Steve's House
"I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, it's not like we haven't done it a million times before."
Steve sat in his thinking chair, his legs crossed and his chin in his hands. His púca, Blue, leaned against the arm of the chair, eyeing him with a somewhat concerned expression. To everyone else's eyes she was little more than a playful puppy with a pension for mischief. To Steve, she had the appearance of a young woman with unruly masses of curly, sky-blue hair that fell past her elbows, denim overalls and spotty dog ears that poked out of her cerulean mane. She was also his best friend.
"You're talking about skidooing right into the T.V. set, Steve," said Blue. "It's a bit different."
"How?"
"It's a bigger world, for one thing. And bigger means unpredictable."
"But you've been there before," said Steve. "You can tell me what to expect."
"A million strategically-placed paw prints couldn't prepare you for what's on the other side of that set," said Blue.
"Then let's just go and see for ourselves!" Steve spoke excitably. "I wanna know what's out there, don't you?"
Blue smiled in spite of her apprehension. She stood and switched on the television sitting across from them.
Paris, TX
A skinny, dark-haired girl of about fourteen or fifteen sat in front of the small television in the living room of the house she shared with her mom, step mom and three siblings, two of whom were sitting with her, each engaged in their own activity. The eldest, a lanky eighteen-year-old called Amaris, sat bent over a tatty sketchbook, writing tiny words in a language they made up themselves. The youngest, a seven-year-old with curly blonde locks reminiscent of a certain notorious home-invader doodled what appeared to be a bizarre sort of eye on a sheet of printer paper. The dark-haired girl, Miranda, leaned against an ottoman with a journal propped open on her knees in front of her, pen poised over the open page, but she was not writing. Instead she gazed absently at the television screen as it played a show clearly meant for preschoolers. An empty living room stylized to look like a construction paper collage dominated the screen, but nothing else seemed to be happening. Was that normal? Weren't small children supposed to have attention spans as short as themselves?
Suddenly, Miranda's reverie was interrupted by a stentorian crash issuing from the nearby kitchen. The three complete siblings looked up, and Miranda jumped to her feet to investigate.
She didn't need to go far. Upon entering the kitchen, she discovered two very strange strangers struggling to pull themselves upright with all the grace of people who had just disembarked from an exceptionally fast rollercoaster comprised of many sharp turns. Miranda's mouth fell open at the sight of them, her every intention to scream at the top of her lungs, but she could only manage a strangled yelp. Still, it was enough to summon her siblings into the kitchen behind her.
But, the longer she watched the strangers, the less alarmed Miranda became. The more conspicuous of the two had blue hair, dog ears and an apologetic expression as she helped to steady her friend. Once the initial shock wore off, Miranda couldn't help finding the dog-like stranger quite cute. The other, a comparably plain-looking young man in a green-striped shirt and khaki pants, had the most endearingly guileless face she had ever seen in her life. Miranda opened her mouth once more, this time meaning to ask the strangers where they'd come from, when their dog, Daisy, gamboled delightedly down the stairs, into the kitchen, and promptly began inspecting the strangers' butts.
Miranda stared in bewilderment at the scene, making no effort to put a stop to the Chinese Shar-Pei's probing efforts. Instead she laughed a little as she said, "So, Daisy… what's the verdict?"
The dog looked back at the siblings as if to communicate that she had ruled the bizarre intrusion permissible. The siblings looked at one another and shrugged.
"So…" said Miranda, turning to face the strangers, who were now watching the siblings curiously. "Come here often?"
"It's our first time," the young man in the green shirt answered before the woman could say anything. "What do you call this place?"
"Our kitchen," said Amaris in an amused voice. "What are you guys, like… time-travelers, or something?"
"I'm Steve," said the man, hurrying forward to shake their hands enthusiastically. "This is my friend Blue."
"We skidooed here from the T.V. set," Blue spoke as if this somehow clarified their sudden appearance in their kitchen.
"Skidoo…?" Phobos repeated.
"Is that like when you step in dog poop and you have to drag your feet across grass until you get to a hose?" Miranda guessed.
"Maybe it's like drifting," said Amaris. "You know, like in that car movie?"
"Ah, right… the Quick-Like and the Ticked Off, wasn't it?"
