An: This isn't set in any series, it starts off with the 9th dr and then goes to the tenth and kinda mentions all of the series. So yeah. Its very much a ten/rose fic. Although i've tried to keep everyone in character if you think i've done a bad job with anyone feel free to let me know (especially Martha as I find she is the one i have the most trouble with). There may be some clumsy phrasing which i have overlooked for two reasons.
1) this is supposed to be the Doctors thoughts, although written in third person.. (i hate first person writing it puts me off.) and nobodys thoughts are ever perfectly formed.
2) its a one-shot so yeah.
There is no speech in this, this was not intentional but as i wrote it i found speech was not needed to potray my thoughts. Review, let me know what you think.
Disclaimer: My Dvd came from play the other day so doesnt that make me a little bit closer to owning Doctor Who... No, WHADDYA MEAN NO? Ahh, sadly it all belongs to Russel T Davis. Wonderful man (perhaps if i say nice things about him, he will give it me)
He took the blondes hand and told her to run. At the time, he told her to go and forget all about him. He didn't need anyone he told himself he was different this time afterall it had been his previous regeneration that had ended the time war and as a result he felt hardened. Previous regenerations needed companions for well just that company someone to tell him when he was doing wrong or laugh at his jokes but he wasnt funny now so he didnt need anyone especially not a blonde, blondes were always trouble. It didn't matter that she was beautiful, that would only complicate things. Go home please Rose Tyler, he had secretly begged her. It didn't matter that her hand had fitted in his own as they had ran, he told himself it didn't matter.
She doesn't leave, perhaps that was what he admired about Rose Tyler she never does what shes told. She's always there and they're always running but it doesn't matter so much anymore it doesn't seem to matter that there running from a dalek or a slitheen or even weird ghost type things because there she is holding his hand. Always there to hold his hand, it makes things better for a while at least. Her hand in his it seems to be the perfect fit.
But then he sends her home he wants to protect her from the Daleks and then hes alone, hes about to die facing an age old enemy and he's alone. Rose Tyler isnt there to hold his hand anymore. Its probably then that the Doctor realises that he likes having someone to hold his hand, and he likes that that person is Rose Tyler.
For a while she doesnt hold his hand anymore. He isn't her Doctor, her Doctor left her and this man took his place. It doesn't take long for her to trust him again though and he's glad because she makes it all worth it, she makes it worthwhile for him to save the earth again and again. Eventhough hes changed its strange that when they hold hands its still a perfect fit, they compliment each other they belong together. The Doctor and Rose cant get one without the other.
Then she's gone, shes falling through the void and all he wants to do is grab hold of her hand and never let go, he would willingly fall through the rift as long as she was falling too. But shes gone, saved at the last minute by Pete and all he gets is a lousy goodbye on a cold beach in Norway. He want's to reach out and touch her, perhaps hold her hand one last time because maybe that would make it easier, especially when he doesnt get to tell her. Something he had realised a long time ago, when they had been running from a strange planet hand in hand beaming at each other. That he loved her, yes he the superior time lord with two hearts loved her unconditionaly with both of them.
But it doesn't matter now, none of it. He has to move on, because everyone does eventually. Then there was Martha, Martha Jones and she was brilliant in everyway but one. She was intelligent, going to be a Doctor in fact and she wouldnt let anyone think she was stupid. She was caring, always looking out for others. But that one fatal flaw that could never be overcome, she wasn't Rose Tyler sure she loves the Doctor fancies the pants of him in fact and he can't help but think that maybe before.. before Rose he too could have fallen in love with her but she changed him. No-one could ever match up to Rose. When the Doctor took Martha's hand (more out of habit than anything else) he can't help but notice how clumsy it is and how much her hand sweats as they run away she's nervous when she's with him. Rose was never nervous, and there he goes again comparing her to Rose eventhough she will never match up.
Then she leaves, Martha Jones leaves the TARDIS and in a way it hurts the Doctor that she has left by choice he has become used to having a familiar face around again. She's left though and this time its because of him, he put her and her family in danger this way why he thought he was better of alone. It is in th lonileness that his thoughts return to Rose and the way she held his hand how he longs for the warmth that it would exude. He felt at home around Rose eventhough his home was gone, dead.
The Doctor then finds himself on the titanic, well not the real titanic (although thats a story for another time) and its there he meets Astrid Peth someone who reminds him in so many ways of Rose. He doesn't admit it to himself though, as he tries not to think about her. He guiltly pushes thoughts of Rose to the back of his head that had been what had pushed Martha away. When he take's Astrid's hand and feels it against his own he is reminded of Rose. There hands arent a perfect fit but they are cosy. He likes cosy, but then shes gone, shes falling too and he reaches out his hand once more but shes gone. Shes a star, and hes okay with that at least he knows shes dead but Rose Tylers out there shes living her life everyday without the Doctor.
Donna Noble, she forces her way back into the Doctor's life. He's secretly glad although he would never tell her. He does need the company although he would never admit it to anyone, since Rose he hates the lonliness. He fears it because he fears what he will do when faced with lonliness. Donna is compassionate and forces the Doctor to make decisions he wouldn't usually but when she puts her hand over his and pushes down on the lever ultimately killing all the residents of pompeii he knows that although Donna Noble is no Rose Tyler her hand fits his too. Not the perfect match like Rose but it is less clumsy than Marthas, she doesnt let the Doctor take the lead she sometimes ends up dragging him (unlike Martha who would always follow obediently) in the right direction. He realises no-one will ever fit his hand like Rose did but that doesnt mean he should be lonely. He accepts Donna, and perhaps he accepts that he won't see Rose again, his hand will always lack its mate.