No Bloody Clue!!
(A/N) Okay, any one who's read Run Away, don't expect that kind of stuff here. This story is extremely confusing and has confused the authoresses more times than we can count. Once again, Mirae and Otaku are teaming up to bring you a monstrosity! Have fun, and don't forget to take your Prozac!! (We did! -Otaku)
No Bloody Clue!!
Pairings: Ed/Roy (though not till later…), Fleshy!Al/Wrath (yes it's weird, bear with us!), Hohenheim/Dante, Rose/Noah (that's good Yuri right there!), Fuery/Havoc, Hughes/?, Envy/?, and a ton of other pairings that may not make sense, but bear with us…
Warnings: There will be Rape in one or more chapters, gotta get this out RIGHT OFF THE BAT!! Plus some really evil shi by Dante! So look out, here we go, and hold on to your pirate hat!
Description: This is a happy little plot bunny hatched by our dear own Mirae Alla. She had no sleep and tons of caffeine, and she forgot to take her meds, so this should tell you something. In this story, Ed is a pirate!! Al is the grandson of the mayor of a VERY important town, and Roy is the commandant of the navy of said important town. Things happen, places are visited and many adventures unfold. Anything more said, will ruin the plot! So in you go, and have a nice swim!
Disclaimer: I do NOT own Fullmetal Alchemist!! (If we did, Ed would have a whole lotta booty calls… and Winry would be dead!)
Now that that's out of the way…
No Bloody Clue!! Chap. 1 –Of all the stupid….
Al sat, fuming, in the stables, feeding Lorriet an extra apple. He was truly angry this time, not just sulking, like normal. Alphonse Elric was near the point of crying, he was so frustrated.
Why couldn't his grandfather spare just one tiny room? He had plenty after all! Just one tiny room, that was all he needed. Couldn't his grandfather see that they needed help?
"Why, Lorriet? Why can't Grandpa Bradley see!" Al whined to the horse. She nodded sympathetically, whinnying softly. He patted her forelock, and reached for another apple, his hand sliding into the straw where the other one had been. He looked over in surprise. He was sure he had grabbed one more, where had it gone?
"Looking for this?" a voice said, from within the straw. Suddenly a hand thrust the apple up. Al squeaked in surprise, and in his haste, fell right off of the stool he was sitting on. This in turn surprised Lorriet, who in turn began fidgeting.
The stack of hay moved, shifting to reveal the form of a laughing young man. His face, handsome though it was, was wrinkled in the hilarity of the situation, and his form, lithe and strong, was wracked with laughter. When he opened his golden feline eyes, the sight before him was of a boy, no older than fourteen, he was certain, with straw gold hair, and burnished brown-gold eyes, narrowed in anger.
"How DARE you sneak up on me like that!" Al yelled, once again startling the poor horse.
"Calm down! One, you sound like a woman, and two, you're scaring the horse." The stranger said, taking a bite of the pilfered apple. Al spluttered, how could this man sit there and insult him like that?! Wait, not man, he was sure of it. The person before him had no facial hair, and still had small traces of the roundness of youth in his face. Al judged him to be only a few years older than himself. That just made it worse!
"Do you know who I am?!" Al hissed, eyes narrowed in his fury.
"Nope. Should I?" The youth said, Taking another bite, and quirking an eyebrow at the boy in front of him. If he was gonna talk, might as well get some information out of him.
"I'll have you know, I'm Mayor Bradley's grandson!"
The youths Eyes widened at this, and a small smile appeared on his lips. He could most certainly use this to his advantage. He had the grandson of the most influential man in the city right in front of him, unguarded. This was taking a most interesting turn of events.
"And does the grandson of the mayor have a name?" He queried.
Those burnished eyes narrowed again, as if trying to detect falseness in his tone. He must not have found any, for he answered quickly enough.
"Alphonse Elric, son of Trisha Elric." Alphonse stated, "Though my friends call me Al."
"Alrighty then, Al, think you could help me out here?" The teen took another bite, smiling. Al's face contorted into a mask of utter confusion.
"Wait, one, since when are YOU my friend, two, don't you usually tell someone your name when they've told you theirs, and three, with WHAT exactly?" Al questioned, listing them off on his fingers, as if to prove his point.
The golden-maned teen looked upwards in thought, and answered him, using his own fingers in a form of mockery.
"One, just a few seconds ago, two, my name's Edward, but you can call me Ed, and three, I'm being followed and I need supplies." Ed finished, and took yet another bite, looking quite pleased with himself.
Al stood, gawking at this teen, Ed as he called himself. He'd just met him a VERY short time ago, and already he was asking for favors! For all he knew this person could be the pirate everyone had been up in arms about all morning!
Wait, that thought struck him. What if he WAS the pirate? This could turn out to Al's advantage… Wouldn't grandpa be more inclined to help him-?
"So, what is it that you were whining about, before I interrupted you?" Ed asked, casually, taking another bite of his apple. That apple really was getting on Al's nerves. (Ours too…-Otaku) Al looked at him, wondering just what kind of person this Ed was, if he could go from one topic to another so quickly.
"Grandpa refuses to let me take in the stray kittens I find! They need help, and he refuses to even look at them!" The topic brings the frustration soaring straight back at him, even as Ed's expression changes quickly from one of astonishment, to confusion, to downright laughter.
Al looked over, to find the golden eyes of the teen once again screwed up in laughter.
"You're throwing a temper tantrum over- over- o-over CATS!!!" Ed said, bursting into gales of laughter, for the third time during their brief meeting. Al really was starting to dislike this boy. He huffed and turned to leave.