"Something like that."
"Did y'all come here from another universe, or something?" Phobos asked the strangers point-blank.
"Well… yes," said Blue, now looking confused herself. "But you must know it. We couldn't have gotten here if you didn't have some sort of connection."
Miranda had a sudden epiphany and poked her head back into the living room. Their television still showed an empty cartoon living room and Miranda understood.
"They're from that kids' show we were watching," Miranda explained to her siblings in an awestruck voice. "The one with the dog who leaves blue bullshit all over the place until you figure out what she needs."
"Excuse me?" said Blue, clearly insulted.
"She's not wrong," said Steve. "And that blue stuff takes forever to clean up. We didn't even know what to do when you got it on Slippery Soap."
Blue's cheeks were red with embarrassment. "That-that is—! I can't help it if that's—! And the blue stuff is just—! I don't have to explain myself to you!"
"Please don't," said Miranda. "Our parents will be pissed if the house is covered in blue paw prints when they get home."
"And no pink spots either," said Amaris for good measure.
"Hey!" Blue spoke indignantly. "I'm nothing like that guy!"
"So you know him?"
"Well, yes," Blue admitted guiltily. "But it's not like we're friends, or anything…"
"But you've been to the Seussiverse?" Miranda asked excitedly.
Blue paused, looking around at the sisters' eager expressions. "Don't you know how to skidoo?"
"If you mean travel to other universes, then no," said Amaris. "See, this whole occurrence is what we on planet Earth refer to as,
' ŜυƤ乇я
ᶠⓊČ𝐊
𝕀ᑎ𝓰
ώ𝑒𝕀ｒＤ .'"
.
.
.
Quite suddenly, the air got stiller than them all, silencing every last lightbulb in the vicinity, if in the vicinity there happened to be lightbulbs making a racket. It was rather like the effect of that wizards-only invention, the Poke-Off-er, or whatever it's called. A strange smell of an amused electrical storm brought everyone's attention to the T.V. set that they all may or may not have happened to have been standing in front of. They could of gone into the other room. However they got there, they were now in front of the T.V. set.
It was raging.
Electricity bloomed in little patches, rather like an inverted display of mites or other tiny arachnids or other invertebrates crawling lithely across a beautiful backlit screen of some sort, on the blank television screen.
A beautiful beastly head poked out.
"Did someone mention me by name?" Queried the head in that sharp, pointy sort of way that could make a cliffhanger ensue.
A cliffhanger ensued.
"Oh, Bother!" shrieked Blue. "i've forgotten to turn off the
Veraculentium-Smyfissularium‡ doohickey."
"?" Said Steve.
They partied for nine days.
Everyone was so downed, everyone just forgot about the Veraculentium-Smyfissularium basset-hearted thing. They all gave Steve a hug, he was devastated it seems. They didn't sleep, although the seven-year-old did imagine once that one of the electro-sentient toothbrushes had had a tantrum. But in the end they all pulled it together and got back to basics.
Blue finally got it together enough, in fact (disregarding what "it" is) to switch off the Veraculentium-Smyfissularium, or whatever it's called, and was finally able to explain what it does if you leave it on too long after skidooing.
"Apparently it gets a building wasted. The walls, everything, they're
all itching for you to party."
They all agreed the building was horrible and that was terrifying and they'd never like to try it again, but secretly Steve did hold out a little house-hole in his heart for everyone giving him hugs that one day. "You've got to get yourself strained, Steve," Steve grumbled but with his head inclined towards himself so that (he hoped) no one else could hear.
"Would you like wine with your whine Steve," Blue appeared to have said.
"What!" said Steve. "I think I'm losing it."
Steve suddenly collapsed onto a couch of pillows they'd made last week.
"Hey!" came a loud, disgruntled voice from around the bathroom sink or thereabouts at the exact same time.
"WHO LEFt This Pink Spot."
"That's beside the point!" deftly argued the seven-year-old child. "Steve is collapsing in here!"
But by the time the misconcerned eldest child returned to the room they were all in now, Steve was hurtling towards wakefulness once again.
"I've communed with the couch," he said at once, sighing.
"You can't ask him," Blue muttered sideways to the girl on her left, who was Miranda, "he has absolutely KNOW guiles."
