Title: If He Tries Anything
Author: Cherry Blossom
Warnings: Umm…gratuitous violence? Stuff blowing up? Hentai camels?
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to those lucky lucky people at Sunrise and Bandai, kay? Not me. And Shaolin Hao is Little-green's character. I'm just borrowing her for a bit. READ TRICK RIDING BY LITTLE GREEN! You're not gonna understand the fic too well unless you've read that first.
Notes: This is a fic about friendship in the deepest sense. I dunno about you but I always wanted some background on Shao-chan and, though I'm sure green-chan could do so much better then me (cause after all, it's her character) I'm impatient and couldn't wait for a sequel. So…
Musical Inspiration: This was inspired by ani difranco's song "If he tries anything". It's a great song. Go listen to it!
Dedications: This is for my dear friend green-chan 'cause she was sick and didn't bother to tell me (grumble, fume) and by the way, Matteo dear sends you a kiss across the net.
Matteo: ::smootch::
If He Tries Anything
"Well what do you wanna do tonight?"
Midii blinked at the question, pushing her light blond hair off of her face and looking up from what she was doing.
"Shao…hon…I hate to break it you but this may not be the best time…"
"Aw, c'mon," the cherry-haired girl whined, kicking her feet against the counter she was seated on. "This is important! We haven't done anything fun for the past three nights in a row now. If you're not careful I'm gonna get bored," she warned.
"God forbid…" the other girl muttered, flicking her fingers across the keyboard effortlessly. "And could you please stop that kicking? I'm trying to do something here."
"Hhmph."
Shaolin flung herself off the counter and walked around the room, inspecting the various nicknaks that were clustered on shelves and end tables.
"Did you know that they made little camel figurines? Ohmigawd this one's doing something hentai!* What's the caption on this…one hump or two?"
"Shao…"
"Last month's issue of Playboy…a copy of the New York Times…doesn't anybody read Cosmo anymore?"
"Shao!"
"Ooooh lookie! Someone didn't file his tax return…"
Midii sighed and swiveled in her chair.
"All right. I give. What do you want to do tonight?"
Shaolin smiled and skipped back over to where Midii sat at the computer, careful to keep her feet away from the laser-light trigger alarm by the door.
"Let's go down to the city. We could use a night on the town, you know. And besides…" she grinned evilly. "I have a feeling that we're going to be coming into a whole lotta money pretty soon."
Despite her efforts not to, Midii grinned back and she nodded her head.
"Okay. We'll go out tonight. Just lemme finish this up and we'll get out of here before Mr. Joe-Executive comes back and calls the coppers on us."
With a happy sigh, Shaolin went back to her original duty, which was supposed to be guarding the entrance while Midii worked.
For a while, the only sounds in the room were of Midii's furious typing. Then a disk popped out of the drive.
"Got it! Let's move," Midii crowed, grabbing hold of Shao and propelling them both towards the window where they had come in.
"Hey, why so fast? It's not like he's scheduled to be home for another hour…" Shao protested.
Not answering, Midii yanked her out the window and watched as she dropped, less then gracefully to the ground below. Lowering herself after her, Midii clutched the disk of information in her hands and sped down the steep hill the house was placed on, hauling Shao after her.
When they were a good distance away Midii stopped to catch her breath, hunching over on her knees to gain support.
Shao was in the same boat, gasping and wheezing, although she still found enough breath to talk.
"What…was that…about, huh?" She complained. "You know…I hate…exercise!"
Midii shook her head wearily and gestured to the house on the hill. Nothing happened for a minute. And then a huge explosion shook the place, sending flaming scrap of wood and furniture flying in all directions. Shaolin stared in shock as the slightly charred head of a camel figurine landed at her feet.
"Was that really necessary?" she asked.
Midii grinned and held up the disk.
"We got what we wanted. And besides, I found something else when I was hacking into his bank statements. It appears that Mr. Joe-Executive has been cheating on his poor, loving wife for quite some time now. I figured he needed some pay-back."
