thompson and his crew were murdered. What can you tell me about that?"

She swallowed again. "He was a nice man, he actually listened to me. I was in his custody for... A week maybe and then Barnes came, the building was set on fire from the outside. Thompson I guess had been asking too many questions. And he was trying to get me up north to my brother so I could be rechecked by the doctors and resorted." She paused and took a breath. "The Angels took my cuffs off and he told me to just run. I never looked back, but I knew I just knew..." Tears dropped down her cheeks and she wiped them away on her sleeves.

"Commander Barnes reported that you started the fire from the inside, which was never well believed but of course why more attention was brought on your capture. The building has been formerly investigated and the fire indeed started from the outside. Your testimony will be used in his trial and was the last piece we needed. You will be examined by a doctor later to confirm your health and virginity. It will be up to Judgement whether or not you will be persecuted or placed else where."

"By else where you mean the Colonies?" Her eyes met his. He was surprised to see there was no fear. Maybe she had no longer feared death. "It could mean a number of things, Ms. Blake. You're also the best fertility doctor in the country in which your practice of medicine aligns with the teachings of Gilead."

"But I'm a woman." she exclaimed sadly. "Rare exceptions can be made. Blessed day Ms. Blake. We'll speak later." Brooklyn bowed her head. "Blessed day, Commander Walker."

The day went by quickly after that. The doctors examined her. She weighed 80 pounds, they told her. It hit her hard that she was on the verge of starving to death. She was shorter at 5'2", but even then she knew a healthy BMI was to be at least 105 pounds. "You're still fertile, a virgin, and when you get proper nutrition your menstrual cycle should begin again. I'm advising a regimen of vitamins." he told her. "Would it be possible for a smoothie to be made?" she asked and he smiled. "I knew you were given bread when you arrived. With your lack of hydration it probably is best."

The doctor must have known who she was, because he took her to the kitchen to make her smoothie. She chose bananas, spinach, green apples, blue berries, and kale. He smiled and had the Martha make it. "I'm surprised you didn't ask for any nuts on the side." She smiled. "I do need lipids, but I'm assuming you know I'm vegan. Also I didn't want to overstep." He nodded. "I was originally a Pediatrician, but I had read some of your studies on development and diet. Especially your pieces on pregnant women and veganism.". She drank her smoothie slowly and then smiled when he handed her a few pecans.

Later on in the day she was given new clothes. A long white dress to her relief. Her jeans would be missed, she couldn't deny that. The dress was warm to her relief. Much later, when the sun had set she was summoned to dinner. All eyes were on her as she entered and took a seat. Brooklyn half expected to be surrounded by men, but there were a few wives and of course Mathas serving. She was surprised to see Commander Walker didn't have a wife sitting next to him.

"Brooklyn it's so nice to meet you. I'm Commander Fred Waterford. I was on my way back from DC, staying here for the night." A man said, probably late in his 30s to early 40s with dark hair. He had a very distinct look to him despite what should have been plain features.

"Hello!" she replied cheerfully, which caught most off guard. Most expected her to be shaking in fear and meek. "It's nice to meet you sir. Are you far from your home?"

Waterford smiled at her demeanor. "Just Massachusetts. Your brother is there. He's been briefed and very happy you've been found relatively safe and sound."

Her eyes lit up at the realization Matthew was still alive. "Is Matthew well? I figured he would do so well within Gilead." she replied, as she brought her spoon of soup to her mouth and drank.

"You're certainly not wrong. He's a Commander now." Waterford replied with a wink. "And his wife is pregnant, thanks to you he reported."

Brooklyn smiled at the last bit. "Praise be. They followed the vitamin and diet regimen I suggested then. This is such amazing news. Thank you Commander Waterford."

Commander Walker studied her and her every reaction. Dinner wasn't just to be nice, it gave everyone a chance to provide input on her judgement. So far it was going great, which surprised him. For someone who ran so long, he had half expected her to put up a fight. She never once did. She was graceful, elegant, and surprisingly submissive. Like a true Gilead woman should be, she intrigued him to say the least.

"So tell me Brooklyn, when we pulled up to the school why didn't you run like you normally would?" Commander Walker asked, his deep voice seemed to boom through out the room causing all eyes to gravitate towards the small woman. It was a question they all wanted the answer to. The room was then silent.

Without missing a beat, Brooklyn smiled again and her dark green eyes meet his light blue. "I was starving, cold, and I knew I couldn't continue on for much longer so I prayed. I prayed for many hours for a sign. For salvation and you came."

"And you think Gilead is your salvation?" He replied, his light eyes seeming to darken with the implications.

"I trust in God above all things and if he has brought me to Gilead, then it is his will." She didn't even blink even with all eyes on her.

The room fell silent and then a wife spoke. "I will pray for your judgement sweet girl. You are what a true wife should be. May God bless you." Brooklyn looked to her and smiled.

"Thank you. I just hope I'm given that chance. I've always wanted children. It's the one thing I can give back to the world to truly make it a wonderful place."

Walker look to her again, his voice direct. "Why weren't you married before Gilead came to be?"

