"I love you," he told me, looking down at me with his blue eyes. I longed to tell him. I desperately wanted to say the words that I knew he wanted to hear. But I couldn't.
"You too," I told him instead. And although I knew he understood he couldn't hide the look of sadness that quickly flitted across his face. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself against him and resting my head on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Cam," I whispered into his neck. He sighed, but his arms tightened around my waist.
"It's okay," he said. I knew it wasn't. I could feel it. After two years of being unable to say the words that I felt so greatly he was starting to have second thoughts.
I pulled back and tilted my head up so that I could look in his eyes. "I really do you know," I told him.
"I know, Ana. I know." I smiled up at him and he grinned back. I could tell he wanted to change the topic quickly.
"I'm exhausted," he said, "It's bed time."
I giggled at him and followed him over to the bed. I watched as he took he shoes off and then collapsed onto the bed without bothering to change. He put his arm out, inviting me to join him and I quickly complied. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my hair but I knew he was still sad. He knew how I felt. He had to. I showed him in every way... Except for the way he desperately wanted.
It didn't matter how hard I tried, or how much I wanted it. Those three words – which so many people just threw around – couldn't escape from my lips. But he had to know. He had to know that I felt exactly the same way about him that he did about me. Didn't he?
"Doctor Marking. Just the person I was lookin' for." The Southern drawl that I knew so well suddenly pierced the silence my office had previously been in. I looked up from my tablet as he walked into the room and took a seat in front of my desk.
"What can I do for you, Colonel?" I asked, playing along with to currently professional demeanour.
"I was talking to Sheppard," I raised my eyebrows. Nothing that began with Cameron Mitchell and John Sheppard 'talking' could ever come to any good. "And we realised that you hadn't been off Atlantis for anything other than trade negotiations since we got here. Two years ago. So we're going to change that."
"Nice try, Cam," I said to him flatly, glancing back down at my tablet and reading over the new data McKay had sent me.
"Yeah… I'm not kidding." My eyes shot up to find him looking smug. "You became the leader of this expedition two years ago, Ariana. You were a part of SG-1 back on Earth. You loved going off-world. What's changed?"
"Nothing's changed."
"Great! Then we'll see you down in the 'Gate Room in around twenty minutes. M4X-135 awaits!" He stood up from the chair with a triumphant grin on his face and turned to begin walking down to the 'Gate room.
"I can't go with you, Colonel Mitchell." He stopped and turned around, grin fading as he saw the serious look on my face. "You and your team have a go for M4X-135, but I will be staying here."
"Ana? What?" He looked confused, and as serious as I felt about the matter at hand I struggled to suppress the grin I felt forming at the adorable look on my boyfriend's face.
"I can't go with you." I said, standing up and walking over to him. "I'm sorry Cam, but you, and Sheppard for that fact, know how hard I work to maintain my position here. I can't risk it. Not with the IOA breathing down our necks." I raised my hand to his cheek, and he moved his face to press it against my hand. "I really am sorry."
He sighed and stepped away from me, leaving my hand hanging in the air for a moment before I thought to put it down.
"Have you noticed how often you've been saying you're sorry lately?" He asked, before turning and leaving me alone in my suddenly very empty office.
"I'm glad you weren't there." Cam said suddenly, breaking the silence that had overcome us an hour earlier.
"What do you mean?" I asked, turning in his arms so I could see him properly.
"When we went to M4X-135; I'm glad you weren't there. We lost two of our guys. If that had been you…" He trailed off and buried his face in my hair.
"Oh, Cam..." I pulled him up into a sitting position on the bed and took my spot on his lap. I ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm him as I felt him begin to shake with unshed tears.
"It's okay," I said as calmly and quietly as possible, "I'm okay. You're okay. Were both okay." I continued stroking his head until the shaking finally settled down and he pulled back slightly.
"I shouldn't have acted the way I did when you told me you couldn't go," He said, his startling blue eyes meeting my blue-brown-and-green-ones that had long ago earned me the nickname of 'Rainbow Eyes'. "I just miss you when we're off-world. Everything's different when I'm not sleeping next to you."
I pulled him closer to me and wrapped my arms around his neck, placing my head on his shoulder. "I feel the same when you're not here with me," I whispered into his neck and I felt his arms tighten round my waist. "Except I also worry that you may not come home. Every single time I watch you walk through that 'Gate I always wonder whether it's going to be the last time I see you." I took a deep breath, inhaling all that was Cameron Mitchell, and tried not to cry.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I know you. If I told you I worried about you, you would spend all your time worrying about me worrying about you. And then you would get distracted and possibly hurt. I couldn't cope with that. I need you, Cam. You should know that by now."
"I know. I need you too."
"Unscheduled off world activation!" the 'Gate technician's voice warned over the loud speaker.
"How many teams do we have off-world?" I asked as soon as I reached the control room.
"Just the one." he replied, looking to his computer, a grim look quickly spreading across his face.
"Cam's team," I whispered, unease seeping its way up through my veins. "Do we have a signal?"
"Not yet, Ma'am," he said, and for once I didn't correct his calling me 'ma'am' as we continued to stare at the computer screen. "Wait," he said suddenly, making me jump slightly, "It's Doctor Jackson's IDC."
"Talk to me, Daniel. What's going on down there?" I asked through my radio, trying to keep the worry out of my voice.
"We're under attack." he said, his radio crackling in and out. "Mitchell's down. Get us out of here Ana."
"You heard him," I said, already half way out of the control room. "Let them thorough! And get a med team ready." I missed his confirmation of my orders as I was already halfway down the stairs getting to the 'Gate just in time to see Teal'c dragging a very still Cam through it, followed closely by Daniel, Vala and Sam.
"Shut down the 'Gate!" Daniel yelled as a blast from a Wraith stunner came through the still stable wormhole. I reached the team just as the 'Gate shut down with a gentle 'kawoosh' that usually calmed me, but this time did nothing to soothe the feeling of dread that had quickly settled over my body.
I began to ask Daniel what happened, but was quickly distracted as I dropped to my knees and saw the large gash on Cam's head and felt his less than steady pulse.
"Where's my Med team, Jennifer?" I called tensely over the radio just as she and the rest of her team rushed into the 'Gate room, pulling a gurney for my unconscious boyfriend behind them.
I stared, unable to move from my spot on the floor, as Teal'c helped them place Cam onto the gurney before he was wheeled away to the infirmary. I jumped a little as I felt a large warm hand land on my shoulder. When I looked up I saw the dark eyes of Teal'c looking at my with a gentle expression on his face.
"What happened out there, Teal'c?" I asked softly as I accepted the hand he was holding out to help me up.
"Perhaps that is a question better asked of Colonel Carter, Ariana Marking." I looked around the 'Gate room for her quickly, before coming to the realisation that it was completely empty.
"Where...?" I looked to the large Jaffa in confusion as he smiled at me kindly.
"Colonel Carter, and the rest of SG-1, followed Doctor Keller to the infirmary. I remained behind to ensure you were in a condition to follow them." I glanced up at him again, feeling incredibly grateful to have people such as him my life.
"Thank you." I said, leaning forward to give him a small hug which he graciously accepted. "Can you come with me to the infirmary?" I asked him, overcome with a sudden need not be alone.
"Indeed." He began to lead me to the infirmary, a hand uncharacteristically resting on my lower back as he directed me where to go.
When we reached the infirmary the rest of SG-1 was there, pacing the quiet corridor outside one of the OR's.