Shao whistled at her friend in admiration.
"Damn, you're bad girl!"
"Yep. Let's go get our money."
//I'm invincible
So are you
We do all the things
They say we can't do
We walk around
In the middle of the night
And if it's too far to walk
We just hitch a ride//
"No faiiiiiiiir! Nobody's stopping for us!" Midii huffed, watching as yet another car sped by the girls on the highway.
Shao looked up from the money she was counting to watch as Midii stuck her thumb out in the universal signal for hitchhiking. Another car, this one a blue sedan, went by without slowing down an inch. Midii stuck her tongue out at it and gave it the finger…another universal signal.
Shao sighed. "Midii…dear…you're not doing it right."
Midii glared at her. "Would you like to try then?"
"Fine. I will."
Shao stepped out onto the side of the road and waited until a truck with a male driver at the wheel approached. Then she took the edge of her dress and slid it up over her thighs while giving the driver her best "little girl lost" look.
He slowed down. Opened the door.
"You ladies need a ride?"
"To the city please," Shao chirped, giving Midii a smug look before clambering up on the seat. "I call shotgun!"
"Show off," Midii muttered. But she climbed into the back and soon the truck was off at top speed, whizzing down the highway while Shao played with the radio and chatted with the driver. They found out that his name was Hank and that he was probably the most boring person they could ever hitch a ride with. After twenty minutes, Midii was about ready to blow up the car and Shao had turned the radio up so loud that the car vibrated with every bass chord.
"So…" Hank asked as they pulled to an unexpected stop just outside the city gates. "What are two nice young girls like you doing out alone at night, hitching a ride to the city?"
"Midii and I are celebrating. We've recently come into some money," Shao said seriously.
The man grinned wider. He placed a meaty hand on Shao's knee.
"Well that's nice," he said. "You know it's kinda dangerous for kids like you to be out so late alone. There are some bad people around in the city."
"Really?" Shao asked, hitching up her skirt a little. The man continued to grin until his eyes caught sight of the gun strapped around Shao's left upper thigh and the knives strapped to her right. He gulped and took his hand off her knee hastily.
"We'll try to keep that in mind," Shao said sweetly, blinking her almond-shaped eyes innocently while Midii snickered in the backseat. "Have we stopped for any particular reason?"
Hank shook his head and started the engine again, driving silently this time and keeping his hands on the wheel. He resolved that after this was done he would never pick up hitchhikers ever again…even if they were cute little girls…with arsenals up their skirts.
//We got rings of dirt
Around our necks
We talk like auctioneers
And we bounce like checks
We smell like shit
Still, when we walk down the street
All the boys line up
To throw themselves at our feet//
"Midii-chan, come look at this!"
Midii came up beside her partner to see the flashing lights of a club in the distance.
"Let's go pick up hotties!" the younger girl exclaimed happily.
Midii looked at the club uneasily. Clubs usually meant sleazy guys, which usually meant that the night ending with a messy killing of some idiot who thought they could get fresh with one of the girls. Midii didn't want to get into too much trouble tonight but…
"Pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaase?" Shaolin asked, giving Midii her best "you-want-to-make-me-happy-so-you-can-actually-have-some-peace-in-the-next-couple-of-days-don't-you" look. "Okay so none of these guys is your psychotic clown-boy but hey, we're looking at dancing partners not life mates here!"
Midii smiled and gave in. Tonight was Shao's night to have fun. Besides, they could use a rest from all the hard work they'd been doing recently. Blowing up stuff took more skill then you'd think.
"Right. Let's go meet some cute Italian men."
"Italian? Ewww. How 'bout French?"
"No…American?"
"Hell noooooooo! Maybe Asian…"
They argued about the ethnicity of their future dance partners until they reached the club's entrance.
Once inside, Shao dragged Midii immediately onto the dance floor.
