11/27 edit: I've had several reviews requesting sort of a closure for the princess of this story. Also, I was told to be careful since my second chapter was technically a non-chapter. That reviewer was right. All of my reviewers for this have been right, actually. So in honor of all of you, the explanation has been moved to the end of this chapter, and the second chapter will be a real chapter with something special for our princess. Thank you for all of your reviews!
You told me a princess had to be a lady; princesses don't run around in the mud. I didn't want to leave the joys of childhood, of playing without care. But I wanted your approval. So I stayed inside and read books, aspiring to be everything you said I should be. I wanted to be a lady.
Am I good enough now?
You said that a princess should be beautiful; her intelligence is not what matters. So I spent hours in front of the mirror, perfecting my appearance. I did it for you. I spoke softly, and when I spoke, it was exactly as proper etiquette dictated. Yet you still forced me to change.
Am I good enough now?
A princess had to have the appetite of a bird, you said. Her waistline had to be the tiniest in the land. So I starved myself, refusing to eat. My stomach cried out for more nourishment, yet I refused. I wanted to be good enough for you.
I am starving. I am covered with all sorts of lotions and paints to make myself beautiful.
Am I good enough now?
You said a princess had to be rescued. Men loved a woman who needed saving. So I let myself be locked away in a tower, far away from the rest of the world never to be seen by anyone. There was nothing in the tower but my own thoughts and a place to sleep. I stayed up there for years, waiting for what you assured me would be my happy ending.
Am I good enough now?
Any man who has come up here has rejected me. They consider me pleasing to the eye and body. But nothing more. As soon as they realize that I won't do as they please, they leave. They're telling me the same thing you did. I'm not good enough for anyone to love. Will I only be loved for my body? I won't do that. I'm so alone. It's killing me inside.
I am beautiful. I am bored. I am starving. I am unintelligent. I am alone. I need saving. I did everything you asked. You took away my joy, my intelligence, my nourishment, and my life. I won't surrender my morals. Please don't ask me to. Please don't take my innocence as well. I already hate myself enough. You've taken everything else away from me. Am I good enough now?
This is a game I cannot win.
Author's explanation, as promised. :)
I was just sort of thinking about how the world is constantly telling us what is beautiful, how to make ourselves "perfect." I can't stand it, to be honest. Constantly trying to jump through hoops and fit inside unrealistic expectations...it's exhausting. I've never struggled with anorexia or bulimia, but I know those who have. This story was meant to be a reflection on how hard we try to find approval from others. It saps all self confidence and dignity. We have to ask ourselves what extremes we will go to in order to find approval from the world. We have to ask ourselves if we are willing to play this game. If we don't want to, what do we do? Do we do the opposite and claim to "not care"? But isn't that just as disheartening? Because if we're honest, we just want someone to approve of us and tell we are loved for who we really are. Neither of these help us cure insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. Isn't there a better way?
Yes. Did you hear that? We don't have to be insecure and strive after all of this beauty and favor from the world. I don't claim to be perfect when it comes to this. Not at all! But I know where to find the answers. We have to understand that we are made, and made for a purpose. We have to know who we are and whose we are.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:13-14. See that? God created us. Not only that, but He has made us in His own image.
"So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." Genesis 1:27.
God does not create junk. He makes masterpieces. Someone once told me that saying you're ugly is like telling God that His creation isn't good enough; what He's made is not good enough. You are God's masterpiece. He loves you for you, and He doesn't play favorites. We don't need to seek approval from others because God cares for us. Now, there is nothing wrong with looking nice and staying fit. I'm not saying that's wrong. In fact, I think it can be very wonderful. But keep this in mind: "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30
I don't know what you believe, and please don't flame my story because of what I'm saying here. But if you're as sick of all of this insecurity and are searching for something better, a better way to find your sense of self, then please look at what God says. There is nothing that can separate you from His love and His grace. He loves you, inside and out. And nothing will ever change that.
And to end on a light note...I'll quote a little bit of Bruno Mars. :) "'Cause girl you're amazing just the way you are!"
If you have any questions on anything I've said here and would like a deeper explanation, feel free to message me.