Karolina had never even heard of the website before today.
She was struggling, with her sexuality, the repression of her parents and the church, she was spiralling and she had no one to talk to about it all.
She was suffocating, under all the expectations placed on her shoulders, under all the things she wanted to say about couldn't.
She was drowning, and she just needed something.
That's when tumblr came along.
It was, apparently, gay friendly and, most importantly, anonymous.
Karolina sat down in front of her laptop, under the ruse she was going research for a school paper, tapping her pen against her pouted lips and she thought of snake of her account.
She spent almost an hour staring at the corporate blue webpage before coming up with a name 'iridescentLina', her picture was a beautiful pink and orange sunset.
She minimised the tumblr page and actually done some school work for a few hours but her mind kept wandering and she found herself back on the site before dinner, her fingers hovering over the keyboard.
'I don't really know how to work this, but I just needed somewhere to put my thoughts, even if no one ever sees them.
I still can't even really say it, out loud or to myself, because if I do that makes it real and if it real my life changes completely.
The people at school would no double be horrible about it, my mother would hate me and the church I'm a part of would banish me. Right now, the last two don't seem so bad.
I'm still in high school, so I can't come out yet, not if it means my mother kicking me out, but I'm leaving for college soon, hopefully on a scholarship, so I won't matter if my mother disowns me.
Again, I just needed to write this out, get my thoughts out of my head because I feel like I'm drowning. Like there is this pressure on my chest and I just don't know how to get ride of it. It's exhausting, and terrifying and i don't know how to deal with it, so I haven't.'
Karolina posted it and headed downstairs for dinner.
That was it, for a few days.
She browsed the site but nothing ever came of her post, she didn't feel any better, it didn't work.
It was five days after her post that she spotted the little blue circle with the number 1 inside over her message tab.
Her thumb hovered over her phone screen, it was probably a bot but she was still anxious to open it.
What if it was someone from her school? Impossible, she didn't use her name or her picture.
With a deep breath she opened up the message, frowning at the name 'WiccanNico'.
That didn't seem like a bot name but she was cautious to click anyway.
'Hey, I saw what you wrote the other day and i just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.
My parents arent religious but they wouldn't approve, it's tough but you're right about college.
I'm sorry you feel so alone.
Nico.'
Karolina stared at her phone, she hadn't expected any kind of reply to her post.
'Hey,
Sorry to hear about your parents is your thing the same as mine?
Do you feel alone?'
Karolina sat her phone face down on the counter, continuing to make the sandwich she had been making.
Her phone buzzed just as she settled down in front of her laptop with her food, ready to do some school work.
'Bisexual, if that's what your thing is. My parents will just tell me it is a phase, or i am attention seeking, which isn't true.
I did, before I opening up to my sister about it all. Do you have anyone you can talk to?'
'Just girls for me.
I think my parents might send me away, try and fix me because they are definitely not the type of people who can have a daughter like this.
I don't know, I think I do but I can't even say it to myself right now, there's no way I could come out to them.'
'You know that's not how it works, don't you? Even if there was something to fix, which there isn't, this isn't something they should want to change about you.
It takes time to accept this about yourself, especially in an environment like the one you're in. If you've spent your entire life being repressed it's hard to accept that you are the thing everyone around you hates.
I have to go, it's late in New York and I'm up early tomorrow, but can we talk tomorrow?'
Karolina felt giddiness bubble in her chest at the last question, bouncing slighting on her chair.
'I do, but I think it would be easier if that was how it worked, you know?
Of course we can, goodnight, Nico :)'
Karolina finished her school work and headed to bed around midnight.
She didn't get the change to check her phone until she was at school the following day, rushing around the in the morning to gather all her things and quickly rush out the door to pick up Molly and Gert, then Chase before heading off to school.
Gert and Chase were hanging all over each other in the back seat while Molly took the passenger seat, telling Karolina all about her dance practice the previous night. And Karolina loved hearing about it, it was one of the things she looked forward to on their way to school was listening to Molly talk about whatever kick she was on that day, but she just couldn't focus herself.
Her phone felt heavy in her pocket, she had no idea if Nico had messaged her this morning, or if she even wanted to, she could have just been being polite when she asked if they could talk today.
"Earth to Karolina," Karolina startled when a hand waved in front of her face, brining her back to earth. Chase laughed. "Welcome back, space cadet."
"How did you even drive us here if you were spaced out?" Gert questioned as Karolina put the car into neutral.
"Muscle memory," Karolina shrugged.
"Hey," Molly stopped Karolina with a hand when she attempted to get out of the car, waiting for Chase and Gert leave. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Karolina assured, her voice sounding all too fake to even her own ears. "Yeah, I'm good."