"C'mon dance! It's fun," she prodded, moving her hips to the beat.
Midii laughed and followed suit. Pretty soon the girls were dancing and laughing together, forgetting about the fact that there was a police squad on their tail, that the government probably has a contract out on their lives, that they really didn't have anywhere to sleep that night, that the money this last job had earned them was only going to get the by for another week and a half at most. Tonight there was only the dance floor and fun.
'And I'm not even gonna think about my psychotic clown,'
Midii told herself as she followed Shao's movements exactly.//I say I think he likes you
You say I think he do too
Go and get him girl
Before he gets you
I'll be watching you
From the wings
I will come to your rescue
If he tries anything//
The two pretty girls dancing together caught the eye of more than a few guys and by the end of the first dance one of them was smiling widely and beckoning to Midii.
"Check it out Midii-chan! That guy wants you to dance with him!"
Midii watched him and hesitated slightly.
"I dunno…"
"What's to know? He's hot! Look at that butt! And his hair's not even greasy! Go dance you silly girl. I'll be fine by myself over here. Go on," Shao prodded, giving Midii a shove in the direction of the guy.
Shrugging her shoulders in a why-not gesture, Midii went over to Mr. Hot Butt and asked him to dance. The guy smiled easily and slid an arm around Midii's waist, dancing with her. Shao watched carefully from the sidelines, never taking her eyes from the pair even as another cute guy chose this moment to ask her to dance. She moved into his arms and placed a hand on his shoulder, still watching Midii and the other guy carefully.
//It's a long long road
It's a big big world
We are wise wise women
We are giggling girls
We both carry a smile
To show when we're pleased
We both carry a switchblade
In our sleeves//
"Want a drink?"
"Sure," Midii said, sitting nervously at the bar. The dance had ended long since and she had lost sight of Shao somehow. She knew the other girl could take care of herself but still…
"Here, you'll like this."
The guy handed her a pink concoction of some kind with a tropical green umbrella spearing a lemon on the side of the glass. She sniffed it carefully and confirmed her suspicions.
'Drugged.'
Pretending to take a long drink, Midii discreetly poured the contents of her drink into anther glass when her dancing partner wasn't looking.
'This is one girl you're not taking home tonight buster. In fact, why not make it the last girl you ever take home ever?'
After a few moments Midii let her body relax and her eyes unfocus just a tad.
"Is something wrong?" the man asked, his face showing concern. But Midii detected the hint of satisfaction in his eyes.
She swayed on her feet.
"Actually, I'm feeling a bit…lightheaded. I think I need some air," she said in her best innocent little girl voice.
For a spilt second the man grinned like he'd just been handed a million-dollar check. Then his face dissolved into a mask of concerned helpfulness as he slid an arm around Midii's waist, helping her to her feet and out the door.
//Tell you one thing
I'm gonna make noise when I go down
For ten square blocks
They're gonna know I died
All the goddesses will come up
To the ripped screen door
And say,
What do you want, dear?
And I'll say,
I want inside//
"Here we go. Now…that's nice isn't it?"
Midii didn't comment as the man led her further and further away from the club into a darkened ally. She knew that he didn't expect her to be coherent enough to respond. As it was she let him support her even more, letting her head loll back on his shoulder as she played up the part of a helplessly drugged little girl. When he stopped walking she stood meekly beside him, letting him run his hands over her chest while her right hand reached up her sleeve to the blade she kept strapped to her arm.
"Mmm…" he groaned into her neck as his fingers fumbled under her skirt.
'Bastard…you're gonna get what's coming to you…'
Midii suddenly became very lucid, taking a wrist in her hands and twisting it until he ended up before her on his knees, a knife held to his throat. A trickle of blood ran from where she nicked the skin, barely.
He panted in shock. So fast…she was so fast…
"Well," she grinned, "Betcha this wasn't in your little plan was it? How many women have you tricked like this, hmm? You're gonna think twice about doing it again I can tell you that!"
