"Oh hai, my name is Mastur Cheef. I jus wan all u to no that hwikek is a fucking douche. But the raisin I dun say hwicock is cause she's a girl who wines bout stupid shit all the time and acts like a pussy bitch."

"Oh dear god," sighed the Arbiter as he listened to his cheeky friend's complaints, "what's your problem today Chief?"

"Teh fax that i haz to deal wif this stupid bitch who keeps riting about fuking gay azublowme dildo. Seriously, it's worse than all ur fucking hipster games and the stupid crap you keep going on about." The Chief then began to use a sharpie that had been laying around to write the words uz a stupid azz bitch on the side of the author's Nintendo DS. "See arbiter? She r like fucking thirty sum odd shit butt she still play's gay ass Nintendoes. Remember I hate nintendoes? Remember? Lol remember—"

The Arbiter then quickly cut with extra volume, "you fucking say 'lol remember Arbiter?' one more damn time and I'll beat the shit out of you."

Chief then took up a more muscular pose while facing his friend. "So wut son?" he mockingly asked. "Ur just gun get ur ass whopped by me ne weighs."

"First of all it's 'whooped'," the Arbiter corrected in a very irritated manner, "and second of all you always talk shit but whenever we fight I always kick your ass."

"Oh really? Do you see these guns?" the Chief asked his friend as he flexed his right arm. "U really think u can beatz me arbiter? U of all people should no by now that I am Mastur cheef, I kill aelins and doesn't afraid of ne thing," he ended the line with a mocking tone.

The Arbiter felt a rush of irritation and anger that caused him to challenge the Chief, "then bring it on you cretin. It'll end just like all of our little tussles, you'll be sobbing like a d-bag and have kicked me in the crotch at least once or tried to hit me with the 'rofl knife' and I'll upside your ass with the frying pan."

"LMAO gay ass arbiter," said the Chief as he condescended his pal, "this dumb bitch puts all the pans where we can't fucking reach them. Lol remember—"

"Don't even fucking say it Chief! I've had enough of that for a goddamn while."

"Your mom didnn't had a nuff of me. She was all like, 'oh more please. Don't go way, no!'" Chief cut in with a snarky tone. "Why we hav to deal with this stupid bitch ne ways? I mean look at this pixture." The Chief held up a small cartoon drawing labeled self portrait.

"I guess I have to agree to some extent," Arbiter said, finding himself forced to agree with the Chief. "I mean this drawing is just some anime cat eared girl, with obscenely, red hair who looks like she's doing some sort of cheerleader c with only one arm in the wrong direction."

"Yeah y teh fuck r we here with this hipster bitch?"

"Hey shut up!" violently screamed a voice sweeter than angels. "Some people are trying to sleep, why the fuck is your stereo system up so loud anyways? I can hear you playing those fucking machinima videos from wherever the fuck your apartment is in this complex! If I meet you in the hallway I'm seriously going to kick your ass till my foot gets stuck up your shitter and I have to violently rip it out, Mortal Kombat style!"

"Oh fuck," said the Arbiter, "I should have known that trying to run around while she was asleep was risky."

"Wut the fuck?" asked Chief, "it's fucking 10!"

"You better seriously hope I don't find your room and kick your ass!"

"No u."

"So before you go off hating the person whose apartment we're in," the Arbiter interrupted, "what do you think she's going to do if she gets up and comes in here?"

"First she's a gonna cum on my shaft," the Chief rudely quipped, "and second she'll probably think were hallucinations from weed."

"She doesn't smoke weed," the Arbiter interjected.

"Then she's drunk."

"She doesn't drink either."

"Wat the fuck?" asked Chief, "does this fucking weaboo haz any life at all?"

"Don't you remember that we couldn't find any booze the first night we were here?"

"Fuck!" the Chief cried in desperation, "that's it let's go back to that other loser, Jon's, place. At least that suck ass haz beer and shit unlike this fucking retarded poser."

"We can't go back, do you have any idea where we are?"

"Ya, smart gai, we're in America."

"Jon's in Canada."

"What the fuck?" asked Chief, "so we just haz to go a little further than across the street. Big fucking deal? I walked all the goddamn way to Jon's gay apartment from California once. Rememb—"

"The point is that we're stuck here since the door is locked, and neither of us can unlock the door because we're action figures." The Arbiter took a moment to sigh. "We'll be here for a bit of time."

"Well sence we're stuck wat u think of hwikek?" asked Chief.

"She's okay."

"Do u think a her an jerk?"

"What the fuck?" the Arbiter asked in outrage, "no!"

"Lol I do all the time," said Chief, "she's hot and got's nice boobs and everything. But why the fuck is she into all this gay anime shit, like some damn portlandite?"

"First off," the Arbiter said, beginning his attempt to correct Chief's stupidity, "that's so disgusting, second; not everyone from Portland is a hipster—"

"But then why else r there so many?" asked Chief, "that place must be where shit beer companies go to test their products. They must be all like, 'hey, I got's free beer,' to some stupid twat who's is wearing jeans and ballcaks."

"It's ball caps."

"Nuh uh cause they haz dildos on the top."

"Oh gross," groaned the Arbiter as Chief laughed hard in the background. "Lastly I don't think she's really that into anime. I mean she only watches it sometimes and only bought part of one series when it was on sale."

"Then why the fuck else would she be writing bout fucking boring ass assumangone dohoes?" asked Chief. "Tell me nao arbiter, all she does is rite bout how the characters get in fucking retarded straight stuff. Evrywun noes that u only rite azu fanfic just so you can talk bouts how kagura nd sakaki rub there titties to together to get off. Then I adds in myself to teach them less on that theyz never gun fur get. Lol, jus like that hentai I download onto jon's labtop."

"Oh my fucking god," said the Arbiter, "don't talk about this anymore. I've seriously gotten to the point where I'm not sure whether now is a good time to kill you or if I should just wait and hope that you become less irresponsible in time. Jesus Christ you're a douche."

"Oh yeah? I'd get all there douches no wat i mean?"

"Fuck! I can't believe I just walked right into that!"

"LMAO n00b," said Chief, "now bend over and take it!"

"Fuck off, I'm starting to get really fucking pissed."

"Lol ur mom got me off for I pissed in her mouth!"

The Arbiter then expelled an angry scream as the Chief ran away flailing his arms in the air while laughing hysterically at the top of his lungs.

At the other end of the apartment, Hwikek groaned into her pillow as the noise continued to assault her ears.

"I don't know who keeps playing Digital Ph33r videos at setting 11," Hwikek angrily mumbled into her pillow, "but one of these days he's going to get kicked so hard in the groin that one of his testicles disappears!"