Title: Constant Compromise
By: Jessica
Pairing: Jake/Calleigh
Rating: T
Spoilers: Slight reference to 6x02, Going Under.
Timeline: AU from canon. Precedes One Wish in the Endless Sacrifice series.

August 29th, 2007

The sky was steadily darkening, although it was already far darker than it should be at half past seven in the evening. Clouds, heavy with rain, were gathering overhead, the promise of a summer thunderstorm lurking above him. The low rumble of thunder in the distance was easily heard, and growing louder and closer with every peal.

An involuntary shiver suddenly raced through his body, and he rubbed his hands over his arms, feeling goosebumps that had nothing to do with the temperature. He could feel the sticky, Florida heat in the air, but despite the uncomfortable warmth, the blood that ran through his veins felt ice cold. These kind of missions used to give him such a huge rush, but this time, huddling in a small, shifty alleyway, Jake only felt half-alive.

You shouldn't be here. The four words kept flashing across his mind, ringing truer each time they repeated. He'd swear they even danced across his vision, spelling themselves out in the bricks of the building on the other side of the alley. But what could he do? He couldn't just drop everything and go home, as much as he wanted to do just that. Doing that might possibly compromise his life even more so, not to mention his family.

Family. When Jake had lacked that, this job had been easy. Sometimes it'd even been preferable to going home to an empty, dark apartment. It was why he'd held on to this so long.

But then, she had inadvertently thrown herself back into his life. His academy sweetheart, the one woman he'd ever honestly and completely loved.

It was ironic; his undercover work had ripped them apart the first time, but it was because of that undercover work that she ended up back in his life again. Back in his arms, back in his bed. Back where they both knew she belonged.

You shouldn't be here.

He knew it was true. And even though he did know that, the words just echoed louder and louder. It was alarmingly true; he shouldn't be here, putting his life on the line due to speculated reports. He shouldn't be the one in danger; he should be the one doing the comforting.

He should be at home, warm and cozy in that recliner in the den, his five year old daughter safe in his arms. She was afraid of thunder, but when Jake held her, she always managed to fall asleep, despite however raging the storm outside was. He smiled slightly; it was a trait the little girl had picked up from her mother. Calleigh wasn't too fond of thunderstorms either, but she always felt safe whenever Jake was there.

And it was the only place Jake wanted to be right now: with his wife and his daughter.

With a defeated sigh, he turned his face toward the sky, blinking as the first few sprinkles of rain fell down upon him, a flash of lightning streaking across the sky. The humidity was almost crushing now, and he knew it would only get worse before it let up, if it let up at all. The scent of rain was now heavy on the air, and after a moment of thought, he moved a few feet to the right, lurking under a small overhang from the building behind him that he knew wouldn't offer much protection from the coming storm.

But with this job, he'd learned to take what he could get, when he could get it.

He winced slightly as he leaned back against the building. Cautiously, he ran his hand over the bandage on his left shoulder. It served as a reminder of the stitches that lay underneath; the stitches that sewed together the wound from the bullet he'd taken just days before. Had he been any less alert, the bullet would have torn straight through his chest, straight through his heart. Even so, the pain had been unbearable, and it was only the images of Calleigh and Leah that flashed through his mind that kept him from slipping into unconsciousness.

He'd called Calleigh that afternoon. Usually it wasn't something he dared to do, knowing any kind of contact under these circumstances was risky. But he'd needed to hear her voice. It'd been a short call, and he didn't dare let her know he'd been shot, but it'd been enough at the time.

Enough for him to know that he really wasn't dead; that he still had her. And enough for her, to know that after two months, he was still alive.

But then he'd hung up, and that empty feeling returned to him with a vengeance. That empty, cold feeling. Of course, he didn't actually know what it felt like, but Jake would swear the feeling was almost like that of death.

It was too much. This assignment; he had to do it right. It was a decision he'd made the night before, and he wasn't about to reconsider. He had to come away from this assignment knowing it would be his very last.

Quietly, he slipped his tattered wallet from his back pocket, a small smile touching his lips. Calleigh often tried to get him to let her buy him a new wallet, but Jake never let her. Sure, this one was old, even falling apart, but he'd never had a more reliable one. Jokingly, he called it his lucky wallet, which in effect had gotten Leah on his side.

"It's lucky, Mama. It means Daddy'll come home."