"I had noticed that," whispered Miranda, forgetting to whisper and instead steaming the words with a combination iron-and-vaccuum-cleaner as they entered the air.
Everyone looked at her.
"It's nothing," said Miranda. "What has the couch said, Steve? Is it molting again," she hastened to glue herself to this subject with fervor.
"The couch doth have been sayithing it were not the house that was the hypnotist," soliloquized Steve, somehow half-hearted and dramatic at the same time. "It was the cat!"
"What cat!" shouted Miranda, half of her hair now dripping with glue.
"The cat." Someone said. No one could tell who, but they could just hear the eyes of the person being solicitous.
"DON'T" cried Blue, "Say it again!"
It became apparent somehow that they had summoned a fearsome demon of the spheres by the combination of one vague mention of something he goes by, the Veraculentium-Smyfissularium, and the T.V. set who was still raging, and then had their memories altered like a tapestry made of tapioca. That was terrifying for them all, but the worst of it was, no one could remember whose name they had mentioned.
[[ interlude]]
They were interrupted in their musings that they were all having at
this time by a shiny metal robot wearing a glorious golden Pharaoh's
hat popping into existence in a crackling greenish bubble quite
suddenly in their vicinity.
"Yo!" the gleaming being bellowed. "Don't mind me, I'm just on my way
to the art museum in your city here that we're in for a quick
seduce-and-snatch. Oh, hey! You've got a cross-universal port open.
Mind if I cut through?"
Blue and her companion Harold or whatever his name was assented to
his query and he receded into a moving picture of a terrible crossover
fanfiction wherein Ron Weasley is a version of himself as Morty Smith
alongside Albus Dumbledore as a version of himself as Rick Sanchez
that was unabashedly playing itself on the vulnerable T.V. set.
"Oooh, Dumby," Ron was squeaking unpleasantly. "I don't like the look
of this guy! He looks like a right wanker!"
"Shut your carp hole and help me hock these horcruxes, you
unpleasantly squeaky bad seed! You crusted, warty owl turd, the owl in
question who could not find you to deliver your shitey mail even if
you had any, which you don't, because your mother doesn't love you—"
"Oh, geez— "
"—on account of not being able to tell you apart from his own turds."
Dumbledore yelped abhorrently. Dumbledore's Dumbledore beard was as
horrible as Dumbledore himself.
[[ interlude]]
Blue at least had enough sense to finally turn off the T.V. She unplugged it for good measure. Then she started trying to slice through the TV set with a machete she found lying around, but the younger sisters and the dog stopped her before she made them all possibly die horribly, but Steve and Amaris were too busy making out to notice.
‡ [Veraculentium-Smyfissularium :
a device that allows time and/or
space and/or cross-universal travel
allowing you've made the proper
sacrifices to the various suns within
the vicinity of planned travel]
THen they woke up again. THey had not partied for nine days, it was only one. THey were in the Matrix. THey are in the Matrix again. Just to save you the trouble, they woke up from the Matrix twice. That means the first time they were STILL in the Matrix. But now they're really going to be out. This time. Starting now.
lake_img_c
‡‡‡ ‡ ‡
Paris, France - 1482
Steve stumbled as he landed on the cobbled stones of the curiously desolate streets of fifteenth-century Paris. Immediately upon regaining his balance, however, the girl called Miranda careened into him, knocking them both to the ground.
"Oops," said Miranda, sitting up and brushing herself off.
Steve pushed himself upright, rubbing the place where he hit his head on the hard ground. "Um… ow."
"It's my first time, okay?" Miranda spoke defensively, not bothering to apologize.
Steve got to his feet and offered a hand to Miranda. "The landings do take a while to get used to," he said kindly, once they were both back on their feet. "And this is my first time skidooing without Blue, so I'm a bit nervous myself. So, what made you pick this place?"
Miranda was distractedly scanning their surroundings as she answered vaguely, "Oh, you know… it's like… educational."
"Really? I love to learn! You know, a fact is sort of like a gift you give your brain, don't you think?"
"Yeah… I love Christmas…" Miranda said, clearly not listening. She had started walking along one of the side streets, still looking around as though expecting to find a particular something… or someone.
"What do we have here?"
