I do not own glee or the characters.
Destiny
This is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, my wedding day, but it isn't. It isn't because I'm not marrying the woman I always thought I would, I'm not marrying Santana Lopez, my high school girlfriend and all time love.
"Earth to Brittany" I hear my mother say. "Sorry mom, what were you saying" I reply.
My mother chuckles "I was asking if you were ready for the hair stylist to come in but you seemed to be in a world of your own."
I sigh "Sorry mom, I was just thinking." My mom smiles before asking "About your new exciting future that you will have with your new wife?"
"Yeah, I can't wait to marry Jayne and for us to spend the rest of our lives together, move into our own family house where we can have some kids and maybe a couple of cats and a golden retriever." I say to which my mom beams brightly but the truth is, it's all a lie. I don't want to spend my life with her, Jayne is a lovely woman but you know what they say, no one compares to your first love right? In my case, right. No one in this world could compare to Santana. When I was in high school I would daydream in class of the future. Me, her, our oldest son, twin girls and our young baby boy and all our pets. We would live in a suburban house with a large garden for the kids and animals.
"Brittany, you're dreaming again. The hair stylist needs you to sit at peace" my mom tells me and I do as I am told, sad that my dream will never be a reality because Santana isn't mine and she won't ever be again. I had my chance and I blew it, I did the one thing I promised myself I would never do. I put Santana second and my career first. Choosing to go on tour with Beyoncé as a back-up dancer ruined my relationship with Santana. It broke us and it broke my heart and I lost the love of my life. She wanted me to go on tour and make a name for myself, we both wanted that. What she didn't want was me agreeing to go on another tour then another three which took me away from her for two years, we only saw each other a total of four weeks in that time.
I'm broken out of yet another one of my daydreams by a knock on the door and in comes my best friend and maid of honour Quinn Fabray. "Hey girls, you excited Brittany?" she says and I flash the biggest fake smile I can muster. Am I excited? No I am petrified but I honestly see no other option for me. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life and I know I love Jayne or else I wouldn't have proposed but I know I don't love her half as much as I loved, still love, Santana. "Brittany?" Quinn calls over to me and looks at me as if she has just asked a question and is waiting on an answer.
I smile "Sorry, what?" I ask.
Quinn smiles at me before replying "I asked you if you got your honeymoon booked yet" Oh no, I was supposed to finalise the hotel yesterday. "You mentioned Jayne wanted to go to the Caribbean last week and I wondered if you managed to book it." Quinn carries on while I internally panic. It's too late now, the deadline was yesterday, what on earth am I going to do?
Quinn's still looking at me so I better offer some excuse "I didn't manage to book the hotel, it was fully booked" I say. "We will just need to try and book somewhere else". Jayne and I both have work commitments so we won't be able to go on vacation straight away anyway. "I'm sure we will arrange something."
"I remember my honeymoon, best two weeks of my life" Quinn says as I watch on as she beams brightly, reminiscing about her magical time with Mr Abrams, yeah that's right Quinn married Artie. I have to admit I was a little shocked to begin with but now I couldn't imagine the two of them being with anyone else, they're perfect for one another. People used to say that about Santana and I and they were right, we were perfect for one another until I messed it up.
I remember her words to me "Britt this isn't working anymore and I know deep down you know it too." That line broke my heart into tiny pieces but she was right, I did know it. Our relationship felt so perfect because we both loved spending every day together, we talked on the phone constantly when we couldn't see each other and we practically lived at one another's houses. Put distance between us, missed calls and longing to see each other then we slowly saw what we thought was perfect dissolve into something imperfect.
I wanted Santana to come on tour with me but she had just started university and we both needed to focus on our careers. We were only eighteen and both wanted to build a solid platform for ourselves, which was fine because I was only going to be gone six months and then I would be back where I belong, with my girl, with Santana. After the tour was up I was all set to go back home and see my girlfriend and family when I got asked to do another six month tour, this time it was the European leg of Beyoncé's worldwide tour. I was shocked, I couldn't believe they liked me so much that they wanted to keep me on their team. They said I could have a week back home then they would fly me to London where the tour kicked off, I wasn't sure what to do, I missed everyone badly, especially Santana but then something rang in my head.