He'd never heard more conviction in his daughter's voice. It seemed as though the little girl had even managed to convince her mother of that fact. Jake smiled; before he'd left this last time, Calleigh had made certain that he had that wallet.

She was just like him; she kept a tight hold on whatever hope she could find, any way she could grasp it.

But Jake knew there was only so much to go around. Luck, hope; he knew he held an endless supply of neither. And he'd taken a shot to the shoulder; he was sure it was by an amazing amount of luck that he had seen it coming soon enough to move the target from his heart to his shoulder. He wasn't sure exactly how much more luck he could possibly have.

And it wasn't something he particularly wanted to find out.

Jake flinched slightly as a peal of thunder erupted from directly overhead. It'd startled him for a moment; at first, he'd mistaken the sound for a gunshot. So it was with a sigh of relief that he relaxed again against the building in that dark alley, clutching his lucky wallet.

Very carefully, he pulled it open, slipping his most beloved treasure in times such as these out of the pocket. Slowly he sank to the ground, letting the wallet drop to his lap as he became lost to everything but the picture in his hand. A smile played on his lips as he stared at the picture, seeing the woman he loved more than life itself and his only daughter who, except for her beautiful, deep brown eyes, was a complete, spitting image of her mother; both of them smiling back at him.

He'd give anything to be back with them right now.

--

"Do you know when you'll be back?" Calleigh asked quietly, her eyes trained defiantly on the floor. She attempted to stand tall, though the effect was marred slightly by the pale pink robe she pulled tightly around herself, as well as the matching pink slippers. Her hair fell around her face, shielding her tearing eyes from his view. The sight of her looking so fragile was enough to shatter Jake's heart into a billion tiny shards.

He shook his head; the spontaneity he'd once loved about this job had become what he dreaded most. He never knew when he'd be called away, nor did he know when he'd be back. "I don't know. This one might take a while."

Calleigh gave a dejected nod, accepting his answer. It was the way she always handled it; she was strong until he left, and then and only then would she let herself fall apart.

Only, it was getting harder these days to keep herself together that long. She crossed her arms tightly across her chest, letting out a shaky breath. "Jake…I love you so much," she whispered, her bottom lip quivering as she struggled to hold back her tears.

Sensing her struggle, Jake crossed the room to her. "Hey, hey," he said gently, taking her face in both hands, tilting her chin up. He brushed a thumb over her cheek, brushing away a tear. "You know I hate it when you cry," he commented quietly.

Calleigh bit her lip, but it was no use. She felt the storm coming. "I hate you for making me cry," she whimpered, falling into his embrace and burying her face against his chest.

He held on to her tightly, burying his face against her hair, breathing her in deeply. "I hate myself for that too," he murmured into her hair, prompting a half-sob, half-chuckle from her before the last of her barriers fell away, and she completely dissolved in his arms. He closed his eyes, letting her clutch onto him as tightly as she needed to, holding her in return as her body shook with the force of her sobs.

He knew he couldn't keep doing this to her for too much longer. Hell, he knew he himself couldn't do this for much longer. It was too damaging to both of them, and he didn't even want to think about what it did to Leah.

Eventually her sobs quieted, and she pulled away from him, dabbing at her eyes. Jake could tell she was embarrassed, but for once, she didn't apologize for her tears, and Jake was glad for that. He watched her pull herself together, again finding himself amazed at the strength she possessed. He knew this was hell for her.

"Please be careful," she whispered, wanting so bad to make him stay, but knowing he had to go. It was his job; Calleigh knew she couldn't be selfish, but she so wanted to be.

Gently, Jake reached out, sliding her hair behind her ears. He cupped her face in his hands, feeling his own eyes begin to mirror the moisture he saw in Calleigh's. Softly he lowered his lips to hers, letting them linger against hers, not wanting to break the connection.

But he knew, though, that he didn't have forever. He broke away from her, feeling a coldness surge through him as soon as their connection was broken. "I have to go," he mumbled, hating the pain that flashed across her eyes. She didn't reply; a slight, defeated nod was her only response. With a sigh, he took his bag from the floor and tossed it over his shoulder, smiling to Calleigh in what he hoped was reassurance. "I love you, Calleigh," he whispered.

"I love you, too."

He thought the hard part was over once he'd made it halfway down the stairs. Saying goodbye to Calleigh had never been easy for him, and it just got harder and harder every time he had to say it. But there was nothing that prepared him for what he heard once he reached the bottom of the stairs and stepped into the den.

"Daddy?"