Steve and Miranda turned to see a rather roguish-looking jester in a fuchsia mask watching them from a shadowy alleyway. Miranda froze, her eyes wide as the newcomer sauntered up to the pair.
"Hi!" Steve greeted the masked man cheerfully. "I'm Steve." He held out his hand in greeting, but the jester only smirked at it before circling the duo, eyeing them appraisingly. Miranda was still frozen in place, except her eyes, which followed the man in what seemed to be… fear?
The man stopped in front of them, his arms crossed. "Shall I chance a guess?" He leaned in close to Steve, scrutinizing him intensely. "You two aren't from around here."
Miranda had begun hyperventilating. Steve looked back and forth between her and the strange man, unsure what to do. "U-uh... I think you're making her nervous. Miranda, are you all right?"
She felt a great overreaction. She seemed incapable of tearing her eyes away from the smirking jester. "It's really you…" she finally spoke in a breathless voice. "Clopin Trouillefou…"
"On toy you what?" Steve said in confusion.
"It's French; don't bother," Miranda spoke dismissively, still staring in awe at the man, who was now looking very smug indeed.
"So, you've heard of me?" said Clopin, grinning. "And to what exotic land have tales of my exploits ventured, hmm…?"
"Texas."
"Texas?" Clopin repeated. "Texas… Never heard of it."
"It's across the Atlantic!" Steve contributed helpfully. "One time, my friend Blue and and I looked at a globe, and we learned all about geography and—!"
"Spoilers!" Miranda interrupted sharply. "You can't just give stuff away like that, Steve! He's not supposed to hear about it for another fifty-eight years, at least!"
"Yeah, Steve!" Clopin taunted him gleefully. "I'm not supposed to know about Texas yet!"
"W-well… unless…" said Miranda, suddenly bashful. "That is, unless you'd want to, um… come back with us?"
"Why not?" answered Clopin, draping an arm around Miranda's shoulders and causing her to turn beet red. "I just came from crowning the King of Fools and now I'm bored. So! Which way is this Texas?"
"It's about five thousand miles southwest," said Steve. "Oh, wait; am I allowed to say that?"
Paris, France - 2015
"I thought we were going someplace foreign," Clopin pouted as he followed Miranda, Blue and Phobos along the Seine.
"If you take a closer look around, you'll see this place is plenty foreign," said Miranda.
"You're gonna love Mister Pigeon!" added Phobos.
"Great," said Clopin, rolling his eyes. "I've never seen a pigeon before."
"Pigeons?!" said Blue, looking around excitedly. "Where?!"
"Look!" said Miranda. "The Eiffel Tower! You didn't have that in the fourteen-hundreds!"
"What's it supposed to be, a giant toothpick?" asked Clopin in a bored voice.
"No, it's a giant butt plug," said Miranda. "Is that enough to pique your interest?"
"What's a butt plug?" asked Blue curiously, seeming to have forgotten the pigeons for the time being.
"It's a toy you put in—," Phobos started before Miranda cut her off.
"Hold on, why are you the one answering?! How do you even know what that is?!"
"It's kind of self-explanatory," said Phobos, shrugging.
"What is it, though?" Blue persisted. "I like toys!"
"Wait, where did Clopin go?" Miranda asked, stopping short as she looked around the cartoon landscape.
"Maybe he went to get the toys?" Blue speculated hopefully.
"Phobos, did you see where he—?"
But Phobos was preoccupied with throwing a stick for Blue to chase.
"Guys!" Miranda exclaimed with frustration. "We're supposed to be looking for Ladybug and Cat Noir!"
They weren't listening. Miranda stormed off on her own. Nothing was going the way she had hoped. She had planned to reveal the secret identities of the French superheroes to one another, and watch as the drama unfolded. It would be her way of getting back at those responsible for continually delaying the release of season two. She had also hoped that Clopin would be madly in love with her by now, but he wasn't even hanging out with her!
Poor little fangirl, disillusioned by her favorite stories and characters. This palpable disappointment is perfect fodder for my akuma! Fly away, my little akuma, and evilize her!
"Who said that?!" said Miranda, jumping to her feet. "God damn it, Hawk Moth! Is that you?!"
What the Hell? You're not supposed to be able to hear me until after you've been akumatized!
