Title: Legion of Super Spoofs
Rating: T, but I might be pushing it
Summary: It's the Legion of Super Spoofs! Join Whitening Lad, Pattern Girl, Bulimic Boy, Spam, Hairgel, Drinking Violet and many more on their odyssey to keep the universe safe. Lots of warnings inside.
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. This piece of writing is not meant as infringement and LoSH belongs to its respective owners.
Warning: suggestive humor, underage drinking, slight slash (those of all ya'll who were a part of the RPG in the beginning, you'll get the joke), mild character bashing (not really, but I made fun of like everyone) and mild swearing
Author's Note: For those of you don't know what Bulimia is, it's a serious eating disorder that is NOT COOL. I know I probably shouldn't made Cos Bulimic Boy, but I couldn't resist. Bantam means uber small, I didn't know that until I did some research. Did you know that no word in the English Language rhymes with Wolf? Weird…
Okay, this is kinda offending if you really like one specific character, because I made fun of all of them. Don't R&R if you can't take a little joke. I hope ya'll crack up like I did!
Here is something that might help-
LL: Whitening Lad
SG: Pattern Girl
CB1: Bulimic Boy
TG: Certificate Girl
BB: Announcing Boy
PG: Bantam Girl
TW: Limber Wolf
B5: Maniac 5
Vi: Drinking Violet/Thinking Violet
Kell: Hairgel
SM: Party Pooper Man
UB: Sultry Boy
DG: Scream Girl
Cham: Spam
Empress: Quartz Queen
Tharok: Shamrock
Validus: School Bus
Mano: Beano
Persuader: The Braider
Imperiex: Limperiex
--
"In the distant future, the 31st Century to be exact, there is a team who works in the utmost harmonic harmony and most precise precision. Comprised of Announcing Boy who has super announcing powers, Whitening Lad who has teeth-whitening powers, Pattern Girl who has pattern finding powers as well as pattern executing them, Bulimic Boy who has super bulimia powers, Bantam Girl who has amazing shrinking powers, Limber Wolf who has incredible stretching powers, Certificate Girl who has super certifying powers, Spam who is an experienced spammer, Maniac 5 the descendant of one of the most maniacal maniacs ever, Thinking Violet who has super thinking powers, Hairgel who has perhaps the best hair this side of the universe, Party Pooper Man who has super party pooping powers, Scream Girl who has the capacity of super-screaming and Sultry Boy who no woman can resist his wiles… except Bantam Girl. Now, no villain walks the streets- of any planet without fear in their hearts or-" Announcing Boy was interrupted by Party Pooper Man.
"Put a sock in it!" Party Pooper Man complained. "No one wants to hear your incessant ramblings!"
"Don't be such a party pooper!" Announcing Boy stuck his tongue out.
Pattern Girl sighed. "Will you two shut it?" she asked. Her eyes widened. "Guess what pattern I used there?"
"Uh…" Whitening Lad started as he was flossing his teeth. "You finally want to go on a date with me?"
"No…." Pattern Girl raised an eyebrow. "No pattern there," she giggled.
"Does this make me look fat?" Bulimic Boy walked into the lounge. He pulled his shirt up, revealing skin and bones.
"Eww," Whitening Lad looked away. "That's gross! No one wants to see those flabs!"
"Don't you have Monitor Duty, Bulimic Boy?" Party Pooper Man reminded.
"No, Maniac 5, Hairgel, Spam and Drinking Violet have it," Bulimic Boy responded.
Certificate Girl glared at Bulimic Boy. "What did we tell you about name-calling? Violet broke that habit years ago!"
"Right…" Announcing Boy rolled his eyes.
"I really think she did," Bantam Girl added. Everyone looked down at her. "Sorry," she apologized after realizing she was in her shrunken form. Bantam Girl grew to normal size, or at least she tried to.
"Shit!" she cursed.
"Hello, gorgeous," Sultry Boy said huskily to Bantam Girl, who was about eight feet tall. Everything else had grown at the same rate too…
"Sprock off!" Limber Wolf yelled from the kitchen. His arm stretched from the kitchen to the lounge, where he kicked Sultry Boy's ass.
"I'll wait for you," Sultry Boy said lowly to Bantam Girl before he fainted.
"How come all we do is fight? Why can't we be friends?" Hairgel asked innocently as he slicked back his cowlick.
"We ARE friends, right?" Spam asked.
"Why can't you get rid of your stinky hair gel?" Bantam Girl countered.
"Whoa…" Violet stumbled as she walked into the room. "I didn't know you could duplicate yourself, Bulimic Boy."
"See?" Bulimic Boy told Certificate Girl.
"See what?" Violet took a seat as she rubbed her temples.
"Nothing," Certificate Girl said, rolling her eyes.
"WHOO HOOO!" Maniac 5 bounced into the room. He started running around, giving wedgies to Whitening Lad and Party Pooper Man.
"Hey!" Whitening Lad exclaimed. "I just got those dry cleaned!"
"LET'S…DANCE!!" Maniac 5 turned on some music.
