by Aaron Amram
Summary: What if the three prime evils still lived after their defeat? What if their licenses for being supreme evil entities were revoked and they had to go back to college? what if it became a co-ed dorm sitcom? All these questions and more are answered here!
Disclaimer: I do not own Diablo or Blizzard Entertainment in any way whatsoever.
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(the scene begins in front inside a university in Hell as Diablo and his brothers trudge towards their dorm, ashamed of themselves)
Baal: Dude, I can't believe we have to come back here! It's been only forty-thousand years since I graduated and now I'm back in this darn place, and why is home so different nowadays?
Mephisto: oh Baal it's not that bad, we'll only be here a few eons then we will be the overlords of the infernal abyss again, but you're right, Hell never had pastels before......
Diablo: yeah, who is in charge of this place nowadays?
Baal: you don't know? Who are the only two evils who weren't sacked?
Diablo: Um......were they......what were there names.......Tal Rasha and Horazon?
Mephisto: um.....no....
(Diablo gets lost in trying to remember the names)
Diablo:errr...........Gorbachev and Kruschev?
Baal: no......
Diablo: Bonnie and Clyde? Shatner and Napoleon?
Mephisto: (irritated) no, no, no!
Diablo: Ihagaso and Batman?
(Mephisto begins to quake with anger)
Diablo: Khalim and...and....and......Zakarum? Bob and Mephisto?
Mephisto: (hits Diablo with his highly numerous arms) I'M MEPHISTO YOU IDIOT! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD YOU ARE A DOLT! IT'S BELIAL AND AZMODAN, BELIAL AND AZMODAN, A Z M O D A N !
(Mephisto falls over in rage as he collapses from his high blood pressure as Baal stares)
Baal: um....yeah....what your brother is trying to say is that Azmodan and Belial are the current rulers, and everyone knows that Belial loves colorful decorative items.
Diablo: oh, gee wiz is Belial such a queen.
Baal: Also, Belial hired a bunch of weirdos to take the place of us defeated evils....
Diablo: really? who are some of them?
Baal: well, there's Gusio the lord of childern, Twitcho the lord of elongated arms, Misha the lord of effeminate French people, and.....some other guy.....
Diablo: What kind of Evils of hell are those!?!
Baal: don't ask me, lets just get going (begins to walk off)
(Dragging the unconsious Mephisto, Diablo and Baal return to their dorm and study for the torture exam)
**COMMERCIAL BREAK**
(the next evening after the exam, Baal and Mephisto hear some odd noises coming from Diablo's bedroom)
Baal: what's going on in there, sounds like badly dubbed anime voices or something.
Mephisto: oh he's probably just torturing some innocent people for some practice, he flunked the exam you know.
Baal: well I think we should take a look just to be safe... (motions toward the door)
(As Mephisto and Baal open the door the gasp in horror at what they see)
Baal: My word....
Mephisto: Lucifer have mercy on us all......
(through the door lies Diablo, watching Sailor Moon while talking to a Princess Serena action figure)
Diablo: oh poor Rei, that Melvin is so dorky isn't he your Majesty......(notices his brothers)oh hey guys, wanna play?
Baal: You PANSY Diablo, you are worse than Belial!!!!
Mephisto: My brother watching anime, bad anime at that, I am so ashamed...
Diablo: I, I, I can explain.....
Baal: No Diablo, there's no excuse in existence that could weaken this blow against the forces of the underworld....
Diablo: oh, come on Baal! It's not that bad......
Baal: (Glares around Diablo's room maliciously) you probably have all the comics too, don't you?
Diablo: No, no, no, I swear! I don't have issues one through 400 in plastic covers, really!
(Mephisto floats over to Diablo's dresser)
Mephisto: so.....you don't have them do you?.....then what is.....THIS!?!
Diablo: NNNOOOOO!!!!!!
**COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK, GO OUT AND GET YOURSELF A CHOCOLATE SHAKE**
(Mephisto lunges at one of the drawers, pulling out a small, rather unkept.........cat...)
Cat: Gary, rowww.............
Baal: wha........?
Diablo: what's that doing in there?
Mephisto: you tell us....it's your dresser.....and it is your dresser......isn't it?
Diablo:.......well I got it at a garage sale......the cat might have been there the whole time....
cat: Gary? meow.......
Mephisto: (places the cat back in the drawer) I....think I'll just put that back in here *sniff* yup....
cat: (muffled by the closed drawer) Gary? Meow!
Baal: well....back to the problem at hand, Diablo and his little Sailor Moon problem....
Diablo: (clutches the Serena doll protectively) there's nothing you two can to do to remove me of my love in life, you hear that, nothing!
(Diablo just sits there in a fetal position muttering to himself about moon tiara magic)
Baal: whatever.....
Mephisto: just.....no......
Baal: Let's just get out of here so that we don't catch whatever he's got......
(Baal and Mephisto walk off and shut the door behind them)
Diablo: (gets up and grins) Fools, they only think I am the Demon Diablo, but one day my identity will be revealed, that I am.................................................................... ...........................................
Diablo: TUXEDO MASK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!
**end of episode one**
---Credits---
cast
Diablo as Himself
Mephisto as Himself
Baal as Himself
Jenny the Cat as Cat
Every form of production imaginable by Burning Sulphur Inc.
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