"Well, you're not supposed to smell like farts, so I guess we're both defying expectations, now, aren't we?"
I don't smell like farts!
Miranda opened her mouth to retort, but was interrupted by an akuma hitting her journal from behind and transforming her into a supervillain.
That's better. Mary-Sue, I am Hawk Moth! First thing's first… take back what you said about me smelling like farts!
"You don't smell like farts," Mary-Sue said obediently. "I only said that because I was jealous of how smart and cool you are."
Thank you. Now, you have the power to write a new ending to your favorite stories. In return, the ending you write had better include me getting my hands on Ladybug and Cat Noir's miraculous!
"Are you sure? Because I could rewrite you as Damien Steel, a half-werewolf, half-vampire prince with a nine-inch—"
The miraculous will do.
"—elder wand. All right, all right."
Mary-Sue pulled out a pen and began writing in her akumatized notebook.
"And he..." she muttered to herself as she wrote, "fell madly… in love with her." She tucked the pen behind her ear and resumed her search for Clopin.
A mere half hour later, when the Eiffel Tower was alight, illuminating all of Paris in it's amorous glow, Clopin descended upon one knee, clearly in the midst of proposing to Mary-Sue.
"Please accept this as a token of my inestimable affection," he said, offering Mary-Sue a single red rose.
She was reaching for the rose when a thundering, "Stop!" interrupted them. Mary-Sue turned sharply to see Hawk Moth storming toward them, his face furious.
"I'll get you your miraculous," Mary-Sue assured him impatiently. "I just wanted to take care of a few things first."
Hawk Moth said nothing, but knocked the flower from Clopin's hand. "A pitiful flower?!" he snarled, stepping on the rose. "A measly weed to betoken your love for she who is more exquisite than any blossom on the face of this Earth?!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa—!" Mary-Sue stepped between them, holding up her hands to separate Hawk-Moth and the now seething Clopin. "What the Hell is going on?! What's wrong with you, Hawk Moth?!"
"My only grievance is the audacity of this filthy rogue!" he spat before sinking to one knee as Clopin had done and looking up at Mary-Sue with an expression of deepest adoration. "I would not even think of confessing my undying love for you without offering you the world along with it! Surely no less is worthy of your consideration, my lady!" He took her hand lightly in his and kissed it.
"This is… awkward…" said Mary-Sue, pulling her hand away uncomfortably. "I think the… uh… editing I did earlier may have had some… residual effects. Hawk Moth, I'm only interested in Clopin."
Hawk Moth was downright disconsolate at these words. "Is there nothing I can offer you that might make you reconsider?" he pleaded desperately.
"You heard her," said Clopin. "She wants me."
"Actually…" Mary-Sue spoke thoughtfully, "there is one thing…"
Hawk Moth looked as though he'd been given new life. "Anything, my lady!"
"I might consider you… if you were to prove your love for me… by giving me your miraculous?" Mary-Sue sighed dramatically. "Otherwise, I could never trust you."
Hawk Moth hesitated for only a moment before he solemnly unfastened the miraculous from his collar. But, instead of Mary-Sue taking the pin, Clopin's spindly fingers closed around the magical artifact, deftly whisking it out of the others' reach. With the miraculous gone, Hawk Moth's disguise dissolved, as did Mary-Sue's.
"You were right, Mary-Sue. That was easy!"
"Everything is easy for a Mary-Sue," said Mary-Miranda, posing dramatically. "And we should probably get out of here, before he realizes what happened."
Clopin and Miranda hurried back toward their point of entry: a large television on a street corner meant for advertisements and emergency news updates. After several moments, the pair heard a distant howl of rage.
"I think we're past our honeymoon period," Miranda quipped, ducking behind a sign displaying an advertisement for Larmers™ Brand Ham Medallions and pulling Clopin after her.
"I guess he doesn't give you butterflies anymore," Clopin said, smirking.
"Hey! Being punny is my job!"
The pair looked up to see none other than Cat Noir perched atop the advertisement modelled by his own mild-mannered alter ego.
"Your job is to fight crime," an exasperated voice chimed in.
"I missed you too, m'lady," Cat Noir said with a wink at the new arrival, Ladybug.
