It had been a pretty uneventful two days. Uneventful, but a nice break all the same from all the running and getting captured by aliens. Seriously, that happened for the whatever hundredth time on their last adventure. The alien king was thin-skinned enough that he threw them in a cell. Naturally, it was after the Doctor insulted the clothes of the native population offhandedly (They had the misfortune to have the King overhear them). Like he had anything to say on good fashion choices, Peri thought.
And who knows how long it was exactly. Time worked differently in the TARDIS, so for all she knew, it could've been a week. Two days was just what she felt like had passed. Peri was in the TV room checking out one of Gordon Ramsey's shows when she smelled it. Smoke. She knew the Doctor was in the kitchen, making an attempt at cooking, so her first thought jumped to burnt food rather than fire. Besides, if it was a fire, the TARDIS fire alarm system would kick in and she would be getting drenched.
The TV show was no longer her primary focus. The smoke didn't smell all that appetizing to her. Rather, mingled along with the exotic alien smell, it smelled burnt. Typical, he claimed to have cooking skills above Gordon Ramsay, and told her as such earlier. 'Course, he had to explain who Gordon Ramsay was to her, and even before she checked out a show of his, she got the feeling there was some exaggeration in play.
And true, for all she knew, maybe that's what some alien food was suppose to smell like. Given her best friend's track record, though, she couldn't shake the feeling it was burnt. Heck, it wasn't just salad the Doctor set fire to in the past. Once, he somehow set fire to water, which Peri still couldn't figure out how he managed to do to this day.
Earlier, the Doctor said he would be in the kitchen, making a delicious snack for them to enjoy. She had to be impressed that it took him about an hour before he burned anything, which was a miraculous feat in and itself. She turned off the TV and walked out of the room towards the kitchen down the hall. This one was of those times she felt like she wasn't gonna get lost quickly. All she had to do was follow the smell of burnt food in the air.
And said smell got a little stronger when she entered. The Doctor stood at the counter, looking disappointedly at what looked like a batch of cookies. Or at least it could be cookies; she couldn't tell, since they bulged out upwards like muffins. And were black. She coughed a bit and waved the smoke out of the way before she was able to speak.
"What are you trying to make, Doctor? Whatever it is, it looks burnt."
The Doctor responded, a little offended. He would've expected Peri, with all of her human brain, to decipher what kind of sugary treat he had in the little metal pan.
"Dear Peri, I know your eyesight is at efficient levels, so as you can plainly tell I am making biscuits of the Gallifreyan kind."
Peri rolled her eyes and made a light-hearted quip, "Well, I can plainly see they look more like burnt blobs of coal."
The Doctor took another glance at the pan, then back at Peri with a rare look of defeat on his face. It lasted only momentarily, though, before it was replaced with the usual overconfidence.
"Yes, well, this is just a minor mishap. Very small miscalculation. I have enough to make another batch," He wasn't about to give up so easily.
"And here I thought you said you were better than Gordon Ramsay," Peri chuckled casually. She noticed the Doctor had what looked like a recipe book opened on the counter. The picture of the food on the page more resembled what she thought of as a cookie. Or biscuits, if you asked a certain blond, curly-haired anglophile. At least the shape was familiar enough. Everything else screamed alien, like the fact it was primarily purple with what looked like bits of orange embedded here and there.
"That shall be the result, once I am done."
"Somehow, I have my doubts. So far you proved you can make coal. If you want actual cookies-"
"Biscuits, dear Peri."
"Biscuits, then you better let me help you."
Peri took the little metal cookie sheet and dumped the burnt ones into the trash.
"Help me? Help me?! You?! May I remind you that I am not making a simple little Earth biscuit. I am making one that originated from Gallifrey, using an ancient recipe. Therefore, it's far more complex than any of your Earth...cookies, to use your American parlance. It requires precise calculations and measurements of each ingredient to put together this delicacy."
It was a good thing the TARDIS's translation system didn't stop at just spoken languages, it worked on written works as well. The book was rendered in English in Peri's perspective because of this.
A few seconds passed before Peri spoke, "No offense, but this manages to put me off of cooking anything. It's that dull."
The Doctor gasped with the usual indignation, "Miss Perpugilliam Brown! That dull recipe, as you so rudely put it, is part of a collection of recipes passed down from my parents! That recipe book has been in my family for generations! I can remember many a time when me and my mother would bake this very same treat. My siblings, for some reason, didn't seem to take to this particular type of biscuit. But thankfully I did. Yes, this was one of my favorites! One of the most delectable, nay, the most delectable of all Gallifreyan sweets!"
"Well, if you want that same taste, then I should help you."
"What makes you think that you can even comprehend that recipe enough with non-existence understanding of the chemicals and flavors found in Gallifreyan food? Your primitive brain is simply not big enough to discern the exact kinds and the right amount to create a cacophony of heavenly flavor!"
Peri wasn't fazed at all, so naturally, she didn't skip a beat, "Because I made cookies plenty of times with my mom when I was young. And different kinds, too, so it's not like I only know how to make one kind. Besides, the pic makes it look like some alien version of a blueberry cookie."
The Doctor took a couple of steps and leaned towards the book. He took a moment's look before he turned and admitted she had a point.