Everyone sighed.
"Are you sure he's sane?" Limber Wolf asked as he dodged Maniac 5's attempts at pantsing him.
"No, not really," Violet answered.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Scream Girl yelled.
"What the hell happened this time?" Hairgel complained.
"The Flirtatious Five have teamed up with Limperiex and they're attacking uptown!" Scream Girl waved her hands in the air like she just didn't care.
"Let's stop 'em!" Violet slurred.
"Violet, you're gonna stay here…" Pattern Girl said gently.
"But I'm…dun dun dun duh- STINKING VIOLET!!" Violet stood up, but lost her balance
"You mean Thinking Violet, right?" Hairgel interjected.
"That's what I said!" Violet pouted.
"I hate to be a party pooper- Oh wait, no I don't! Anyway, we've gotta save uptown," Party Pooper Man reminded.
"Okay," Announcing Boy nodded. "As leader, I nominate Mainy to stay with Violet at HQ."
Everyone else burst into laughter.
"ARE YOU SURE PUTTING MAINY AND VIOLET IN THE SAME BUILDING UNSUPERVISED IS A GOOD IDEA?" Scream Girl shrieked.
"Good point," Announcing Boy looked around. "Um... Party Pooper Man, stay here and make sure those two don't tear down HQ."
"Aww!" Party Pooper Man whined.
--
"Limperiex AND the Flirtatious Five? This can't be good," Whitening Lad started.
"I'm sure there's a pattern as to why they've teamed up," Pattern Girl reasoned.
"We all know that Limperiex has been checking Quartz Queen out," Sultry Boy moaned.
Limber Wolf punched Sultry Boy in the face happily.
"Thanks, baby," Bantam Girl kissed Limber Wolf on the cheek.
"Can I have one?" Whitening Lad asked Pattern Girl.
"Get a life," Hairgel told Whitening Lad.
--
"STOP FIENDS!!" Scream Girl commanded.
"Just try to stop us," Shamrock winked at her.
Scream Girl turned red with anger and punched Shamrock.
"Well, lookie there. It's the Legion," Quartz Queen said seductively. "Come and get me, boys," she whispered huskily.
"We'll get you!" Whitening Lad, Announcing Boy and Spam declared. Each of them went after the evil beauty with no success. The only match for the Quartz Queen was…Sultry Boy!
"Stop, woman!" Sultry Boy put his hand in the air as if it was a stop sign.
"Well, hello handsome!" Quartz Queen walked up to him and trailed her hand down his tiny chest.
"You're going to pay," Sultry Boy said lowly so only Quartz Queen could hear.
"I'll pay whatever your price is!" she straddled him, but Sultry Boy got the upper hand and defeated the gorgeous villain.
"BEANO!!" Bantam Girl said. "Stop right there!"
"Make me," he blew a kiss to her.
"Gladly!" Bantam Girl started, but choked on the toxic fumes Beano had dispersed from his ass. As she coughed, Beano grinned.
"Take Beano and they'll be no gas! What a fraud!" he laughed evilly.
Limber Wolf saw what was happening and sprung into action. He stretched his arm and engulfed Beano in a bone crushing hug, literally. Afterwards, Limber Wolf picked up Bantam Girl and flew her to safety.
Certificate Girl took on the Braider.
"They call me The Braider for a reason, babe," he swung is ax at her.
Certificate Girl violently threw cardstock certificates that resulted in many painful paper cuts for The Braider.
"AH!" he cried painfully.
Pattern Girl attacked School Bus. She used three triangular disks to form a perfect line across the School Bus's chest. Then, she aimed her rectangular projectiles for The School Buses tire-like limbs. Finally, she pulled out her perfectly painted rope and tied The School Bus down.
Finally, Hairgel punched Limperiex.
"That's a nasty limp you've got there Limperiex!" Hairgel taunted.
"That's some FINE hair you've got, Hairgel!" Limperiex grabbed Hairgel's ass and pulled him closer.
Hairgel retaliated and used his awesome hair gel powers to encase Limperiex into a crystalline hair gel state.
--
After the Legion rounded up the baddies, the Lions Police came and took the villains where they belonged.
"I'd say this is a job well done!" Bulimic Boy congratulated.
"You didn't even do anything!" Whitening Lad reminded.
"Oh yeah…" Bulimic Boy said.
"Who's up for some tacos? On me!" Spam suggested.
"Good idea," Bulimic Boy added. "I'll go back to HQ and pray that Maniac 5, Drinking Violet and Party Pooper Man didn't tear the place apart."
"Are you sure?" Bantam Girl insisted. "You should come with us."
"PLEASE?" Scream Girl added.
"Nah, you guys go ahead," Bulimic Boy flew away.
"What were we just doing?" Spam asked.
"You were taking us out for tacos," Announcing Boy announced in his deep tone. Certificate Girl giggled as she put an arm around his shoulder.
"That sounds great," Hairgel said.
--
Yay! I thought this was hilarious, I hope ya'll did too!
Please review!!