Gasping, I sat up quickly and looked around the dark room. I gasped and groaned, placing a hand over my racing heart. Closing my eyes, and breathing out slowly through my nose, I flopped back onto my bed and sighed. I ran a hand through my sweat damp hair, and ran a hand over my face. These dreams were going to kill me. I could feel it hollowing me out, and a dark void taking its place. As I sat back up, I tossed my blanket off myself, and planted my bare feet on the cold metal floor. I quickly grabbed my leather boots, and pulled them on. I didn't bother fastening them, I'm not sure why. It was probably because I didn't care enough to bother. Not caring enough to just buckle your boots was a dangerous thing. It would and will get you killed.
I looked down at myself and my mouth twitched in disgust. The smell of the room was horrific, I had no idea what the bed was made out of, or who had last pissed themselves in it in a drunken stupor but I didn't care. I pulled the sweat covered once-white undershirt away from my chest, and let go of it. Where I grabbed it stayed erect. I sighed and pulled on my leather jacket and sat down on the bed again. I slowly buckled my boots and shirt, than I stood and pulled my holster around my hips and put my 9mm that I had under my pillow in it. I wished more than anything that I could just wash my clothes; all I wanted to do was wash my fucking clothes.
I knew I would never again be able to, unless I raided a Mutant infested vault, or washed them in the radiated rivers. I looked down at my Pipboy and I pursed my lips. Everything looked in order, my rads were low, my heath was full, and I had enough Stimpack to last me a few more days, but I needed to get water soon. I breathed deep and pulled open the iron door in front of me.
The stench was even worse out of the room. The building was stuffy and humid, making every rotting body in the place reek. There weren't really any dead bodies in here, but they mind as well be. What kind of a life could someone have in a shithole word that we made for ourselves? We are so stupid, and I will never get over how stupid we are. Humans are a greedy, repugnant species and I hate every one of us. I hate myself. I walked softly along the hard floor, and down the harsh stairs. People sat around drinking dirty water and Whiskey. Everyone had a cigarette in hand smoking old and rolled tobacco, cancer filled sticks. What the fuck else were they supposed to do? Go out into the Wasteland? I'm the only stupid on who goes through that.
I walked over to the bar and leaned on it. I looked up at Eddie, and flashed the smallest hint of a smile at him.
"Have anymore Whiskey?" I asked my voice harsh and rough. I don't talk unless necessary. I sometimes wonder if I can still speak. Eddie nodded lightly, and put a bottle on the counter.
"10 caps." He said. My lip twitched up, and I slammed the caps onto the table, and grabbed my bottle, then burst out the door.
"That stupid bastared," I said and took a swing of the watered down alcohol. I coughed and looked at the bottle in disgust. I knew that they watered it down, and not with clean water, but this tasted like dirt and moonshine. "I just paid ten caps for a bottle of piss." I moaned in annoyance, and opened up my Pipboy and put the bottle of 'piss' in it. I trudged down the slopped walkway and toward the main gate. A robot sat idly by the gate, and followed me with its head as I walked by, "Have. A. Nice. Day." it said. I just walked passed. I knew how to ignore things, I also knew how to analyze every time thing around me and it was what had kept me alive this whole time.
My life before entering the Wasteland is a boring story. Being in the vault was all I have ever known. My father taught me how to shoot, and I want around with the BB gun, and shot radroaches when I was bored. I had always been quiet and sneaky; I would slip out of me and my fathers' room all the time. I was a bad kid when no one was looking. I slept with countless people. We had a few hundred in out vault, and I must have slept with 10 or 15 of them. Girls, guys, I fucked them all and they all kept coming back for more. It was how I made the nights bearable. My father tried everything, but the insomnia didn't go away. I would get an hour here, and an hour there but never a solid 8 hour sleep.
Sex made me tired, so when I was just too tired of being tired I would find a willing lover and take them to bed. I'm sure my father knew, but he was a doctor and people got attacked by the roaches almost every day. If you believe it, some people died because of them. When he was home, he never checked on me, but I wouldn't know if he did because I was never there. He just stopped asking once he stopped seeing me. Jonas saw me more than my father did, but that was probably because I was sleeping with him. We had a… understanding. The vault was a cold hard place to live, and we both needed an outlet. I would come home bruised from the chest down, we got each other bad and it felt so good. I never thought I would be the kind of person who would want to have someone beat me, but it was just so real. The pleasure, the love, the hate, it was all numb for me. Coated like a Tylenol capsule. The pain was harsh, and there, and real. Being with him made me sleep and it was beautiful.
Once out of the town, I pulled out my 9mm and clicked off the safety. I jogged along the road for a bit, and once I was about 100 feet from the wall around the town, I crouched and continued on my way. I didn't know where I was going, but I figured a new town would be nice. I needed some new air, and some new people. Maybe the next town would have Whiskey, and not bitter mud. The sun was creeping up behind me, I didn't like traveling in the dark, but I wasn't going to go back the piss smelling bed, and pass out from the fumes, not that the air out here was any better.
I made it to the next town in a couple of hours, ran into a couple of raiders, and a mole rat or two on the way. I opened up the main gate, switched on the safety and put it back in the holster. People walked by, eying me nervously, and I just ignored them, not drawing attention to myself. I walked to the middle of the town and looked at my surroundings. There was a shop to my right down a pathway, with the entrance 90-or-so feet behind me, and a restaurant in front of me. Right beside the restaurant on the left side was a staircase and 3 buildings on platforms over a large body of water. This seemed very dangerous to me, due to the fact that lots of rad-monsters liked to live in the water, and I almost instantly regretted coming here, but then I remembered that my lack of care made it hard to feel regret.
I am so broken.