Written for round 8 of the QLFC

Team: Pride of Portree

Position: Seeker

Strolling down the halls of Hogwarts once more, Sirius grinned. Finally, he was a free man again, and back where he belonged.

Even exonerated, Sirius had expected to struggle with getting a job. He had been known for so long as a servant of the Dark Lord that most people were unwilling to give him the time of day.

Thankfully, Dumbledore had been the exception.

Of course, there were technically no jobs available at Hogwarts, but Sirius had always been able to talk his way into anything.

Professor Binns had always been useless. In the last however many years he had been teaching, not a single 'O' had been achieved in History of Magic. The percentage of passing grades in general had dropped drastically, presumably due to the fact that only the most diligent of students could manage to stay awake through the dull classes.

Convincing Dumbledore to replace the ghost had been a piece of cake.

"Look, goblin wars are all well and good, but it's not what kids need to learn. They need to hear about more recent history, particularly about why they shouldn't go joining up with crazy wizard gangs with awful tattoos."

"Sirius, Professor Binns has been a fixture at this school for-"

"Far too long, yes, I agree completely. About time he got to have a rest, and the kids got to actually learn something."

"Sirius, you failed History."

"Which just further proves my point that something needs to change! I passed everything else, and Merlin knows I didn't study for any of it."

Dumbledore had chuckled and agreed that Sirius could take over, for at least a short probationary period. Binns would be informed and Sirius would have loads of young minds to corrupt.

Strolling into the class five minutes late, a habit he had picked up as a student, Sirius was surprised to see Binns floating beside the desk, lecturing, his monotonous voice already having sent multiple students to sleep.

"Uh, Professor? Or, well, I suppose not 'professor' any more, actually. I'm supposed to be teaching this class.

Binns looked at him thoughtfully.

"Ah, Mr… Brown, is it? Very good, please take a seat and try not to disrupt the rest of the class while doing so."

"No, I'm the professor," Sirius replied calmly. "I would appreciate it if you would leave me to teach my class."

Binns did not respond, continuing to lecture as though he had not been told that his position had been filled by a new candidate.

Before the next class began, Sirius placed a notice on the door.

Class moved to second floor, beside that statue of the ugly witch. Don't tell Binns!

His plan worked for all of five minutes. He barely had time to introduce himself to the class before the ex-professor floated through the wall, already lecturing.

Sirius banged his head against the desk. He would have to come up with a better hiding place.

With a wave of his wand, Sirius changed the note on his classroom door.

Class will be held in the dungeons. Don't worry about Snape, I'll lock him out.

The new location infuriated Snape, which was a nice bonus, but this time Binns beat Sirius to it.

Sirius banged his head repeatedly against the damp wall. It didn't particularly help, in fact it was rather painful, but he did not know how else to respond.

Class will be held in the Room of Requirement. Follow Harry, he'll show you how to get in.

It almost worked. Sirius managed to teach for seventeen minutes, a new record! Then Binns floated through the wall, exactly where the door would have been located had Sirius not wished it away as soon as the last student was in the room.

Sirius slumped over his desk and buried his face in his arms. This rivalry was getting silly. He hadn't even thought it possible to have a ghost for a rival, since they're not even alive, but he has certainly been proven wrong.

Nothing was working. Binns' lectures were as boring as ever, and Sirius' chance to remain at the castle, close to Harry and far from Azkaban, was slipping out of his grasp. Something would have to change.

Sirius barged into the Headmaster's office and flopped down into an armchair. A cup of tea was already waiting for him, prepared exactly as he liked it, but now was not the time to wonder about Dumbledore's apparent omniscience. Now was the time for action!

"Albus, the situation is getting out of hand!"

"I understand your frustration, Sirius, but I am unable to do anything about it at the present time. Professor Binns has been a wonderful teacher and I am unwilling to have him exorcised." Albus smiled serenely as if this were a mere inconvenience and not the end of Sirius' world.

"Then what exactly am I supposed to do?" Sirius asked, irritated.

"Perhaps there is somewhere else you could conduct the lessons. Somewhere Professor Binns is unable to access."

Sirius was beyond annoyed. He had tried everything he could think of already. Binns could get to everywhere in the castle...

Ah! Perhaps there was somewhere. Binns could access the castle itself, but maybe, just maybe, there was somewhere else. Somewhere so preposterous that not even Sirius had considered it. It had to work though. He needed this. This would be his last shot at success.

The rowing boats rocked on the small waves created by the great tentacles of the giant squid. Two students had already fallen overboard and required rescuing, and the rest were hardly happy with their new classroom.

Sirius glanced across the lake and grinned. Binns sat in a boat on the shore, grasping at oars that his incorporeal hands were incapable of grasping.

The plan had worked. It was less than ideal, but it was worth the hassle.