"Okay," Molly sighed. It was obvious to Karolina that she didn't believe her but she dropped it anyway, and Karolina was so grateful for that.
Karolina grabbed her bag from the backseat and locked her car before fishing out her phone, a little smile pulling on her lips when she noticed the notification telling her Nico had messaged her.
'Hey :)
It might be easier but you wouldn't be you, and that's not how you want to live your life.
How are you? How does your day look?'
'I know, I suppose I just wish I could feel the way straight people do.
I'm good, you? Fine, school, a test in math, and cross country afterward. Pretty boring, you?'
Karolina walking Molly to her locker because Chase and Gert has already disappeared.
Her phone buzzed not even two minutes after she sent her message, causing her to grin down at her phone.
"What's got you grinning?" Molly asked before Karolina even had the chance to look at the message.
"What? No one," Karolina cringed at her defensive reply.
"I didn't ask you who," Molly grinned, closing her locker and turning to Karolina. "But who?"
"No one, it's just- college letter."
"Okay," Molly scoffed. "Whoever he is, I'm happy for you."
Karolina swallowed thickly, forcing a smile on her lips.
'You will, eventually. You won't always feel like this.
Yeah I'm good. You run for fun, respect but you wouldn't catch me doing that.
I'm in class right now, I think I'm hanging out with my friend and sister tonight.
Are you in your senior year?'
'I hope you're right, cause this feeling is horrible.
I enjoy it, it's calming to me. What do you do for fun? I am, looking into colleges, hopefully scholarships, you?'
Karolina settled down in class, startling when her phone buzzed against her leg.
She slyly took the phone out of her pocket and hid it in her book.
'Nothing sporty, I'm a cinema and junk food kinda girl. I am, too, what are you looking to go on and do?'
Karolina glanced at the teacher briefly, content when she was distracted with her marking.
'Junk food and movie nights are amazing. I'm going to go to med school, I think. Only if I can get a scholarship, my mum wants me to go and do religious studies, so she wouldn't fund med school. You?'
'Are you kidding? My parents would die if they found out I was planning on going to med school, they are both involved medicine somehow. How are scholarships looking? I'm going to study aeronautical & manufacturing engineering, I think. My parents are mad about it, god forbid they had a daughter who works with her hands, you know?'
'My parents want me to continue on their legacy in the church they run, but there is no way I'm doing that.
Okay, I'm applying for academic and sports scholarships, hopefully one of them pull through. An engineer? That sounds hard, at least as a doctor most of the patients can tell you which part of them aren't working, you don't get that with a piece of machinery. Is it cars? Or planes?
What do you mean? Don't they think an engineer is a good job?'
'Parents suck, for the most part, but you have to stick with what you want, don't do something to keep someone else happy.
Mechanic, I think. Planes, ideally, they kind of fascinate me, the physics behind it all. I wouldn't mind building planes, either, I will just have to wait and see, I suppose.
My parents are very elitist, they think to succeed you have to be a doctor or a lawyer, which is stupid. They would be fucked if they didn't have someone to fix their poncey car.'
"Miss Dean," Karolina startled at the booming voice, her phone dropping onto her desk. "I'll take that, you can get it back later."
"But, Miss-" Karolina argued but teacher levelled her with a glare, holding her hand out and wiggling her fingers.
"Now, Miss Dean."
Karolina huffed, handing the phone over to the woman.
Karolina tried to get her phone back after class but the teacher told her to come back after school.
Karolina was spaces the rest of the day, which had Molly checking in on her ever chance she got, it was comforting, to have the younger girl look at her like she cared, like she was worried.
Karolina smiled, patting the girls arm and telling her she was fine, just a little tired.
Molly had dance practice after school and Gert hung back to watch Chase play Lacrosse so Karolina was left on her own after the first class, which meant no one was there to see her all but run to the class her phone was in.
Karolina got her phone with a short scolding.
'Im sorry, i got my phone taken from me by my teacher.
You want to study physics? I enjoy astrophysics, something about space is relaxing and terrifying to me.
That's crazy, an aeronautic engineer is an incredible job.'
'Tut Tut, you shouldn't be texting in class ;)
I won't be studying physics, but I do enjoy learning about it. Space, yes! Honestly, nothing beats a good night in with some sort of space documentary. Perfect date night.
Not to my parents.'
'You were texting in school, too!
That does sound like the perfect date night, add some pizza and a fort in there and I might never leave.'
'But I didn't get caught.
Pillow fort, I like where your head is at!
This might seem a little forward, but this is kind of a pain to message on, could I maybe get your number? I understand if it is too soon, or if you don't wanna give me your number at all.'
Karolina grinned giddily in the seat of her car, quickly typing in her number and starting her car.