"How is he?" I asked Sam as soon as I reached her, suddenly feeling every bit like the frantic girlfriend I was.
"He has a concussion, a few fractured ribs and a collapsed lung as a result of the ribs." She told me honestly, reaching out to comfort me as my breath sped up. "He's in surgery right now for the lung, Doctor Keller is very optimistic for a positive outcome."
I sighed in relief as she led my over to a seat, noticing my shaking legs before I did.
"What happened out there, Sam?"
"Honestly? I don't know, Ana. One minute we were walking through a forest alone, the next there were Darts everywhere. We were around a click from the 'Gate so we made our way back, keeping hidden — when we got there the 'Gate was dialed out so we couldn't leave. We waited until the 'Gate shut down and then Cam ran out and dialed Atlantis. He'd just finished dialing when he was hit by a stunner blast. He hit his head on the DHD." I shuddered at the images her story was bringing to my head and felt the comforting hand of Daniel on my back. I nodded for her to continue.
"The 'Gate was on top of this hill, so when Cam was hit he lost his balance and just started rolling. The only thing that stopped him going the whole way down was a fallen tree that he slammed into. I'm guessing that's how he got the collapsed lung."
"So how did you all get out?" I asked, focusing on Daniel's gentle hand that was rubbing small circles on my back.
"Well we we're pretty much surrounded by Wraith at that point, so we shot our way out," she said uneasily. "Daniel, Vala and I distracted them while Teal'c went down the hill to grab Cam. By then we'd created enough of a barrier that we could get through the 'Gate without them following us through."
I nodded, slowly allowing the information to flood my brain. "The rest of you are okay, right?" I asked, scanning over their bodies with my eyes and not seeing any obvious injuries.
"We're fine, Ana." Daniel said soothingly, continuing the circles on my back. I smiled up at him slightly as the door to the OR opened and Jennifer came out, her face still covered by her surgical mask.
"He's out of the woods," she said as she slipped the mask around her neck. I let go of the breath I wasn't aware I was holding, and I felt the rest of the team do the same.
"When can we see him?" Vala asked her, sidling up next to me.
"He's still under the anaesthetic at the moment, but he should be waking up soon. I will ask that only one of you stay with him though; when he wakes up he's going to be a bit confused."
"Ana will stay with him." Sam decided quickly as the rest of the group nodded in agreement. Jennifer smiled at me and then gestured for me to follow her. I glanced back at the group, who had crowded together and mouthed a quick thank you to them before following Jennifer further into the infirmary.
"Is he..."I trailed off as I reached the bed and ran a hand through the regulation hair of my broken boyfriend who was connected up to numerous tubes and machines.
"He's fine, Ana." Jennifer said, pulling a chair over to his bed for me to sit down in.
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure. The surgery fixed his collapsed lung and we've reset his ribs. His concussion wasn't as severe as we first thought, but we'll keep an eye on it. His recovery isn't going to be quick, but he really is okay."
"Thank you." I said to the Doctor, the words coming out in a rush of air. She smiled at me, before patting the hand that wasn't still running through Cam's hair.
"He's going to wake up soon." She said more brightly. "I'll leave you to it." She smiled once again and then left Cam and I alone.
I sat there alternating between holding his hand and running my fingers through his hair, for what felt like hours but was probably only thirty minutes, until I felt the fingers currently grasped tightly in my hand begin to move.
"Ana?" Cam asked in a harsh voice and I quickly grabbed the cup of water next to his bed, pressing it to his lips.
"Hey." I said softly, reaching up to push a wayward strand of hair from his eyes.
"I hurt." He said in a small voice as his blue eyes found mine.
"I know, Cam," I said, grasping his hand tightly in mine. "But you're going to be okay. I promise."
"Cam, this place is amazing." I breathed as I looked out at the amazing countryside that was currently surrounding us. "I can't believe you grew up here." His arms tightened around me as he pulled me further back against his chest, still being gentle with his ribs, on the picnic blanket we were sitting on.
"It's just a paddock and some hills, Ana. It's not something to write home about." He laughed, leaning down and placing a kiss on my shoulder.
I turned to look at him in his deep blue eyes. "But it's your paddock and your hills. I've never had anything like that."
"You never really talk about your family. Or the life you had before all of this." He gestured to my Atlantis uniform that I kept forgetting to take off. "You know everything about me; can't I know some stuff about you?" He looked at me once more with those eyes and I knew there was no way I was going to get out of this one.
"It's not a happy story, Cam. Okay? If you're expecting hugs and puppies you're with the wrong girl." He pulled me back against him and rested his chin in my shoulder.
"Ana," he sighed, "You don't have to tell me if you-"
"No." I said quietly, "You're right. We've been together for almost two years now and you know nothing about my past. That's not fair on you."
"This isn't about me, Ana." He said, tightening his grip on me once again. "But I'm happy to listen if you're ready to talk." I placed my hands over his that were resting on my stomach.
"I'm ready." He nodded slightly into my neck, but didn't say anything.
"When I was six my dad died in a car crash. Some drunk driver hit him on his way to pick me up from school. He was on leave from the Australian Air Force. It was supposed to be the first time I had seen him in over six months." I stopped, already regretting my decision to relive this time. Cam placed a kiss into the crook of my neck.
"You okay?" He asked, turning me slightly so I was sitting with my legs over his lap. I looked at him, his smile brightened by the sun light that was hitting the side of his face as it slowly set over the hills.
"Yeah," I sighed. "I just haven't spoken about this for a while. You're the first person I've actually wanted to know all this stuff." He smiled, and pressed a soft kiss to my lips, then wrapped his arms back around me, pulling me onto his lap completely. I smiled at him and then continued.
"After he died my mother pretty much went off the deep end. She couldn't look after me, so three months later she shipped me off to the States to live with my Aunt. My Aunt was very... organised. Her plans never involved having to look after a six-year-old with no family, but she did the best she could - Cam, honey, can you loosen up a bit?" His arms, that had previously been crushing me to his chest, immediately let up and I took a deep breath.
"Sorry," he murmured. I gave him a small smile and went back to the story.
"Anyway, she pretty much raised me on the road. We never stayed in one town for more than a year. I think I went to over eighteen different schools in the twelve years I was with her. As soon as I could I moved out and went off to study Psychology, but you know that part." He nodded his head again into my neck as I tried to figure out where to go with this next.
"I met Jack the third year into my course. He was at the University for some function or something and we bumped into each other - quite literally, actually.
"After I got over the fact that I had walked into a United States Air Force Colonel, we started talking. He took me under his wing a few months after that and he became someone I could always rely on. After I finished studying he pulled a few strings and got me into the SGC. He swears it was because he thought I would be good for the Command, but honestly, I think he just wanted to be able to keep an eye on me." I paused, smiling at the memory.
"I worked in Psychology for a few years and then I ended up getting the training that I needed to become a part of SG-1. You know the rest." He sat there in silence for a few moments and I began to worry that I had told him too much about myself in such a short amount of time.
"Cam," I said, trying and failing to get his eyes to focus on me. "I know that was a lot but-"
"You've never had a real home?" He asked me softly. His eyes slowly looked up to meet mine and the sun caught them, making them shine bluer than the ocean.
"No." I whispered. He pulled me even closer to him and kissed me lightly once again.
"Then this can be your home." He said, using his hand to gesture to the large expanse of green paddocks with the little farm house up the hill.
"No," I whispered again, grabbing his hand in mine and placing them over his heart. "This is my home." I said, squeezing his hand gently. "You're my home." He pushed me onto my back and hovered over me.