Ladybug rolled her eyes, then placed her hands firmly on her hips as she began interrogating Miranda and Clopin.
"Where is Hawk Moth? Did you get a good look at him before you took his miraculous? Where is the miraculous?"
Miranda's eyes darted between Ladybug, Cat Noir and Clopin nervously as she struggled to think of how to stall for time.
"I-I… uh…" she stammered. "I did get a good look at him. He looked like… uh… Well, ÐïÐ ¥ðµ êvêr hêår †hê †rågêÐ¥ ð£ Ðår†h ɘɒbiǫᴎiʜqꙄ †hê Wï§ê? เ Շђ๏ยﻮђՇภ๏Շ. ̆'§ ñð† å §†ðr¥ †hê imɒwʞ wðµlÐ †êll ¥ðµ. Ðår†h ɘɒbiǫᴎiʜqꙄ wå§ å Ðårk LðrÐ, §ð þðwêr£µl åñÐ §ð wï§ê hê ¢ðµlÐ µ§ê †hêꙅuo|uɔɒɿim †ð—"
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't you get it?!" Miranda shouted, jumping to her feet and grabbing Ladybug by the shoulders. "HAWK MOTH IS SUPREME LEADER SNOKE!"
Clopin took advantage of the ensuing stunned silence to throw down a smoke bomb. Miraculously, the pair managed to find Phobos and Blue, and return through their point of entry before Ladybug, Cat Noir or the newly neutered Hawk Moth could catch up with them.
Crescent Island, The Fire Nation - 100 AG
After a rough landing, Phobos frantically looked around to make sure her friends were okay. Miranda, Steve, Amaris and Monika all seemed dazed but unhurt. Taking the time to actually see what predicament they'd fallen into, she noticed the ground was actually quite a bit farther down from where they were tangled in a web of vines.
"This must be correct," Phobos exclaimed to the alarmed group, who had also realized the mess she'd gotten them into.
The question on everyone's mind seemed to be, "Now what?" Well, everyone excluding Monika, who had already gone through multiple scenarios in her head and now had a plan.
"Please, would everyone follow my lead?" Monika spoke to the scattered bunch. "I have concluded that if we climb particular branches we will safely make it to the other side."
"Luckily, we are monkeys," Amaris chimed in.
Very carefully, Monika made her way to the closest person: Steve. He was hesitant at first, probably not used to climbing, but he eventually steadied his shaky limbs and followed. One by one, Monika picked them up, fortunately having enough stable vines to make a route to each one (and an easy to climb tree) without doubling back. They almost legged it, but witches are not climbing. Once on the ground safely, Phobos ran off, her siblings following with increasing annoyance.
"Phobos, you can't just run off like that," Miranda said, finally catching up. Phobos was vaguely aware of her siblings' distress as she reached the edge of the forest they were in. Vibrant colors of a beautiful landscape surrounded the three of them. The wind blew cold from the distant mountains, the air so much different from their polluted home world. Steve and Monika had reached them just as Phobos finally returned to what she was amazed to find her reality.
"Isn't this the best place ever?" she excitedly yelled. While clearly impressed, no one else seemed to have as much enthusiasm. "Now, if I have it right, we should be here three days before the eclipse in this world: right on time to intersect Team Avatar… and I will finally meet Toph, the greatest earth-bender ever!" Phobos mumbled half to herself, half to the group at large. "They can't be too far, right?" she now addressed Steve.
"I'm not too confident, but if you got the world correct, I'm sure everything else is fine," he assured her.
"Then I guess we need to go towards the edge of the island over there, then go around." Phobos already started walking as she pointed toward the cliff side. It was a small island, so it was a short time before Phobos ran off again in her usual careless excitement.
"Look!" she yelled back at the others. "That's it! That's where they camp!" As she rounded a rock, she quickly became aware that her plan of approach was virtually nonexistent. It was too late, though, as she had already come face to face with the previously fictional characters. Team Avatar stood before her, each of them poised for battle against the potentially dangerous newcomers. The quartet relaxed, however, when they realized the girl facing them was merely a young child.
"Who are you?" the water-bender, Katara, asked.
"I'm Phobos," Phobos replied, now being joined by the people she had almost forgotten about. "And these are my friends," she added, getting quieter and more insecure.