Her parents weren't home when she got there so she grabbed her laptop and headed out back to relax before starting on her homework.
Unknown number [16:03]: Hey :)
'Lina [16:29]: Nico?
Unknown number [16:31]: Did you give any other strange girls your number?
'Lina [16:33]: Are you saying you're strange?
Nico [16:34]: touché
[16:35]: Yeah, it's Nico
They messaged back and forward for a few days. Karolina learned to be more sly in class, she easily deflected questioned from her friends and her parents. The only place she didn't text Nico was in church, not out of respect but there was signal blockers installed, preventing her from texting.
The first time she seen Nico was four days after giving her her number.
'Lina [10:34]: it's so hot here today, it's supposed to be winter!
Nico replied seconds later with a photo of herself wrapped up, a hot drunk in her mitten covered hand and her her dusted with snow.
Nico [10:35]: feeling real bad for you, in my minus five degree city.
'Lina [10:36]: Oh, jeez, you're cute
Karolina knows she could have worded it better, but it was all she could come up with.
Nico [10:37]: thank you, Maybe I'll get to see what you look like soon :)
[10:38]: no pressure tho
Karolina glanced down at herself, she was dressed in a pair of short denim shorts, a tank top and a pink and grey plaid shirt.
She decided she looked good enough to send Nico a photo.
She picked up the iced raspberry lemonade she had made, grinning at the camera as she squinted against the sun.
It took almost twenty photos to find one she was happy with.
She sent the photo
'Lina [10:44]: What a stark contrast, huh? It's so hot here.
Nico [10:46]: you're
[10:46]: wow
[10:47]: I'm not being catchfishes am I? Cause that would suck
'Lina [10:48]: Not a catfish, promise.
Nico [10:49]: you are very pretty, 'Lina.
Karolina felt a little bit of guilt wash over her at the fact Nico didn't know her real name.
'Lina [10:53]: it's Karolina, btw. Karolina Dean.
Nico [10:54]: Nico Minoru.
—
Molly was getting increasingly more suspicious with every passing day, but she was patient, and Karolina found herself with the urge to tell her everything.
Karolina[15:37]: So
Nico [15:37]: So
Karolina rolled her eyes at the instantaneous response, she knew Nico had see the three dots on her end.
Karolina[15:38]: I'm thinking about coming out to a friend of mine.
[15:38]: and you know I wasnt finished typing
Nico [15:39] that's amazing!
[15:40] only do it if you know for sure you're in a safe space
[15:41]: proud of you.
Karolina picked Molly up for dance practice at six that night, smiling nervously at the girl.
They got halfway there before Karolina pulled over, her fingers wrapped tightly around her wheel.
Molly eyed her worriedly, "Karolina? You don't have to drop me off at practice if you don't want to, I can wait for Gert to finish with her meeting. Sure, I will be late-"
"I like girls." Karolina interrupted in a hurried breath, then proceeded to hold her breath again, not daring to glance to Molly.
"Hey," Molly whispered softly, her hand tentatively touching one of Karolina's that were almost bending the wheel.
Karolina glanced nervously at Molly, noting the soft smile on the younger girls face.
"You're okay,"
Karolina released her breath shakily, her hands dropping from the wheel to her knees.
"I don't feel okay."
"No, I wouldn't imagine you do." Molly said sympathetically.
"Nobody knows,"
"Nobody will know,"
Karolina nodded, staring at her hands for a few seconds before turning to Molly.
"Just girls?" Molly asked curiously.
"Yeah," Karolina admitted.
"Cool," Molly nodded. "You know we love you? Regardless of anything."
Karolina felt a weight lift, not completely but she didn't feel like she was being crushed anymore. "I love you, too."
"And, hey, Gert told me I might be asexual. I didn't really know what that meant but I told her I didn't have sexual attraction toward anyone, that I never had any sexual thoughts about someone else at all, really, and she said I was only young but told me to google asexuality." Molly admitted with a little shrug. "It fits, I think. I dunno, maybe it'll change, but this is where I am now. I guess neither of us are 'normal'." She teased with little finger quotes.
"No," Karolina laughed, putting the car back into drive. "I suppose we aren't."
"Normal is boring, anyway." Molly scoffed. "How about I skip dance class? I would quite like for you to treat me to some pancakes and a milkshake."
Karolina laughed, nodding her head. "Sure thing, Mols."
Karolina drove to the closes Waffle House, settling in a booth with Molly.
"So," Molly started, scooping up a finger full of cream from her shake. "Do you like someone?"
The question took Karolina completely by surprise, and she took a few seconds to compose herself. "Uh, I dunno." Karolina focused entirely on her shake, a little smile on her lips.