"Yeah, I am." He whispered in my ear before kissing me. "And you're mine."
"Come on, Ariana!" Colonel Sheppard called as he pretty much jumped up and down in glee.
"Yeah! Come on, Ana! It's just a quick trip! And you get to drive!" Cam exclaimed, jumping into the discussion.
"You two are acting like children." I told them sternly, but laughed anyway and let them drag me to the jumper bay.
"Are you sure about this, Sheppard?" I asked as we reached 'Jumper Five, which was already set up for our travels.
"Absolutely. And with the modifications that McKay's managed to make, this is probably the best 'Jumper of the bunch. Plus, it's high time you put that Ancient Gene of yours to good use."
"Yeah!" Cam jumped in. "Plus, we're only going to be gone for an hour, tops. " I sighed as I reluctantly walked into the Jumper and sat in the pilot's chair.
"So what? I just think 'ON' and… Oh!" I blinked in surprise as what I assumed was the control panel lit up at my thoughts. "Wow." I said. "How do I work this thing?" I looked at Sheppard expectantly as he explained what all the controls did and how to fly it.
"Okay." He said after he finished explaining how the cloaking mechanism worked 'just in case'. "You're ready to go."
"You're sure you can't come with us?" Cam asked him as he was getting ready to disembark.
"Positive. I have a stack of paperwork that the boss wants done ASAP." He glared at me while I just grinned back.
"Maybe if you got all your paperwork done on time 'the boss' wouldn't have to hound you for it." I said to him sweetly. "But that's just my opinion."
He mumbled something under his breath that sounded an awful lot like a familiar four letter word and stalked out of the 'Jumper, leaving Cam and I alone.
"You ready to fly this thing?" He asked me, looking like a kid in a candy store.
I closed my eyes for a second, taking a deep breath. "As I'm ever going to be."
"You're doing great!" Cam told me as I flew us just above the surface of the ocean. I looked over at him, smiling
"I have a great co-pilot." I said. He grabbed my right hand and grinned at me once again before he turned back to look out at the amazing view the now setting sun was providing us.
"Did you feel that?" I asked him a short time later, interrupting the blissful peace that had settled over us.
"Feel what?"
"I don't know... Something's not right." The HUD screen in the view window immediately popped up at my thoughts, showing a dramatic decrease in our altitude.
"Cam," I said, staring at the still falling digits. "Sheppard said McKay had made modifications to this thing, right?" He nodded, unable to look away from the dropping figures. "Do you think he would have included some sort of non-sinking mechanism?"
He finally tore his eyes away from the display and looked at me, his eyes telling me everything I needed to know before his words did. "I think we're about to find out."
I closed my eyes, praying that McKay's own experiences with sinking 'Jumpers would have given him the foresight to do something to stop it from happening again.
As the Jumper hit the water I screamed, jumping onto Cam's lap and hiding my face in his neck. A few moments later I pulled back, expecting to see water rushing at the window. There was no rushing water though, just small amounts gently lapping at the bottom of the glass.
"We're not sinking?" I asked.
"We're not sinking." He told me, his eyes changing from the look of the unknown to something different as soon as he saw my face.
"Oh." I said, and attempted to stand up from his lap, but his arms wrapped around me, keeping me firmly held to him.
"Seems as though McKay is a lot smarter than we give him credit for," he joked.
"Smarter than you give him credit for, you mean." I shifted slightly so I was more comfortable. I looked up at him, the meaning of the look in his eyes finally dawning in me.
"Cam-" I began warningly before he cut me off.
"It's gonna take the base a while until they realise something's gone wrong and send a rescue team," he said, turning me in his arms so I was facing him straight on, my legs straddling his hips.
"Cam-" I began again.
"At least an hour. Maybe even more," He continued, softly placing a kiss behind my ear.
"Cam-"
"An hour alone in the middle of nowhere; imagine what we can do." He whispered in my ear.
"Cam," I sighed, already deciding that this was one battle I was happy to lose.
"Live a little, Rainbow Eyes."
And then he was kissing me, and what little coherent thought I had left, was lost.
"And then what happened?" I asked Sam, giggling from the combination of too much wine and the story she was telling.
"Well, then we found him handcuffed to the motel bed without his shirt – or his pants for that matter."
I looked over to Cam, who was conveniently in the middle of a discussion with Daniel and Teal'c about their latest mission.
"You locked him to a bed half naked?" I asked Vala, feeling somewhat protective over my poor boyfriend.
"I didn't know was I was doing. Although, I must admit, the view wasn't bad." She said, glancing down the table to where Cam sat waving his arms around dramatically - obviously in the middle of telling a story.
"Hey!" I said, slapping her arm. "That's my view you're talking about!" I stopped for a second, thinking about what I had just said. "Boyfriend!" I corrected myself loudly. "That's my boyfriend you're talking about."
Vala was the first to start laughing. Sam and I quickly followed and we were soon doubled over with tears leaking out of our eyes.
"You three going to let us join the party?" Daniel asked, appearing in front of us with both Cam and Teal'c behind him.
"Only if you lose the pants, Darling," Vala said in between hiccups caused by alcohol and laughter.
Daniel walked over to her and began whispering in her ear. Immediately Vala's laughter halted and she was sitting up straight, listening intently. When he pulled away he was grinning and she had a light blush creeping up her cheeks.
"Right. Well then. We're going to say goodnight." She stuttered slightly, already standing up and grabbing Daniel's hand. "See you guys tomorrow." Then she turned around and half-ran away, pulling a laughing Daniel behind her.
"I don't even want to know." Cam said, slurring slightly as he flopped into the chair next to me, which had previously been Vala's, and put his head on my shoulder.
I patted his hand and began stroking his hair. "I think I'm going to take him to bed." I whispered to Sam, who was watching the interaction between the two of us with a smile.
"I think that's a good idea." She said and called Teal'c over to help me get Cam into a standing position.
"You really love him, don't you?" She whispered to me as the four of us were walking towards the quarters Cam and I shared. I looked over to him, leaning heavily on Teal'c as he loudly proclaimed his love for SG-1 and Atlantis. I nodded.
"But you can't tell him?" I nodded again, really not wanting to have to get into my past while we were this immensely drunk.
"Okay then." She smiled tightly at me in understanding. When we reached our door I walked up to Teal'c and manoeuvred Cam's arm around my shoulder so I was supporting him.
"Thanks guys," I said, smiling at them both. "Don't expect him bright and early tomorrow, okay? I'm going to let him sleep in a bit." They both laughed as Cam mumbled something about feeling fine, all the while putting more and more weight on me.
"See you tomorrow." I said and then shuffled into the room, finally managing to unceremoniously drop him onto our bed. He groaned and sat up on his elbows as I attempted to get his shoes off.
"You're pretty," he said. I blew my fringe out of my face and looked up at him.
"So are you," I giggled.
"You're more than pretty. You're beautiful and I love you and eventually we're going to get married."
"Oh, Cam," I said softly, abandoning his feet and crawling up the bed to him, placing my head on his chest.
I lay there for a while, feeling his heart beat and listening to his breathing even out as he slowly fell asleep.
Once I knew he was asleep I sat up slightly, looking at him and brushing some wayward strands of his dark hair off his face.
In his sleep he looked so young, younger than I had ever known him. His face held that vulnerability that made you want to hold him and never let go.
"I want to tell you, Cam." I whispered to him. "I want to tell you so bad it hurts. I'll get there. Just give me some time." I knew he couldn't hear me but I needed him to know.
