A/U: Erin goes back to Chicago for Christmas after almost 4 years of leaving Chicago to live in New York.

Please read and review. The chapters are named after songs. DISCLAIMER: I do not own Chicago PD or any of the original characters. I only own the characters that I created.

NEW YORK

Erin pushed the cart around the grocery store. It was 6:30 in New York. "Mommy, who's my daddy?" The three-year-old in front of her ask. She was so taken back by the question that she almost dropped the box of pasta that she was holding. "Wh-where's this coming from?" She asks placing the pasta in the cart. "Because Lucy has a mommy and a daddy and she told me it was weird that I don't have both." She answered not looking up from the baby doll in her hand. ."Well, baby, your daddy lives in the place where mommy used to live and it's not weird that you only have a mommy it's unique."

Erin let out a sigh. "Maybe this summer we can go visit your grandpa Hank that lives there." The little girl nodded "But summers in like forever." She said stretching out the word forever. Erin let out a laugh. "What about for Christmas." The little girl pirked up. "I wove Christmas. Can we take plane?" The little girl asked. "Yes, baby we will have to take a plane." The whole rest of the time she rambled on about Christmas and some people at preschool who had ridden on a plane before and how cool she was going to be. Erin just nodded and laughed. Making little comments when she could.

CHICAGO

Jay walked into Voight's office. He was sitting at his desk with his finger up. "Christmas sounds good can't wait to have you home." He set down the phone. "What?" Voight groaned. "I just wanted to give you this"

"What is it?"

"It's a wedding invite. The weddings on the 21st"

Voight just nodded and places the invite in front of him on his desk. Halstead turned to leave. Once the door was shut he picked up the envelope and placed it in his desk drawer.

CHICAGO airport 1 week before Christmas

"Mommy, that was so cool." The little girl shouted getting off of the plane. "Yah it was. Are you excited to see grandpa Hank again?" They headed to baggage claim. "Weally excited." She watched for her big black suitcase and her daughters little pink one. "Here come our bags," Erin said as the bags fell onto the conveyor belt. The little girl reached for hers and Erin grabbed hers.

Walking out of the airport they climbed into a cab. Erin told the driver the address of the precinct.

CHICAGO the precinct.

Atwater and Dawson had just got a back to the building when a cab pulled up to the curb. All they could see when the person got out was the backside of a woman with long hair. "Is that who I think it is?" One asks the other. "If your thinking who I'm thinking then I think yes." Even with her hair longer the boys still recognized her. "You lost," Dawson shouted. Erin turned around but what she had on her shoulder shocked them both. There was a sleeping toddler. Only seeing its hair they knew exactly who's she was. "Why don't you two shut up and come help." She may have been gone for three years but she was still bossy. She couldn't figure out why they were just standing there staring but then she remembered. "This is Jo. Now get your asses down here and help." The boys came out of shock and rushed to the curb. She grabbed her purse and paid the driver. As the boys grabbed their suitcases out of the trunk. She slung Jo's book bag on her shoulder. "Jo we're here. Mommy wants you to meet some of her old friends." She said in a calm voice. The boys laughed. "What are two giggling about." The boys looked at each other. "Nothing it's just weird to see you all soft." Dawson jokes. She punched him in the arm. "Mommy that mean." She hadn't realized that her daughter was awake. "I know baby." The boys laughed again. She shot them each a look. "You should apologize." The little girl said lifting her head off of her mother's shoulder. The boys both looked at her than to Erin. Who wasn't paying attention to them? "Erin I hate to break it to you but she looks exactly like-."

"Don't say it." She groaned. The boys shared another look of shock. Dawson hurried to open the door. "Why don't you lay back down," Erin said to the little girl as she walked in. The little girl buried her head back in her mom's shoulder. She walked right by the front desk and was about to walk up the stairs when she heard some say "Lindsey, Come to pay a visit have we." She whipped around and groan. "I just couldn't stand being away from you." She answered walking over to the desk and setting Jo down. "And who do we have here?"

"This is my daughter Joan." The older woman looked at the toddler. "Hey, sweet girl mommy want you to met someone else." The little girl turned around and look at the woman. "O my, does he know." Erin shook her head. "That's why you're here." The little girl grabbed a pen from the cup on the desk. "Jo honey lets not touch. No who are we here to see baby?" The little girl looked at the older woman. "Grampa hank." She said filled with joy. Erin heard the door shut but didn't turn around. "Dam New York did you good." Erin whipped around to see Ruzek and Olinsky. Both of their eyes widen at the sight of what was on the desktop. The little girl started to pull on her mom's sleeve "Mommy that man has boo-boo I make feel better." Erin laughed "Yes baby." She picked her daughter up and brought her over to the boys. "Guys this is my daughter Joan." Their mouths dropped open. "You have boo-boo I kiss make feel better." She said pulling on Atwater sleeve. He was taken out of his shock. "Sure um ok." The little girl kissed the bruise on his cheek. "Betwer" he nodded. "She looks just like him," he said facing Erin. She nodded. "Mommy can we please go see grandpa now please."