"I think you're face knows." Molly grinned, leaning toward her. "Who is she?"
"She's just- I met her online, she's from New York."
"Oh, the big Apple, huh?" Molly was giddy, and Karolina felt a warm feeling spread across her chest for the first time in years. "Do you have a photo? Is she cute?"
"I do," Karolina fished her phone from her pocket and searched her texts for a photo of Nico.
Molly smiled softly at the photo, wolf whistling. "She is pretty."
"Yeah, she is fantastic, Molly."
Molly smiled at her, her eyes shinning with adoration. "You look happy." Molly commented, a solemn look washing over her face. "I can't remember the last time I saw you so… you."
"What do you mean?"
"I dunno, there's been… something for a little while. I remember you as this carefree girl who was up for anything, but something changed a few years back but I just thought it was high school. It wasn't, was it?"
Karolina shook her head softly. "No,"
"Karolina," Molly sounded genuinely upset at the thought of what Karolina was going through. "You don't need to struggle to keep your keep your head above water anymore. We're here, I'm here. I understand why you can't come out, I know the type of environment you're in right now, but this isn't forever, you will get out of here and you will get to live the life you want to live. And, god, are the queer girls of the world going to be grateful when Karolina Dean hits the town in search for her first victim."
Karolina laughed and Molly grinned crookedly.
"You get to be you now, and whether that is with a few close friends or with the world, that doesn't matter." Molly assured with a little smile. "I'm glad you're happy, and she's pretty. You get to be happy in the open, Karolina, I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now but it will happen."
"When did you get so smart?" Karolina teased, gently batting Molly's hand.
Molly scoffed. "Please, I'm the smartest one of us all."
"Very true,"
"Are you going to meet her?" Molly asked.
"I'm going to look at Columbia for college, I think I might see if she wants to meet than." Karolina shrugged. "I dunno if she likes me as more than a friend."
"She would be damn lucky to have you," Molly said, smiling up at the waitress when she placed their pancakes on the table. "Anyone would."
They ate their food and Karolina dropped Molly off, almost tearing up when Molly leant across the centre console and whispering, "Thank you for trusting me, I'm proud of you."
Karolina just nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
"See you tomorrow,"
Karolina leant back against her chair, her fingers wrapped tightly around the wheel as she released a shaky breath.
It was terrifying, and her stomach was a mess, but something had lifted. She wasn't sure what it was, she didn't even know it was there, but something in her chest had been chipped away after she told Molly she liked girls. It wasn't by any means gone, she was still feeling very much like she was drowning, but less so now that she had Molly with her.
She got home and to her room before she got the chance to check her phone.
Nico [19:35]: I will never understand the appeal of iced coffees
[19:35]: no one enjoys coffee, you drink it to keep yourself going on a shitty say
[19:36]: don't even get me started on decaf
[19:37]: also, I hope you have a nice time with your friend
Karolina smiled down at her phone, resisting the urge to throw her face into her pillow and squeal like some stupid teen in a romcom.
Karolina [20:47]: What's you're beef with decaf?
Nico [20:49]: listen, no one drinks coffee for the taste. It's the caffeine.
[20:50]: decaf is ridiculous
[20:50]: How was your day?
Karolina [20:52]: amazing! I told molly and she was totally okay with it
[20:53]: I feel lighter now, like something had been lifted
Nico [20:55]: it is very liberating and completely terrifying all at once.
[20:56]: I'm proud of you, Karolina. That was a hard thing to do.
Karolina [20:57]: I felt like I was going to have a heart attack, I was terrified.
[20:57]: thank you
Nico [20:57]: for what?
Karolina [20:58]: you've made me feel strong, since we met
[20:58]: thank you
Nico [21:00]: you're strong, Karolina. This is on you, you were brave enough to do this. You should be so proud of yourself. I know I'm proud of you.
A warm feeling erupted in Karolina's chest at those words, and this time she couldn't herself from falling face first into her pillow, grinning widely.
Karolina [21:02]: thank you
Nico [21:03]: you should feel good about yourself!
[21:04]: its just after 12 here, I should really sleep
Karolina [21:04]: So sleep
Nico [21:05]: I kind of don't want to stop talking to you
Karolina [21:05]: really?
Nico [21:06]: is that a surprise to you?
Karolina [21:07]: I guess, I don't know.
Nico [21:07]: I'm not much of a texted, but I spend all day texting you
[21:08]: I enjoy talking to you
Karolina [21:08]: I enjoy talking to you, too
[21:09]: but you should sleep, you have that test tomorrow
Nico [21:10]: goodnight, Karolina
[21:10]: Maybe tomorrow I can call you? Tell you how shit the test went
Karolina [21:11]: I would like that, finally put a voice to a face
[21:11]: goodnight, Nico. Sweet dreams.
