Hey everyone! I was so charmed by all your Christmas stories that I set out to write one myself… only it didn't quite work out that way. lol. I did come up with this though, so I guess you all did inspire it indirectly even though it has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas. :p And since the holidays are once again over, I felt now might be a good time to post. So here it goes… :)
The sun was shining and the sky was blue on the day she lost her wedding ring. They had been remarried for almost four months, yet both the rings had been back on their fingers just a few weeks after they found each other again. Neither had been strong enough to throw the golden objects that had been a symbol of their mutual love, trust and devotion out after the divorce. Neither had been weak enough to.
It was a Saturday, and they were still very much enjoying the idea of having every weekend off. Their security company was coming along nicely, and although at times it seemed to be just as stressful as working at CTU, it was always good to know that bad decisions didn't result in millions dead anymore.
They spontaneously decided to spend the afternoon at the beach, an especially appealing idea since they'd never really had time for this kind of outing the first time they were married. Michelle found herself giddy at the mere thought of it; lying beside each other on the sand, going for a quick swim, Tony undoubtedly buying them both an ice cream despite her protests that she didn't want one.
But they didn't quite get to the last part. They spent almost an hour in the water – swimming, diving into the waves, and sometimes just cuddling. When they got out, they went to lie back down on their beach towels, waiting for the late-afternoon sun to do its work and dry them off.
He was contemplating bringing up ice cream when she suddenly jumped and frantically started looking around her. He was so startled that it took him several seconds to speak.
"What's the matter?"
She didn't answer, and he saw the look of distress on her face grow as she continued her desperate search, now nervously pulling up the towel she had been resting on.
"Michelle, wha-?"
"Get up for a second," she interrupted him, her fingers already grasping onto his own towel.
He gave her a funny look before wordlessly obeying, knowing he wouldn't be getting any kind of explanation out of her until he did. She yanked up the towel and took a close look at the sand beneath it, even bending down to glide her fingers through it.
"Michelle, what are you looking for?" he demanded, wanting to know what it was that made her so emotional.
She couldn't look at him, and he feared the answer. Her wallet? Cell phone? Keys?
He couldn't make out the answer the first time, and had to lean in closer to her, saying, "Your what?"
Her voice cracked when she spoke again, just a little louder, "My wedding ring."
He looked at her in surprise, the answer not at all being what he had expected, and not really understanding why this made her eyes cloud over with something he couldn't quite place.
"Alright, well, uh… I'm sure it's around here someplace. I'll check the bag, you check… You keep looking here."
She nodded, and the spent the next few minutes searching without exchanging a single word. Finally, after having emptied the contents of the bag three times without result, he sighed and carefully suggested, "Maybe it's in the car."
"No, I'm sure I had it here," she interjected, and he could tell she had thought of the car as well, "I had it on when I put sun tan lotion on your back."
He nodded. This was something he understood, being even more conscious of his own gold band than before the divorce.
"Well then…" he said cautiously, "Honey, I think we might have to get you a new wedding ring."
"No," she said stubbornly, reminding him of a three-year-old desperately in need of a nap, "I don't want a new one. I want the old one, it's the one I always had, ever since…" He saw her blink furiously, before bursting out, "It has to be here somewhere!"
He gently grabbed her before she could resume her frantic search. "It probably slipped off your finger in the ocean, Michelle. It's not a big deal, we can have it made exactly like your old one. No one will even know the difference."
She glared at him with angry tears in her eyes. "I'll know. And so will you."
He sighed heavily and released her, realizing that it was no use trying to rationalize with her when she was this upset.
"Why don't we head home?" he tried instead.
She ignored him, still furiously looking around her and lifting things up, unable to except that the damned thing was lost forever. Eventually, her shoulders sagged and she nodded.
She didn't say a word the whole way home; she just sat there in the passenger's seat, staring in front of her. He opened his mouth to speak several times but always shut it at the last minute, not knowing what he could possibly say to make her feel better. He noticed she kept her left hand squeezed between her legs, as if not wanting to be confronted with the nakedness of her fourth finger.
When the front door of their house fell shut behind them, he asked gently, "You want me to cook or should we order?"
She didn't look at him when she replied. "You choose, I'm not hungry. I'm just gonna go lie down on the bed."
"Michelle…" His fingers closed around her elbow as she passed him on her way to the stairs. "I know you were attached to that ring, but it's just a ring. It's not worth getting this upset over."
She shook her head and pried her arm free. "You don't understand."
He ended up ordering pizza because it was just no fun cooking without hearing her puttering around in the background.
He waited patiently for her to come back downstairs and talk to him about it, and grew restless when she didn't. He sat on the couch flipping through channels for almost an hour, then finally decided to chance it and head upstairs.
She was lying on the bed with her back turned to him as he entered the room. He slowly sat down beside her and sighed as his hand came to rest on her thigh. His heart clenched as he peered over at her face, being able to tell in a second that she had been crying.
At loss for words, he bent over and brushed his lips lovingly against her cheek, noticing her chin quaver when he sat back up. His fingers gently moved up and down her leg, willing her to feel his love, support, patience. Willing her to just stop hurting for whatever reason.