"Yes, baby we can." She let her daughter down and grabbed her hand. Erin released that she had no clue where her purse or their suitcases were. "Lindsey here are your passes." Platt handed her two cards laminated one on a string and another on a clip. Erin placed the one with the lanyard around Jo's neck and clipped the other one on her pocket. "Thank you" the woman nodded "good luck."

Erin and jo walked up the stairs to Voight's offices. They walked in just at the right time. There he was kissing some other girl." Erin stopped dead in her tracks. "Mommy lets go." Jo said pulling on her pant leg. Everyone turned to see Erin and Jo standing in the doorway. With everyone staring at them Erin turned Jos back to him. She crouched down and looked at the little girl. "Mommy, what's wrong?" The little girl asked. Erin took a shaky breath. "Nothing baby mommy's fine." She picked her up and walked over to Dawson's desk. "Can you take her for a moment I need to talk to someone." She turned toward her daughter. "Baby girl why don't you show uncle Dawsome your toys." She slid the bag off of her shoulder and placed it on the desk. "Ok mommy you be back soon?"

"Yes, baby mommy will be back real soon." She got off of her knees and brushed them off speed walking to the glass office. "Erin? What are you doing here you're early?" She slammed the door behind her. "You knew didn't you and you didn't tell did you?" She accused holding back tears. "You done." She nodded. "I need to get out of here. I need to get back to new york I should have never come." He shook his head. "You did the right thing look how happy she is." He pointed at the little girl sitting on Dawson's lap showing off a plastic horse and pointing at things. Erin laughed then started to cry. "I can't do this." She said placing her head on hanks shoulder. They both heard the door open and heard it get slam shut again. "How old?" The voice shouted. "How old is she?" Erin let out a shaky breath and shook her head. "Her birthdays on Wednesday. She's going to be four." She picked her head up and wiped her tears she had to be strong. "Dam it." He shouted she could see that everyone was staring at then except for Dawson and Jo. "Why the hell didn't you tell me. I could have helped." She let out a sigh. "I don't need your help I'm managing just fine. We are both happy and healthy." Her voice rising. She said pointing at the little girl. "And you seem to have moved on dam well fine to me." She said pointing to the blond haired woman standing in the middle of the room staring at the little girl. "You were always so petty." She was shocked. "I'm the petty one, your the one who was just yelling at me because I didn't want my daughter to-" she didn't know what to say. "Why, because you wanted her all to yourself." Erin's mouth fell open. "You did not just say that. I only came here because my daughter was asking who her dad was and I thought I would at least give her that." He looked shocked. "You didn't tell her about me." It was Erin's turn to be shocked now. "What did you want me to do? Show her a picture and say this is you daddy but sorry you'll never get to meet him. "

"If I would know about her I would have jumped on the next plane to New York." Erin let out a loud sigh. "Exactly that's what I didn't want to happen I didn't want to call you then ten hours later you be there. I DON'T NEED A DAMN SUPERHERO JAY." They hadn't noticed that Voight had left the office a while ago. "I can't do this I knew this was a mistake. We are just going to go home."

"Seriously Erin why do you always run when things get bad or hard why do you run? Hell, why are you running now?" These question struck her right in the heart. She knew the answer she just did want to admit it. "Because that's what I do." He knew she wanted to say more but he didn't press. "I'm sorry but I can't fight with you here. It's been a long day a Jo's looking tired." Jay held out his hand to stop her. "What's her name?" He asks letting his hand fall. "Joan Jay Lindsay-Halstead." He couldn't help but let a smile form on his face and Erin had to laugh releasing that their daughters were almost the same. "Their" daughter it sounded so weird she was used to saying her or my daughter. "You hyphenated and put my name as her middle name."

"Yeah, i planned on telling her when she was older. She just goes by Lindsey now but when she gets to school next year." He looked liked he was close to tears when she said this. "You good?" She asked "It's just so surreal I have a daughter. We have a daughter." He sat down. She stood in front of him. "I can't be a dad I'm not ready." he leaned his head forward an placed it in between her breast and wrapped his around her waist they were resting just above her butt neither of them gave it any thought. "She acts so much like you sometimes I don't think there 's any of me in her. She looks just like you some days I want to be mad at her for being so dam cute but also for being So much like the man, I just wanted to forget." He let out a shaky breath that was supposed to be a laugh. His hands had moved down to her ass but neither noticed. They just stood the for a moment. Erin had her lips placed on his head and she could feel people staring. She hadn't realized that she was crying til Jay lifted his head and placed his hand behind her ear and his thumb under her eyes wiping away tears. "They think that we're going to kiss in makeup," Erin said nodding towards the bullpen. Everyone made themselves look busy. they both laughed. Erin looked over to Dawson and Jo to see that Jo had not to move and was now playing with her baby doll and Dawson was staring at her. He mouthed the words you owe me big time and she nodded. "I planned on proposing to you the night you left."