"sometimes it's tough but in order to succeed one must be brave" Santana said that to me before telling me that no matter what happens, we do what we need to do, because in the end we will be together. So I accepted the invitation to continue the tour. Santana said she was happy for me and she will miss me like crazy but if this is what makes me succeed then I should not let this opportunity slide, so I didn't.
After the six month European tour I got back home to my family and to my love. Seeing Santana at the airport that day with the biggest smile on her face proved to me that she and I were destined to be together. "I'm so glad your back Britt-Britt I missed you like mad but it was worth it when I know I got you here with me for forever now." When she said that to me I gave her the biggest hug my body would allow before kissing her passionately, expressing I felt the exact same way as her.
After one week of being with her I got a call from a dance scout who had seen me in Paris, inviting me to take part in a stage show showcasing up and coming young dancers. He offered me a 3 month slot in Paris where all expenses were paid and I would be set up in a posh hotel and all I would do is perform certain choreographed shows and I would also be allowed to choreograph some of the routines. This could be a chance for me to get my foot in the door of the dance world, I thought.
I told Santana about it and she told me she was happy for me but because of my excitement I missed the look in her eye that expressed sadness and a hint of disappointment. She told me to go for it and I did. I returned after 3 months like I promised but I only managed to stay for a week before I went on a four month tour with a dance troupe who were currently taking America by storm. The four months were up and I got on the first flight home to my girlfriend, to say I missed her was an understatement. I know she missed me, I could tell by the way she hugged me and kissed me but I could also tell that something wasn't quite right, I didn't know what it was but put it down to the fact that we missed one another.
"I'm so happy to see you baby, I missed you so much. I dreamt every night of seeing you again, holding you in my arms, kissing you and making love to you like we used to." I told her and she just smiled at me before placing a sweet kiss on my lips.
"So are you back for good this time or is this just a fleeting visit like the last?" she asks before turning towards me "Tell me that's you back" she pleads and my heart sinks at what I'm about to say.
"I'm sorry babe but there's another 4 month tour that the troupe invited me on that's closer to home and I really think it will help my future career" I say while grabbing her tan hand in mine.
"Can you stay at home on this tour, is it local? You could live with me and travel back and forth each day" she says excitement and hope lacing her tone at the prospect of seeing me more but sadly that won't be the case. I tell her where the tour is "Britt that's eight hours away, that's not close to home at all. I know this is for your career and all but I really don't want to be apart anymore." I can see the tears slowly rolling down her cheeks.
"I don't want to be apart either baby but its only 4 months and I promise you it is the last, I mean it" I tell her honestly before wiping away her tears with my thumbs.
"When do you need to leave?" she asks and I tell her it will be at the end of the week. "A week, I only have you for a week then you're leaving me, yet again. I'm trying so hard not to seem clingy Britt but I've barely saw you for over a year and a half."
I kiss her lips "I know babe but look at it this way, at least the sooner I leave the sooner the four months will be up and I will be back." I take her hand again "We can talk on the phone all the time, we can e-mail, skype and text. We can do this baby" I tell her before pulling her onto my lap and holding her in silence for the rest of the afternoon.
I was into the last two months of my final tour, which meant it was only two months until I saw Santana and all my family and friends. In two months I would be reunited with my forever, well that's what I thought anyway until I received a call that night.
"Hello" I answer my phone unsurely as there was no caller ID.
"It's me" I hear my favourite voice down the phone; Santana.
"Hey you, how are you?" I ask, glad I can talk to her since we haven't talked in a few weeks, we've e-mailed and text but I haven't heard her voice in a while.
"I'm not so good, I need to talk to you Brittany" Uh oh, when she calls me Brittany I know there is something wrong, it's way too formal for how my girlfriend normally address me.
"Ok" I reply not really knowing what to say, nervousness seeping through my voice.
"You know I love you right…" she says but I cut her off
"I know and I love you too, we're forever." I say desperately trying to stay positive.
"I need to say something but you have to promise me that you will let me finish otherwise I won't get it out" she asks me.
"I will" I reply honestly, I will let her say what she has to even though I have a good feeling I won't like it.
"You're the love of my life Brittany and I know I will always love you." She takes a deep breath and I wait for a dreaded but which unfortunately does come "but things aren't right" I hear her sniffle a little before continuing "Britt this isn't working anymore and I know deep down you know it too."
