hi im asher and i dont know what im doing ummmm dib finds out some shit that rly bothers him thats all i can tell u goodbye

Yes! Finally!

What started out as a great recon mission turned out the be the perfect one. It was just his luck Zim decided to call the Tallest today!

Dib shifted slightly in his hiding spot in the wall. He found the perfect spot where Zim couldn't see him and

"My Tallest, I can assure you that-"

Zim's words were cut off by a loud crashing noise coming from the base down below. He paused for a moment, looking up at the screen, jaw slightly ajar.

"Ehm. I'll be right back." He immediately made haste to deal with said crashing noise, all while muttering foreign curses under his breath.

"Oh come on, Red," the purple one began once Zim was out of earshot (antennaeshot?), "Why can't we just tell him already?" He folded his arms crossly, eyes slightly narrowed at his nearly identical counterpart.

"What, that his missions a total joke? We tried that already," "Red" reminded, shrugging. "He's too stubborn. He's never gonna figure it out."

Dib's eyes widened. A joke? Zim's mission was a joke?

"Why don't you just block him?" The purple one (whose name was probably Purple) was apparently sick of Zim's antics now and rather irritated with his co-ruler.

"Trust me, if that were an option, I would've done it ages ago," Red chuckled, shrugging again. "He'd just find some way to call us again."

"I don't get it," Purple continued.

"You don't get much," Red remarked. This earned him a cold glare (and a few silent snickers from the pilots).

"No, but seriously," Purple sighed. "I'm seriously tired of him. Can't we just.. You know. Make him stop? I mean, we are the Tallest."

"I honestly don't know. I mean, we told him to sit still, he wrecked Impending Doom. We banished him to Foodcourtia, he 'quit being banished.' We even tried him, and he crawled out of that completely unscathed! It's like there's nothing we can do.

"...Though, I do feel kind of sorry for him."

Purple gave him a look.

"I mean, he's just trying to please us. I guess. In a weird way." Red laughed.

"...Yeah, I guess so."

And with that, Red's eyes shifted to focus directly on Dib. Or his hiding spot.

"By the way, we can see you there. You're not fooling anyone."

...Or directly on Dib, yeah.

"Wait, what? Where?" Purple's eyes grew wide as he searched frantically for this apparent guest. One of Red's antennae raised as an amused grin stretched over his face.

"How's that news for you? You look surprised." Dib was speechless, his mouth agape. Billions of questions swam through his head as the red Tallest smirked at him.

"Red, who are you talking to?" Purple was sweating nervously.

Red ignored him and went on.

"How old are you, anyways? You look young. You could probably do something with your life. Give up on Zim, he's a lost cause. Go become a general or something."

Dib couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Red this is bothering me so much," Purple whined. This time, both Dib and Red gave him a look.

"Shut up, Purp."

With a sigh, Red continued again.

"Seriously. Give up on him. He's not worth it. He's not worth anything."

With that, Zim returned, his left antenna slightly more crooked than usual.

"Sorry about the wait, my Tallest. I-" Zim noticed the confused look on Purple's face. "...My Tallest, is there something wrong?"

Purple frowned. "I think Red's ...seeing things." He glanced worriedly at his co-ruler, antennae lowered anxiously. Red rolled his eyes.

Zim coughed awkwardly. After a moment, he straightened his uniform and continued.

"As I was saying, I can assure you that GIR's eh... problem... will no longer be a..." Zim paused, furrowing his brow. "...Problem."

"...Right."

Another pause.

"Zim, seriously, he keeps talking to someone and there isn't-"

"HE'S RIGHT THERE." Red pointed at the upper-right corner of the screen, exasperated.

Purple's eyes widened again, jaw falling open.

"...Ohhhh. There he is!"

Ok ok ok nope. Cover blown. He needed to get out of here.

Zim was, reasonably, highly distressed by this. "What? An intruder? There's an intruder? Where!?"

"Hey, it's the big-headed kid, isn't it?"

God fucking damn it.

After a lot of shouting, scuffling, and dirty looks, Dib found himself being literally kicked out onto the porch.

"Don't you dare try that again, you pathetic worm!" Zim screeched, and promptly slammed the door.

Right on Dib's head.

Ouch.

Dib sat up after a moment, rubbing the top of his head and wincing. That went...well.

...Oh, what was he kidding.

That was horrible.

Dib brought his legs closer to his chest, resting his elbows on his knees and frowning. How could Zim's mission be a joke? Since when was he banished? What did he do?

Letting out a sigh, Dib buried his hands in his hair. This was really bothering him. How could Zim just... Not know about all that? It didn't make any sense.

After a few minutes of trying to sort out his jumbled thoughts, Dib stood. He might as well go home, shower, go to bed. His watch told him it was only about 5:40 PM, but he supposed that was enough for today.

Dib munched on his cereal gloomily. What he thought was going to be a fantastic day sucked. It didn't help that it happened to be the last bit of cereal in the box and was entirely covered in cereal dust.

"Wow. Someone looks cheerful." Gaz made her way into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator and pulling out a can of soda and a slice of the leftover pizza. She placed said pizza into the microwave and waited for it to heat up, crossing her arms.

Dib ignored her, even turning away slightly as he ate the rather disappointing cereal. Raising an eyebrow, Gaz retrieved her pizza and sat in the chair across from him.

"Is that the last of the cereal?" she interrogated, eyeing the box with her eyes narrowed and lips pursed.

"You wouldn't want it anyways," he muttered in reply.

Gaz's brow furrowed. Okay then.

"What's your problem?" she demanded. She didn't usually want to get involved with Dib's little theatrics, but considering how cheerful he was that morning, this was weird.

"Nothing. I don't wanna talk about it," he sighed.

A silence filled the room.

"...Okay, whatever. I'll be in my room." Gaz stood, pizza in one hand and soda in the other, and made her way up the stairs.

It made Dib feel a little better that she kind of cared.

Now that he was alone, though, it gave him more space to think.

Was it all really just a joke? Zim wasn't actually a threat at all? It was such a weird and unnatural idea to him because-

It was true.

Gaz knew it. She'd told him before. Zim was never a threat because he was so bad at what he was doing. He'd been on Earth for 3 years already.

Zim was supposed to be banished.

He wasn't actually an invader. His leaders sent him to Earth to get rid of him.

Dib sighed again. This whole ordeal was giving him a terrible headache. Throwing his half-eaten cereal into the sink, he grabbed some aspirin and made his way up the stairs.

What bothered him the most was that Zim had no idea.