Chapter 1

Decisions

I'm nervous. Really really nervous.

I know what I want. But I'm afraid my aptitude test will tell me otherwise.

I'm startled from my thoughts by the abnegation lady calling my name.

"Anya Willow"

That's me. I stand up from the circle of my friends. We cluster together like a swarm of brightly colored flies. Amity can't stand to be alone… apparently.

Which just cements my thoughts of not belonging. I like being alone. I just don't want to be lonely.

In Amity you are never alone but all relationships are so superficial and forced by the peace serum that even when surrounded by 20 of my 'friends' I'm still lonely.

I make my way towards the door where I'm shown to go. Another Abnegation lady waiting inside prepping the room for my test.

"Please sit. My name is Andrea an I'll be administrating your test." She tells me as she fumbles with the machinery.

I lay down on the chair. It reminds me of the ones at the dentist's office. I look around the room. Three of the walls are mirrors except for the one where the door is. I look at my reflection. My strawberry blonde hair is loose and is a bit uncomfortable to lie on so I take it and twist it to the side so it can hang from the side of my head so the tip reaches the place where my canary yellow shirt is tucked into orange loose fitting pants.

This is not my color. I look monochromatic. My hair my clothes my shoes even my skin are all on the red scale like orange and yellow. I look sickly. And the fact that I'm as thin as a reed doesn't help my image.

The only thing that isn't a mix between red and yellow is my eyes. Light green with a darker edge around the Iris. I look dull. Plain. No shape no form.

My eyes are pulled from my reflection to the glass vial that was pushed in front of my face.

"Drink up." I comply though hesitantly as I eye the clear liquid. I mean they wouldn't poison an 18 year old dependent right. Right?

Oh man that tastes horrible. I grimace as Andrea takes the vial from me. I turn my head to ask her what the hell she just made me drink but am startled to see her gone.

I look down. I'm standing. I don't remember getting up. What the hell?

"Choose!" I swirl on my feet trying to locate the voice, but there's nobody.

I look around again, two pedestals catch my attention. On one there lays cheese. On the other lays a knife.

'Choose' I think. Well I don't know where I am nor for how long I'll be here for so having something to eat might be a good idea. But then I also don't know who or what else is here and if I'll have to defend myself.

Hastily I grab the knife. Just as I do the pedestals disappear. I look around frowning. I have to admit this is the weirdest moment in my life… not that I have that many weird moments in life. Well there was that one time but I uhh I'm still not sure how true everything was that I saw.

Movement to my right caught my attention. A dog. Not just a dog a growling slobbering hound with it's fur raised and its gnarly teeth directed at me.

I take a step back my heart dropping into my stomach and my pulse jumping.

With every step I take backwards the dog comes a step closer. The next thing I know I'm running. 'What to do what to do...' I keep asking myself when I remember the weight in my hand. The knife.

I stop dead in my tracks and dodge to the side. The dog skidding past me. We stare each other down. I'm already lifting the knife to defend myself as the dog rushes me again.

I can hear the squelch of the guts and skin giving in to the knife's sharp edge.

I blink and I'm back in the room. My breath is labored, my chest heaving. I can hear my blood gushing in my ears.

' A simulation. The test was a stupid simulation.'

I look towards Andrea. She smiles at me and says " Congratulations. Your test results are Dauntless. When you're ready you may head back to the cafeteria. Remember no discussing your results with anyone. Your decision should be yours alone."

I frown. 'If it's my 'own' decision then why bother with aptitude tests?'

Having calmed a little I make my way back towards the cafeteria. My place has been occupied since my departure but a new place is quickly made between Sky and Lila.

Sky and Lila are twins and also my neighbors. Our parents work together in the packaging warehouse of Amity. So we live in houses near the warehouse. Unlike other families that share a communal shed/hut with like 10 families. The horror.

Anyhow we grew up together, but that doesn't mean we're friends. Well for me at least. If you were to ask them we are absolute besties forever and ever.

Sighing I sit between them. My personal bubble being invaded by all this happy crap. I just want to be alone. Think about my results. I can't concentrate with all of the yapping and chanting in my ears.

Shaking my head, even though I'm worried about the choosing ceremony tomorrow I'm quickly blanking my mind from that and try to seem normal. I'm usually considered quiet. But I do know how to blend in. I'm not an idiot.

When everyone has had their chance at the test we make our way home. Being from Amity most of us have over an hour's bus ride home. Maybe longer if you live closer to the farms which is a ways past the fence

There are a few Amity that live in the city. Those that became care takers or gardeners etc.

On the ride we pass by a bunch of Factionless clothed in mismatched clothes like a see of rainbows. Dirty, hungry and sad looking rainbows.

'God I'm such a downer' I lower my head to the seat's back in front of me and close my eyes. I don't want to be Factionless. Staying in Amity can assure that. I know who everyone is. I know my way around., I know how to pass the initiation. I know that they won't cut me unless I'm the opposite to peace and kindness and immune to the peace serum to boot. I'll probably have an assured job at the warehouse even. But I won't belong.

But my aptitude test corresponds with my thoughts of becoming Dauntless. But the simulation. Was that a test of bravery. I didn't feel brave killing that dog. I felt desperate, wanting to stay alive. Cruel for being able to do that and ashamed of having someone so selfless see me being so desperate to save my own selfish ass.

But where else am I going to go.

I'm not selfless. In fact I'm quite selfish. I always think of things in a matter of how that could help ME or be good for ME.

I'm also not smart. I can read and understand what they want and I've always done well on tests but I don't want to do all that work for fun. I did in school because I had to.

I'm not honest. Oh God's no. I lie all the damn time. I even lie to myself. If lying was a disease I'd be dead by now.

I'm not kind. I mean I just killed a damn dog, not a real one but I didn't know that. But there are many examples. None that I want to discuss now though.

So I must be brave. I've always loved climbing the tallest trees jumping into the deepest lake. Stealing serum free snacks ( ok that's not brave but I'm the only one who had enough guts to do it so). But if I join Dauntless. I'll have to fight people. Go on patrols keep the Factionless under control. Keep the Factions away from each other's throats.

Can I do that. Am I brave enough to protect the people I love with my life?

TBC