So I felt like my main story (Rebirth, if you like my writing style please check it out) could get a bit droll between lightning strikes of inspiration, so I'm going to start writing this on the side as a generically lighter fic. Please review if you like it.

For those of you who have never read my main fiction, here are a few notes for you.

Shepard-Name I use for John Shepard, War Hero+Ruthless military history and Spacer background. Paragon.

Cynthia-Name I use for a FemShep who is a flawed (in that gender and personality were not carried) clone of John Shepard, created by Cerberus as an initial revival attempt

Male Shepard/Tali

Female Shepard/Garrus

The time period for this specific chapter is between Chapters 22 and 24 in my main story, during the Lair of the Shadow Broker DLC (After Hotel Azure, but before the Shadow Broker ship)

Shepard stripped his clothes off and casually threw them off to his side. He had to use the crew bathroom's showers, and despite the fact that he was by no means an elitist, he found it extremely constrictive.

Due to Cynthia and Garrus having 'relations' in the elevator, and Gardner's insistence on doing what he crassly called "wiping down the loads" the Captain's Cabin was unavailable at the current moment, and by extension, so was Shepard's shower.

The group of people in the shower seemed slightly surprised to see their commander walk in, but they simply acknowledged him with varying grunts and glances before returning to cleaning themselves.

Already in the showers were Grunt, Jacob, Crewman Hadley, and Garrus. Luckily, years of military training had ripped away most of Shepard's shame when it came to nakedness. Still, Shepard had seen batarians murdered viciously at his own hands, people impaled on Dragon's Teeth at Eden Prime, and the horror of a dissected Collector on their flagship, but nothing was as terrifying as seeing Grunt scrubbing his scaly body.

Shepard couldn't help but sneak a quick look in when Grunt's back was turned. Unfortunately, Jacob noticed and loudly announced, "Just noticing Grunt, Shepard? Yeah. It's weird and gross, but it's like a car crash. You just can't look away."

This prompted Grunt to look and Jacob and object, "My body is not 'weird and gross' human! I am pure krogan! You are just weak and squishy."

Shepard coughed lightly to alert Grunt to his presence, "Don't worry, Shepard. Out of all these humans you're the least squishy. I still beat you though."

"Beat me? Grunt, when I let you out of the tank I could have put a clip of bullets into you easily, I think I would win in a fight."

Garrus sighed and droned out, "Please, Shepard. Don't start one of Wrex's 'who would win in a fight' scenarios."

Grunt shot a look at Garrus before returning his focus to Shepard, "Sorry, Shepard. But I would win. I'm a krogan. I beat you humans in everything."

Shepard chuckled, "Not everything. Maybe some humans at something."

Grunt turned fully to Shepard, "I'm winning right now."

Shepard looked Grunt in the eyes, "I'm afraid I don't understand."

The krogan grunted, reflecting his namesake, and gestured down with his head. Against all instincts, for a split second Shepard looked down, only to recoil as he realized what Grunt was gesturing towards.

"Oh god! Grunt! Why do you have an erection!?"

"I am the biggest, I am the most dominant! I! AM! KROGAN!" Grunt raised his arms in a victorious stance.

As Shepard slowly recovered from his shock at accidentally glancing downwards, he returned to the task at hand. He grinned and retorted, "Yeah. Pure krogan. So powerful."

Shepard mumbled audibly the next part, "At least I don't collect action figures."

Jacob, Hadley, and Garrus all simultaneously burst into laughter, before Garrus vocalized, "S-sp-spirits! Grunt, you collect action figures?"

Grunt put his hands down and grumbled, "Shut up! Stupid turian."

Another few minutes of silence passed before Jacob asked, "So Shepard, you're fine with Garrus and Cynthia?"

"Conceptually it's fine, but Garrus, I'm down here and we all have to take elevators for the rest of the day because you couldn't keep it in your pants for another five minutes."

"Well I-um... Yeah screw it, I apologized, but I regret nothing" Garrus stumbled out.

Shepard stared at Garrus angrily, "The elevator Garrus? Really? What the hell!"

Grunt had clearly been pondering something, and now he turned to Shepard, "What does it mean to keep it in your pants? Is it about a gun? Did Garrus pull a gun from his pants?"

Shepard grinned, "The tank taught you extensive battle plans but not common phrases? Yes, Grunt. A type of gun. Just don't do it... or anything. Just keep all your clothes on at all times, Grunt, you got it?"

Grunt nodded, "Why would I want to take my clothes off? It makes me vulnerable."

Hadley finished washing up and walked through the door, but not before calling back, "You take your clothes off to screw, Grunt."

Grunt turned to Shepard again once the door closed, "Shepard, what is 'to screw'? Will you teach me how to screw, Shepard?"

So a bit of Grunt awkwardness. Please review.