"I guess it was for the best now you have her," Erin said pointing towards Malory. Jay let out a laugh. "You are so blind, Erin Lindsay. It's you It always been you. I love you. I have always loved you." she was taken aback surprised that he was saying these things. "No, you don't." she couldn't tell him how she felt now. "go out there and get your girl."

"DAMMIT EREN. can't you see you are my girl." she started to shake her head. "No Jay I'm not she is. she was made for you she yours. , on the other hand, am hers and so are you but that besides the point." his mouth fell open the can be fighting over him moving on. before either could say anything more than they regretted Erin turned and left. she walked over to her daughter and kneel down in front over her. Jay watched all of this from where he was standing. he hadn't realized that Malory had walked in until he felt her hands around his waist and all Jay could think of was five minutes ago when he had his arms wrapped around Erin's waist and how natural it felt. Erin turned to see Jay and Malory kissing. She had expected to feel many things on this trip, have many old feelings rekindled but, jealousy was not one of them. "mommy me tired." the little girl puts her hands out of her mom to grab her. "ok baby we can get a hotel just pack up your stuff." Dawson looked at her and said, "Erin you guys can stay at my house with me, i have a spare room." Erin turned as someone came and put a hand on her shoulder. " I got a spare room too if you guys need it later on." Atwater said. "our place still has the extra room." Jay said then she winced as he called it his and Malory's place. she hated the thought of someone else in the place that she bought with him, sleeping in the same bed that they did, cooking in the same kitchen, sitting on the same couch. The couch she remembers all the great times they had on that couch. all the kisses, all the weekend movie marathons. "Thank you, guys. But I think we are going to stay at a hotel. She started to help her daughter pick up her toys when Joan said. "Mommy, that man wooks like me. " she was pointing at Jay. "I guess he does doesn't he I never noticed." the guys sensed a bit of sarcasm or bitterness in her voice but they didn't know which. Erin grabbed the backpack and placed it back on her shoulder. Picking up her little girl she walked towards Jay. "baby girl this is your dad." she said stopping in front of him. "That why he wook like me?" she asked. Erin let out a laugh that Jay remembered all too well. "Yes it is." jay let a small smile creep onto his face. "Who is she?" Joan asked pointing towards Malory. "Why don't you ask him?" Erin said. "She is my fiancee," Jay said still looking at Erin. "what's that?" the little girl asked not understanding. "It's his girlfriend that he is going to get married to." Erin explained moving her gaze from Jay to Joan. "and spend the rest of his life with. Like in the movies wright?" Joan asked her mom. "Yes. baby like Ariel and Eric or belle and the beast," she answered locking her gaze with Jays. the four of them stood there in silence. Joan had fallen asleep. Erin could feel the tension in the air. She knew Malory felt threatened l. "Don't worry sweetheart he's all yours," Erin said breaking silence and her and Jays gaze. With that, she turned. Grabbed her bags from Atwater thanking him and left. When she reached the desk she handed their passes over and said her goodbyes. Hailing a cab and going to the nearest hotel and booking a room for the week she took Joan up to their room and laid her in the bed. Around 6:30 there was a knock on the door. Erin had been working on her computer and Joan had been playing with her baby doll on the bed with the tv on. "One second," Erin said closing her computer and turning down the tv. She walked over and opened the door seeing Jay and Burgess standing there. "Burgess its been awhile we should catch up." she signaled for them to walk in. Jays face said it all. "We need to talk out here," he said his voice sharp and deep. "Ok. give me a second."

"I brought Kim to watch Joan." Erin moved out of the way to let Burgess in and then followed behind her. "Baby this is mommy's friend she is going to watch you while I and Jay talk ok." the little girl nodded. Erin slipped on some shoes and walked back out to the hallway. "The wedding is in 5 days. We would love for you and Joan to come," he said once she got the door shut. "Jay I don't know if I can come but Jo can for sure. She would be more than happy to.". Jay nodded taking in what she had just said. You can drop her off at the apartment around 9 that morning."

"The same one as before," she asked knowing the answer and hating it all the same. "Yup same one," he answered not looking her in the eyes. "See you then." she grabbed the door handle put her card up to the scanner and walked in. "you have one smart girl here," Burgess said standing up as ern went back to sit on the bed. "Yeah i guess she is," she said laughing. She had always thought that her daughter was smart but she never said anything because she didn't want to be arrogant. "Well thank you for watching her and I mean it we should catch up. I think we're going to do dinner on her birthday Wednesday. I was going to see if you all wanted to come."

"Sounds good," Kim said pulling her in a hug. "I've missed you so much," she said separating them. "Bye Auntie Kim," the toddler said running up to Burgess and hugging her legs. "Goodbye JJ" she picked her up and squeezed her. Placing the toddler back on the ground and walking out. "Can I go swim?" Joan asked. "Yes you can but, tomorrow we are going dress shopping for Jay's wedding." Joan walked over to her suitcase dug around and pulled out her pink swimsuit.