I kicked off my heels and took my place back, with my head on his chest. One step at a time, I thought to myself, just one step at a time.
"It's not going to happen, Colonel Mitchell," I told Cam while all of SG-1 and SGA-1 watched the argument unfold around the briefing table.
"Don't you understand what we could gain from this?" he asked, jumping up from the table and coming to stand next to me. "These people have technology that is almost as good as that of the Ancients. We could gain so much by learning from them."
"I know what we could learn, Colonel. I've read the report just as thoroughly as you have, but you're forgetting what happened last time you and your team went to M4X-135. You lost two men in the field, and let's not forget the fact that you came in hot and we almost lost another three people on-base. I refuse to take the risk with more people's lives."
"The only reason we were attacked was because the Wraith knew we were there. We destroyed the homing beacon as soon as we realised what was happening." He leant across and took my hand. "The planet's completely safe now." I shook him off, instead standing up and walking over to the window, looking out to the 'Gate room below.
"Were there still Wraith on the planet when you left?" I asked him, still facing away.
"Well, yes, of course. We came in hot."
"Then there is no way you can be sure that they didn't replace the beacon. It's not safe and I'm not risking more of my people over this.
"Colonel Sheppard," I said, turning back around to face the table of people, "You have more experience with the Wraith than any of us. Tell me what you think."
For a second he looked like a deer caught in headlights before he answered me with a sigh. "I'm sorry, Ariana. He ranks me; I can't really disagree with what he's saying."
I laughed. "Of course you can't! You can never say anything that would go against your superior's wishes – this is why I didn't officially join the Air Force when I had the chance."
"Oh, please!" Cam yelled, startling me and the rest of the people in the room. "You're as much of an AF officer as anyone else on this base – possibly even more so."
"No," I said, surprising myself with the calmness of my voice, "I am nothing like any of you. I never will be." A look of hurt quickly crossed Cam's face, but it was soon masked by the anger I had been seeing since we stepped into the briefing room.
"Right. Whatever you need to believe." His voice was cold and so un-Cam-like that it actually scared me. "Now if you'll all excuse me I have another mission to go and plan since this one's been rejected."
"Colonel Mitchell!" I said, stepping forward so I could look straight up into his eyes. His amazing blue eyes which usually held so much depth now were iced over and completely unreadable. "This discussion isn't over. I'm telling you now, if you try and go over my head on this, I will do whatever it takes to get you kicked off this expedition."
The stern look on his face cracked slightly, and for a second I saw my Cam. But then he was gone, replaced once again by a cold, withering stare.
He grabbed my shoulder hard and I stumbled against him a bit. "Ana." He said in a voice that sounded like my own Cam, but was also so different. I could hear the others starting to stand and come forward but I put my hand up, hoping to convey the message that I wanted them to wait. I pushed him off me and he tripped backwards, but righted himself within a few moments.
"No." I said in the firmest voice I could manage while my heart was breaking in two. "Right now you're Colonel Cameron Mitchell of the U.S. Air Force and I'm Doctor Ariana Marking, the leader of this expedition. And as the leader of this base, I am telling you to leave here right now and go cool off. I don't know what's happening to you, Colonel, but I will not have you infecting the other members of this base with your violence."
He stood there, glaring at me, refusing to move. "You're dismissed, Colonel." I said. He looked at me for a second longer before turning on his heel and storming out.
As soon as he was gone the others rushed up to me. I knew Vala had put her arm around my shoulder and was directing me to a chair. I heard Sam asking me if I knew what was going on with him. I could smell someone placing a mug of coffee in my hand and yet I could feel nothing. It was as if the room had suddenly been plunged into sub-zero temperatures. All I could see was that look in Cam's eyes when he looked at me. I distantly felt tears begin to well up in my eyes. I looked up at my friends, all of whom were fussing over me.
"What just happened?" I asked softly, feeling the tears begin to build up behind my eyes. I looked around at my friends, expecting them to have some sort of answer for me, but each of them looked as clueless and helpless as I felt.
"Are you still ignoring me?" Cam asked as he leant against the doorframe of our quarters, three days after he stormed out of the briefing room and four hours since his last attempt to talk to me. I glanced up, once again noticing his disheveled appearance and tired eyes, before shrugging and again focussing on the data that the biology department had sent through.
"Can you at least give me an estimation of how long you're planning on ignoring me?"
I snorted softly, all the air rushing out of my nose silently as I focused on him. "I don't know, Cam," I said bluntly. "Maybe until you can explain to me what the hell happened in that briefing room the other day."
My eyes followed him as he crossed the room and sat down on the corner of our bed. I edged away slightly, stopping when a hurt look crossed his face - that he quickly covered with a sad smile.
"You know what happened, Ana." He said softly, his blue eyes finding mine as he hesitantly placed a hand on my cheek, gauging my reaction before adding more pressure.
I sighed, automatically relaxing into the touch, allowing my eyes to scan his familiar face. I noticed the dark circles and bloodshot eyes as I placed a gentle hand on top of his.
"Have you slept at all?" I asked him. His eyes widened slightly at my obvious avoidance of his issues with my power on the base, but my hand placing slightly more pressure on his stopped him from continuing the issue.
"A bit," he said - which I took as being the military version of 'not at all'. "I've been thinking a lot." His hand dropped from my face and I immediately missed the warmth and comfort it had been creating.
"About what?" I asked hesitantly, knowing the blank look on my boyfriend's face was something the military had taught him to cover his emotions.
"My job, the base... Us."
"Us?" I asked, but he stayed silent, staring at my hands that now rested in my lap. "Cam?" I asked softly as I reached out to tilt his face up to meet my eyes. "Why were you thinking about us?"
He finally met my eyes, staring into them as though he were searching for some kind of reassurance that he obviously couldn't find.
"I was thinking that General O'Neill was right."
"What?" I whispered, my hand dropping from his face and into my lap as I paled.
"When we first told him, he warned us it'd be impossible to work together and be in a relationship. He gave us facts and we ignored him. I'm starting to think that maybe that was the wrong decision."
"Don't you think you're two years too late for this conversation, Cam?" I snapped, anger and confusion seeping into my voice, as I stood up and put some distance between us.
He stood up as well, following me over to the window that overlooked the city and tried to catch my eye.
"Ana." He said hesitantly, taking the role of calming that I had held only a few minutes before. "I think we should take a break."
I sucked in a breath, feeling my stomach flip over and my heart break. But said nothing as I stared at the man who claimed to love me.
"I just..." He trailed off as if he was unsure how to finish the sentence. "I just think this is the right move for us, Ana. A break will give us a chance to do our jobs without worrying if the other will react badly to our decisions."
I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly feeling more vulnerable than I had since I moved to the States with my Aunt. My brain told me to run to his arms to comfort myself, before I remembered he was the one that was causing the pain.
"Cam..." I drifted off, leaving his name hanging like a bubble unwilling to pop in the warm summer air. He looked at me, his blue eyes clouded with conflicting emotions; sadness and relief. Both were heartbreaking and final.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, closing the distance between us one last time and kissing my forehead with gentle lips that would never touch me again. He pulled back from me and his blue eyes glittered with tears he wouldn't shed. "I really am."
"Ana, you need to get some sleep." Ella said as she walked into my office without bothering to say hello.
"What I need to do is finish this report." I told her without looking up from my tablet.
"I'm the one that sent you that data for your report, Ana. It's not that interesting." I laughed at my ancient tech nerd of a best friend and finally looked up at her.
