Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock. Sob.

A/N: I've put all of Lestrade's sentences in italic, to avoid confusion.

"The key code to my safe."

"Well, what was it?"

"Shall I tell him?"

" . . . "

"My measurements."

" . . . "

"Jeez, Sherlock are you okay? Can you hear me?"

"Hmmmnnl leeean."

"I didn't understand that, Sherlock. Adler's given you some sort of drug. I'm going to call Lestrade, just stay still."

"Mmmm kay."

"Hello, Detective Inspector Lestrade speaking."

"Greg? It's John."

"John, I'm a bit busy now. I've been asked to respond to a shooting in Belgravia, can you believe it?"

"Uh, yeah. Sherlock fired the shots."

"What? Why?"

"Because he's a dick who couldn't be bothered calling the police like a normal person."

"I think you'd better start from the beginning."

***One hasty, but thorough explanation later.***

" . . . "

"Greg?"

"I can't believe Sherlock went to Buckingham Palace in the nuddy."

"Well he was wearing a bedsheet."

"Praise the lord. Which number house are you in?"

"Fourty Four."

"Okay, hang on a sec, I'm coming up."

"I see your car now. See you in a minute."

"Sherlock . . . what are you trying to do? Lie down!"

"John?"

"Yes, Sherlock?"

"Slap me."

"What? Why?"

"There's a giraffe running across the ceiling, John!"

"No there isn't, Sherlock, you're hallucinating."

"Oh. I thought it was highly improbable that that was real."

"John?"

"Up here Lestrade."

"Jesus, what's wrong with him?"

"Drugged. I think he may be high."

"Well that would explain why he's trying to climb the curtains."

"Yes it would."

" . . . "

" . . . "

"Are you filming this?"

"What? No!"

"Really?"

"Well, maybe a little."

" . . . "

" . . . "

"We should probably help him."

"Yeah."

"You two, let go! Unhand me you fiends!"

"Jeez Sherlock, it's just us!"

"Stop trying to hit us!"

"We've got to get him out of here before your back up arrives."

"Yeah, I know."

"This is unacceptable hospitality! I demand to speak with your manager!"

"Sherlock! Ouch!"

"Stop resisting us Sherlock; and stop trying to hit Lestrade he's only trying to help!"

"My boomerang will smite you!"

"His what?"

"Don't know. Don't want to know. Let's just get him out to the car."

"Sherlock, let go of the doorframe!"

"You may take me, but you will never take my Stradivarius!"

"Greg can you . . . are you filming again?"

A/N: Any and all reviews and PM's are welcome, whether you liked it or not. Constructive criticism is very useful to me. I will endevour to respond to all of them.