A/N: I was listening to music and there were a few songs that reminded me of Ziva, so this is what happened. Probably a few chapters long.
Sarah x
Ziva was out picking up a suspect with Gibbs, and Tony was taking the opportunity to rummage through her desk while receiving dirty looks from McGee. He found her iPod stashed in a drawer and beamed. It was the same one that Abby had bought her a couple of years before. He flicked through it and found the only deliberately constructed playlist on the thing. He grinned as he looked through the songs and the artists. There were a lot of Hebrew names and titles he knew he had no hope of understanding.
Once he got past that and found the English-spoken songs, the choice surprised him. Missy Higgins, Taylor Swift, Mat Kearney, Garth Brooks, even Demi Lovato. And…"Guess what, McGee?" Tony said gleefully.
"What, DiNozzo?" the other agent sighed, knowing that Tony would continue the assault on Ziva's iPod no matter what.
"Little Miss Kick-Ass like country music!" he announced to his friend. He dug for the speaker he knew she used when she was alone and plugged it in.
"That's a bad idea, Tony," McGee warned him. If Ziva came back, he was dead, perhaps literally.
"Don't sweat it, Probie. They're gonna be gone a while; suspect lives sixty-odd miles away," he reassured McGee. The song started playing and they listened to it. Tony actually didn't mind country music. A lot of it was really good in that they think about what they write rather than just write about any crap.
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
After hearing the first verse, Tony realised with a pang of sympathy why she listened to this. He was willing to bet that she'd bought it when her father left to go back to Israel the other week. She was freeing herself.
"This isn't funny," groaned McGee.
"I agree," Tony answered, keeping his attention to the music. He never heard Tim telling him to put it away if it wasn't funny. This was about her coming to terms with what she had done and what her father had done. She was pushing onwards and leaving the past where it belonged.
When he looked back, he saw that the things that haunted her were not so prominent anymore. She was noticeably more relaxed. He believed that she had laid Ari and Tali to rest, and that she had stopped punishing herself over Michael Rivkin and that she was forgiving herself for what happened to Jenny.
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
Tony listened intently and became lost in his own thoughts and theories. McGee continued telling him to put the stuff back in the drawer, and he paid absolutely no attention to him. Ziva saw the same people for years when she worked in Mossad. It was a good thing she resigned when they rescued her from Somalis, because she would either be dead or risking her life to do her father's work.
Those people wouldn't let her change, and she'd finally cottoned on. Tony hated Ari still, but he did agree with him on one level: Eli David caused his children misery. It didn't do it intentionally, but he didn't make sure his actions would have no consequences for them.
Tony recalled when he'd gone to Tel Aviv with Ziva, Gibbs and Vance. Ziva had been reluctant in calling that place home, like she didn't really know where home was. But it came to her later on that home wasn't the same city that Mossad was based in. Home was where people cared, not just where you were born.
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
Tony was now in his own world as he thought about Ziva. She didn't deserve what Eli did. She screwed up, but everyone had. He had allowed himself to love someone who he couldn't be with. McGee had managed to convince a reader of his book that the content was real. Gibbs got himself caught up in Paloma Reynosa's revenge. Jenny had gotten herself killed. And all five of them had reached that point where they knew something needed to change.
Ziva was now living a life that suited her. She was not killing people. She was not under her father's control. She was not on dangerous operations all the time. She was investigating crimes and trusting in the people that gave a damn.
Tony knew she had decided to leave her other life behind for good, and he was pleased.
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
Tony had watched her fall in love with a dying man and be played by a man Eli had sent. He had seen her make Gibbs her father and Jenny her mother. He couldn't understand it until he had the pleasure of meeting the woman's biological father. She loved her people with all her heart, and she kept them with her all the time, no matter where she was.
DiNozzo noted that McGee had quit the whining over the iPod and was glad of the peace to think. He remembered when Ziva had almost died undercover and the mess it made of her. He recalled the toll that Gibbs' departure had taken on her. The only two who took it harder were Abby and Jenny, but that was because Abby hated losing him and Jenny had been so close to him. Ziva, apparently, had had no ties to him, and she had gotten torn up about him. She hurt herself over and over.
It took being betrayed one too many times for her to pull her act together. She had lost part of herself in the desert and most of any relationship she had managed to keep with Eli, and now she knew what was happening.
Tony felt a ball of paper make contact with the back of his head and looked up. Crap. Vance was coming down. Tony hastily put the iPod and speaker away and sat at Ziva's desk trying to look innocent. Vance glared at him, knowing him well enough to know he was up to no good. "Thanks for the heads up," he said to McGee, who nodded in acknowledgement.
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
Ziva was leaving her past behind, and that was the reason for the song being on her playlist. He shuffled through for the next one, trying to figure out which song to play. He was interested now, since it appeared that Ziva used music to feel better.
Hope you like it!
Please review!
Sarah x