"Oh, I don't know, Elle. I'm finding the possibility of interfacing the cities tech with satellite TV a very entertaining possibility."
"That is not what's in that data and you know it." She said, glaring at me playfully.
"Maybe." I conceded. "But that would be fun."
She laughed, grinning at me. "But seriously, Ana. What are you doing up here? It's-" She looked down at her watch which had just beeped, signifying a new hour. "4 AM. I know how much this city means to you, but shouldn't you be snuggled up in bed with Cam or something?"
"I could say the same for you." I said, attempting to keep my voice light through the stabbing pain I was feeling in my heart. "Where is Colonel Sheppard this fine morning?"
"He had to go off-world for some recon mission early this morning," She said, unable to keep the grin off her face. "And he managed to 'accidentally' wake me up in the process."
"So you decided to see him off?" I asked, and studiously tried to avoid thinking of the many times I had done that for Cam on his crazy early morning missions.
"Yep…. much to McKay's disgust." I laughed as I pictured Rodney's face at seeing Ella, his supposed underling, and his best friend together.
"You would think he would be used to it by now." I said, enjoying the happy look on my best friend's face – something I had never thought I would see.
"It's only been a few months." She said, looking embarrassed.
" Elle," I said, reaching across the desk to grab her hand. "A few months are a lifetime in this place."
"It's nothing compared to you and Cam though." She said, attempting to deflect the attention from her as I had been doing throughout our whole conversation. "Two years and you're still incredibly happy – what is your secret?"
"Oh, um, I don't know." I stuttered, removing my hand from hers and crossing my arms over my chest. "We just work, I guess." I said, suddenly finding a loose thread on my uniform to be the most interesting thing in the world.
"Ana?" She asked, moving from her chair to lean against my side of the desk. "What's-"
"Cam and I broke up." I blurted out quietly, cutting her off.
She sat there, staring at me for a moment before leaning over and pulling me into a hug. "Oh God. I'm so sorry. Is this because of what happened in the briefing room? John told me about it. I was going to see if you were okay, but then McKay made me run some new simulations and I got caught up. Or was it something else? Are you okay? Do you-"
"Ella!" I said loudly, pulling away and looking at her through eyes that she could probably now see were red from a combination of lack of sleep and tears. "I really don't want to talk about it."
She looked confused, and I could almost see the cogs in her brain turning, coming up with new questions to ask me. "I just want to finish this report. Okay? I promise I'll get some sleep then, but please Elle, I just want to be alone."
A look of understanding crossed her face as she nodded, stood up and began walking towards the door. "You know, Ana," She said slowly as she reached the door and turned to face me. "Even if you want it, you'll never really be alone. Not again."
I smiled slightly as she walked out. "I know."
"Unscheduled off world activation," the 'Gate technician's voice crackled through my radio. "It's the SGC." The Sergeant sounded as surprised as I felt as I walked down from my office to stand in the 'Gate room awaiting our new arrival. I knew the man immediately as he stepped through the gate and I rushed forward to meet him.
"General O'Neill." I said, smiling wide, reaching out a hand to shake his. He grinned down at me and ignored my hand, pulling me into a tight hug instead.
"Doctor Marking." He said to me in a mocking voice as I pulled away. I rolled my eyes at him.
"Jack." I said, smiling as he nodded his head in agreement. "What are you doing here?" I asked as I gestured that we make our way from the 'Gate room to my office for some more privacy. "We weren't expecting to be in communication with the SGC until the end of next week. Is everything okay?"
"Everything's fine, Ari." He said, using the name only he ever used and smiling a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes as it normally would. "I'm just checking in."
"Okay then." I said and led him into my office, gesturing for him to take the chair in front of my desk.
"So how are things?"
"As good as can be expected I guess, when you shove a bunch of scientists and military personal onto an alien base in another galaxy." I said with a laugh. He laughed along. But it didn't seem real. He wasn't acting like the Jack O'Neill that I knew.
"You're not just here to check in, are you, Jack?" His eyes immediately met mine and I could tell I was right. He was hiding something from me, and I knew I wasn't going to like it.
"You can always see right through me." He sighed. "Can't you?" I nodded my head. The look of complete hopelessness on his face was beginning to scare me.
"Jack? Wh- What is it?"
"There has been a… complaint made about you to the SGC. An IOA representative will be 'Gating in tomorrow to observe your 'leadership abilities'." I slowly let out a breath. This was bad. Having an IOA rep snooping around would not go down well with the members of the base, but it was better than what I was expecting him to say.
"So I'm being investigated?" He nodded his head. "God, Jack!" I said, reaching across my desk to slap him on his arm. "I thought you were going to say someone had died! I was scared half to death." He laughed, but refused to meet my eyes.
I stood up and walked around to his side of the desk, leaning against the side of it with my arms crossed over my chest. "There's more isn't there?" He nodded again. I sighed. "Okay. Hit me with it."
"Ari," He said softly, grabbing my hands from my chest and holding them tight in his own. My heart began to beat faster. He hadn't spoken to me like this, like I was a fragile doll, since he had met me over fifteen years ago. "Ari, the complaint," he took a deep breath before continuing. "The complaint was made by Colonel Mitchell." I laughed.
A shocked look passed over his face as I pushed him away from me and moved back around to my desk chair.
"Cam? You expect me to believe that he would, or even could, send a complaint to the SGC that could mean I would lose my job?"
"Ari." He said softly moving around to the desk and pulling me up from my chair to look at him fully in the eyes. "I'm sorry."
"Yo- you're not joking?" I asked, my eyes quickly filling with tears, as what he was saying finally dawned on me. "Cam?"
"I'm sorry, kiddo." He said, wrapping his long arms around me and holding me as tight as he could while I attempted not to cry into the comfort that his chest held.
"So," I hiccupped after a while, pulling away from Jack slightly and looking up at him through my slightly swollen eyes. "An IOA representative?" He nodded. "Tell me they're not sending Woolsey." He laughed at my dislike of the man, no matter what he had done for us in previous years.
"I wouldn't dream of letting them." I giggled slightly and pulled away further. "You know I'm not leaving until all this is over, right?" He said, his fatherly-protective side that usually came out around me showing in full force.
"I wouldn't dream of letting you."
"Off-world activation," Chuck's voice, once again, sounded though out the 'Gate room.
"You ready for this?" Jack asked, placing a light hand on my shoulder and looking down at me as I struggled to keep the butterflies that had taken up residence in my stomach at bay.
"Nope."
"Great." he said, grinning at me. "You always work best when you don't know what you're doing." I laughed slightly, knowing that he was right, and began walking towards the woman who had just stepped through the Stargate.
"Doctor Ariana Marking," I said once I was standing in front of her. "Leader of the Atlantis Expedition," I smiled at her, and held my hand out for her to shake.
"For now." The woman said with a prominent British accent as she ignored my hand and looked me up and down with an unimpressed scowl. "Vivienne Hall, representative of the International Oversight Advisory." She began walking around the 'Gate room, peering down the long corridors that lead from it until she finally stopped at the base of the stairs that lead up to the control room and my office.
"I am here to investigate a complaint against the leadership of this base made by a," she paused, looking down at the clipboard she had been holding tightly against her chest, "Colonel Cameron Mitchell. I assume he's waiting for us." She stopped, looking at me pointedly.
"Oh – um - yes." I stuttered. "He's waiting for us in the conference room." I said, recovering as I quickly realised this woman was a lot worse that Richard Woolsey would ever be.
