I'm staring at my empty lunch box, again. This is the third day in a row that an Erudite boy demanded for my lunch. Of course, I have to give it to him. It's the Abnegation thing to do but why do I feel…I don't know. I don't feel like that was selfless. Ever since that new lady that daddy talks about at dinner came into office, the Erudite kids are mean to the Abnegation. I never say anything; it's not my place. Not to mention I'm not allowed to. The ways and morals of my faction have been branded into my skull since the day I was born. For nine years I have lived selflessly. And I don't feel like I belong. I can never express myself. I'm nine years old and I want to have fun. I want a friend.
Glancing around the cafeteria with its dingy tiled floors and food stained walls, I see the boy who took my food talking to his friend, still staring at me, but not unaware that I can hear everything he's saying. He looks annoyed as he flips his hair out of his eyes.
"…Justin I'm just saying, you're taking advantage her, you're fifteen, she's nine and I mean look at her, she needs the food more than most of the stiffs."
So that's the nickname they give us. I don't like it. I don't want to be associated with that name. But I don't let myself dwell too long on it, I want to hear what this Justin guy has to say.
"Dude, what you need to realize is that she can't say no. I can get whatever I damn well please and she cant even argue. You heard what Jeanine said, they pretend to run the government but they have no idea what we really need. All they do is give handouts to the factionless taking food from us andI bet they don't even do that. They probably keep the food to themselves." Looking around I see that he has attracted a lot of attention, but not the bad kind. Several others from Erudite are nodding their heads in agreement, looking superior and snooty as they read their tatty books.
Looking around all I feel is anger; if I was older I'd argue with them, but then again…that's not the Abnegation thing to do. I wish I could. One more reason why I don't belong. It's really no surprise to me, I never sit with the other kids my age and I don't talk to anyone, afraid to give too much away. No one should know anything about anyone in Abnegation. It's rude, or so I've been told. Could I belong with another faction? I don't know.
I'm startled out of my thoughts quickly, surprised, as a boy in Abnegation gray comes and sits down right next to me, the chair squealing sharply across the tile floor. What is he doing? He's tall, has dark brown hair and deep blue eyes. Something about them is sad and reserved, but so alive too. I feel like I've seen him, but where? I can't help but notice the wince that appears on his face as he gingerly sits down. Odd.
"Would you like to share my lunch?" he asks. And for a minute, I'm angry. I don't want handouts. I am not weak. I can handle going without lunch no matter how hungry I am. Before I can say anything he raises his hands into the air in a placating gesture and quickly adds: "I brought two today. I know I'm not supposed to," I cant help but notice how his face grows fearful, as if he worries someone will know. Why would he be scared about adding another lunch to his bag? My parents would encourage it, "but I thought that if they went after you again I could at least help. I'm Tobias by the way. Tobias Eaton."
Taking his standard Abnegation lunch, I gently bow my head, the standard gesture of greeting in our faction. For a couple minutes he stares at me expectantly. Huh? It takes a few moments to realize I haven't said anything. I haven't even introduced myself so I quickly speak up.
"I'm Beatrice Prior. Thank you Tobias." It all comes out in a rush, unable to conceal my embarrassment. "How old are you Beatrice?" he asks me.
I'm stunned. In Abnegation we don't ask questions. But I respond quickly, anxious to figure out if he's like me. If he feels like he doesn't belong in Abnegation.
"I'm nine years old. How old are you? I haven't seen you in any of my classes. Actually, I can't remember seeing you back in Abnegation"
His eyes suddenly look…hurt? What did I say? "I'm eleven. I'm not allowed out of the house much. My dad wont let me go, not that I'd be able to anyway." Shocked at what he says he quickly changes the subject as if he said something he shouldn't. Weird. Is his dad the reason he's upset?
"Anyway, my dad works with your dad so I've seen you, but only from a distance. You don't act like the other Abnegation kids."
Wait, what? How can he tell? What have I done? I mean, sure, I'm confused but I felt that I hid my selfishness almost perfectly. My brother Caleb, he's the selfless one. Always acting perfect as he strolls down the grey housed streets of the Abnegation sector, always doing for others. I envy him. So how does Tobias know? As I respond I feel my face flush, the embarrassment and shock clear in my features.
"H-How do…I mean what?" I am at a loss for words and honestly, I'm panicking. How could he tell?
As If able to read my mind Tobias fills in the blanks.
"How can I tell? Well, for one you don't cower and dodge everyone here like the other kid, you don't make a conscious effort to blend in. You're too alert. Second, from the times I've seen you at school, I can tell that you observe the other faction kids more than anyone else and, like me, you often sit alone at lunch. But you hide everything very well"
He's rambling. He's rambling as if trying to make me feel better. But if he's noticed all of that then he must be pretty observant too.
"Can you keep a secret Beatrice?"
"Yes." I respond quickly.
Leaning in closer, eyes dancing, Tobias whispers: "I don't want to be in Abnegation either. And I think we are going to be fast friends."
And with that the bell rings, signaling the end of lunch and cutting my first real conversation short. I have known Tobias for all of twenty minutes and I already know more about him than any other kid I've met. Friends. It's a nice word to hear.