Brooklyn blushed and shook her head. "Honestly... There wasn't a man who valued my values and loved God as I do." She paused and looked up finally. "I'm sure you can remember from the time before...the...wickedness of it. The younger generation of men only cared for the act of procreation as you can imagine."

Waterford laughed and sighed. "I do believe Mrs. Sawyer is correct. You are going to make some lucky man an amazing wife. It's been very challenging to find women from your age group who are unmarried and pure as you are."

"As you can remember, God and traditional values were massively attacked by the modern media. The young sheep chose wrong. They chose the easy life. They chose sin. And now they see the wages of sin is death. Now they are handmaids or in the Colonies." She paused and took a drink. "They called me meek back then, even when I was 10 years old and in medical school. Little do they know the meek shall inherit the Earth."

Waterford finished his drink and smiled. It was a small cheers to her, she knew. "So they shall. I think someone's judgement is going to go quite well."

Most of the wives looked up and smiled to her with hope. Commander Walker was silent and Brooklyn wasn't sure what to make of it. She was confident she had answered every question correctly. It was evident on all their faces and she was great at reading people. He continued to study her for the rest of the night, even when she was sharing recipes with the wives. Though why the wives had asked evaded him. Most of them never cooked. They had Marthas for that.

A week later, her judgement concluded in Massachusetts with Commander Waterford, Walker, and her brother watching. Innocent. To her it was nearly music to hear those words. Though one thing bothered her. She was to be married. To a stranger. All she could wonder was when and who. Would he be kind? Would he be a truthful god fearing man? Or a man fearing all men that was lying about his love of God.

So many questions filled her mind as she stared blankly at the ceiling of the gym in the Red Center. She had been staying her for the week, waiting for her salvation. Tomorrow would be new. Tomorrow she would be home with her brother Matthew until she was to married. Either way, she was blessed she reminded herself as she heard a girl sobbing into her pillow. Gillian had slapped Aunt Elizabeth who then beat the girl within an inch of her life. No matter what tomorrow brought, at least she wasn't going to be a handmaid. The thought made her smile. That was one bullet dodged among many. How many were to come? She didn't know, didn't care to be honest. The girl had God and God had her. Maybe she was going to be what all women aspired to be in Gilead, she thought grimly. Her thoughts faded as she finally fell asleep.

At the Waterford residence, Fred and Jasper were having a drink. Scotch neat. "How's the new handmaid?" Walker asked as he selected a record from the shelf. David Bowie- I'm afraid of Americans. "Pretty. Blonde. Quiet, probably thanks to Serena. Maybe you are smarter staying unmarried." Waterford replied with a scoff. "Can't dodge that bullet forever I'm afraid. I barely got out of the last Prayvaganza." Walker recalled with a flinch.

Waterford laughed and shook his head. "You are one of the very few unmarried Commanders in the region. Pryce loves his marriages." Walker put the record on and cringed again. "I want a woman, not a child."

"Not very many choices on that front. You're nearing mid thirties. The oldest one we had was twenty five and she was married off yesterday as you know. I think Brooklyn is now the oldest and we both know that was a rare find." Waterford said as he looked up from his drink.

"She's absolute perfection. Not sure if her brother would let go of her so easily and quickly." Walker said before taking another drink.

"You're higher on the command chain. Not much he can say if we're being honest." Waterford's brows raised as he spoke. A smug grin followed. "Besides if Pryce knew that would lock you down in holy matrimony, he'd have a ceremony right now."

Walker thought for a second, time wasn't on his hands and neither was selection. If he didn't ask fast someone else would swoop in and she'd be gone. He glared momentarily at the thought. "If you sell Pryce on it... I'd love to have her." Waterford looked up with a sly grin, pleased with his response. "Done. When would you like to collect your bride for the wedding?"

That didn't take much, Walker thought with an eye roll. "Two weeks or more. She needs to adjust to Gilead and I need to get both houses ready." Which was true, he had a nice house in city and an even bigger one a little outside of the city.

Another week passed before Commander Pryce agreed. Quite a few men had put their names in the hat for the woman's hand in marriage. Jasper was the oldest and highest ranking. Not to mention he had Fred Waterford in his corner. A month and she would all his.

Brooklyn was in the garden with Mrs. Blake, her brother's wife Nina, when she was told. Aunt Lydia was happy and smiling, which first scared Brooklyn a little.

"Praise be. What a glorious day it is dear." She beamed.

"Yes, it's a beautiful day Aunt Lydia." Brooklyn greeted with a raised brow. Something was up, which if it's news coming from an Aunt... It was never good.

"I have such happy news dear sweet girl." Lydia was smiling even wider. To the point Brooklyn and Nina looked at each other with concern.

"Oh?" was all Brooklyn could manage.

"You are to be married at the end of the month." Lydia bent down and hugged her. Brooklyn quite literally paled and hugged back weakly.

"To who?" Brooklyn's voice was barely above a whisper.

"Me." Walker's voice came from behind her. Brooklyn visibly jumped, not expecting him.

She released the older woman and turned slowly, still on her knees. Walker offered her a hand and helped her to her feet. "Praise be and may God make me truly worthy of such a husband." Her words were sweet, but her face was a blank canvas. Walker couldn't read her as he did everyone else. Always a surprise was she.