"Are you going to take me there? Or are we planning on standing around like lost children all day?" I looked back at Jack, who looked as if he was on the brink of crying - due to the laughter he was holding in - and then back at Vivienne.
"Of course, this way." I said, directing her to the the conference room with a wave of my hand and grabbing Jack's arm to pull him along with me.
"If I'm in this," I whispered to him, "You're in it with me." He said nothing, but grinned, letting me know without words he would never leave me.
When we reached the conference room Cam was already there, sitting at the table seeming fairly relaxed. "Colonel," I said, my voice immediately wiping the relaxed grin on his face away. "This is Vivienne Hall. Ms Hall, Colonel Cameron Mitchell."
He stood up, quickly coming to attention (and it took me a moment to realise that Jack was still standing behind me).
"At ease, Colonel." Jack said over my shoulder and Cam immediately relaxed, moving to stand in front of Vivienne with his hand outstretched.
She ignored him, just as she had me, and moved to sit at the head of the long rectangular table.
"Let's get started then, shall we?" She said, grinning smugly as she sorted the papers that she had been holding in her clipboard, and gestured for us to take a seat.
"You're staying, General?" She asked Jack as he settled into a seat next to me.
"Oh yes. I wouldn't miss this for the world." He said, smirking at her in his classic Jack way. She glared at him slightly and then turned her attention to me.
"I assume you're aware why you're here, Doctor Marking."
"Oh yeah. I'm aware." I said, looking at Cam who avoided my gaze and moved his eyes down this hands that were resting on the table.
"Fantastic. Then I also assume you are aware that if Colonel Mitchell's complaint is found to be valid you could lose your position here on Atlantis." She smiled at me smugly once again, and I had to force myself not to stand up and slap her.
"Of course. I am fully equipped to take over the Psychology department here if the complaint is found to be sound."
"You misunderstand, Doctor Marking," She paused, giving Jack and I enough time to look at each other puzzled. "If the complaint is found to be sound, as you put it, you won't be staying here in Atlantis. You will be coming back to Earth where you will be questioned by other members of the IOA."
"What?" Jack yelled out suddenly, causing me to jump in shock.
"If there are more allegations made against you after this compliant," She continued, ignoring Jack's outburst. "You will be stripped of all your security clearance and banned from the SGC." I sat back in silence, listening to Jack's heavy breathing as he got even more angry.
"You will be given the benefit of the doubt when you are sent home, but if you are found to be talking about anything relating to the Stargate program you will be attached to the device brought home by Colonel Mitchell and SG-1 from the Galaran people and have your memories of your time with the program replaced."
"She's been a part of this program in some way for almost ten years!" Jack said in outrage.
"Then it would benefit her greatly not to discuss the program with anyone. This is all if the complaint is found to be valid of course." She said, grinning smugly once more. "I'll leave you to think about that." She said as she gathered up her papers. "I assume there will be someone to show me around." I nodded once, thankful I had previously arranged for McKay and Ronon to play tour guide - the bitch deserved it. "Fantastic." She grinned at me once more and then left.
"Ana..." Cam's soft voice broke the silence that had fallen over the room. "Ana, I didn't-"
"Go, Colonel." Jack's stern voice cut over Cam's as I sat there staring at my hands, unable to think.
"But General..."
"Go Cam." I said softly, finally looking up at him. "Please." I begged. "Just go."
He nodded once as he stood up and quickly left the room, pausing at the door and turning to me as if to say something. At Jack's glare he thought better of it, and left silently.
"It's not going to happen, Ari." Jack urged, staring at the wall in front of him. "I won't let it happen."
I believed him. I believed that he wouldn't let it happen. But I also knew if the complaint was found to be valid, even he wouldn't be able to stop what would happen next.
"Do you remember the first time you and Colonel Mitchell met?" Doctor Heightmeyer asked me from her chair in front of the massive windows that looked out onto the sea surrounding our home. I turned from my place at the windows to look at the blonde woman seated before me.
"Kate, I'm not really-"
"Just humour me, Ariana." She said, cutting me off and gesturing to the seat in front of her.
"Of course I remember." I said sighing as I sat down. "I'll never forget."
"Tell me about it."
"Kate, I-"
"You need to do this Ana. The first step to moving on is being able to talk about it." She said, cutting me off again.
"And if I don't want to move on?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
"You have to." She said softly, placing a hand on my knee. "Ana, you don't want to be one of those people stuck in the past."
I sighed knowing she was right, and began to put down the barriers I had created in my mind for all Cam-related thoughts.
"The first time Cam and I met was a party at Jack's house..."
"Hey everybody! Ana's here!" A very drunk Daniel yelled from the porch of Jack's house. A round of cheers came from inside the house as Sam threw open the front door and gestured for me to come to her.
"Hey Ana." She said, giving me a warm hug.
"Hey." I said happily. "Everyone inside?" I asked, as I pulled out of the hug and grinned at her.
"Oh yeah." She said with a smirk. "The boys think it's too cold to be outside." She said, glancing at the snow that had fallen in my hair.
"Gotta say I agree with them." I said with a giggle as she pulled me inside the house. Once inside the warmth that radiated from the wood fire flooded over me, making me sigh in relief.
"You made it." Jack said with a happy smile as he gave me a warm hug.
"Of course I did!" I told him. "Snow storms and ice roads couldn't keep me away from a party at General Jack O'Neill's house." He smiled down at me again, taking my coat and gloves from me as I struggled to get them off.
"Come on." Sam said, pulling me further into the house as Jack disappeared - most likely to shove my winter warmth equipment onto the bed in the guest bedroom as he usually did. "We'll get you a drink." I nodded at her and followed her lead into the kitchen.
"Pick your poison." She said with a smile as she pulled open the fridge doors showing copious bottles of all different alcohols. I shuddered at the idea of being as drunk as Daniel, and instead moved over to the empty coffee pot in the kitchen counter.
"I think I'll stick with coffee for now." I said as I began the familiar movements around the room of making up the pot.
"Suit yourself." She said, grabbing a bottle of beer for herself. "I'll leave you to it." She called over her shoulder as she walked back into the living room.
I sighed, and began to distract myself with the mundane task of completing the coffee, and also briefly wondering if Jack had managed to find the stash of chocolate I had hidden in the top cupboard from the time I was living here.
I picked up the now finished pot, smiling at the enticing smell that was coming from it and moved to place it on the marble island behind me.
"Don't spill," I muttered to myself as I guided my hand down and successfully placed the pot on the table without spilling a drop. I smiled at my achievement and went to grab a mug from the cupboard under the sink.
Once my mug was filled I took a deep gulp, grinning as the hot liquid began quick work of defrosting my insides, which were still chilled from the storm outside, and began to walk back into the lounge room where everyone was.
I was so distracted by the warmth that was making its way through my body that I didn't see the tall, solidly built man who was standing in front of me until I had walked straight into him, spilling my coffee all over his well-toned body.
"Oh my God!" I squeaked in shock, looking at the man who was now drenched in scalding hot coffee. "I am so, so sorry. I didn't see you," I said as the man continued to stare at me. "I'm so sorry." I whispered, putting hands up to cover my face.
"Hey," The man drawled, pulling my hands from my face and capturing my chin, forcing me to look at him. "No harm done."
He grinned down at me, his brilliant blue eyes sparkling. I felt the air leave my lungs for a moment as those eyes glimmered and smiled, not even needing his mouth to curve the way they did and complete the look.
"I am so sorry," I mumbled again, still caught up in the airy blue orbs.