Finally he stated softly, "This is more than what you're telling me."
He had finally identified the look in her eyes. It was guilt.
It was a while before she spoke, and when she did her voice was barely more than a pitiful whimper.
"It's just… I feel like… I feel like I'm always letting you down…"
He threw his head back in disbelief. "Michelle, that's ridiculous. How can you even say that?"
After he first failed his country, then failed her on multiple occasions – how could she possibly feel that way?
He waited for her to explain but she didn't, so he had to ask her, "When have you ever let me down?"
She bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut. "I… I didn't save you."
"What do you mean, you didn't-?" He shut up as he realized what she was talking about. She hadn't been willing to commit treason for him, hadn't been willing to put so many lives on the line.
And he had.
"Oh, is that what this is all about?"
She didn't answer, and he knew he had gotten to the bottom of it. Save for that one time at CTU, she had never mentioned anything of the sort, and he had been so relieved that she seemed to have gotten over it that he hadn't looked for deeper signs. He knew she did this – pushed things so far away that even she herself was convinced it didn't bother her anymore, and then exploded with pain when some situation, however small, brought the memories back.
"Sweetheart, listen to me. We both did what we thought was right. It's okay, it's over now. It doesn't matter anymore."
She didn't answer, and he drew circles on her bare arm trying to reach her physically in a way he couldn't with words.
"As for the ring… It was just a ring, it slipped off you finger while we were swimming. It's not your fault, it could have happened to anybody."
"No," she said, looking up at him for the first time, "Not to you. You never would have lost your wedding ring."
"Why? Because I committed treason and you didn't? Because I went to prison and you didn't?"
She looked confused, and he could tell this wasn't the answer she was expecting.
"Just because you didn't commit treason and lost your ring doesn't mean you love me any less. Michelle…"
He bent over and ran a hand over her hair. "I know you love me. Nothing is ever gonna change that."
She bit her lip, wishing she had the words to make him understand. She didn't know how to explain to him that her worst fear in the world besides losing him, was that they would grow old together, spend a lifetime together like they'd always wanted to, and that one of them would die of old-age before she'd get another chance to prove to him how much she loved him.
The way he had proved it to her when he went to prison.
"I… I just…" she tried, and his patient look silently encouraged her to go on. She closed her eyes and whispered, "I just need you to know that I… I wanted to save you, my first instinct was to save you, but…" Tears spilled over onto her cheeks. "I just couldn't sacrifice all those lives…"
C'mere." He pulled her upright and drew her easily into his lap, closing his arms around her and gently swaying her back and forth. He had never been good at watching her cry, but since they got back together it seemed even harder than before things went bad. He couldn't really explain it, but it was as if after all the pain she had endured over the years, he could not bear to watch her endure any more.
They sat there like this for a long time, long after she'd calmed down. Finally, he shifted, causing her to lift her head to see what she was doing. She was puzzled to see him fumbling with his fingers, and startled when she felt her hand being pried open and a cool, tiny object being placed in it.
She stared down at his wedding ring on her palm before looking up at him in confusion.
"I say we both get new wedding rings," he said simply.
And she understood. He wanted the new rings to be a new beginning.
They would leave behind everything connected to treason and prison and divorce. Everything that had resulted in worry and paranoia. Everything Stephen Saunders had poisoned them with on the day their lives took a turn for the worst.
But most of all, she knew, he wanted for them to leave behind their guilt.
She never doubted that he carried around at least as much of it as she did, even though he didn't mention it very often. She could see it in his eyes when he thought she wasn't looking, could tell by way he still refused to drink even a drop of alcohol. She knew it would be as hard for him as it would be for her.
But she just smiled a little and hugged him around the neck, feeling his arms encircle her in response.
"Okay."
The next day, they picked out new wedding rings in the third jewellery store they'd passed. They were very similar to their old ones, the differences so wonderfully subtle that only they would know. Which made it all the more special. Something entirely their own.
"When's the wedding?" the owner of the store asked politely.
"Actually," Tony said, smiling at Michelle as he slipped the ring onto her finger, "We've been married for a long time."
Afterwards they drove down to the beach, to the same spot they'd been the day before. Leaving their shoes in the sand, they walked barefoot along the water for a few minutes, mentally preparing themselves for the execution of their agreement.
"You wanna do it or should I?" Tony asked after a while.
Michelle shook her head. "You."
He nodded and dug his fingers into the pocket of his jeans, revealing his old ring. Without a word, he flung it out into the ocean, and they both watched it hit the surface of the water before disappearing out of their sight and out of their lives forever.
They didn't move for a minute, still in awe of the moment. Then Tony closed his arm around his wife's shoulder, kissing her hair when she leaned against him.
When she looked up at him a minute later, he smiled into her eyes and said, "Why don't I take you out to dinner?"
She smiled back and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him lightly on the lips. "Tomorrow. Right now, just home is perfect."
She slipped her hand in his as they headed back towards the car after they had retrieved their shoes, their new golden wedding rings glistening in the light for just a minute more, before the sun sank into the horizon.