"I do suppose there is a sort of semblance to a blueberry biscuit."
The Doctor smiled friendly, "Oh alright, you may help me, but you have to follow every bit of the instructions."
Peri good-naturedly rolled her eyes that ended on a friendly smile.
"I know how to read a recipe."
They both got to preparing the next batch and things went smoothly. Flour was put into a bowl followed by eggs, sugar, a little bit of salt, and some alien version of vanilla extract. The Doctor got out the baking soda when he instructed Peri to get the butter.
"And Gallifreyan butter should be easy to find, as it is bright red compared to Earth butter."
Peri looked in the fridge for a good minute, but she simply couldn't spot it. She did, however, spot some butter she was used to seeing all her life back on Earth.
"Well it may not be Gallifreyan, but I found some," Peri announced as she closed the door.
The Doctor peered over, "Oh no, that cannot do! Any other kind of butter would disrupt the very foundation that gives this biscuit its unique taste!"
"You mean other than flour and the sugar and whatnot?" Peri said as the Doctor walked passed her to look for himself.
"An absence of any of them would still cause a disruption."
Peri chuckled good-naturedly at his reaction, "You are on par with Gordon in dramatics when it comes to cooking, I'll give you that."
"There is a legitimately good reason for me to be so dramatic, as you say. Once you have eaten one of these, your mind will be blown away. That, I guarantee, Peri!"
There was a question she hadn't thought of yet. Were these cookies even safe for humans to consume?
"So, these cookies are safe to eat?"
"Yes, of course, Peri! I remember making these back in my second life with Jamie. As far I remember, he showed no signs of any ill effects from eating one. If anything, it gave him the desire to have seconds." The Doctor explained with a bit of a scoff.
His head was still in the fridge as he still looked around. He sighed disappointedly a second later and closed the door.
"So couldn't find any, huh?" Peri noted with light sarcasm.
The Doctor gave her a look, then carried on, "I guess we'll just have to settle for the inferior kind. It'll taste a little different, but it will still be delicious, I'm sure."
Peri looked at the recipe to check, then dumped the butter in. She looked back at the page while the Doctor put in some water. The next set of instructions was to put in the alien berries that were in a large bowl on the counter. He asked Peri to read out the next instruction.
Peri began to read, only to get confused halfway through.
"Put in 1 zx of Raziah berries. Doctor, what is zx?"
"That, my dear, is a Gallifreyan unit of measurement," The Doctor explained.
The Doctor moved over to the cupboards to rummage through the shelves. He knew one of those measuring cups with the right unit had to be around somewhere. Or at least, as far as he knew. He hoped he hadn't misplaced it. After several seconds, he uttered a rude word in an alien language and closed the door with an audible slam.
"Drat it all, I can't find it! The one measuring tool out of all the ones in this blasted kitchen and I can't find it."
Peri took pity and suggested, "We can just do what my mother did when we can't find something to measure with. Eyeball it."
The Doctor swiftly looked at her, his curly hair bounced along with the movement.
"Miss Perpugilliam Brown! Are you suggesting we deviate from the recipe?! Who knows what chaos the change will bring to the flavor!?"
Peri rolled her eyes, "A recipe doesn't have to be followed by the letter. It can be changed and modified with your own touch to it. Something can be reminiscent of something you made with your parents as a kid, and yet have your own spin to it."
"And you can attest to that, Miss Brown?"
"I made my own version of the chocolate chips cookies I made with my mom in college. People seemed to like them."
The Doctor didn't have a reply, but still didn't look completely convinced.
"If anything, it'll still taste better than the celery cookies your previous self made."
The Doctor gave it some thought and gave her a nod.
"You do have a point there. Very well, we will give it a go."
The Doctor turned back around to the counter, his coat swirled around with grand fashion. Everything went smoothly from then on. Mix it all together, put it on a cookie sheet, and put it in the oven for around 20 minutes.
It wasn't too long before the baked cookies were in a bowl and on the table. This time, they came out looking more edible than when she first came into the kitchen earlier. They both were equally impressed with the results.
The Doctor was eager to give it a taste. He reached out to grab one and subsequently took a bite. Peri followed suit without missing a beat. She was curious how an alien kind of cookie would taste like. The Doctor, being the Doctor, took his time with his bite, he looked up aimlessly at the sky as he discerned the taste. The Doctor had to be dramatic with everything. Peri had long since gotten used to it.
She finished up her piece while the Doctor scrutinized a couple of more bites. Finally, after a couple of minutes, he faced her.
"I daresay, this batch is just as good if not better than what mother used to make."
Peri chuckled and added her two cents, "Tastes like a sweet, but nutty combination of strawberry and blueberry."
"Hmm, apt description, dear Peri. You should know however, Time Lord's taste buds are more sensitive than humans, but it's close enough."
"Tastes better than the blueberries cookies I remember from my grandma, at least."
The Doctor chuckled, "Good thing it's just us in the TARDIS right now. My mother would be most upset if she heard what I just said. I imagine your grandmother would be, too."
Peri nodded in agreement. With that, the two took another piece and decided to spend the otherwise uneventful day watching more episodes of Kitchen Nightmare.