"Like I said, no harm done." He let go of my chin, and I couldn't help the wave of disappointment that surged through me at the loss of contact. "Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell," he drawled out. His accent was low and Southern, with a roguish charm that gave me the feeling he'd tip his hat like a true gentleman if he was wearing one. "And you are?"
"Ariana Marking," I offered, blushing as he gazed at me intently.
"It's a pleasure," he replied, holding out his hand, which I took to shake.
I looked up at him, and cringed at the large brown stain that had completely soaked through the white button down he was wearing.
"Um, do you want a new shirt or something?" I asked quickly. "I'm sure Jack wouldn't mind if you grabbed one."
"Jack?" he asked, a look of confusion flitting across his features that made me smile slightly.
"Yeah," I said with a smirk, "General O'Neill, I guess for you."
He stilled and I felt my grin slowly slip. "Miss Marking-"
"Ana," I corrected, cutting him off quickly.
He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at me, his beautiful blue eyes clouding with trouble. "Ana," he repeated carefully, "I don't think that would be entirely appropriate."
I sighed, knowing, in his mind, he was right. "I can't let you walk around with coffee down your shirt, Colonel Mitchell," I protested.
"I think I have a spare shirt in my truck," he said slowly, and I smiled at the relieved tone in his voice. "You can come with me and tell me what thoughts in that pretty little head of yours had you spillin' coffee all over a nice stranger." I cringed but then laughed as he winked at me. "And you can call me Cam."
"Cam," I tested out, smiling slightly at the way his name felt on my tongue, and nodded to him. "I'd be happy to."
"You sound like a completely different person the way you're explaining it." Kate said, bringing me out of my past. I smiled at her.
"I was a completely different person back then. I was shy and quiet, but over the time I knew him, Cam brought me out of my shell. He's the one who really made it possible for me to get this job, he gave me confidence in everything that I did."
"So it really was love at first sight for the two of you then?" Kate asked. I laughed softly.
"Maybe, but it didn't matter. After that night we didn't see each other for two years, and that was when I was placed onto his team. Even though I wasn't exactly an AF officer it never felt right to actually be in a relationship while we were working together."
"So, how did you eventually get together?" She asked, placing her hands on her knees and leaning forward.
"I took this job." I said softly. "We got together an hour after my paperwork was passed over General Landry's desk." I smiled at the memory.
"And how long had you two worked together before that happened?"
"Two years." I said, looking down at my hands that were resting in my lap. "The day we finally got together was the happiest I can remember being." She smiled sadly at me and I struggled to keep my tears in check, a movement that was becoming rather common to me.
"Ana, I'm trying to get you to see that you and Cam have been through hard times before. You got through it. What makes you think you can't get through this?"
"Staying apart due to our working relationship is different than us not being together due to his betrayal of me, Kate." I snapped at her and moved to leave.
"I know that, Ariana." She said as she stood in front of me, her eyes - calm and kind - making me relax. "I'm just saying that you've been through some tough times and come out the other side. People can surprise you; you don't know what he's thinking."
"I know he broke up with me, Kate. I know I could lose my job because of his actions. What else do I need to know?"
She smiled at me kindly and placed a hand on my shoulder. "You need to know he loves you."
"Daniel, where are you taking me?" I asked, feeling clueless as he dragged me along the city's hallways by my wrist.
"I told you." He said with a grin. "There's a new artefact that the science guys want you to check out before they start analysing it."
"Then why are you leading me to the Mess?"
"The rest of the team didn't want to move it until you had checked it out." he said. He grinned again, and I let the comment about normal procedure that was buzzing around my head slide.
"Okay." I said once we had reached the double doors of the Mess Hall. "Show me this amazing artefact that's supposed to-"
"SURPRISE!" He, and everyone else in the room, yelled as the doors automatically opened and stepped inside. I gasped, shocked by image in front of me.
"You didn't think we would forget your birthday did you?" Sam asked, coming up to hug me.
"Sam. I'd forgotten my birthday with everything going on right now." I laughed, looking around the room that seemed to be filled with every person on base.
"Well, we didn't." Ella said, jumping into the conversation. "Even with everything going on, you needed a break. And this just happened to be the perfect opportunity." I laughed again, unable to wipe away the smile that had been on my face since I had opened the doors.
"Thank you." I said simply, pulling them into a group hug. "How did you guys organise this whole thing without me knowing about it? You're all horrid secret keepers!" I said as I grabbed their hands and pulled them over to the rest of the two flagship teams residing at Atlantis Base.
"We are not!" Vala exclaimed from her place on Daniel's lap as she heard to the end of our conversation.
"Do you really want to go there?" I asked a smug grin on my face as I recalled the countless 'private' moments Vala had told me about on our nights in. Her grin dropped for a moment as she glared and pouted at me and remained silent.
"Exactly," I said still grinning. "So who organised it?" I asked again, looking around at the eight members of the Base's most elite teams plus my favourite Ancient Tech scientist. They were silent, looking at each other as if to decide who was going to tell me the news that I had already half figured out.
"Cam organised it," Ella said, standing up and putting a hand on my shoulder. "A couple months ago. Before… everything." I snorted, crossing my arms over my chest.
"You need this, Ana." Sam said, moving to stand on my other side. "Cam may have organised this, but it's from us."
I sighed. "You're right. I'm just overreacting. He didn't even turn up." I said, gesturing to the groups of people around the room enjoying themselves and feeling a slight twinge of sadness that I immediately squashed.
"Ana," Ella said carefully, "The only reason he didn't come is because he didn't think you would want him here."
"And he was right." I said, hoping that the sound of my heart breaking in my chest was something only I could hear. "I don't want him here." My friends looked at each other, all showing different looks of sympathy, worry, compassion and anger. "Now can we please just stop talking about all this?" I begged, stepping away from Ella and Sam's worried expressions. "I just want to have some fun."
"I think that can be arranged." Jack's voice whispered in my ear making me jump. He laughed as I turned around and gave him a light slap for scaring me.
"Great! Now, someone take me to the cake!" I said and giggled as the hands of Daniel and John wrapped around my wrist and tugged me over to a small chocolate cake with my name written on it in delicate swirling letters.
"We know it's not much, but-"
"It's perfect." I said cutting Daniel off mid-sentence and placing a light kiss on his cheek, then repeating the process with the rest of the group that had moved over to join us. "Thank you, again. All of you." I said, and then began laughing as the whole room began singing 'Happy Birthday'.
"He rescinded his complaint you know." Sam said in my ear a short while later as the festivities picked up a notch.
"Huh?" I mumbled around my mouthful of the delicious chocolate cake that I couldn't get enough of.
"Cam. He took back his complaint. He said that your command skills were excellent and he was acting like a child because he didn't get his way. He said that because of the dangers that the mission possessed you had no choice but to deny him permission."
"How do you know this?" I asked, finally swallowing my mouthful and looking up at the blonde woman whose eyes held a gentle gleam of happiness.
"Jack told me. He was going to tell you, but you know how he is with words." She smiled and I laughed, trying to imagine Jack telling me this news.
"When did he find out?"
"A few hours ago. His guess is once Cam realised what it could mean for you he came back to his senses. With there being no complaint Ms Hall had no reason to stay. She left about an hour ago."
"So it's over?"
"It's over." As soon as she said it I felt like a load had been lifted off my chest. I threw myself into her arms, laughing in glee of being free of it all.
"So, what does this mean for you and Cam?" She asked, pulling back and looking at me with a concerned look. I shifted my eyes to look at the floor and pulled away completely, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Just because he took it back doesn't mean it never happened." I said quietly.
