I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE ORIGINAL CHARACTER OF ERIN
Jealousy. White hot, searing jealously. Overtones of anger, with undertones of sadness and worry. Pure anguish.
Buck Cross did not like feeling jealous. It was an emotion he was familiar with, having constantly experienced it in the Kiowa village of his childhood. Watching the other boys and knowing none of them were his friends. Later on, knowing he'd never fit in at the orphanage. Then, watching as the other Riders danced with pretty girls at the socials Teaspoon forced him to attend. Jealousy as the other Riders courted girls, believing that would never be something that happened to him. Knowing that he was an outsider was a fountain of jealousy.
But, this was different. Erin was HIS girl. The most beautiful, sweetest, smartest, talented, and funniest woman he'd ever encountered was HIS girl. And Jimmy was acting like that didn't matter to him.
The rumble of Jimmy's timber voice and a peal of feminine laughter set Buck's blood to boil. They were sitting together on a blanket on the grass near the barn, a book and a slate and chalk setting between them. They were still sitting too close for Buck's comfort. He knew Erin was genuinely trying to teach Jimmy to read. Buck realized this was a practical goal that helped his friend, and Erin's kind nature was the part of her that he loved the most-well, her beautiful body was a very close second. Just the thought of that beautiful body set his eyes closing for a few seconds.
Another round of laughter and Buck's eyes flipped open, a breath of air blowing out through his nostrils, his mouth in a grim line. He took a deep breath. He could do this. He controlled his jealousy for all these years and he could keep on controlling it. This was all ridiculous anyway. There was nothing between the woman he loved and his friend other than friendship and genuine affection.
He hoped that affection on Erin's part didn't run too deep. He KNEW that affection on Jimmy's part ran deeper, much too deep for Buck's comfort. He remembered the first time they had all met her.
The news that Emma's niece was coming to visit, possibly for a long time, set them all to excitement. She was their age and for weeks Jimmy and Cody, and even Ike, had been discussing how pretty they hoped she was. Kid would have weighed in with his hopes if not for the daggers Lou stared at him when he started to join the conversation. Buck stayed out of it. What did it matter how pretty she was? She was Emma's niece and white girls never paid him much attention other than to find out if he had scalped someone. Or to make their rich daddies mad.
The first time they saw her had been at supper. The stage was late that day, so Emma came back to the station and made the meal for her Riders. Sam had collected Erin and brought her to Emma. When the door opened, Emma jumped up and with a frenzied voice proclaimed how happy she was, asked how Erin was, how her father was. Then Emma moved out of the way and they all got a good look at her.
Buck had only eaten chocolate once in his life, and it was the most delicious thing he'd ever tasted. Erin's hair was the color of that chocolate, and he could bet she'd taste even better. Luminous green eyes were framed by long, thick lashes. Her lips were full and impossibly red. High, strong cheekbones and a straight nose finished off the most exquisite face he'd ever beheld. Her dress hinted at a figure with high, full breasts and a tiny waist. She was about average height, but still shorter than him.
He heard one of his friends gasp and thought it must be Ike. The clatter of a dropped spoon drew his attention away for a second before he returned to his state of awe (he later learned it was Jimmy).
"Let me introduce you to my niece, Erin. These are my Riders."
"Hello. It's nice to meet you all." Her voice was melodic and charming. She smiled, and he felt his heart melt even further. It was like the sun was shining through the clouds on a rainy day.
"Erin, this is William F. Cody, but we call him just Cody."
"Cody," Erin said, nodding and smiling in his direction. William F. Cody, self-proclaimed ladies' man, turned bright red and looked down at his plate. "Hello," he managed to mumble.
"This here is Jimmy," Emma continued.
"Jimmy," Erin replied, sending another nod and smile in his direction.
Jimmy Hickok, always so self-assured and confident, began to stumble over his words. "Greetings, uh Hello, nice to meet ya and all, welcome, and…well, welcome, I'm sure you're like it here and all, this is a nice place." Another red face followed like Cody's, who still sat, even redder than before, staring at his plate.
"This here is Kid, and this is Lou."
"Nice to meet you both," Erin said, with the usual nod and smile.
"Hello! Glad you're here. We've heard a lot about you from Emma," Lou responded with a genuine smile upon her lips. Kid was still staring. Lou kicked him under the table, and after a small yelp, he said hello.
"This is Buck."
She turned her beautiful gaze to Buck and he felt his breath catch. This was it, he was going to speak to her. Erin's attention was completely on him and it was exhilarating.
"Hello. Nice to meet you," Buck said excitedly. As soon as he heard his voice, Buck wanted to cringe at how eager he sounded.
To his dismay, Erin's cheeks tinged pink and she looked down. It was her turn to mumble a hello. Buck felt his heart drop to his feet. Must have never talked to an Indian before, he thought with a tiny twinge of resentment.
He barely heard Emma introduce her to Ike. He knew his best friend was most likely charming in his bashful way. He gritted his teeth and looked at his plate.
Why do I get my hopes up? All white girls can't stand a half breed, he thought with frustration.
Buck snapped back to the present as he heard another bout of laughter, this time from Jimmy. Gritting his teeth, he tried to focus on all the things that had passed after he and Erin had first met.
All of the guys trying to catch her attention. All except Kid and himself, of course. He didn't want to scare her. He was still in awe of her and her kind nature that he saw shining through. Buck tried his best to be as non-threatening as possible.
Catching her staring and then her looking away as her cheeks turned that adorable shade of pink. She seemed nervous around him, and it broke his heart. She truly was kind, and so smart. He wanted her to like him and to feel comfortable around him.
All of the Riders (again, except for Lou and Kid and himself) trying to spend time alone with her. Ike mysteriously backing off all of a sudden. Ike's reply, when Buck asked him why: "As you are the brother of my heart, so shall she be the sister of my heart." Buck was confused and annoyed with this response.
Complaining to Ike and Lou about how Erin still blushed around him and stammered. Mentioning he thought she'd be used to an Indian by now. Ike grinning and signing that he didn't think she was blushing because he was Indian. Lou responding that she wasn't sure, it could be because he was Indian, and then both dissolving into peals of laughter. Buck was even more confused and annoyed with this response.
Her blushing and nerves stopping after a week or two, allowing them to really begin having conversations. Seeking her out after supper as she sewed in front of the fire, enjoying her conversation and company.
Falling in love with her and his heart aching because he knew it could never be. He just knew she fancied Jimmy, who followed her around like a lovesick puppy. Cody still clammed up around her.
The night of the social, her looking the most beautiful he'd ever seen. Overhearing Emma and Lou telling her to ask "him" for the ladies' choice, saying they knew she loved him. Feeling heartbroken, knowing it would never be him.
The surprise he felt when she walked past Jimmy and extended her hand to him.
Realizing that she never was scared of him, she liked him as much as he did her. HE made her tongue tied and nervous. HE made her blush.
Wanting to kiss her senseless during the dance, and then doing so later that night.
Subsequent confessions of love. Nights and afternoons spent alone, exploring each other's bodies.
Buck knew he shouldn't be jealous. He really had no right.
More laughter.
Buck squeezed his eyes shut as his hands curled into fists.
He was going to explode.