Memories and Songs-One Shot: Camaya, a degrassi fanfic

Hey, everyone. This is a one-shot. Title is inspired by the song by Tyrone Wells. This is kind of a sad fanfiction. First one-shot. I own NOTHING, except the plot.

Maya's POV:
I looked at the crowd as I stood on the stage. Everyone from Degrassi was here. Everyone except Cam, my ex boyfriend who died. We met during my freshman year of high school-his sophomore year-and I loved him with everything in me. Cam was shy, lovable, cute, nice, caring, and a hockey player. He was 16 when he was drafted into the NHL because he's the MVP of the Toronto Ice Hounds who are a hockey team at Degrassi. Cam was my first love-I never had a boyfriend before and I was nervous because I didn't want to mess it up. Our relationship ended when he committed suicide in the greenhouse by the school-that was the night after he stayed the night at me house because he didn't want to go home, so I convinced Katie to let him stay the night and she agreed-and I didn't grief like everyone thought I should. I was tired of everyone telling me how I should act, feel or who to be. Everyone wanted me to grieve, but all I felt was numbness. I finally broke down in tears and rage in my living room after Katie and my mom lectured me about partying, drinking and almost hooking up with a guy I barely knew on the couch-the same couch that Cam had slept on the last time I saw him-and I broke down in tears.

Katie and my mom-who was in a wheelchair-looked at me after Katie told Harry to run. Katie, my mom and I exchanged a few words before Katie said something that pissed. "YOU CAN'T replace Cam." Katie shouted, as I felt rage pour out of me. "WHY NOT? HE BROKE UP WITH ME BY KILLING HIMSELF! I HATE HIM! I HATE HIM! I FEEL LIKE I'M NEVER GOING TO BE HAPPY AGAIN AND EVERY DAY IT JUST GETS WORSE AND WORSE! I CAN'T MISS HIM ANYMORE! I CAN'T! I DON'T WANT TO." Then my voice cracked. "He never even said "goodbye." I've never felt so heartbroken in my life until the day I found out that he died. Katie held me while I cried. I can't believe I didn't see the signs of Cam's anxiety, depression and loneliness.

"Hey, everyone. I'm Maya Matlin." I looked at the crowd who was listening to me while my band was behind me. It was sunny outside, which is weird considering the way I feel right now is shitty. I've always felt guilty for not helping Cam. "I've been through one hell of a year: I know that you guys remember my ex boyfriend, Campbell Saunders, who was a hockey player," I looked at the hockey team who looks sad and guilty. I only saw it in their eyes because their expressions were blank.

"and got into the NHL at the age of 16. He was my first love and I'll never forget him. I'm sorry for taking my anger out on the people I care about-Zig, Tori and Katie-but it was hard being the ex girlfriend of the guy who died and having to live with the whispers, pointed fingers and rumors behind my back about it. I loved Cam-and I still do-with everything I have in me. I just wish I could have helped him with his depression, anxiety and loneliness-because I didn't I feel like the worst girlfriend ever-but he hid it from me, like he hid it from everyone else. I blamed myself for a long time about not helping him, but it's not my fault, it's no one's fault. It's his because he didn't talk to anyone about his problems and I was his damn girlfriend. He missed his family who were thousands of miles away, he believed the hockey team hated him and my best friend's ex liked me and-unintentionally-tried to get between us. I never noticed the signs, but I would have helped him if I did. Cam meant a lot to me and I'll miss him everyday for the rest of my life, but I have to move on. This is my way of moving on from all the pain, anger, regret and heartbreak that he left in his wake." I looked at everyone with tears in my eyes. "I'm going to perform a cover called "Already Falling" by Tyrone Wells. I hope you like it. After that I will perform my brand new song. I dedicate this song to Cam."

Suddenly, there were dark clouds over us and it was starting to drizzle, but I didn't mind at all. The rain felt good against my skin. Soft music began playing, then I began singing. No one else seemed to care about the rain either, which was good.

I hear them say
You should take your time
Love's a crooked line you are
Just at the start with your whole life to come

But I know how I feel
I know this is real-you are
All that I want so I can't help but run

There goes my heart, there goes my head
That was the edge and I'm already falling
It happened so fast, like shattering glass
a beautiful crash, I'm already falling,
I'm already falling, I'm already falling

I looked in the crowd and swore that I saw Cam standing there, close enough so he could see me, yet far enough to where no one else noticed. I blinked and he was still there. I continued singing, while looking in that one spot for a few seconds before looking at the rest of the crowd.

Every time I see You
I can't believe my eyes
Your beauty runs deep
All the way to your soul

I cannot pretend I'm indifferent when I
Watch every move everywhere that you go

There goes my heart, there goes my head
That was the edge and I'm already falling
It happened so fast, like shattering glass
It's a beautiful crash, I'm already falling,
I'm already falling, I'm already falling

And I am not afraid, I know before I land
As I'm reaching out I will find your hand
It's easy letting go, when in my heart I know

I'm already falling [2x]

I'm already falling
(falling for your love)

The song ended as I cried. "This next song is brand new. Originally it was a song about suicide, but it can also be about getting over those depressing thoughts and feelings and having a new life. This song is called Last Exit."

Gotta pack my bags, leave my world behind
take a different road, I know it's my time
to open up my heart for another crowd
play it strong and sing it loud
there's empty places in my life
and I need to breathe
There's empty spaces on the map waiting there for me

I'll take the the last exit to freedom,
the last chance to be free,
and the first sign of tomorrow
feels like freedom to me.

Oh, there's hope out on the horizon
and a light only I can see
it's the last exit to freedom,
the last change to be free.

Gonna play my songs in a crowded room,
unwind the road by a spotlight moon,
gonna change the strings on my guitar
change my tune,
listen to my heart.

The heart will always whisper what you need to know,
the heart will always show you where you need to go,
I'll take the last exit to freedom,
the last chance to be free
and the first sign of tomorrow feels like freedom to me

Oh, there's hope out on the horizon
and a light only I can see
it's the last exit to freedom
the last chance to be free(X2)

I'll take the last exit to freedom
the last chance to be free
and the first sign of tomorrow
feels like freedom to me

Oh, there's hope out on the horizon
and a light only I can see
it's the last exit to freedom
the last chance to be free

The song ended and everyone looked at me, then clapped while I had tears running down my face, mixing with the rain. I looked at where I thought Cam was and mouthed, "I love you." He smiled and mouthed it back. I knew right then and there that he would always be in my heart no matter what and from now on I was going to focus on the good memories I have of him instead of the bad ones. Cam may be gone, but his memory and my love for him will always be here with me forever.