I was very old and very happy for the first time in years. I sighed in content. It came out weezy. My body was to frail. The radiotherapy was failing. Not that I wanted it in the first place. Amy had said to the doctor that I wanted it because I wanted more time with the family. The real reason was that she needed time for me to write a will. I had given her the template yesterday. She had yet to realise that the one I had given her was not the one I filed. The one I filed said that I left half of everything to Bernadette and Charlotte, if they were ever found, and the other half went to the charity that had helped Meemaw to cope when Pop pop got diagnosised. Also using my will, I had disowned Amy's children from the Cooper family name. I wasn't entirely sure who there fathers were but it wasn't me. Meemaws jewellery, the pieces that I knew Amy wanted, was being left to Missy's children. They loved my mom as much as I had loved Meemaw. I knew Mom was going to be furious when she found out. I thought of the day that I learnt Meemaw was gone.
A few hours after the train ride Amy drove me home. I had tried to argue with her, unsuccessfully, as I wanted to see Penny. She had taken on the look of someone sucking a extremely sour lemon as she explained that Leonard and Penny were probably spending time together as a couple which was their right. I was going to point out that Penny planned to break up with Leonard again but she clearly wasn't listening anymore. I had just stopped arguing. Once inside, I was confused as to why she had insisted that she come up with me but again I decided not to argue hoping that if I stayed silent she would leave faster. She had gone to the bathroom. I had placed my bag down by my desk and had sat in my desk chair to get on my work. In my head I was wondering why she had not explained that she had just needed the bathroom. To my shock and disgust she came out in her underwear and had tried, unsuccessfully, to climb into my lap on my desk chair. It had disgusted me because she was not beautifully tanned nor curvy. Most of all her dull brown hair was everywhere. I nearly shook my head at how simple her carnal instincts made her brain. She thought a simple kiss, that I had not quite enjoyed, would lead to sex. If I didn't know better I'd wait for the bazinga. I was going to tell her to go get dressed when my phone rang. It was my mom and she was crying. Meemaw was gone. I started crying for the first time in my life. My brain went hazy. Amy didn't seem to care. Amy didn't ask what was wrong she just tried to undo my pants. I pushed her away and I walked out of my apartment. I knocked once Penny's door and waited. She took one look at me and she hugged me. I told her about Meemaw whilst crying. She called me sweetie and held me while I cried. It soothed the pain until I eventually fell asleep on her couch.
Connecting the last two wires I almost whooped. A project I had worked on since my twentys was finally finished. I had achieved time travel. It was stable enough for one trip. I knew where I was going and I didn't care that I wouldn't be coming back. Things had gone so wrong. My life wasn't what I wanted it to be at all. Changes had occured. Changes I was uncomfortable with.
The day after I found out Meemaw was gone. To my fury when I woke up the next day Amy tricked me. She told me she was taking me to the train store. We went to her house. While I had been at Penny's sleeping Amy and Leonard had packed and brought all of my stuff to Amy's. Before I could start ranting she gave me a drink which I had stupidly drank. Years later I had discovered that Amy had one of her friends produce a instant result mind altering serum, that went on to make her name huge in the scientific world , which Amy then gave to myself and Penny.
Everything had gone wrong from that day onwards. The serum giving to Penny had made the woman I know disappear. Within three months of the serums administration and the galleons of alcohol that he continued to drown her in Leonard had proposed twice. The first time a little bit of the old Penny had fought through and had said no. He added a few more drops to her dosage and tried again two days later. Penny, in her serum and alcohol haze, said yes. They married two months later in a ceremony that from her family only her father attended and his happiness that his daughter had married someone successful and smart blinded him of the changes that occurred in his daughter. They had gone on honeymoon and Amy had started laying hints that she wanted to get married. Because of the serum I thought that when she was happy I was happy so I proposed. On the day we told Penny and Leonard about the engagement penny had a miscarriage. It was the straw that broke the camels back. Mentally she was gone. It was around that time that Leonard started sleeping with Alex. Though Howard didn't want to change her personality, he wanted to start a family with a reluctant Bernadette and had amy produce a fertility potion and a aphrodisiac mixture. It worked. A week after the birth of charlotte, The daughter of Bernadette and Howard Alex found out she was pregnant. Leonard was happy at first. Until he accidently overheard Alex telling another grad student that the baby wasn't Leonards. He went home and he took it out on Penny. But he didn't get the reaction he wanted. There was no emotion left for her to care. Penny was gone. She was dead. Leonard was in prison. He had a life sentence for cold-blooded murder. After the trial Bernadette disappeared along with her one year old daughter. I had spent months trying to find her but the police just treated her as a runaway. It was three months after I stopped trying to get help from the police that the truth came out. Howard was gay with Raj. Bernadette had discovered them together. But I don't think she ran away. I think he sent her away. I later found out that Raj had discovered he was gay by sleeping with stuart who is still under suspicion by myself for being the father of at least one of Amy's kids. If im being honest I really didn't care. My own children didn't make me happy, not like children did for other parents. They werent my pride and joy and they looked nothing like me nor how I always imagined my kids would look like. I felt horrible for saying it but it was a loveless family.
Leonard had destroyed Penny piece by piece. But he had not been alone, I had helped. I had chosen the wrong woman. All the years ago I should have grabbed the tiny blonde, who called me a beautiful mind, by the waist and kissed her. But I didn't. I broke her heart, crushed her soul and left her helpless at the mercy of Leonard. I had to go back. I had to save her. She deserved so much better. The woman I had met all those years ago was a star. She sparkled like a star and she light up my whole world with every action. She came into my calm and organised life and changed everything. I loved every second of it. I loved her with my heart, my soul. She was my star. My life. My one and only. My penny blossom.
After shaking myself out of memory lane and wiping away the tears I went to my machine. It would send me to start again. I placed the cord on my heart. It would send my soul back in time effectively killing who I was now. I didn't care. Either the machine was doing it or I was. I was not going to let myself die of cancer , nor let myself die without having anything to live for. I'm going back and I'm going to change it all. After I programmed the machine to the right date I turned the power on. I looked around my lock up one last time. This was the safe space for my work now. I released the final breath out of my body and I was gone.