"I know, Ana." She said, raising a hand to rest on my shoulder. "But he's trying. Just remember that."
"What do you mean he agreed to duel in exchange for our freedom?" I screeched at Sam, ignoring the gathering crowd of villagers from M4X-197, a planet that had been, up until two hours ago when they decided to hold us hostage, a valuable trading partner of Atlantis.
"In case you hadn't noticed, Doctor Marking, we're tied up here, he didn't have much choice." She snapped at me, pulling on her bindings for effect before turning her steel blue eyes back to the ring in front of us in which Cam was preparing to fight for the members of his team and his ex-girlfriend that he had been forced to bring along.
"Sam," I said slowly, my voice coming out softer and more broken than I had expected it to, "I'm sorry. This is all my fault."
Her face softened as she looked at me again, her eyes showing the regret she felt at the words that had so quickly slipped from her mouth.
"Ana," She said carefully, "None of this is your fault. These people have been trustworthy traders until today. You had no reason at all to expect anything different when you planned this mission. We don't blame you for one second." She looked around at the rest of the team who were nodding in agreement with sympathetic looks on their faces.
I nodded slightly, not saying anything to the people I considered my best friends, and turned my eyes back to the ring where Cam was still waiting for his opponent. He looked over in our direction and our eyes met, sky-like blue meeting ever changing brown, blue and green. His eyes held concern for all of us, but also the steely determination to get each and every one of his team back to the 'Gate in one piece. He mouthed something to me, something I didn't quite catch, before turning around and facing his opponent who had just entered the ring.
I gasped at the man standing in front of Cam. This man, who was quickly announced to be named Tynus, was around twice Cam's size and built like a boulder. He glared around the arena which had suddenly gone quiet before he looked down at Cam and started laughing. His laugh sounded just as you would imagine a laughing boulder to sound, rough and deep with a somewhat gravelly texture to it that managed to make him seem even more imposing.
"Sam," I started, the worry in my voice evident, before she cut me off.
"He trained with the Sodan, Ana." She said in attempt to comfort me. "He can do this." I nodded, hoping she was right as the village Elder announced that the fight had begun.
I watched as the pair circled each other, neither one willing to make the first move, before, as if sensing some sort of weakness in Cam, Tynus pounced.
I screamed, unable to hold it in as Cam was quickly knocked to the dirt and covered by the large body of Tynus.
"Sam!" I yelled at her, the anguish in my voice clear as I struggled against the bindings that quickly cut my skin. "We have to help him! We have to do something!"
"What do you expect us to do, Ana?" She asked, her voice showing the same emotions as me. "We're tied up." She pulled at her own bindings just as I had been doing moments before to show her point.
"We can't just sit here! He's killing him!" I said, looking back to the ring where Cam was once again on his feet, albeit unsteadily, and was once again following Tynus in a circle pattern around the ring. "I can't lose him, Sam." I told her honestly, not moving my eyes from the ring. "Not again." She nodded in understanding but said nothing as Cam was once again pinned to the ground.
This pattern went on for what seemed like hours, Tynus would let Cam up, they would circle, then he would attack and Cam would be trapped as the larger man delivered blow after blow. Each time Cam would think he had a way around Tynus' attacks, but each time he would fail, almost as of the other man was reading his mind.
Eventually the majority of the team stopped watching, unable to bear the image of their leader, their friend, being beaten as he was but I never looked away, I couldn't. My eyes were permanently trapped on Cam's face, both from the past and present. My mind kept wandering to what he had mouthed to me before the fight had begun. It took me around twenty replays in my mind before I realised he was telling me he loved me. That he would always love me, no matter what happened to him. That was when I really lost it and tears the size of raindrops began cascading down my face as if it were a waterfall.
It wasn't until, what seemed like the twentieth but was more likely the fifth, time Cam had been thrown to the ground that bullets started slicing through the air, carefully not hitting any civilians just as all SG teams had been trained to do.
"You took your time, Colonel." Daniel yelled out to the newly promoted Colonel Lorne, trying to hide the concern in his voice but failing as his eyes kept flicking over to the ring where Cam lay motionless on the ground.
"I try, Jackson." The Colonel said with a grin, not yet having seen his superior, and reaching behind our backs to cut the ropes that had been binding us.
As soon as my ropes were cut I ran over to Cam, collapsing on my knees in front of him, tears once more pouring down my face.
"Cam, please wake up." I sobbed, running a hand across his blood stained face that twitched slightly under the pressure of my palm. "You can't die on me now. I love you too damn much to let you die." The words just slipped out of my mouth. They came to me as easily as they would have if I had been saying them to him my entire life, and I wanted to say them more.
"I love you, Cameron Mitchell. I love you so much that it scared me; because all the people I have ever loved have ended up dead - or worse. I've loved you from the moment that we met but I've always been too afraid to say it. Please… don't leave me." My voice broke on the last sentence as I leant my head on his chest and felt his heart beating steadily in my ear. I grinned at the sound, before the feeling of his body moving under my head made me shoot up and lock my eyes on crystal clear blue ones that I had been afraid I would never see again.
"Hey," He said softly, his eyes never leaving mine. I felt a grin that I couldn't stop quickly form across my face as we stared at each other.
"Don't you ever scare me like that again, Cameron Mitchell!" I whispered at him in a mock angry voice, forgetting for a moment that we were no longer a couple.
"I'm sorry," he whispered to me, his voice and eyes showing nothing but true honestly as he reached for my hand lying near his on the dirty ground.
"I... um... It's okay, Colonel," I said, flinching away from his touch and attempting to once again regain the professional composure I held around him before this disaster of a mission.
"Ana, I mean I'm sorry about everything." I stopped, halfway between standing up and kneeling as I heard the words pass his lips.
"What?" I whispered, once again falling to my knees onto the dirt.
"You love me?" He asked softly, almost as if he was afraid his words would scare me away.
"Of course I love you, you idiot." I said, a slight giggle coming across my lips as I spoke the words to him for the first real time. He smiled at me, a smile filled with happiness, and grabbed my arm to pull me closer to him.
"Cam," I said warningly, "You're injured."
"I don't care." He told me, blue eyes sparkling, "I just want you close to me." I giggled again, something I didn't do often, and allowed him to pull me until I was straddling his chest, my arms either side of his head as I gazed down at him. He reached up, pushing some strands of dark hair that had fallen across my face behind my ear, and continued to stare at me.
"Say it again," He whispered.
I laughed but complied, knowing the happiness he felt every time I told him those three little words that I had once never been able to say.
"So does this mean our break is over?" he asked with a hopeful grin on his face as he looked up at me.
"Oh Cam," I breathed with a slight laugh, stroking his cheek, "Yes, our break is over." His face burst out into a radiant smile as he reached up and kissed me deeply.
"I love you." He said, his eyes showing that feeling, and so much more.
"I love you too."
A/N – WOW! It's been a long time since I posted anything on here… I hope you all enjoyed my come back piece and Ana! Anyway, I just wanted to quickly say that this whole thing wouldn't have been possible without Si_Maker from Twitter. She has put up with me writing this thing for over 8 months and never bitched at me for asking her incredibly random questions usually at 2 in the morning.
As always reviews make me feel like a unicorn in a rainbow garden, and if you want to know the whole timeline for how I imagine Ana's world to of worked ask me. It's weird since I started writing this while I hadn't watched passed season 2 of Atlantis.
I love you all and thanks for reading!