—
Karolina anxiously waited for Nico to call her, she had just gotten home from school and was waiting for Nico to finish dinner with her parents.
She was so anxious that when Nico did call she answered without turning her music off.
"Hello?"
"Is that the Mamma Mia sound track?" a gruff voice asked and, god, Karolina might have just falling in love a little.
"What? No!" Karolina quickly stopped the music, making Nico laugh. That was a sound the Karolina definitely wanted to hear more often.
"Lying is bad for you skin, Karolina." Nico commented teasingly.
"Fine," Karolina huffed. "But that sound track is great."
"I agree completely,"
"How did your test go?" Karolina asked, perching herself on her window ledge, crossing her legs at the ankles.
"Good, I think." Nico hummed. "I will find out come the end of the week. How has your day been?"
"Okay, it is about to be ruined, though. I have togo to church soon."
"Now? Isn't a little late?"
"It's four here,"
"Still, I thought Sunday mornings were for church?"
Karolina laughed softly. "I wish. I spent far too much time there. How is your day going?"
"Fine. Boring, school and then dinner with my family."
"That's… fun?" Karolina said unsurely.
"Maybe any other time, but Amy told us she was dating my ex boyfriend, which is fine, I don't care. We've been broken up for almost a year."
"Then what's wrong?"
"There were okay with it. They were okay with Amy dating the ex boyfriend of her sister but they aren't okay with me being bisexual." Nico admitted with a little sigh. "I dunno, it just pissed me off."
"That's understandable," Karolina hummed, and before she could continue her mother called her from downstairs, telling her it was time to go. "Sorry, my mum is saying it's time to go."
"That's okay, enjoy yourself."
"Highly unlikely," Karolina scoffed. "And, hey, her deserve someone better than this guy who dates your sister."
"Yeah, you know," Nico paused for a second. "I think I've found that."
before Karolina could ask her what she meant, her mother barged into her room. "Karolina, lets go."
"Knock, mom!"
"Who are you talking to?"
"Molly," Karolina lied easily. "I'm coming."
"Bye, Karolina."
"Bye," Karolina hung up, sliding her phone into her pocket and levelling her mother with a glare. "Happy?"
"I will be when you're in the car,"
—
The first time Nico said anything that had any implications that maybe the idea of them becoming more than friends was on Christmas Day.
Karolina had already texted Nico merry Christmas at twelve New York time, but then her phone began ringing at twelve Malibu time, which meant it was three am in New York.
"Hey," Karolina greeted. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"
"Couldn't." Nico answered easily. "Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas." Karolina grinned, pulling on her hoodie and heading for her window.
"Can I be totally transparent with you?" Nico questioned as Karolina climbed out of her window, perching herself on the little ledge there.
"Always,"
"I haven't stopped thinking about you since we started talking," Nico admitted in a rushed voice. "Like, when I'm not talking to you I'm thinking about you."
"Me, too," Karolina said giddily.
"Yeah?" Nico was grinning, Karolina could tell.
"Yeah."
Nico was silent for a few seconds. "I've thought about kissing you. A lot."
"Yeah?" Karolina breathed, rolling her eyes at the fact she just copied Nico.
"Yeah," Nico whispered. "But if that's not what you're thinking I completely understand."
"It is. A lot."
"Cool," Nico hummed, her voice more deep and gravely because she was tired. "You up for a video chat tomorrow?"
"Not until pretty late on, family dinners then church."
"Okay, let me know when you're free." Nico requested. "Goodnight, Karolina."
"Goodnight, Nico."
—
Video chats became a nightly thing after that, even if it was just there in the background while they done schoolwork or got dressed to go out.
"So, I've been meaning to ask you something." Karolina started, somewhere behind the camera while Nico sat at her laptop doing schoolwork.
"Hm?" Nico hummed distractedly, and Karolina quickly pulled on her top before popping back into frame.
"I'm going to be in New York looking at college, maybe, if you aren't busy-" Nico had looked up from her book, a little smile on her face.
"Can I take you out?" Nico interrupted the impending rant before Karolina even got started.
Karolina grinned bashfully, ducking her head. "I would like that. I'm coming with my parent, though."
"That's fine, we can meet accidentally at the open day for Columbia." Nico shrugged, smiling softly at Karolina. "Do they know at all about you being into girls? Will they get suspicious if you spend time with me?"
"I don't think they have any idea."
"Perfect,," Nico smiled, her chin resting on her knuckles. "I wish you were here now."
"Me, too." Karolina sighed, falling onto her desk chair. "There is an open day at the end of March, my mom is making me go to all of the schools I have been accepted to."