I couldn't help the small sob escaping my lips, I could deny it all I wanted but I know something is wrong with our relationship, even via e-mail things don't feel the same, it feels forced, for lack of a better term.
"We need to decide what to do" she says and I'm taken aback a little. It's obvious what we need to do and that is fix our relationship so I tell her exactly that.
"We need to fix our relationship San, things are not working so we need to get them working again, simple as that" I say with determination and courage in my voice.
"That's the thing, I'm not sure if we can fix things, we…." I cut her off.
"We can and we will, we're meant to be together so we are going to fight for this relationship. We love one another so why wouldn't we fight." I ask
"Because I'm tired of fighting and losing, I lose to your tours every single time. While you are so far away from me Brittany it breaks my heart because I feel lost without you. Maybe we should just do the mature thing and break things off." In that moment I thought my heart had stopped, it took me a while before I could respond.
"Santana there is no need for us to break up, I will be home in two months. We're destined to be together babe. Don't do this, please. I love you, we don't need to break up. We can work this out. I can try to get back for a weekend. Don't break up with me" I plead with her with everything I have but unfortunately it isn't enough.
"I'm sorry but we need to do this. It's over, this is the only way that can ease the pain" she says and I break down crying screaming down the phone that I love her but she just sniffles and says "I'm sorry Brittany" and hangs up on me.
That had to be one of the worst days of my life. A few tears slip from my eyes before I hear my mother asking if I am ok "Yeah, I'm fine mom. I was just thinking about stuff" she smiles at me. "These are happy tears" I lie once again. I don't know why I keep making it out to be worse than it is, I don't have Santana anymore but I haven't had her for the past eight years. Jayne and I have a good life together, I love her, I do and I know she loves me so why can't I be happy; because I'm still in love with my ex-girlfriend. My brown eyed beauty with the smile of an angel.
"Your hair is beautiful Brittany, now all we need to do is makeup, get you into that dress and down the Aisle to become Mrs Brittany Susan Pierce Jenkins" Quinn says as she admires my hair.
"Ok, let's get my makeup on" I say before asking my mom to go find the makeup artist. "It's almost time now, another couple of hours and I'm married" I say while turning round and almost falling off my seat after noticing Quinn is right next to me. "You nearly gave me a heart attack Quinn, why are you sitting so close?" I ask while holding my chest trying to calm myself down from the fright.
Quinn sighs "We need to talk Brittany."
"Can it wait until after the wedding Quinn?" I reply. "I've still got a lot to do." I barely get my sentence finished and Quinn is talking again.
"It can't wait, it's important. I was going to bring it up earlier but I was a bit hesitant because your mom was here" Quinn says while adjusting her seat next to me so she is directly in front of me. "We have to talk about the Santana issue".
"The what issue?" I reply as I feign confusion and pretend I don't have a clue what she means. I think she probably knows I haven't let go of Santana yet but I'm not about to offer up that subject for discussion.
"You're getting married today" talk about stating the obvious Quinn. "And even though you look ok, you definitely do not look as happy as I was on my wedding day, in fact I've never seen a bride so down hours before she gets married unless she is planning to call it off" Quinn tells me in a serious tone "Do you actually want to do this?"
I scoff at her before replying "Of course I want to get married. You've known me all my life Quinn, I was always the girl who wanted to be the bride when we were playing weddings as a kid. I've dreamed of my wedding day since I was about three when I found out I could wear a big dress and dance the night away."
"I know that but back then Santana was your groom as a kid and as you got older you dreamed of Santana as being your bride" I smile slightly remember how innocent I was thinking the world was so simple. "You were always so enthusiastic but it wasn't about getting married in general, it was about getting married to Santana" Quinn finishes.
"So, I still want to get married except now I want to marry Jayne" I say as sincerely as possible.
"Ok so if Santana were to walk in that door right now and say she wants you back, would you still marry Jayne?" Quinn asks while staring right at me. "I want the truth please, marriage is a big deal, especially if one half of the couple is having second thoughts."
"I w-want to marry Ja-Jayne" I stutter out pathetically knowing full well that it wouldn't convince my best friend. "I love Jayne and it's not like Santana would suddenly appear, she lives in London now with her stuck up girlfriend."
"Hypothetically speaking, if I told you Santana is here and wants you back. What would you do?" Quinn asks, annoyance evident in her voice because she knows I am not being honest.