"I'm Aang, and this is Katara, Sokka and Toph. It's nice to meet you, but what are you doing in such a secluded area?"
"Looking for you," Monika stated.
"But we're not from your world, or hunting you or anything," Phobos interrupted, not wanting to scare them but inadvertently making things more complicated. "I mean—we are not associated with the Fire Nation in any way. I'm just a fan of you all, and Toph in particular, and wanted to meet you…" she continued, rambling on in nervous incoherency.
"Ha ha ha!" Toph laughed, slightly maniacally. "Hear that? I have a fan! Take that, twinkle toes! Looks like not everyone goes for the 'great Avatar' thing after all."
"Hold on a minute!" Sokka interjected. "Am I the only one who finds all this extremely suspicious?"
"I should hope not," said Amaris. "Speaking as Phobos's older sibling, I feel I should caution you to regard her with suspicion as a default."
"Amaris!" Phobos protested in embarrassment.
"Tales of her evil deeds are still told in whispers over campfires on lonely nights," Miranda added dramatically. "I've heard that she'll swoop in and steal your ramen water when you're not looking."
"Speaking of campfires," said Steve, hugging himself tightly, "do you happen to have one handy?"
"Yeah, it's cold as penguin butts out here," said Miranda with a shiver.
Aang, Katara, Sokka and Toph exchanged bemused looks before Aang answered, "Actually… we do."
"Why don't you help us finish setting up camp, and you can tell me all about myself?" suggested Toph, leading an awestruck Phobos into the clearing the four of them used as a base.
"Or they could tell us about being from another world?" Sokka said dramatically, making various gestures and faces to emphasize his point. "We kind of just skipped over that part entirely?!"
"We skidooed here," said Steve.
"That probably doesn't clear much up," Miranda added. "Basically, we can travel to any universe, as of today, thanks to Steve here, who skidooed into our kitchen earlier. Anyways, we will gladly help you with camp, if you would like. Then maybe we could sit and share stories around a fire," she concluded, finding the plan and the words that had escaped her sister.
As the sun set, the fire was small, but enough for the group to be warm in the only slightly chilly air. Phobos nervously sat next to her favorite character, Toph, asking her sister Miranda to sit next to her for comfort. Things were awkward at first. Besides Phobos, nobody really knew who the characters were, and the other group was, understandably, not talkative. Things got better as Amaris brought out a mandolin. The tune played was a simple one, but it was enough to lighten the mood. Aang quickly made a device similar to a flute out of rock and started playing an equally simple tune that not only complemented the mandolin, but sounded complex, due to his air bending and makeshift instrument creating a sound none of them had ever heard before. Amaris in turn replied by adding a vocal part. Miranda joined, creating an alto, and although it took Phobos a little longer to get it, she sang Miranda's new part, letting Amaris guide them. Amaris led the song to a close, and all were slightly amazed by the improved song, but Monika was looking quite sad.
"What's wrong?" Miranda asked.
"I wish I had a piano here to play along," she answered.
"I'm sure I could make you something," Aang offered.
"That would be wonderful!" she said, turning to the side slightly, her skirt and hair defying gravity for several strange seconds.
It took trial and error, but soon enough, not only did they have a piano for Monika, but Aang had created a new instrument for Katara to water-bend with since none of Earth's instruments suited her. They had also found drums that were great for Toph. She had excellent rhythm due to her being able to see the vibrations through her feet, a regular Silas Utke Graae Jørgensen. Phobos also thought Sokka would like a didgeridoo, but although seemingly simple in design, they couldn't figure out how to make one. Together they played, making many songs as they drifted. It almost seemed as though they had always lived there. When the sun rose the next day, the familiarity the group had with their surroundings was alarming to Steve; they shouldn't have stayed so long. He woke the remainder of his group, urging them to get ready to leave, but Phobos was stubborn and didn't want to. After fighting with the increasingly difficult child for some time, he lost hope, but Amaris and Miranda knew how to deal with her. They wrapped her tightly in a blanket and carried her away. Knowing they couldn't hold her long, they skidooed back to Paris.
Paris, TX
"This skidooing thing is awesome!"