"What is your dream school?"
"Columbia, I'm going to Columba if I get the test scores to get in-"
"Which you will,"
"-what's yours?"
"MIT, but I didn't get in, so Columba was my second." Nico shrugged, grinning cheekily at Karolina. "We could request to be roomed together."
"We haven't even met and you're already asking me to move in with you?" Karolina gasped playfully. "U-hauling really is a thing, huh?"
Nico laughed, rolling her eyes. "I just figured it would be nice, but if you wanna get roomed with some weirdo stalker, go ahead."
"You mean a different weirdo stalker that isn't you?"
"Exactly," Nico laughed. "No, I get that rooming together isn't a great idea, what with the relationship no really having started yet."
Karolina nodded, picking at her fingers. "So is this a relationship, then?"
"I didn't think I could do this long distance thing, but every time I think about what I want from a relationship I think of you." Nico admitted. "We can wait until we are college to define, but I honestly don't see myself getting with anyone else at this point. There's just something about you, you know?"
"I do know, I've never had feelings like this before." Karolina admitted, glancing at Nico on her laptop screen. "And I know that might seem like I only feel like that cause this is my first relationship with a girl but I know that's not it. I've had feelings for women before, it was nothing like this."
"I get that, I've had relationships before but it wasn't like this, which is kind of terrifying." She admitted. "If I have these feelings now, just having a relationship with you through a screen, I can't even imagine how I'm going to feel when we meet."
"I'm excited to meet you," Karolina fiddled with her phone nervously, glancing at it when it buzzed. "Sugar, I'm late."
Chase [19:34]: Are we meeting you there, or?
Karolina [19:34]: Sorry, running late! Will be right there
"I'm sorry, Nico, I have to go, I was supposed to pick my friends up five minutes ago."
"Don't worry about it, 'Lina." Nico smiled at her. "Have fun."
"Molly is in control of what we do tonight, so it will no doubt be fun."
"I'll miss you," Nico sounded a little unsure, but we nerves melted away when Karolina beamed at her.
"I'll miss you,"
"Have fun, let me know when you get home safe."
"Will do," Karolina quickly grabbed her jacket, smiling at Nico as she hovered over the end call button. "Enjoy studying, Nico."
Nico tutted. "Bye,"
Karolina hung up and quickly rushed to her car.
Chase and Gert didn't look impressed as they climbed into the car, but Molly offered her a reassuring smile.
"What held you up?" Gert asked.
"Sorry, I was in a video chat." Karolina's hands were shaking but the previous conversation with Nico had left feeling brave.
"With who?" Chase frowned.
"Are you seeing someone?" Gert asked when she noticed Karolina's little smile.
"Gert," Molly sighed.
"It's okay," Karolina assured. "I am, kind of."
"Who is he?" Chase asked, leaning forward in between the chairs.
"Nico Minoru,"
Gert frowned. "I don't know the name."
"No," Karolina agreed, her heart thumping against her chest. "She is from New York."
The duo in the back paused for a few seconds before Chase popped up again. "How did you even meet a girl from New York?"
"On a website,"
"She isn't catfishing you?" Gert asked.
"No, I just got off Skype with her, I told you that."
"Right," Gert hummed. "You will have to show us what she looks like when we get to the movies."
Karolina released a long breath, glancing at Molly who was smiling softly at her.
"Molly, why don't you seem surprised?"
"I told her a few months ago,"
"Months?"
Gert complimented Nico when Karolina showed her a photo and Chase grinned.
"Damn, Karolina, she's cute." Chase clapped her back, looking almost proud.
Nico was awake when Karolina got home from the movies, accepting her video call request was a smile.
"Hey there,"
"Have you even moved?" Karolina frowned.
"Got caught up studying," Nico shrugged, her eyes focused on her work as she scribbled something down. "How was your night, babe?"
Karolina's stomach twisted at the pet name, and Nico froze, as if she just realised what she said. "Did you just-"
"We don't have to talk about it." Nico interrupted.
"No, but I want to." Karolina grinned, settling in her side on her bed, her hands tucked under her pillow. "Did you just call me babe?"
Nico huffed. "Maybe, if it's okay. If it isn't then no."
Karolina laughed. "It's okay. I liked it."
"So? How was your night?"
"Good, I came out to the rest of my friends."
Nico smiled widely. "Well done,"
"Yeah, that's all the people I want to know clued in now."
"How did they take it?"
"Gert was a bit miffed I told her sister first, Chase asked me which is the dance team I found hottest."
Nico laughed, rolling her eyes. "Men,"
"Right?" Karolina huffed. "Aren't you exhausted? It's past midnight there."
"I slept late today," Nico shrugged. "This is the only chance I'll have to get this done, too."