"Santana and I are done ok!" I sigh "We were over a long time ago, there's no going back. I want to move on." I look Quinn straight in the eye "And I intend to do that by marrying Jayne and spending my life with her."
"Ok then, as long as you are serious then I will let it go" Quinn says to which I tell her I am. "Good, let's concentrate on getting you ready for what will be one of the most important days of your life." I smile at Quinn. I'm going to marry Jayne and forget about Santana. I know, easier said than done but let's take it a day at a time, starting today.
I see my dad walking into the room and immediately a large smile covers his face. "Ready sweetheart" my dad asks me and I smile and nod my head. I am ready, ready to get married. "Let's go then" dad says as I link my arm through his then we walk out of the room and towards the hall. Quinn follows behind me with Mercedes and Tina, my other bridesmaids. "I can't believe my baby girl is finally getting married" my dad whispers in my ear.
"I'm not a baby anymore dad." I reply. I hate it when my dad calls me that, I'm 28 years old.
"You're my only child Brittany so you will always be my baby girl" I smile at him, humouring him so that he will stop talking. "Ready" dad asks and I nod my head and the next thing I know the music starts playing and I am walking down the aisle. I see Jayne in the distance smiling brightly as she watches me then I see my mom smiling proudly and the rest of my family and friends smiling.
I reach Jayne and she whispers to me "Hey you. You look so pretty."
"Thanks, you look good too." I reply genuinely then the officiant begins to speak. He asks Jayne to repeat the vows he says, which she does before he turns to me and asks me to do the same. I repeat the vows and say "I do".
"If any persons here know of any reason as to why these two women should not unite in matrimony then speak now or forever hold your peace" the officiant says to all the guests and everything turns silent, a pin could be heard dropping. "I…" a loud shout is heard from the back of the hall preventing the officiant from continuing.
"STOP, wait" a figure shouts and approaches us and that's when I see her. "Santana" I sigh.
"Do you know this woman?" Jayne asks me anger oozing from her voice from someone interrupting proceedings. Before I can reply to my fiancée, well almost wife, Santana speaks.
"I'm sorry for barging in here but I can't let this marriage go ahead" Santana says seriously.
"Who are you and what has Brittany and my wedding got to do with you. This is a private ceremony, you need to leave, this instant." Jayne demands angrily.
"I will leave, but not until I've said my peace." Santana looks at me "Can I speak to you please?" I want to say something but I'm shocked to silence. "It won't take long, I just want to say my peace and then I will leave" I nod my head feebly and wait for Santana to speak. "Can we go somewhere private?" I'm about to say yes until Jayne jumps in.
"No you cannot, anything you wish to say to my fiancée you say to me" Jayne glares at Santana who looks at me and I just shrug. Santana starts speaking again.
"Ok then" Santana takes a deep breath before saying what she came here to say. "Brittany I'm sorry that we haven't kept it touch all these years, it was just too hard. I couldn't just come in and out of your life as we pleased, I either had to be out of your life or I had to be in your life and with you." I look at Santana sadly. "When we broke up, it was for the best" Santana tries to continue but Jayne interrupts.
"Excuse me, you're an ex?" Jayne asks while dividing her attention between Santana and me.
"I'm Santana, I…." before Santana can finish Jayne signals for her to stop indicating she knows who Santana is so Santana just nods. "Breaking up was for the best at the time then when you came back 2 months later we were right not to get back together. Too much had changed, I changed, you changed, our goals changed and I was the one who was moving away because of a career so we couldn't just throw ourselves back together" I nod at that because she is right.
"I understand" I tell her truthfully and sincerely.
"I never thought that would mean the end, I always thought we would find each other again but we didn't and that in itself broke my semi-fixed heart, because let's face it; my heart was never whole again after we parted."
Jayne interrupts Santana again "Look, can you please get to the point so that Brittany and I can get married and forget about this little speech of yours. Please."
Santana continues "as time went on my hopes of a reconciliation began to dwindle, the longer I went without seeing you again the more it felt like I would never get a chance with you." So she did believe in us "I'm sorry I am here on your wedding day and it took me so long to say this but I love you and I always have."
"What!" Jayne spits out angrily, to which Santana just glares then looks at me and smiles gently.