Jake froze in his tracks, his shoulders slumping. He'd never had to confront his daughter face to face before leaving yet, and the very idea of it was enough to break his heart all over again.

Setting his bag down, he turned toward the voice, forcing himself to smile. "What are you doing out of bed, sweetheart?"

Leah crawled off the couch, yawning even as she ambled closer to him. "I couldn't sleep."

Jake reached out to her, and she eagerly climbed into his arms, giggling as he lifted her up. He propped her at his side, holding her so her face was even with his. "Why couldn't you sleep?"

She shrugged. "I heard stuff," she said very seriously. Her eyes shifted back down to the ground, where Jake's bag had fallen, forgotten for a moment. "Are you leaving again?"

Jake bit his lip. "Yeah. I'm sorry, honey."

For the moment, Leah seemed unconcerned. "Be back Saturday?" she asked, and suddenly, Jake felt worse than he had the whole time he was talking to Calleigh. Calleigh at least understood; either that, or she did a damn good job pretending to understand.

But Leah was five. To her, nothing was worse than a broken promise, especially from her father. She was Daddy's little girl.

With a heavy heart, Jake recalled every word of the promise he'd made her. He'd promised to take her to the beach on Saturday, just the two of them. She'd been so excited; it was practically all she'd talked about all week. And now Jake had to tell her they couldn't. He hated this; he really did.

He sighed, pressing a kiss to the little girl's forehead. "Sweetheart, I'm sorry. It's probably gonna be a bit longer than that."

She looked at him as though her world had ended. "But…the beach?" she asked, her lip quivering.

The sight was enough to bring tears to Jake's own eyes again. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I have to work, angel. Maybe Mommy can take you?"

Leah shook her head vehemently. "I don't wanna go with her; I wanna go with you."

Her honesty shook him to the core. Slowly he bent down, letting Leah back down to the floor and kneeling in front of her. "Okay, sweetheart; as soon as I get back, I promise I'll take you to the beach. Just you and me. I promise."

Leah smiled widely. "Even if it's the middle of the night?"

Jake chuckled, reaching out to ruffle her blonde hair. "Well, not if it's the middle of the night. You'd be sleepy, like you are now," he observed, watching the little girl yawn. "But I'll take you the very next morning. And we can spend all day there." He leaned closer, giving her a conspiratorial look. "And don't tell your mother, but I'll buy you as much ice cream as you want."

Leah grinned, her eyes lighting up. "Really?"

"Yep. As much as you want." Leah giggled in delight, and Jake couldn't help but grin as well. After a moment he pulled her closer again, his face once again serious. "I want you to do something for me while I'm gone, okay?"

"Like a job?"

Jake smiled. "Exactly like that, sweetheart." He tilted his head toward the stairs. "I want you to take care of your mama for me, okay?"

Leah nodded seriously, taking the task to heart. "I will."

"Don't let her cry, okay? If she looks sad, I want you to make her laugh. Can you do that for me?"

"Uh-huh," Leah replied, nodding again.

"Good," Jake said with a smile, pulling her into a hug. "I love you so much, sweetheart."

"I love you too, Daddy."

Jake kissed the top of her head before he let her go. "I want you to go back to bed, okay?" he demanded gently as he stood again. He watched her, knowing she wouldn't have any trouble getting back to sleep.

"Okay," she replied on a yawn.

But she didn't head back to bed just yet. She stood at the bottom of the stairs, watching as Jake picked up his bag again and started to the door. He turned to face her once more before he left the house. With a wave and a "Be good, angel," he was gone.

--

Jake let out a sigh, gently pressing a kiss to the photograph. "I love you; both of you. I hope you know that," he whispered, gently fingering the frayed edges of the picture.

Another peal of thunder sounded from above, pulling him from his reverie. The sprinkles from the sky slowly progressed into more frequent drops of rain, and, not wanting his precious photograph to get wet, he quickly stood, pressing one last kiss to the picture before he carefully placed it back inside his wallet before he slid them both back into his pocket.

This was it. He was done with this undercover job. Too many tears had been shed because of it, too many sacrifices made, too many promises broken. It was time to put an end to the constant compromise that had taken over his life.

Because now, he stood to lose far too much. He couldn't take that risk anymore.

So with a deep breath and a silent prayer, he stepped once more from the shadows. This was the last time; the last assignment. He was ready to finish this once and for all so he could go home to his wife and daughter. His family.

And this time, he was going to keep his promises.