"I'm just going to get changed, I'll be right with you."
"No problem."
Karolina hopped back into bed a few minutes later, having gotten changed and brushed her teeth, pulling her hair up into a pony.
"Are you going to bed soon?" Karolina asked.
"Once I have this done." Nico glanced at the screen, doing a double take and smiling softly.
"What?"
"No, nothing." Nico shook her head, shrugged as she looked back at her notebook. "You just look cute."
Karolina smiled against her pillow. "Thank you,"
"Are you going to sleep?"
"I'm trying not to, I feel like we have hardly spoken today."
"You can leave the call open if you want," Nico offered. "If you fall asleep you fall asleep, you can talk to be if anything comes to mind."
"Okay, sounds good."
They didn't talk much, Karolina just staring at Nico as the girl worked, every so often glancing at the screen and smiling bashfully to see Karolina watching her.
Karolina fell asleep with a smile on her face.
The 'falling asleep on skype' thing became part of their nightly routine, and as time went on Karolina found that any doubts about where she stood with Nico melt away. They disappeared completely after a late night sexting session, and a dirty photo from Nico, that turned into Karolina getting herself off, she returned the favour of a dirty photo after getting herself off.
She wasn't comfortable talking to Molly about this like she had been with everything else, so she went to chase about it.
Chase had a shit eating grin on her face.
"You're bold, Karolina Dean."
"It was an accident, I didn't even realise it was sexual for the first five minutes."
"You didn't-" Chas looked incredulously as her. "How?"
"She asked what I was wearing, I thought she was just curious!" Karolina defended. "I was only wearing your old lacrosse jersey and my underwear, and I told her as much."
"Karolina," Chase sighed with an eye roll. "She didn't make us sexual, you did."
"What? No,"
"Yes! What was the actual context?"
"I said I was warm, she asked what I was wearing, so I told her."
"And what you were wearing just so happened to be the sexiest thing anyone could ever wear." Chase rolled his eyes. "You're a moron, dude."
"Hey!" Karolina huffed. "Says you, you didn't even realise you were in love with your best friend."
"At least I know when we're sexting." Chase scoffed.
Karolina huffed, flipping the boy off.
The closer they got to the open day the more intense Karolina's butterflies became.
She was a nervous wreck on the plane, to the point even her complacent parents noticed she was on edge.
She assured them it was just the idea of going to the college for the first time that had her on edge, it was only the half truth.
Nico messaged her with a selfie when she landed of her at the open day, most of the place empty.
Karolina pretended to be interested in the open day, when in reality she was scanning the thin crowd for Nico.
"Hey," Karolina's heart stuttered in her chest at the voice, turning slowly to see Nico standing there, a handful of flyers. "I was wondering if you would consider joining our religious studies group."
Karolina frowned at Nico, who just grinned cheekily at her, offering her a flyer. Karolina took it unsurely, her mother and father peering over her shoulder at the flyer. Karolina was surprised to see it was a Gibborim flyer.
"This is perfect," her mother said, and her father squeezed her shoulder. "She would love to."
Nico looked a little miffed at her parents making the choice for her but she smiled widely anyway, and it took everything in Karolina to not just kiss you there and then.
"Awesome, do you mind if I borrow her? The booth is just inside."
"Of course," Leslie smiled down at her daughter. "We will go and have a look at the athletic program, call us when you're ready to meet up again."
Karolina smiled at nodded, waiting for her parents to get a few steps away before turning to Nico. "How did you get these?" She whispered.
"Printed them off, no such thing as a Gibborim religious society, or whatever I called it. At least not here." Nico looked a little smug, staring up at Karolina with eyes shinning with adoration. She let out a little laugh, her eyes dropping to her feet briefly before she pulled her eyes back to Karolina, her bottom lip pulled in between her teeth. "Hi,"
"Hi," Karolina breathed, "I- you look good."
"You do, too. New York is a good look on you."
Karolina laughed quietly. "Maybe right now, but just wait until winter."
"I'm sure you would look cute all bundled up." Nico smiled softly at her, nudging her head in the direction of the school. "Let's go."
Nico reaches for her head, pulling in the directing of a little Ally that lead god only knows where but Karolina followed without any complaints.
They had barely rounded the corner, out of sight of her parents, when Karolina's pressed Nico against the rough wall of the building and tentatively cupping her cheeks. It was quiet here, thankfully, with most of the future alumni not having arrived yet.
"Can I kiss you?" Karolina whispered, her eyes not leaving Nico's lips.
"Are you sure?" Nico breathed, "Your parents are, like, right there."