"I am in love with you Brittany Pierce, I've wanted to get you back for a while but I never knew how to do it but as soon as Tina phoned me to tell me that you were getting married I was on the first flight here. I can just about cope with you having a girlfriend or seeing someone else but there's no way I could let you get married without you knowing how I felt." Santana says with honesty dripping from her voice.
"Santana I don't know what to say, I'm really shocked" I nervously get out before looking at her.
"If you love me or are in love with me then don't get married. I'm not saying we should get back together but if you love me then you can't hurt your fiancé over there" I know I can't hurt Jayne. "If you don't love me and you do love Jayne then go get married, I won't stand in your way as long as you are doing what your heart wants." That gives me some food for thought because this is a big thing and there is a lot to consider. Before I can even think about what to do Jayne breaks the momentary silence.
"Brittany loves me so if you can please leave. You've said your bit and now I would like you to leave" Jayne states evenly.
"No disrespect but I want to hear it from Brittany" Santana says calmly before looking at me and flashing her comforting smile. That smile always made me feel calm and brave. I think for a minute before I take a deep breath and decide to let all my feelings out.
"I know I should have said this a long time ago but I can't marry you Jayne. I do love you and you mean a lot to me but I don't love you as much as I should or as much as I think you love me" I truthfully state, feeling truly awful for making Jayne feel this way, I can see the pain in her eyes. "Jayne I tried to give you all of my heart but I haven't and I don't think I can keep kidding on that everything is perfect when it's not."
Jayne lets a tear roll down her cheeks before she looks at me and asks me "Are you still in love with Santana?" I don't know how to reply because I don't want to crush her any more than she already is. "Please tell me the truth, I would rather be hurt now than find out years down the line that your heart belonged to someone else the whole time" she asked me to be honest so I have to do the right thing and tell her the truth.
"I'm in love with Santana, I always have been and I am incredibly sorry that I lead you on" I look Jayne straight in the eye "I know sorry won't ever be enough but I do truthfully mean it, I'm an idiot for letting things get this far. I was too much of a coward to tell you how I felt because I didn't want to break your heart" Jayne looks at me with disappointment in her eyes after I said that. She takes a deep breath before taking her engagement ring off and giving me it.
"I always knew you still loved her, I was so in love with you that it took over me and made me believe I could make you love me the way you loved Santana, how stupid" Jayne get out her voice full of sadness.
"You're not stupid, you're amazing" I say truthfully.
"Just not amazing enough to conquer your heart" I want to reply to that comment but Jayne speaks again "It's ok, I hope everything works out for you Brittany" Jayne states with sadness and truth in her voice before rushing out of the hall. I stare around me, I mostly see disappointed and angry faces from Jayne's side of the hall as they all move to leave. I look over to my section of guests and I see some shocked and disappointed faces there too. I turn to look at my bride's maid, all three of them trying not to smirk at me because they knew Santana was coming, I can tell. That's what Quinn's speech was about.
"Britt?" Santana says leading me out of my trance. "Do you want to go after her?" she asks and I just look at her.
"I've just humiliated one of the nicest people on earth in front of a hall full of people by declaring my love for you. I think the last thing Jayne needs is me chasing her don't you?" Santana just shrugs at my question and I turn away and out the corner of my eye I see my mom. There's a mixture of anger, disappoint and relief on her face but I can't work out how she really feels so I silently ask her.
"I'm not going to lie Brittany I am disappointed in you, leading on Jayne like that for so long but I also feel guilty myself because I think deep down I knew no one compared to Santana. I saw the way you looked at Jayne and it was nothing like the way you looked at Santana" my mom answers.
"I am genuinely sorry that Jayne got hurt Brittany but I am not going to apologise for loving you. I'm going to keep loving you Britt because what've I realised is that I can't stop. Why should I stop? I have the same right to love someone just as much as the next girl" Santana tells me.
"I know you have and I love you too. I'm tired of fighting with my feelings Santana, all I want is you. I feel guilty and angry that someone had to get hurt for us to be together again but I can be a little selfish too right?" Santana smiles at me and nods.
"I love you so much Brittany, will you please be my girlfriend again. We can take things slow but I really want to be with you as soon as I can, like yesterday" I chuckle at Santana's words before moving a few steps closer to her.
"I would love to be your girlfriend again Santana Lopez" Santana beams with pride at my words before pulling me close for a passionate kiss to which I respond just as eagerly.