Amaris, Phobos, Miranda, Blue, Steve, Clopin, Belle Goose, Mister Teatime, Calvin, Hobbes, Donnie Darko, Harmony Kendall and Monika now sat around the siblings' kitchen table.
"We should visit the prequels next," suggested Amaris over the sound of Belle Goose loudly narrating her own life.
"General Grievous will make a fine addition to my collection," said Miranda, watching as Donnie Darko and Mister Teatime stared at one another unblinkingly.
"I do have one question, though…" said Amaris. "Why haven't you been to Hogwarts yet?"
Miranda opened her mouth to answer, but found herself speechless. Instead, she looked the other way, pretending to be interested in the debate that had erupted between Belle and Harmony regarding whose vampire boyfriend was hotter.
"Is it because of how it ends?" Amaris asked in a low voice. "Maybe it doesn't have to end like that. Maybe you can change the ending."
"I guess we could all use a little change."
Hogwarts – 1993/1994
"Wow, I like this girl!"
Miranda sat at the Gryffindor house table in the Great Hall between Fred and George Weasley. Under the alias "Rosemary Rook," Miranda had infiltrated Hogwarts as a fifth-year "exchange student."
Over the course of the next several months, Miranda built a rapport with these red-headed abominations and other inhabitants of Hogwarts Castle… but the more she immersed herself in the identity of the fictitious Rosemary Rook, the more her grip on her true identity began to slip, causing her to forget her real life for hours at a time.
Despite this, Miranda persisted. She had to prevent what she knew would otherwise come to pass, even if it meant losing herself in the process.
After a particularly lengthy period of forgetfulness, a tall, dashy Ravenclaw fifth year strode up to Miranda in the crowded corridor between classes.
"Rosey, I'm sorry about Valentine's Day. I was out of line."
He leaned in toward Miranda, as though intending to kiss her, but she pulled away hastily.
"Who the Hell are you?!"
The boy frowned. "That's not funny."
Miranda laughed for a solid seven seconds in a highly maniacal way.
"Rosemary… you're being very… odd. People are watching."
"You have no idea," Miranda spoke shortly, setting off along the corridor in a hurry. The boy followed. "What are you, my boyfriend or something?"
"Yes," the boy answered irritably. Miranda stopped short and rounded on him.
"Wait, seriously? Oh no…"
He said many things in response to this, but Miranda had shoved her index fingers into her ears and started humming the Soviet National Anthem in an effort to think clearly. It seemed that she had lost her true self for so long, her mission had been completely derailed. After all, there could be only one Hogwarts Hottie™ for her. She had set off at a run down the corridor, making her way into the Great Hall. All the guys were staring at her. She was use to all the guys staring and she didnt mind.(pls rp as a professor snape or lupin)
(っ◔◡◔)っ Professor Snape took off his pants. "I like to not wear pants," he said.
þrð£ê§§ðr §ñåþê §µÐÐêñl¥ ðþêñ§ hï§ mðµ†h åñÐ §¢rêåm§. Çðrñ£låkê§ ð£ åll §håþê§ åñÐ §ïzê§ ßêgïñ †ð rµ§h £ðr†h £rðm hï§ mðµ†h. †hê £lðw ï§ ñêvêrêñÐïñg, £ïllïñg µþ †hê rððm åñÐ §lðwl¥ §µßmêrgïñg ßð†h 𣠆hêm.
The floor of the castle seemed like a large pile of magic. Harry looked around and then fell down the spiral staircase for the rest of the summer.
Miranda backstroked through the cornflakes and out of the Great Hall, in sackcloth and ashes over what had transpired. It seemed things were getting out of hand, fast. She had only ever meant well, but it seemed her being there had caused things to unravel like my train of thought while writing this sentence, even though, really, one generally prefers one's trains unraveled. Miranda decided to do what was best for everyone, and skidooed back home, thus restoring normalcy in HP-verse.
The End
Author's Note & Disclaimer:
Obviously, there are a lot of references in this fic, and I do not claim ownership of the source material.
Thanks so much to those who've followed along all the way to the end. I'm super grateful for all of your reviews, and I hope the conclusion was satisfactory.
Special thanks to my siblings, who encouraged me the whole way, and helped me cobble together an ending.
Extra special thanks to memes, bots and Hayden.
P.S. Happy Birthday, Fred and George!