The man said nothing, obviously afraid of moving with the blade so close to his skin. Midii could smell a certain stench and she knew that he had wet himself in his terror.
"Ewww…could you get anymore gross? Geez…" she complained, wrinkling her nose.
The man began to sob.
She sighed and pulled the knife away from his throat just a bit.
"Oh please. Look, just promise that you'll never do this again and I'll let you go, 'kay?"
"I p-promise!" the man bawled pathetically.
Midii grinned. "Thanks, that's all I wanted."
'Now to find Shao and get out of here. I've had enough fun for one night.'
She took the knife from his neck and turned to walk back into the club when she felt an hand grab her arm and twist until she let go of the knife with a cry of pain.
"Think you got the best of me girlie?" the man hissed pushing her roughly against the brick wall of the ally. "Think again."
'Okay…'
Midii thought to herself, trying not to panic, 'Bad idea to turn your back on potential rapist and/or murderer even if he _was_ sobbing like a baby just a few seconds ago…'"I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget," he snarled, bringing his hands up around Midii's neck.
Midii closed her eyes, expecting the worst, when a sharp noise assaulted her ears and a great weight sagged on her. She pushed the weight away and was surprised when it actually gave. She opened her eyes to see the body of Mr. Hot Butt with a small bloody hole through his temple.
"Thus endeth the lesson," Shao whispered, the still smoking gun held tightly in her hand. Her normally sparkling green-blue eyes were cold and harsh and her mouth was set in a stern line.
Midii looked down at the body and kicked it in the ribs spitefully.
"I never was a fast learner," she quipped, stepping over Mr. Hot Butt and coming over to stand by Shao who was strapping her gun back to her thigh.
"So what took you so long?"
"My dancing partner was real stubborn about me finishing the dance with him. Took a whole elbow in the gut for him to get the picture." Shao bent down and retrieved a knife from the pavement. "Yours?"
"Thanks," Midii said, wiping it on her skirt before putting it back in it's original hiding place. "You ready to go?"
"Yeah," Shao said. "It's not fun here anymore. Let's go get something to eat! By the way…I know this is an ally and all but, why does it smell like pee?"
Midii rolled her eyes and gestured to the body. "Mr. Dead over there had an accident. Can we go now?"
"Sure, sure," Shao said leading the way out of the ally. "Sheesh, one attempt on your life and you're a total grouch…"
"Shao…"
Sensing that this call of her name was something serious now, Shaolin turned around and we confronted by a pair of moist grey eyes.
"What's wrong? Did he do something before I got there? Midii why are you crying?" Shao asked, flying her hands over Midii's body to make sure she wasn't hurt anywhere. Midii just stood there, tears running down her face until she lost control and just glomped onto the other girl.
"Shao…thank you…"
The cherry-haired girl endured the hug for a bit before pushing away.
"Gawd…you mean you're getting all mushy mushy over that?! You would have done the same for me. I mean, you already have done the same for me. So quit your bawling and let's find me something to eat! How about pizza? Or burgers or Chinese or maybe some chicken wings…"
Shao grabbed Midii by the hand and began dragging her off to find a fast food place that was open at one o'clock in the morning. Midii smiled through her tears and hastened to keep up with her. She knew then that even if she never saw her banged boy again she'd still have someone to live for. And that life wouldn't be half bad.
//I say I think he likes you
You say I think he do too
Go and get him girl
Before he gets you
I'll be watching you
From the wings
I will come to your rescue
If he tries anything//
'Thank you Shao…for everything.'
Fin.
* in case anyone's wondering, yes I did see some naughty hentai camel figurines in a bazaar when I was in Greece. Let's just say I was blushing for the rest of the day.
Welllll….what'dya think? Did I capture the right mood? Is Shao in character? SEND ME AN EMAIL! 'Cause I don't get review alert anymore *pout pout*.