Ed noticed, and tried to stem his laughter.
"N-no! W-wait, I'm s-sorr-ry! Please don't go." Ed said, calm, pleading. Al looked back, and seeing that the older boy wasn't laughing at him any longer, reluctantly turned back to stand in front of the strange teen again.
"I'm sorry, I just haven't heard of such simple woes for a long time. Hey, I have an idea!" Ed said, pounding a fist into his other hand, apple all but forgotten. He really did want to help this ungainly boy, for reasons quite unknown to him.
"And what would that be?" Al said, sarcastically. So far the elder boy had done nothing but taunt him and laugh at his misfortune. This was not a way to gather his trust, and he wasn't exactly sure the other boy had noticed this fact.
"Come with me! I'm leaving this town soon, why don't you come with me? Cat's are always welcome on ships, they keep the mice at bay, and another hand would surely be of use!"
Al looked at Ed as if he had grown new limbs. Had he heard him right? Did Ed really just invite him to run away from his home, and join a ship?
"What kind of ship is this exactly? It's surely not a merchant's ship if it will take runaways as its crew!"
Ed flinched. This boy was smarter than he gave him credit for. Obviously, the boy knew something of protocol when it came to sea-faring vessels. It was only a matter of course, however, considering his station in this port town.
"Well, um… You see, uh." Ed tried to think quickly, but his mind failed him. He had not anticipated this boy to have such a quick wit.
"It's a pirate ship, isn't it!" Al said, excitement alighting his face. He was sure of it now, after Ed's reaction. This was more exciting than when he had put a frog in Auntie Dante's soup! He'd always wanted to meet a pirate, especially because his father had been one, before he settled down with his mother. Trisha Elric had held him many a night by the fire, telling him stories of her brave pirate husband, and her brave elder son, who disappeared, presumably off to settle some old debt or some such.
Ed paled, and watched the boy become FAR more excited than he had any right to be. This was a PIRATE ship they were talking about, not some pleasure cruise!
"Hey, now, what are you all happy for?!" Ed asked, a little miffed.
"I always wanted to meet a real pirate! Do you all really sing 'Yo, ho ho, and a bottle of Rum'?" Al asked, dropping in front of the elder boy, a rapt expression on his face, as he waited for an answer.
Ed now looked slightly disturbed.
"Yes, when caught in a calm…There's really nothing else to do, unless you want to go for a swim." Ed said, wary. Was this boy one of those strange nobles who study adventure when they are absolutely sure to have none? Obviously, if his expression was any indication.
"Well, I don't know, is the offer still open to join you? I can get supplies for you, here at least, and if you give me a couple hours before I go, I can get lots of money for stocking up in other cities!" Ed was taken aback once again. This boy really was FAR too eager for his own good. If it wasn't Ed, it would be some other pirate, one far less inclined towards the good of the boy. After all, he was very effeminate, with that long golden hair. Ed himself, had faced those perils a few times, and would wish them on no one else. He had no choice. Crazy though the boy was, he had to take him with him.
"Alright, alright, let's get started. First, you said, with enough time, you can get together a tidy sum of money, correct? And where would we have to go to procure this allowance?" Ed smirked at the term, for surely that was what it was. A boy as innocent as this surely would not steal from his own family?
And yet again he was proved wrong by the boy. Within two hours, not only had he arrived within the mansion the boy lived in, but no sooner than an hour afterward, watched the boy climb out of his own bedroom window, weighed down by three heavy sacks of gold.
"What in the name of-!! Did you just steal-? From your own-?!" Ed gasped, follo0wing the boy as he slunk through the dusk-ridden town.
"Yes, yes, from my own house, yes!" Al answered concentrating on getting them to the port without undue notice. "Now be quiet, I'm trying to find your boat."
Ed stopped, chuckling nervously. Al stopped instantly, upon hearing the strange sound, instantly angry at what it implied.
"What does THAT mean…?" There was a dangerous edge to Al's voice, and Ed didn't really want to find out what the boy was capable of. For all he knew, the boy knew Alchemy, same as him…
"Just, that I'm, ummm…a little, short, shall we say in the capacity of boats…aheh." Ed said, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment.
Oh, how Al longed to say, 'Short yes, but not just in that respect!' right about now…
"Fine…" Al growled, "Just help me look for a large pile of wood or dirt or something!"
"Why, exactly?" Ed said, fearing the worst.
"Alchemy, you idiot! I'll just MAKE us a boat!" Al was really getting tired of this conversation.
Ed looked around, but found his eye drawn by something far more interesting. He pointed out into the bay.
"Why make a boat…" He said, with a roguish smile, indicating a large sailing ship docked in the port, "When we can just steal one, instead?"
Otaku: OH. MY. GOD. That was a bitc to type. That was more… Exasperating than trying to keep Roxas in character!
Mirae: Well, at least you're done now, so I don't have to FAN you anymore!! throws down a fan in disgust
Otaku: But, I couldn't help it! My head hurt if I didn't have it cool, and then I couldn't type!
Ed: Stop complaining WOMAN! JUST GET ON WITH IT!
Otaku: Oh, and for anyone wondering, NO THIS IS NOT AN ELRICEST FIC! Much as I love them, no, this is not.
Mirae: My plot bunnies RARELY consist of Elricest, for god's sake…
Otaku: Oh well, It really doesn't matter. This chapter is over.
Alrighty people, if I don't get ten reviews by next week, I refuse to write the next Chappie! So I hope to see a ton of reviews! Ja ne, and good night!!