"I've wanted to kiss you for months, but I couldn't because you were over the other side of the country but now you're here and I don't want to stop myself anymore." Karolina admitted, her thumb softly rubbing Nico's cheekbone. "If you don't want to it's okay."
Nico didn't even dignify that with an answer, instead she pushed herself off the wall and onto her toes, her hands splaying over across Karolina's rib cage as she kissed her. Soft, tentative, and more than anything Karolina could have expected or wanted.
Nico pulled back, a little huff leaving her lips. "I'm so glad you're here,"
"Me, too." Karolina whispered. "Go out with me tonight? Movie, dinner, anything. I don't care."
"How long are you here for?"
"I'm leaving for the airport at nine tomorrow night." Karolina sighed.
"How about a movie and dinner tonight? We can get breakfast tomorrow and go see some touristy stuff."
Karolina smiled softly. "That sounds nice."
"Let's go actually look at the stuff our future school has to offer."
A tiny part of Karolina had been worried about meeting Nico, that maybe something just didn't click in person but that fear was quickly thrown out the window as they laughed and joked together.
It was comfortable, like that had known each other for years.
Karolina headed to the hotel she was sharing with her parents around five, telling them she had plans. They frowned until she told them it was with the Gibborim girl, which made them smile brightly. Karolina almost laughed.
Nico met her at the front door of the hotel, smiling sweetly at her. "Now, I thought we could go get a fancy dinner down town but then I remember you should you hated that kind of stuff so we are going to get chilly cheese dogs. Vegan, don't worry."
"That sounds nice."
"Then a movie, Quiet Place is playing."
"Dinner and a scary movie, huh?" Karolina grinned playfully at her. "What a cliché."
"Pretend you hate it," Nico rolled her eyes, her hand sliding into Karolina's, who smiled sheepishly at her.
"I'm sweaty, I'm nervous."
"Don't be," Nico bumped their hips together. "No different from any other day."
"Except we can do this," Karolina held their joined hands up. "And we can kiss, whenever we want."
"Here was me thinking those were bonuses."
"It is, I'm just nervous. You make me nervous."
Nico stopped, pulling Karolina in with their joined hands. "You make me nervous, too."
Karolina felt her lips quiver as Nico moved closer, her arms looping around her waist.
"You're taller than I thought you would have been."
Karolina laughed softly, her hands sliding up Nico's arms to her neck, then her cheeks.
"You're shorter than I thought."
"I think out of the two of us, I'm average."
"Height, maybe. Look? Way, way above average."
"Smooth," Nico grinned, brushing her nose against Karolina's.
"I know," Karolina hummed.
"Kiss me,"
Karolina didn't need to be told twice, closing the minute distance, kissing Nico slowly, her bottom lip dragging slowly against Nico's top lip, prompting a little whine from the girl before she opened her mouth slightly, deepening the kiss.
"Woah," Karolina murmured when Nico pulled back, her eyes remaining closed and her mouth parted slightly.
"Let's get food so we don't miss the movie."
The food was great and the movie was terrifying but Karolina had Nico clutching at her hand, her face pressing against her shoulder, so she didn't care about the scares happening in the movie.
They walked slowly back to the hotel, wanted to stretch the night out as long as they could, Karolina ignoring the constant buzzing of her phone, probably her mother.
"I will come by tomorrow, around nine?" Nico offered, stopping outside the main entrance of the hotel.
"I can't wait,"
"This was- this went better than I expected."
"Did you have a little niggling fear that we wouldn't click, too?"
"Yeah," Nico laughed quietly.
"And now?"
"Now I'm more certain than ever."
Karolina smiled, her eyes crinkling, "Me, too."
"And I'm going to miss you even more now, after getting to touch you in person."
"I know, but I can move into my dorm room in June, and you better believe I will be therefrom the second they let me."
"Three months isn't long,"
"And we get to spend the day together tomorrow." Karolina assured, caressing Nico's chin.
"You should go before your mom losses her shit," Nico said, pressing a lingering kiss to Karolina's lips. "Goodnight, babe."
"Goodnight,"
Her parents scolded her when she got in but when she started making stuff up about the society in the college they relented a little.
Spending the day with Nico almost made Karolina just drop out of school and run away with the girl, because the idea of going home and leaving her for a month was horrible.
Nico said goodbye to her in the ally beside the hotel, just in case her parents came down early, kissing her every time Karolina tried to leave, which had Karolina giggling.
Saying goodbye was a tough but when she landed in Malibu later that night she was greeted with a photo of Nico wrapped up in Karolina's athletics sweater Karolina had given her to keep her warm (which was ridiculous, she figured Nico just wanted her sweater, there was no way she was cold).
The site of the pretty girl she had spend the weekend kissing dressed in her sweatshirt was enough to get her through the next three months.